I have a strange situation.

Anonymous

June 5,2022 at 1:04AM UTC

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I have a strange situation. I have a job I love, my team is small and we work so well together. Senior management/ownership recognizes how important we are to the mission and several peers as well. There is one team who unfortunately we have to interact with daily who is hostile, unprofessional and seriously does everything they can to make it as difficult as possible.

I am director level, I have been sworn at, told off, called names, been undermined, had severe job interference in my role by this group. Because the organization is relatively flat and self governed, this sort of thing is not handled and goes on and on. It is allowed to continue, and becomes a terrible cancer in the organization. Several people on other teams have quit because of this group. But nothing is done to solve the issue. I feel like I cannot do my job with this in my way every day. I honestly do not want to leave, but feel like it may have to end there.

I have tried talking to managers, owners, HR and documenting why this is not acceptable. Finally this week I lost it and documented in detail what had happened, told them I was taking Friday off, and I would meet with HR, the owner and management on Monday to discuss next steps. I am not sure how it will go.

Any advice?

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AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 4:39AM UTC
That sounds horrible. I find it surprising that you would be treated that way at your level. My best advice is to set aside your personal feelings and talk about the situation. Focus on how this is detrimental to productivity and the progress of the organization.
Being told off and sworn at sounds like harassment to me. Make sure you have dates and times. Print emails, trust me. If they know you are keeping some kind of records they could just dismiss you without cause and therefore cut your access to your documentation. Good luck!
AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 6:24AM UTC
So it would be OK for her to be treated this way if she was not at a director level? Instead of saying "I'm surprised you're being treated this way at your level" how about "I'm surprised anyone would be treated like this in a professional setting"
AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 11:53PM UTC
It’s never ok to be treated poorly, regardless of who you are and what level you are in an organization. In an ideal world no one should be treated badly, professional setting or not. But am I surprised people are treated poorly below a management level in a professional setting? Not really.
Unfortunately my experience has been in toxic environments that people at the top are typically treated ok and the lower you are on the totem pole the worse you are treated. Is that right? Of course not, but although it’s better in some places than others, it tends to be the reality. It’s worsened since the deterioration of our unions and labour laws. We’ve lost a lot of employee/ worker advocacy throughout the years and have been at the mercy of a lot of unfair rules and policies that favours the top. You can spend 10 minutes on this site and find countless stories of poor and unfair treatment. It’s what keeps employment lawyers employed and one of the reasons this site exists. The top and management typically has the power and some level of respect, which is why I said I found it surprising that a director was figuratively getting kicked in the face.
All that said if someone at the director level is treated that way, how much worse is everyone else below that level treated? It’s probably a company that you or I would want to avoid.
AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 1:20PM UTC
If it is not handled and allowed to go on, leadership is either consciously allowing it or lacks the leadership ability to address the situation. If you stay and someone bullies you directly, have a practiced response at the ready such as “Let’s stay with the work problem at hand. My team will do x by y. Will your team then be able to….” Using a practiced one sentence redirect will help get the work done while you re-evaluate your loyalty to an organization whose leaders don’t value you enough to give you a healthy work environment. In terms of being sworn at, in Monday let people know if the swearing is directed at you (vs happening in front of you) you will cut it off or physically leave the room.
AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 1:53PM UTC
As I read this, I thought you were writing about my office, except everything went down this past Friday and it was another employee who brought it up.
The concerns were not well received by the owner, and we were all left with we need to figure out how to function together. I was shocked. This toxic employee included that she has the "in" with a specific known violent gang, which we took as a threat.
I also do not want to leave because without this person the team is amazing. However, as long as an employer allows this type of behavior, those affected will be helpless.
I have started moving towards finding other employment this past weekend. I had been off blood pressure medication for years until I took this position six months ago and now, I had to go back on it. Pure sign I need to go. Sorry, that is my suggestion, but you have to take care of your mental health.
AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 5:09PM UTC
Follow through on your plan to meet.
If you have not planned to, come up with some creative ideas on how meetings can be held to work on better team communication. Often times organizations find and hire external consultants to help mediate and steer these types of discussions. So don’t make the discussion just about you, if you steer it to the wellness and positivity and retention if the organization and that more folks may end up leaving, they be more receptive to your feed ask, This maybe a good idea to pitch going forward. See how they respond. If they are not receptive to your thoughts, see the writing on the wall and put in for bids elsewhere. If they are not willing to step up why stay?
regarding the hostile wench you are still dealing with, I know this may be difficult but min8mize your discussion with her to only when you need to. When she is abrupt, just go silent for 5 seconds to mentally disconnect, then ask I am sorry can you further clarify what you mean. Let her rant …then ask her again oh I’m sorry I still don’t understand. Sometimes you have to create an intentional diversion bc it disarms aggressive people like this and eventually they get tired of having to explain themselves over and over over again. Give it a shot and see how it goes. Sometimes you have to covertly. Psychologically play them so they give up and start bringing a more civilized attitude when communicating with you. The problem with aggressive people is that they do not realize that how they are communicative is counterproductive, traumatic and inefficient, some really do not know how to communicate well. For ex If they grew up with a hostile parent, imagine that’s how they got the blueprint on how to communicate and unless they make the conscious effort to work on themselves in how they come across to others this follows them throughout their lives. But that is not your problem.
AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 8:18PM UTC
Thank you, I am definitely meeting tomorrow. The sad part is that it really is hurting the organization as a whole. In my position I negotiate a lot of things that affect the finances in a huge way. Some of this groups antics in the past 2 weeks completely destroyed my strategy on a very important negotiation and likely will cost us millions of dollars as a result of them wading in where they did not belong, due to their arrogance.
It is beyond crazy that this is happening and I have never had a low level group of employees cross department boundaries and literally intercept and derail an important contractual negotiation by medaling where they do not belong like this. It is completely preventing me from doing my job as effectively as I need to and I am going to try and get that across. If that does not make light bulbs go on, and changes occur, then I really have no choice.
AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 9:20PM UTC
I am very sorry. And you should commend yourself for caring enough to try to work out a solution when no one in leadership will. Good luck on the discussion but above all look out for you. You deserve to work In a stable and harmonious environment
AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 12:21PM UTC
Does management and HR know how the group affects the bottom line? I think if they don't, it's a compelling argument for them to do something about it!
AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 1:06PM UTC
See how it goes. If they are going to sweep it under the rug, I think you know what your next steps are.
HelenJune 7,2022 at 1:02PM UTC
This sounds very familiar to me.
I worked at a senior level in a flat organisation and there was one manager who completely undermined everything everyone else was trying to do and managed to encourage most of her team to do the same. It was sabotaging the company's growth plans. In the end, I decided that even though I loved the job, that was no longer enough. I found another job and left them to it.
EMILY KIKUE FRANKJune 7,2022 at 2:38PM UTC
Bring everything you can document to that Monday meeting! Times things have happened to you, times you've witnessed bad behaviors, times people have talked with you about this-- including those who have left the org. If you do wind up looking for something new, be sure to let them know why you're leaving when you do. And best of luck! I hope you update us.
Karen GongawareJune 7,2022 at 4:04PM UTC
Get a labor lawyer and talk to the EEOC if this crap isn't resolved fast. Hostile working environment is a huge no-no!
AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 5:17PM UTC
The words Hostile Work Environment do wonders some times. I have a friend going through something similar and after the first few times of bad behavior, started calling them out on it. Yell at me? My response is “when you can speak to me in a civilized manner, we can readdress this”. Curse at me? When you are ready to have an adult conversation, let me know and we will try again”. Remain professional at all times, use big words and call them out every time they do something like this. Try and sabotage work? BE SURE everything is documented and spelled out so that when something goes wrong, you have evidence that it started out correctly.
Good luck with upper management. Sometimes they care, often times they do not. In this case, it seems like they do not and will not until it affects their bottom line.
KileyJune 8,2022 at 7:42AM UTC
Sound advice. I hate confrontation but I will start to practice and use your recommended responses.
TheodoraJune 8,2022 at 9:23PM UTC
That is so awful! Let us know the results. I hope they get reprimanded and things improve.