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I have a coworker who gets a free pass at everything.

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Anonymous

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I have a coworker who gets a free pass at everything.

There is clearly favoritism. We have a contract cleaning person. At one point I was responsible for the contract worker. My coworker, we’ll call Sam gave his number to the cleaning person in case the cleaner needed anything. Another coworker did the same. The cleaning person called and texted them work related issues. Sam then sent me a slack once night (after hours) and told me the cleaning person was contacting them. I said, “you are both adults, if you don’t want the cleaning person contacting you tell them. You gave them your number.” This comment from me not only got me written up, but also contract cleaning company responsibility was taken away from me along with another department.

This is just one example. There are many. However, Friday I was given horrible news on my way to work. I learned of the death of one friend the night before and received a call as I pulled into the parking lot another friend committed suicide. I was not in a good headspace. But I put my earbuds in and worked quietly at my desk.

At some point during the day I sent a message to the team asking why was someone sending something out. To update our story, no one on the team other than me should send this out. It is documented in our procedures it is only me. Sam, who NEVER responds by coming to my desk and talking to me, he always responds online, said, “I’ll come by your desk.”

When he got there I asked if he sent this out. He started hemming and hawing. I just stopped him and said, “Look, I’m not in Avery good headspace this morning, I learned one friend died and another committed suicide. So I don’t have in me, I just need a yes or no answer. Otherwise please leave.” He started to smile. That smile you give a little child when clearly the child is wrong and you’re trying to appease them. And he said (in a mocking tone) “I will pray for you and your family”. I asked him if he had a yes or no answer for me and he did the exact same thing again. I just asked him to please leave.

I’m sorry, but it was not genuine in any shape or form. I don’t know how I can convey that here. This is not right. I want to bring it up to my manager but don’t know how without getting upset.

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  1. Anonymous

    I'm sorry for the loss of your friends. Please take care of you. Although some companies/HR policies state clearly that bereavement is only for [certain] members of immediate family (which I personally don't agree that it should be that regimented)- I'd encourage you to take some sick leave or personal time to just be.Juggling grief with work is hard enough (doing so while you're not seen or valued by certain staff has the possibility of adding fuel to the fire. I understand if going to work may be necessary due to finances or just having something to distract you. I just hope you're taking time with support (family, friends, hobbies, therapist, whatever helps)--because work doesn't sound like a nice place for you right now.Sometimes being direct and honest doesn't help (esp. to people in an environment where you are not valued). The best advice I ever received was, "document everything." Contemporaneous notes. Have a journal or personally email to yourself key things (good/bad, etc.). You don't have to send them to anyone unless necessary.I'm not sure how Sam relates to your job role, but if he is on your team and there's an expectation for helping you - or not obstructing you- you could bring it up with your manager. Also, if the words you typed were the words you shared, it sounds a bit harsh. Even if you are right and/or are expressing boundaries, the directness may be perceived as harshness - and if Sam is favored, you may be getting the short end of the stick. There are great resources online to give tips on how to bring this sort of thing up to colleagues and managers. Also, if your instincts are correct, they don't see you the way you see yourself. It will be an uphill battle for you there. You can look at ways to evaluate your influence there. Boundary setting is great (if it works within a certain environment, you'll thrive. If it doesn't, you may consider moving). It seems they've taken away some responsibilities (is this a good thing? Could you fill your time with something else and let you and Sam see less of one another?) If you see that Sam keeps rising and you keep being lowered, that's your proof. Yet, proof isn't what's needed right now. Focus on you, not Sam. Focus on your needs and how to get them. You may want to dust off your resume and look around. Good luck.

    p.s. I recommend reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

  2. Kris Wolfram

    I am sorry for your loss. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. I don’t see favoritism, but if you are using the tone and words as stated, you need to learn how to speak to your team.

  3. Anonymous

    Many of the things you shared happened to me and I can relate in how you felt justified in how you reacted.

    I am reading this and your responses to people are the thing you can control here.

    "You are both adults" was not respectful. Telling someone to leave is not respectful, even if you said "please".

    Custodial is ultimately your responsibility, they were being nice when they gave their number and helpful. When they raised an issue its your to resolve not theirs.

    Things can be tough in the workplace. You can plesantly ask them to forward everything to you.

    You were having a bad day, we all do, no ones bad day should be winning the how bad competition. It is up to you in those moments to keep your cool. If you choose to tell them you are having a bad day and especially dumping it on them, it is not an excuse to tell them to leave. Say "you know what I have been given some really bad news and I really need to process can we chat about this later at xyz". Take care of yourself without being rude to others.

    Coming from someone who has learned these lessons personally, specificallty changing my demenor in the office so people want to talk to me rather than having to and I snap at them. I felt totally justified in my poor responses in the past because of who is responsibile and our written processes, but that was the wrong response.

    I changed my demenor and my career trajectory has shot forward with muliple promotions and respect of those I work with. I get random responses from all over the company which I used to act annoyed because ita not my job. But I flipped the script and know everyone comes to me because they know I can help and at least direct them in the right direction, my responsibility or not. They would rather ask me than the rude, abrupt or grumpy type of person I used to be. The old me would have thought it is ridiculous I have to act in that way, the new me sees how much better mentally and professionally my new approach is. I am happier all around which has made all the difference.

    You dont have to be frienda with everyone but you alone can choose to treat people with respect and be pleasant regardless of what is going on behind the scenes.

  4. Wanda

    Very well said.

  5. Anonymous

    I would suggest you take a breath and step back from the drama. You are getting caught up in personalities and the "then they said this or that"........

    I would take some time off and think about this job and if you truly want to stay.

  6. Anonymous

    My condolences...that indeed is terrible news.

    We might be missing some context as to why you suspect there's favoritism.

    Your responses are frankly curt and you need to take a beat before you say something else that adds more fuel to this fire.

    Sam's comments may be mirroring your own or a contemptuous response to how you're making them feel.

    It may come down to differences in communication style or maybe Sam is generationally younger/older than you. But the way you're expressing yourself sounds like you lose patience easily or that you're angry.

    I think other comments about how you could have phrased things better are valid.

    If having responsibilities taken away is causing you to question Sam's motives, it might be that your team is not happy with your managerial style, which has put you on alert and you believe that Sam has something to do with this.

    You are under duress right now, so best to take this time to grieve. If I were you, I'd speak with someone in HR to alert them to your loss. Grief has a way of bubbling up unexpectedly and you need time to process these back to back losses before your personal life starts to mix with your professional one.

    All in all, please take care of yourself first, before you tackle this situation at work.

  7. Anonymous

    First off, I'm so very sorry that you were hit with such horrible news. Unlike Sam, I mean it. I'm praying for you, and I don't even know you from Adam, However, with that out of the way, I will say that you're going to have to learn how to put your game face on as t pertains to your work environment. What I mean is don't let the little slights, intentional or not, get you all frazzled that you're likely to blow up at anybody and anything that crosses your path. Sure, there are "days" you want to go ballistic, and you would be justified in doing so. But when you know your triggers and look for alternate ways to respond you'll remain in control. Sam is getting on your last nerve because you've shown him what buttons he can push that will send you spiraling. Make it a point to show quiet confidence in the midst of annoyances, and folks will begin to look at and treat you differently.

  8. Anonymous

    I think you need to take time to grieve and not focus on what other people are doing.

  9. Anonymous

    Sounds like mine. She’s also the bosses bestie

  10. Anonymous

    I'm so very sorry for your losses.

    Addressing the statements from you, I think I would be a little offended being on the receiving end of your approach in both examples. Though I certainly do sympathize and empathize with the difficult news of the deaths, I would not have gone into the office. I would have driven home and explained to my boss why. ?

    Even though your coworker was probably wrong in sending whatever email he sent out that should have come from you, it would have beet better if you went to his desk and asked to speak with him.

    May not be the answer you're hoping to hear, though you did ask.... so I am being honest.

    But the cleaning situation should not have been such an issue. There's a better way to CARE-FRONT rather than CONFRONT.

  11. Leon Brown
    Cleaning companies help keep offices clean where dust and dirt accumulates daily. Specialists clean workplaces, floors, glass partitions and furniture using safe means. On the https://ukrainecleaners.com/Redmond, you can find some pretty interesting information. Regular cleaning reduces the risk of allergies, creates a comfortable atmosphere for employees and improves the impression of customers. A professional approach allows you to maintain cleanliness without unnecessary effort on the part of the staff.

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