I left my job a year ago because I had little support from my leadership and my direct manager.

Anonymous

May 19,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

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I left my job a year ago because I had little support from my leadership and my direct manager. I was burning out with all the guardrails the company put in place that limited my ability to hire experienced people, get my female employees compensated the same as their male counterparts, moving goal posts, and even limited who I wanted to hire and train. As a leader within the organization, I expected I would have more autonomy to build my team in a specialized field with the correct support. I burned out from working most weekends and battling the internal politics. My boss belittled me in front of her direct reports - which set the tone that it was OK to talk to me like that. I quit, I am far too valuable for a company to deal with this nonsense and life is way too short. It was the most difficult and scariest decision I made. I had no plans. I had no confidence because the people 'leading me' undervalued me, my experience and my team. I tried to change that perception, but when your leadership undervalues an entire (important) group within the company, it's hard to gain adoption. I later learned they were going to let me go anyway as I didn't share the company vision, which is complete BS because I am an agent of change and was part of those visionary discussions. So it was a surprise that they contested my unemployment claim. This company is known to sue people who leave and go to similar companies (they may or may not go to competing companies), after mistreating them.

I can't help but be resentful when I learn that when I left, the things I was fighting for were implemented immediately as a retention tool (there had been a lot of turn over prior to my arrival). Everyone on my team was given substantial increases in salary (I was also underpaid). I keep in touch with my team and can't help but be resentful. I am happy that they are getting what they deserve. I haven't found another job yet. It's been a year. I now watch as the company that did not treat me well (and others within my organization) does things to help their employees. I am resentful and am working to move past it and maintain the relationships with my ex-employees, but I dont know if I'll ever be OK with it. My boss has told people throughout the organization that I "couldn't handle it" which was why I left. This is a major insult since I know I am an asset, but perception in this case is reality. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. If you have any advice on how to let all that go, I would be appreciative. I guess if anything, it fuels me to do better. But I'm just not there yet.

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AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 2:09PM UTC
I wish I could offer advice but I’m in a similar situation and position, also seeking sound advice.
I’m sorry we both had to deal with toxicity and go through this.
Here’s to hoping and believing that our future workplaces will be better and value all we have to offer.
Joyce Breitweiser HallMay 19,2023 at 3:09PM UTC
It sounds to me like your boss felt threatened by your competence, confidence, and ideas so she purposely torpedoed you. Her treatment is actually a backhanded compliment and you were doing a great job since all of what you advocated for was delivered after you left. She couldn’t do that while you were there to take credit for all of it, but she could take credit after you left.
Why are you looking back? My advice is to tell yourself that you can’t change your past and you couldn’t change your boss. I think a lot of keep looking back trying to figure out how we could have done things differently, but we did a great job and it’s the boss or company that was wrong. You can take comfort in all that you accomplished and in your ability to do the job. It is unproductive to continue to relive the old job so look forward rather than backward. Find a mantra you can repeat when you think about the old job, something that focuses on the future such as, “I am a competent, confident manager and am concentrating on building a wonderful career.” Don’t allow yourself to look back.
AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 6:21PM UTC
Very well stated!
AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 6:02PM UTC
Understanding resentment is a choice and you could choose to build a life full of joy and contentment and gratitude.
I would remove your focus from you old company and instead focus on those aspects of your life you can control and change and enjoy.
I know this is hard. Just like a bad breakup, shit-talk will happen. Is it true? Of course not! But you can choose to allow it to tare you down and suck the life out of you or you can move on, stop keeping track of your beloved old teammates and let them thrive where they are.
AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 1:11PM UTC
I want to encourage you today, because a similar thing is now happening to me. Could it be you were on assignment? In your heart you wanted to do the right thing. You wanted to see change advocate for others using your position to do good. Well guess what? They saw your value, but could not keep you, because in that you were their mirror. Now go and do greater things! I’m being let go in a similar fashion as you, I haven’t worked a full year, my time is up. I’m ok with it because I remained honest, Kept my integrity and did my best. If I had stayed, they would still be looking at my mirror. That may be a hard thing to do.
Cindy AllenMay 20,2023 at 1:22PM UTC
I would suggest stop talking shop with your old employees and co-workers. If you genuinely like them - talk about anything other than the work. If you don’t, it’s time to move on. Break the ties. This is helping fuel that resentment and feeling of being stuck. Who cares what they are saying about you or pinning on you? I’d also suggest reaching out to a therapist to help you work through your feelings about this. That can usually help identify any issues that are preventing forward movement.
AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 2:44PM UTC
I agree that your need to stay closely connected with your old colleagues and remain updated on the company's activities is not healthy behavior. You are stuck and might benefit from therapy to help you move on
AnonymousMay 21,2023 at 5:38PM UTC
It's not too late to file a suit against them with the EEOC, do it soon and name names and give specifics. Be sure to let them know you were forced to quit because of a toxic workplace and also that they denied your unemployment claim knowing it would personally injure you. A good employment attorney might help but first talk to the EEOC, once a public claim is filed against a company you could say whistleblower as well and the company may recant the unemployment claim. Also be sure that you get an order in place for non-disparagement that is 2 sided, as they say its a small valley and you don't want that drama to play out later in your career. I know you feel resentful now but agents and champions of change (which you are) generally suffer some pain to get things moved from bad to better. Take what you learned and bring it to an employer that can appreciate your strong leadership and ability to garner trust and admiration from your directs. Ask the folks who you have kept in touch with to post something about working with you on your linkedin. Let them know that until you find your new role- ask for referrals- you have to put some distance there. The ones who truly care will help you out. When dealing with a manager if ever in the future who belittles you in front of others, pull them aside and let them know that you will never respect anyone who doesn't respect you back. It's not acceptable ever. Disputes should be discussed respectfully behind closed doors and never in front of team members. Take this ted talk and burn it in effigy of moving forward with grace, dignity and honor, you deserve it for yourself. They didn't deserve you!