Hi all, I need your guidance on how to approach my boss about texting and calling when I am on a day off or on vacation.

35 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 7:00PM UTC

   You mentioned that your manager does not give you back some time when she reaches out to you after hours, so I'm guessing you are an hourly employee.

   If you're an hourly employee, then you should be paid for the time you are assisting your manager, even if it's outside your standard shift.

   Next time your manager reaches out to you outside work hours, keep track of the time. Put it on your time card. As you near the end of the current pay period, address the amount of OT that will be on your time card for the support outside standard work hours. Is she able to approve the OT or would she prefer that you clock out early at the end of the week to stay within approved hours?

   When she bothers you on vacation, there are two options:

   1. Ignore her! It's your time, you are not obligated to respond to her until you return to work.
   2. Keep track of the time you are spending assisting her. Update your time card to reflect hours work and remove the PTO / vacation hours for the time you are working. Use that time for later.

   Your manager will get the hint. Legally, she cannot deny covering the time you worked beyond your time in the office or on vacation. Moving forward, she'll think twice before bothering you.

   Good luck!

2. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 7:04PM UTC

   You don't have to respond to him. Sometimes you need to covertly train people. When they start to see you do not respond and are unavailable, they will eventually stop and figure out ways to problem solve without impeding on your personal time. And then when you return to work and they ask how come you did not answer your phone, if it is a specific work phone, you can say you were on a fishing trip and did not bring it with you. Or make up some excuse. They can't put you on the hook if it is not during your scheduled work hrs. Just apologize and pretend to not be aware. But train yourself to not reply to work during your off time. The only exception are for certain medical professionals, like drs bc sometimes if a doctor peer takes over for a patient, the other doctor might have a critical question that only that doctor may know the answer to. But regardless, the doctor (on their off day) should train themselves and train others (covertly) by identifying others notorious for abusing their time and act/ or not act accordingly without them realizing it.

3. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 7:31PM UTC

   It's not her that needs to first in respecting your time abs boundaries. You must manage access. She does what she wants. You put an out if office message on you email and your phone when you are unavailable and designate someoneon your team as backup. Leave the caveat that if there is an emergency that must be addressed please leave a detailed message and you would get back to the caller when time allowed.

   Further, if there is an emergency and you must work during PTO, then you must be compensated accordingly, either in a return of your pto or in salary. These are govered in labor law.

   You must take your time and life seriously or no one including your boss will.

4. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 8:01PM UTC

   I can tell you want to be a good team member, but you are the one who must define your boundaries for out-of-office and after-hours contact. If you hold your ground a couple of times, perhaps they'll get the message without you having to be confrontational about it or thrown into "anxiety mode," as you stated. If someone says, "I tried to call you last night," calmly and confidently state that you don't take business calls during evening hours and weekends, but you'll check voice messages. If something is critically important, you can then make the decision as to how best to respond. Otherwise, it can be addressed during working hours.

5. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 8:58PM UTC

   Agreed. Do not offer an excuse. Instead the next day, during business hours, try this "I saw you tried to reach me last night. How may I assist you today?" is a good response. I have also been texted with the "so sorry to bother you but..." and I ignore them. We set the standard and back up plan prior to our departures. It makes it great for all of us.

6. Barb HansenJune 3,2022 at 8:40PM UTC

   "Sally, I'm going to be on vacation for the next 5 days. I will be unavailable to answer emails and texts during that time, as in, if you email or text me, I'm not going receive or read them."

   You don't need to talk to your manager about how you need to not be contacted during your vacation. It's a declarative statement - "I'm on vacation. I won't be reading work emails or texts"

   your out of office message could read:

   "I'm on vacation from June 5 to June 12th, and I will not be responding to emails during that time. If you have an emergency, please contact Sally Jones at sjones@company.com"

   Enjoy your vacation and don't let someone else bad behavior steal your joy :)

7. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 8:52PM UTC

   I'm in a similar situation and travel frequently during vacation. My boss doesn't respect my PTO or vacation and constantly calls and texts me. I can't turn off my phone or fully unplug as we have to use our personal cell phone for a work mobile.

   The last straw for me before having a talk with my supervisor was while I was overseas, she kept calling from 2-4 AM. I finally turned off my phone but I hated doing so as I wanted to use the GPS.

   Most of the time I just ignore the call unless it's something urgent. In the five years I've worked there, it's tapered off but still annoying. I make sure everything I'm work on has a point person to avoid a lot of the communication. If it's really bothering you, have a call or meeting with your manager before vacation and say that you want to let him or her know that you'll be turning off your phone to unplug. That way, the manager will expect not to be able to reach you and that finally helped with limiting the calls. Good luck and it might be time to start looking for a new position.

8. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 8:55PM UTC

   The first concern is your comment about working within a toxic environment (bullying and harassment). Always have your resume ready to go and find your way out. Ask yourself this, am I a brain surgeon or am I in a position to save lives? If the answer is no, you are paid by your company in exchange for a salary and benefits. Including vacation time. Do not respond to your boss or anyone after your time off as you are providing accessibility to you. My first suggestion is to seek a new company that respects you. Then in the meantime, ask your boss not if you may, but who on your team will be your backup and that you will place this in your out of office email message/same for voicemail with a back up while you are out. Do not ask permission. If HR is aware, and you have taken these steps, it's time to find a more friendly and supportive work environment. Have strength to follow the need for a peaceful work environment. Good luck!

9. Connie ChaffinsJune 3,2022 at 9:11PM UTC

   Im assuming you feel like you can't not pick up or respond, as that would be the fastest way to resolve it.Heres one thing I might try. Whether she calls or texts, don't respond immediately, then text her back after a few minutes with something like:

   Hi- sorry I missed this- handling a few things while out of office today. Need me to handle something urgent?

   Just putting it in writing might cause her to think... and people are less likely to ask for you to work outside of expectations in writing.

   If that doesnt work - try completely ignoring her- she might be assuming you don't mind working on your days off (that doesnt make it ok of course, but it could be thoughtless). If she doesnt get an answer and then doesnt address it with you, you can get your balance back!

10. AnonymousJune 3,2022 at 9:58PM UTC

    First document all of this and go to HR. Her behavior is unacceptable. But always keep this in mind with all due respect to HR - sometimes HR will actually try to help but in the long run they will protect the company. This I learned the hard way through experience when dealing with an abusive boss who they kept in place. If HR cannot help you might consider moving on. Good Luck.

11. AnonymousJune 4,2022 at 6:55AM UTC

    OP here, and I want to thank all of you for such thoughtful responses! A little more detail: My boss is new to people management, and I feel that she thinks her emergencies are mine as well. I work for a Fortune 500 company who touts work life balance constantly. I am on a newer team and the hourly decision is fine with me as in my mind, that removes me from being on call 24-7 by not being salaried. The HR situation is being investigated, but taking a very long time, so the bullying continues, by 40+ year old women no less. I do have a backup, who is on vacation as well, so I expect my manager to handle emergencies while I am out. Nothing I have been contacted about has been an emergency, and I expect that she will handle things while I and my backup are out. I am the only person to not have a company phone, because one of my harassers would call out of the blue demanding I answer, this is one way I can take some control over how communication with this person goes. I am over 50, so finding a new job/company is not an option for me at this point in my career. The many years of bullying because no manager would help have really taken a toll, and I truly need to get my mental health in order while off. This new management team is aware and trying to do something, but its a long process and my manager is not helping, so I thank all of you for the great responses.

12. AnonymousJune 4,2022 at 2:24PM UTC

    It concerns me to think that you stay in a toxic, bullying situation because you are over 50. There is no age limit to finding work you enjoy with people that support you. I think you may have been in this current situation too long to see how truly unhealthy it is for you. Your age, maturity, and expertise can be highly valued by the right new employer. And you might find it very rewarding and exciting to be in a role where you thrive rather than just surviving and dealing with bullies and bad management.

13. AnonymousJune 4,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    Do like I do when on vacation, at personal appointments, or it's my day off....put my cell on do not disturb, silence and don't answer, or block their number until I return to work. Your personal time is your personal time.

14. AnonymousJune 4,2022 at 1:12PM UTC

    Ugh - I agree with the advice that says put your phone on do not disturb.

    In a similar situation at a fortune 50 company, where lack of planning workflow approvals would come through during my time off, I let everyone know I’m an avid hiker, and therefore am often out of pocket during my time off. The whole company ran on fire drills, so the direct approach was not an option. I noted that folks with children were often not available and applied this reasoning to my hiking hobby. It’s amazing what people can get done early when they know you will be out of contact.

15. AnonymousJune 4,2022 at 1:29PM UTC

    Don’t respond and don’t answer. Put your phone on do not disturb (you can Google it if you don’t know how). Tell your friends / family so they know you’ll respond - if you’d want to. Make sure your OOO (out of office) email is on and put in a specific date and time when you’ll be back, and say “I’ll be happy to respond upon my return.” If your manager has a problem with it, perhaps you need to look for a new job. If you feel bold, tell your manager as politely as possible that you’ll not be responding while you’re away. There’s something called boundaries. Which this person doesn’t understand. And “no” is a complete sentence.

16. Leader135412June 4,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

    Just block her when your not at work, and look her straight in the eyes and make it perfectly clear to her your time is your own not hers.

17. Julie HumbirdJune 4,2022 at 2:34PM UTC

    I support all these ladies recommendations for being direct and setting firm boundaries. I think you should also contact your state labor board. Especially, if you are not being paid for these disruptions while you are on PTO. An inquiry from a state labor board should get HR attention.

18. Joanne RosenJune 4,2022 at 4:34PM UTC

    I wish I could share a picture here. Maybe this link will work. (Tongue in cheek humour!)

    https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6937422514146938880/

    Seriously, though, you need have meet with the boss and discuss this, straight forward.

    "So, Boss, I just want to talk about my work hours. If you need me between X and X, feel free to text or call, unless I'm at lunch or have taken some personal time. Other than that, I really want to have a work-life balance."

19. Sarah StadtherrJune 4,2022 at 6:30PM UTC

    LOVED the link!

20. misskelleypJune 4,2022 at 10:43PM UTC

    Ok, that was awesome!!

21. Changemaker517537June 4,2022 at 5:47PM UTC

    If the phone rings or you get a text on your day off and it's your manager, don't answer--or answer texts with a simple "I'll get back to you when I am at work." It's your day off. Whatever it is can wait.

22. bethJune 4,2022 at 6:51PM UTC

    I agree with the 'don't answer in your off-hours" and being proactive about it! You should schedule time and approach it as a conversation about making sure that you are able to provide all the things during work hours. Maybe schedule a meeting with your new manager on the day before your time off and ask what they might need between today and when you're back. Hopefully, by being proactive, you can communicate that you're great at your job but that your off hours are off limits. Good luck!

23. Elisa RamosJune 4,2022 at 7:01PM UTC

    I think you should discuss having a someone to cover you, while you on vacation/ or personal day. So that your boss can f/up with them; This way it can help relieve some of your stress from all the text and calls.

24. Audrey KirschJune 4,2022 at 9:08PM UTC

    I got my current job when I was 61 so don’t let your age be an excuse to stay in a negative situation unless you think HR will eventually do the right thing and improve your work environment. If you have experience and skills you can find a better position if necessary especially in the current social environment. Time to recharge is essential. You need to look out for your own mental health. Your boss never will so stop expecting her to. Let her know when you will or will not be available.

25. AnonymousJune 4,2022 at 10:40PM UTC

    Stop answering her calls or texts. Or respond by asking her to send an email laying out what she needs. Then you can determine if her need is actually urgent. If not, feel free to ignore. You need to train her. I know that sounds hard - but it can be done. Just be consistent (like you're dealing with a toddler) and calm when she responds with anger. And DOCUMENT everything. Especially if you're not an exempt employee where they need to be paying you whenever they ask you to work.

26. AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 2:15AM UTC

    You need boundaries. No one will respect what you do not respect.

27. Lisa OGradyJune 5,2022 at 6:24PM UTC

    Bingo. You said it. I’m just learning that myself after years of not standing up for myself!

28. AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 6:21AM UTC

    Unless the company either gives me a company phone or pays my cell phone bill, I DO NOT accept work calls on my personal cell number. If its a company issued phone, I do not answer calls outside of working hours and definitely not on my time off or holiday. Let it go to voicemail

29. Shenelle S. LaPierreJune 5,2022 at 2:38PM UTC

    This happened to me a few times and it really was my boss not noting down my PTO that he was approving. Sometimes you have to be honest and have that convo with your boss about downtime, contacting you during work hours only and mark your time off on her calendar. Also, have a recap meeting with her before you go away so she’s been informed and can make better decisions instead of bothering you. It can also be an acceptable company culture that’s needs to change. A lot of people at my job take working vacations and I personally don’t approve of it nor do I tell my team members to bring their work cells on vacation. We all need to disconnect and relax the mental and physical. She may need to be told this upfront to understand where your coming from.

30. AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 3:54PM UTC

    Why do you pick up?

31. Liz MilneJune 5,2022 at 5:29PM UTC

    Put on an OOO on your email, do not answer your mobile phone, and - before your PTO starts - tell everyone that you will be off the grid. In writing if you can, to CYA if necessary.

    OR - fill in a timesheet for any time spent on work out of hours and charge time-and-a-half for it.

    People will take advantage if they're allowed to get away with it - don't allow it...

32. AnonymousJune 5,2022 at 8:13PM UTC

    Hi there - we have a manager on our team that loves to schedule late evening meetings, she will call and even text at 11pm at night over issues that can wait the next day. She has requested employees conduct 1:1 calls with her during natural disasters. I can relate and am sorry you are going through this. You are not alone! There are tactics that will work.

    What has worked with her is similar to recommendations below:

    1. Do not answer her messages on your cell especially during off hours. If you have an iPhone, you can enable her to see "notifications are silenced" to make a point.
    2. As others suggested, include in your email that you are off the grid during vacation and an alternate person to reach with questions. To avoid seeing messages from her, just block her number on your phone so you don't see the message and get emotionally triggered. You can unblock upon your return.
    3. Show your calendar as OOO at a certain time in the day. For example, I started showing I'm OOO 5pm and after. You can still work but this is a cue that you are not open to interruptions
    4. Set a special folder just for her in your email box. Create a rule that moves her emails directly into that folder so you don't see them unless you choose to do so. make it a point to check or reply on a certain cadence - you can decide what works for you.

    If you try to discuss this with her directly, she'll think she has some authority or say in how and when you respond. Hope that some of these suggestions work!

33. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 1:36PM UTC

    I don't know if your phone has this (although I feel like most phones do) but on an iPhone you can set what is called a "Focus" and it only lets certain calls, texts, and notifications through that you allow. You can also set it up to respond to those "not allowed" with a set response if you wish.

    This would still allow you to see the texts at some point or phone calls/voicemails you just wouldn't get notification for them. The auto response also allows to quickly reinforce your boundaries that you are busy.. You can manually turn it on and off or have it at set times. So I have an "Off Work" that comes on when my days end and the weekends and a "Vacation" mode that I turn on manually when I am on vacation.

    Be aware though, if you choose not to send an auto response and don't want your boss to know...if they also have an iPhone it shows in the text messages that you have it on in a small banner at the bottom.

    The best option would be for them to just listen and understand your boundaries but it sounds like this person doesn't actually care about that, part of the reason I chose to go this route.

34. Karen GongawareJune 6,2022 at 5:30PM UTC

    Just say NO. Block their calls after hours or while on vacation. Why answer? You have the power so use it. It is called NO I am not answering my phone while after hours, on my day off, or while on vacation. She can pull her big girl panties up and deal. And yes I have done this , saying NO and putting up boundaries.

35. Gretchen SkalkaJune 7,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

    Lots of great input here!

    I think it's important to set very clear boundaries and respect them for yourself. This is the primary way you will teach (yes, you sometimes have to teach others) how to respect them (and you), as well.

    When she calls or texts while you're on personal time - remind her calmly that this is your personal time and you and she can schedule a time to review whatever item she reached out over when you are back.

    This is likely an ingrained pattern of behavior for her - which means it is not something you will change with one directive or one interaction.

    Consistency over time will win out.

    It's more work, but it's also more effective for you both because it will develop a learning muscle for you both.

    For her - the muscle of mutual respect.

    For you - the muscle of self respect and knowing that it's not just ok but appropriate to set boundaries for your boss.

    You're worth it. :)