I’ve been in my current role for a year now and my boss and I have had a great relationship up until very recently.

36 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 28,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

   Leave your boss should have but does not have ur back. It’s her job to take the heat for you. What about the role she played in not guiding you properly thru the negative experience. Sometimes certain bosses only want to ride the glory of others and are not genuinely supportive when you go thru a rough patch. That was your wake-up call. If she can throw you under the bus then she will do it again.

2. Julie Chatman, MBA, CISMMay 28,2022 at 2:18PM UTC

   I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.

   A critical part of being a leader is supporting the people that you lead during good times and not so good times.

   I think that your action towards applying for other roles makes sense.

3. AnonymousMay 28,2022 at 4:15PM UTC

   Now any mistake you make going forward is going to incite these comments from her. Not worth it. Go.

4. Alexis GladstoneMay 28,2022 at 4:25PM UTC

   It's not hard to be a good, supportive manager when things are going well with your team. Truly great managers show up when things go sideways.

   She has shown where her weakness is as a leader and this isn't going to serve you well going forward. Leaving her and the situation sounds like the best plan since she won't talk about it and coach you. Because you're looking at internal roles, be prepared to talk about the project, what happened, and what you learned, as there is a good chance it will come up in the interview.

5. Audrey KirschMay 28,2022 at 6:27PM UTC

   If your manager is not forthcoming with specifics so that you can know if you actually did anything wrong, there's no way for you to know how to be a part of the team. If another team is willing to take you on, they must know what your current manager knows and it's obviously nothing that will keep them from having you join their team. I say go with the team that wants to have you and focus on the future, not some bump in the road.

6. Crystal HowellMay 28,2022 at 7:54PM UTC

   Cut your losses, she is saying I don't want you on the team!

   Move on to better pasture. When you leave, she will see it was her lack of leadership and ego(which is a coverup for insecurities) was the issue. She wasn't a good fit.

7. AnonymousMay 29,2022 at 9:51PM UTC

   Thank you everyone, original poster here. I appreciate everyone’s feedback and advice. I think you are all right…as tough as it is to accept, I’ll just have to move on and hope for the best going forward. So glad to have found this community of supportive women to help me through this.

8. HannahMay 30,2022 at 5:58AM UTC

   If moving away from her, will bring you inner peace and joy, what are you waiting for?

9. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netMay 30,2022 at 12:09PM UTC

   what exactly do you mean that your project went a little sideways? For me, without knowing the overall details, it is hard to give an opinion that would be accurate advise or helpful.

10. Bradford McCormickMay 30,2022 at 12:43PM UTC

    " My current project went a little sideways and another team escalated things to some higher ups which my boss got heat for. Now, my boss has been saying things like I’m not a fit for the team and I’m bad at my job" -- If you have accurately described the situation, there is your answer: The boss wanted to get the monkey off her back and you were available to be the sacrificial lamb. "Any port in a storm." What's there to work out unless you get a SINCERE apology from this petty person who isn't earning their paycheck? Sincere assurance they have learned their lesson and are going to shape up going forward. I good manager is a xhock absorber between upper mgmt and his (her, other's) reports.

    On the other hand, if you are involved in a civil war between your group and a group with more "political" clout, even a great manager might only be able to tell you your group is doomed even if you have the better product. I think I was in one of those. We had a RIF (Reduction In Force). I also saw a whole group summarily terminated but, of course, the senior manager is still a senior manager somewhere else in the company even without relocating (this was long before Covid). Wouldn't want to have him have to disconnect his home computers and replug them back in a new house in a different city, would we?

11. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 1:15PM UTC

    You may recover, but it will take some time, even years with the same team. Remember that making your boss look good is a huge part of your job. Are there any upcoming quick wins you can have for her, that can potentially turn this around?

12. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 1:23PM UTC

    Cut your losses! This is a red flag….to leave asap

13. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 1:36PM UTC

    It may be hard to recover. But o would look at what “went sideways” and turn those into lessons. You will need those for your next role - or - as a development opportunity and discussion points in your current role.

14. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 1:37PM UTC

    i've read your post a couple of times, to try to pull out what i need to answer cohesively.
    I sense alot of emotion coming from you. "she's very supportive", "talked of promoting me within 6 months", and "I'm working at my dream company". So...from all of this, I"m getting that this is a good employer, And... your "boss" (manager) is positive, encouraging, supportive... and telling you of potential growth opportunities (such as: "talked about promoting me within 6 mos). This is all good. But..you've only been there for 6 months. They are just now getting to know you and your abilities. ...This takes time. And then, in your first 6 months, a project "went a little sideways"....So what does that mean? small problem or big screw up?? You don't elaborate on this. But remember, you're still in your honeymoon period with this company!! Your manager is still getting to know all about you. It's Nice that she/he has been super encouraging, but a good manager will be that regardless--but it's not her job to hold your hand either.... So now...there's a glitch with your recent project, and your manager got alot of "heat" for it....Ok. And, how do you KNOW that your boss has been "saying little things" about you as a result? Has she said them to your face? Or, Is this just office gossip? If you are unclear on the way forward, ask to have a meeting with your manager and HR to clear the air. Ask for concrete steps and a correction plan. You're not advocating for yourself; you are being emotional. You might have really screwed up. You need to make it very clear to your manager and HR that you are owning this mistake and want to do better. Did you learn something from this "sideways" project? If so, say so! Looking to transfer from your department is not the answer.... Own your mistakes and have a frank conversation with your manager; work out an action plan and be ALL IN!. I sense that you are running from a bad situation, and I think that attempting to change teams/departments will make you look worse in the company's eyes. Keep us posted, please! :)

15. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 1:53PM UTC

    In OP’s first sentence she said she has been in this job for a year, not 6 months. Her boss talked about promoting her within 6 months. She didn’t say she was in this job 6 months.

16. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 2:21PM UTC

    Yes, that is true but whether it’s 6 months or a year, not much difference when it comes to a new company/role. On average it takes a person about 2-2.5 years to learn about their role/company properly. If it was a seasoned employee then that would make a big difference but six months time is hardly consequential in terms of this post at least.

17. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 6:33PM UTC

    Agree.. still very much early in the career

18. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 2:15PM UTC

    Totally agree! You can’t cut and run to someplace else without first sitting down with your manager to get to the bottom of things. It will help you in your new role (should you choose to leave) or it will bring clarity to why the manager is acting this way. In your post you didn’t really specify details so it is difficult to say but you don’t know if this mistake has caused the manager a write up or other disciplinary action that she is not sharing with you. To move on with a clear mind it is best to talk it out and see where it leads.

19. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 2:46PM UTC

    I agree with the last couple of comments about speaking with the manager directly and trying to work things out, possibly with a work plan, but I don’t agree with involving HR or suggesting a formal plan. At my company, being on a performance improvement plan goes in your work record and will most likely put you in the bottom rating for the year, which means no increase at the review cycle guaranteed (it’s a company policy). Also future managers at the same company will have access to the past reviews, and while they might not notice if they don’t pay attention, there’s still a good possibility they will take that into consideration when doing future reviews.

    Also being written up should always be made known by all parties, only a poor manager would surprise an employee with that.

20. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 8:52PM UTC

    Sorry, should have clarified. This issue was brought up to senior management. In terms of the write up I meant her manager getting in trouble and possibly being written up not the person posting above.

21. AnonymousMay 31,2022 at 4:28PM UTC

    Agreed.
    I'm dealing with something similar on the other side regarding some of our newest team members. For some, I didn't participate in the interviewing and hiring decision, but they have been here more than a year and are STILL struggling to pick foundational concepts. And another blew us away in the interview, but has been difficult to manage from a behavioral standpoint (I'm in public sector, so there's only so much we can do without blatant cause to terminate).

    On the one hand, I'm being told by the team that I explain things very well and when I ask for questions, there are none. But then on the other, I find myself having to re-explain things multiple times and/or review and fix their work more than should be acceptable. And it's hard to continue thinking well of people when you're under those conditions for too long.

    OP, this may be coming off harsh or self-serving, but my point in sharing this is that you can't fault leadership for having high hopes in the beginning, only to become disillusioned when things aren't working as they expected. Nobody's perfect, and we obviously don't know enough to be sure, but it does seem like this was pretty serious for them to react that strongly and so early in your tenure. After all, if this is how they react to a minor mistake, then this is definitely not a culture ANYONE would want to continue working in long-term, and I doubt you'd be here asking for advice.

    Please don't think I'm saying all this to beat you up. I would recommend that you take the necessary lessons from the project and work on regaining trust, while keeping your options open. Only you can decide how much you value the positives and potential of this job vs. how hard you're willing to work to regain good favor.

    At the very least, I would start by doing an honest assessment of the project - what went well, what did not, what was out of your control, what was not, what obstacles came up, what was perhaps too complex or beyond your ability to take on, etc. Take this to your manager and have an honest talk, focusing on what you would do if faced with these challenges again, warning signs to watch for, etc., with the goal of compromising on an individual development plan that has an acceptable level of risk to you both.

    Good luck to you.

22. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 1:39PM UTC

    I agree with most of the comments here that you will need to move on from this position. Oftentimes, when a relationship with a boss starts on super terms within the first year with promises of a promotion so soon in your tenure, it has been a red flag in my experience because they tend not to be so pleasant when something hits the fan. The best employee-boss relationships are often built over a span of time when you’ve proven yourself to the manager via accomplishments, show your consistency, and willingness to accept feedback. As much as you won’t like seeing this, you will also need to consider extending your job search to external positions as well. Given your boss’ petty and irresponsible behavior, she could try to sabotage your internal job opportunities because she may have allies in other parts of the company. This isn’t meant to scare you; just something you may want to consider in your job hunt.

23. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

    Scapegoat. You are blamed for her shortcomings. Cut and run. I hope you get the other position.

24. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 2:07PM UTC

    My former supervisor was unhappy about how I handled a situation. He said I shouldn’t have asked a coworker for help dealing with a client because now he didn’t have confidence in me handling clients on my own. He brought it up in my reviews every six months for the next two years until I finally did an internal transfer. Go somewhere else if you don’t want a shadow following you around....

25. AnonymousMay 30,2022 at 2:15PM UTC

    Wow, dude brought up the same incidence for two years?!

26. Focused721350May 30,2022 at 2:37PM UTC

    Good Morning,

    Well! To me it sounds like your the "SCAPEGOAT"!!! She got the heat and now dumping it on YOU! If your as close to her as you say you are! I personally would confront her! Why! If the other team did wrong! Why is it your fault??? Don't let others make you feel less! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! You can't run away from something if it isn't true! You can do this! Be STRONG!!!!

    Good Luck and God Bless, Ms. T ;)

27. Maria Paula CalvoMay 30,2022 at 2:52PM UTC

    I get your feeling, it looks unfair, right? But I can also guess your boss´feelings having been hit because of your project. It can be the sign of a company culture that punishes making errors from the very first time, and you may be discovering it right now. Or, simply your boos may not be ready to learn fast from failures and has lost self-confidence, now feeling vulnerable and trying to blame on someone else. If you have objective elements to support your explanations on what made the project take an unexpected path, I would then recommend that you talk to your boss. If you don´t and only emotions are guiding you and your boss, that will not be a conversation where you can help a fact based or rational business outcome. You have to assess that before making any move. Best of luck!

28. GirlBossanova934974May 30,2022 at 3:54PM UTC

    As an experienced manager, I have come to the conclusion that everyone is entitled to a mistake or two every once in a while. As a manager, you take the heat and say we will do better next time. Why? Because when things go very well, people are likely to credit the manager instead of the staff that reports to that manager. You take the good with the bad. To be candid, this manager has shown she is not up to the job. Cuts and runs at the first signs of trouble. Time for YOU to walk out to another group.

29. Wendy ScottMay 30,2022 at 7:55PM UTC

    Cut your losses. In my experience once a manager makes value judgement about someone they rarely change their mind. Also your boss’s boss may be making noises about your competence and your manager is going with that rather than defending you. Good luck, I hope you find something better soon :-)

30. Wanda ShawMay 31,2022 at 2:00AM UTC

    Wow!! All because a project went astray? I'd hate to be around her if something more catastrophic happens. No one is perfect, not even her. And I think she was being overdramatic, presumptuous and little unfair in her comments toward you. Yes, I know, someone higher up probably leaned on her for the mistake but it's NO excuse for her to make a snap assessment of your skills or if you even deserve to be employed at the company. If she's one of those tempermental type of personalities, she's great to work with, just as long as you don't make her look bad. And to be honest, someone like that can't be trusted to be a good, responsible leader. I hate to say run away, but it seems that for right now changing teams might be your best option

31. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netJune 1,2022 at 6:12PM UTC

    \The problem is that you do not know if you are getting the full story. There are always 2 sides to every story and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. The only way you can even begin to judge is if the boss commented on what happened from her perspective. Reminding people of what happened to them is not really probably what happened here.

32. Erin BeemerMay 31,2022 at 1:27PM UTC

    This sounds like a difficult situation to fix, even if it's hard to understand her change in attitude over something that isn't so uncommon. If you have other opportunities, I'd take them.

33. AnonymousMay 31,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

    I rarely comment in these forums but felt the need to speak up. I got triggered reading your post because I went through the EXACT same thing last year in my prior role. In 2019, one of the higher ups in my company went and escalated to his boss that the function that me and my boss were responsible for wasn’t working (I was only six months into the role and this higher up didn’t like us looking into his business so it was due to him being angry that he did so). We enhanced our process which we built from scratch (and had no guidance on what to do). Ever since this incident happened, my boss kept bringing up this fact how this had somehow tarnished my brand for good and kept bringing up two years down the line that my career progression is affected by this incident ( incident happened back in 2019 and she was petty and brought it up in 2022 during my career discussion ) I got so disgusted with her and the way I was treated (many other petty things happened along the way too and this was the last straw) that I started looking for another job. Luckily I got a new role and I am now working for an employer who values me and treats me with respect (you would think this is common but trust me, it’s not the case) Hang in there, know your worth and standards and do not accept anything less! I made that mistake before and will never do so again.

34. AnonymousMay 31,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

    I think going to another team might be the answer. "Went a little sideways" sounds like a way of softening something that went pretty wrong, to be honest. It can be tempting to downplay something we did that didn't work out. Jobs are results-oriented and sometimes projects have no room for learning from mistakes and doing it differently next time, especially if significant cost or potential revenue are at stake. She may have been trusting you to get it done, stepped back, let you lead and then has to take heat for what didn't happen and didn't expect it. Does it mean you are 100% at fault? No, but if it's your project to own, then you are the one who gets the glory or the blame. And your boss has to stand in line to get the heat first. Sometimes project results ARE the feedback, as tough as that is to hear. Starting fresh may be just the thing! Go to the new thing with fresh eyes. Good luck!

35. Karen GongawareJune 1,2022 at 4:18PM UTC

    Go. Don't look back. Your boss sounds like the type who plays the blame game, very toxic. Good luck!

36. Christi MillerJune 5,2022 at 9:11PM UTC

    Run to the other role and good luck.