How to leave the dysfunctional organization behind you?

11 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 2:40PM UTC

   Focus on your new job. Leave the old job and bad behaviors there behind. Mentally ready yourself for something new, happy, less toxic and move on. If you hold onto the bad, it reflects on others. Be the change you want to see. I've worked in one, left and seriously thought nothing more about it. I was so grateful to move on, I focused all of my energy on that and not the bad. This will soon be in your rear view mirror. Focus your mind, soul, and all you got girl to leave it. Go do some self care for yourself, like a pedicure, massage, thrift or antique stores on the weekends prior to engage your mind elsewhere.

2. Kathy DonnaldDecember 19,2024 at 3:02PM UTC

   It is hard to move on after this mental abuse.

3. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 3:51PM UTC

   If you are highly anxious, check to see if your new job has an EAP you can connect with. The EPA can help you find the right kind of help through a couple of therapy sessions or ongoing therapy if required. These are benefits, so take advantage of them. You deserve to show up daily as your best self, and if you are constantly second-guessing yourself, you will be unable to do so.

4. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 4:01PM UTC

   I think your healthiest plan would be surrounding yourself with health on every level. That means creating positivity with your relationships, environment and internal self talk. It takes time to shake old patterns. But with healthy people around you, the energy will wear off.

   Eat well to energize you, exercise in nature to reset you connection to your environment, laugh and enjoy love of those in your circle, expand that circle to connect on broader levels. Give back to your community to expand you life's purpose. Practice gratitude to get in touch with your blessings.

   Don't make this time about leaving something bad. Make this time about embracing all that is good. Time will take care of recalibration your life if you practice all that is outlined here. Healing is deliberate.

5. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 5:21PM UTC

   One tip I heard about is to write out all the problems you experienced on a sheet of paper. Once that is done, shred the paper. I was told that that helps your mind put the problems behind you.

6. Steph McDonaldDecember 20,2024 at 1:01PM UTC

   Therapy. Seriously.

7. AnonymousDecember 20,2024 at 4:53PM UTC

   Take 2 weeks to do nothing but focus on you. Do things that make you happy and pamper yourself! Do some creative visualization using paper and pen and candles of burning those words that you don't want to take with you into the new place. Also when you start in your first week, meet individually (or in the first 2 weeks) with each person you will consistently interact with. Ask them how long they have been there, what motivates them, and how they want you to interact with them - email, phone, slack etc. and how often. Let them know this same stuff about you and how you take correction and feedback. Also sit your manager down and do this very specifically so that you get off on the right foot. Take control of it so that you know early on what you are in for. Be sure that you schedule regular 1-1's and set up a tracking sheet for what you do each week in a spreadsheet so that you can keep a list of what goes well and where you need to go next. Be planned about it so that you can control how this next road takes you to better and happier places. Good luck and congratulations on the new role.

8. AnonymousDecember 20,2024 at 11:36PM UTC

   I can so relate to that! I left a very t toxic work about 6 months ago and only now am I starting to get over it. It takes time. But self-care is very important. Surrounding yourself with positive people. Be patient, don't rush

9. Sidney BristowDecember 21,2024 at 3:51AM UTC

   I had the same question as you, five years ago. Unfortunately it took me over 6 mos to "decompress" from the bad experiences, although I had landed at a much better organization with better ...everything. In my mind I knew my new supv wasn't out to get me or nitpick my work or throw me under the bus. But my heart stayed balled up, waiting for the shoe to fall. I say unfortunately because that may be your reality as well. It simply takes time.

   There are no shortcuts that I could find. If you are comfortable to, you could be honest with your new team and share that you had bad experiences that you're working to leave behind. But, as I said, it will take time. Give yourself grace and space.

10. AnonymousDecember 27,2024 at 12:06AM UTC

    I have been in your shoes too many times, including right now as I'm recovering from a very toxic workplace that was mismanaged at the executive level. My suggestion is to spend time on yourself and to do whatever you need to feel better and refreshed for your next job. For me, this means going to therapy, going to the gym, practicing yoga, meditation, and getting a reiki treatment (and a spa day with a body scrub if I have the budget). Literally, I'm scrubbing and washing away bad mojo.

11. AnonymousJanuary 1,2025 at 6:46PM UTC

    As it happens, a friend of mine is a trauma counselor specializing in PTSD. She has repeated to me that what I endured with one of my previous employers counts as trauma. I've been working with her to unlearn unhealthy coping strategies.

    While I agree that leaving such places is step 1. Time could be step 2, there are other steps that could involve support, healing, and training.

    Some work you will do. Some work you may receive.

    If you're new job includes therapy benefit, or just do it for yourself (paying a fee or if cost is an issue- finding folks who understand healing and can offer tips at low cost- like a spiritual leader). Or if you have a hobby or things that bring you joy (family, friends, creating, nature)---be the kindness and authentic decency that was lacking in that dysfunctional org. Be it unapologetically. Give yourself grace to heal and to not snap back automatically. If a thought/memory/ etc. comes into your mind, you can tell your thought "Nope, no thank you. No place for you here." There are other techniques.

    If you want to give more time to rid yourself, sometimes journaling could help. I journaled once or twice. It didn't help because I didn't want to focus on that place any more. Expression helped. Write/speak/dance/ whatever---to get it out, but it doesn't mean it has to remain a daily part of your life. ----I rid my home of everything from that company and donated it or burned it in the winter fire (even the journaled thoughts). Catharsis for me. More work to do to deprioritize that time and those people and memories from my mind.
    Sometimes a massage or physical activity can help. New activities (a puppy or garden). Cleanse your living space and your mind as a regular practice. Out with the unhealthy and in with the healthy. A walk. Breathing exercises. Find what soothes you.

    Sometimes we don't know what we don't know and continue coping strategies/memories. It's okay to ask for help.

    Good luck!