Am I wrong for not wanting to discuss my personal life (specifically my engagement) with my (most of my) co-workers?

177 Comments

1. Deb HornerJune 6,2022 at 3:53PM UTC

   First and foremost, congratulations on your engagement! I wish you much happiness. Secondly, you will need time off either to get ready for or to recover from the wedding. Weddings are stressful events, even though they are happy occasions. You need to put in for the time off as soon as your dates are set, and save that approval notification. Thirdly, it isn't anyone's business who you are marrying. By the way you stated this, you probably work with a bunch of sexist, racist, homophobic morons - and you are correct to protect yourself from those moronic statements. It is difficult but not impossible to find supportive, caring work environments which will celebrate your nuptials. Some people look at me (I'm 66) and think that I couldn't possibly be a supportive ally. Honey, I lived through the civil rights era! I am a believer that everyone deserves to love the person who makes them feel safe. Best wishes - and you are correct to protect yourself.

2. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 7:23PM UTC

   Thank you! PTO has been scheduled and approved (and I divulged nothing so far). Yes, I actually do happen to work with some covert racists (which was part of my reasoning for not sharing anything else with most of this group). Thank you for your advice.

3. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 4:18PM UTC

   You are not in the wrong at all for not wanting to share information on your personal life with your coworkers.
   your personal life is your business and you aren't required to share anything not work related at work. It is always safer to under share than it is to over share. When I am asked personal questions such as how was your weekend I use a generic response such as good how was yours etc. To avoid talking about myself as I have had something similar happen to me. I have very few coworkers I share anything personal with and the rest I just keep in the dark. A couple of years ago on Valentine's day I made a mistake of telling coworkers I broke up with my then boyfriend when they were prying in on my plans and had a recently engaged coworker rub her engagement in my face and it crushed my self esteem. Also, I once told a different coworker I am into working out and started talking about my workout plan when she was prying in on what do I like to do in my free time to get told my lunch is unhealthy and I will never be as healthy and athletic as I want to be due to my lunch choice. After those two experiences I decided I am not sharing anymore info on myself. I have changed and grown a lot since those times but I don't share my growth. Congratulations on your engagement!

4. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 7:21PM UTC

   I completely understand and wholeheartedly agree.

5. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 4:26PM UTC

   I would recommend discussing your engagement with your boss framed as an event that is only relevant because you may need time off (both during planning and for the event itself). This is not strictly your manager's business until some fundamental planning decisions have been made but you don't want to risk the knowledge being "found out" in some other way. (For reference, I applied and was accepted to law school in a previous job and only shared the information, in confidence, with people I trusted but somehow my boss found out anyway. I was pulled into his office and even though I had not yet decided whether I would attend or not and told him that I intended to let him know as soon as I had made a decision, he started treating me as though I had already tendered my resignation.) Discussing it with your supervisor directly does not mean that you need to share anything other than the basics of "I am engaged, no date has been set. I am letting you know that it will not impact my performance but I may need some time off in the future. Should I need time off then I will give you as much notice as possible and arrange for coverage." Ultimately, it's about CYA and not wanting to alienate the one person at work who can interfere with your plans.

6. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 7:20PM UTC

   PTO has been scheduled and approved without me informing any managers (my intent was to never have to share and I'm trying to keep it that way).

7. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 7:19PM UTC

   My PTO has already been scheduled (and approved) to accommodate my wedding and the manager that is in charge of scheduling is not one of the people I care to share my news with at all.

8. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 10:50PM UTC

   You don't owe anyone anything. This is your private news it's your choice to share or not. These are not your friends, they are your coworkers. They are just interested in having fodder for the gossip mill. You give them nothing and they have nothing to twist, turn, or do anything with in front of the boss, etc.

   Just simply say, "I prefer to focus on work at work".

9. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:19AM UTC

   Greatly appreciated. Thank you for the advice.

10. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 12:09AM UTC

    You have no obligation to confide in your colleagues about your personal life. Period.

    It is concerning, though, that you feel that your colleagues are endeavoring to spread gossip about you in order to undercut you.

    What’s up with that, and why are your colleagues “hinting” about your personal life?

11. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 2:18AM UTC

    The hinting is mostly because I refuse to share any actual details. I'm pretty much a "good/great/okay" type of answerer when asked "how are you/how was your day off/etc."

12. Jennifer FingerJune 9,2022 at 12:24PM UTC

    I think that if you don't want to receive negative feedback from your co-workers about your personal life, then not discussing it is perfectly reasonable. I myself tend to compartmentalize my life and don't discuss my personal life with my co-workers much and vice versa. With the people who are trying to guess about your life, you can just say, "Things are fine" and change the subject.

13. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:59AM UTC

    That's exactly how I operate. "good morning" " I'm doing great". That's it. Thank you!

14. Ashley BellJune 9,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    I don't share things with co-workers that I don't want repeated. My co-workers are my work friends not my personal or best friends. Early in my career I made the mistake of sharing personal information with a co-worker who then used it against me thus establishing how I keep things separate for the past 31 years.

15. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:58AM UTC

    Excellent advice. Greatly appreciated!

16. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netJune 9,2022 at 12:29PM UTC

    I am happy to say that i do not share this experience as i have work related freinds that go back 35 years. I think this response is a good one. Be friendly with those at work as the social aspect is an important one but be mindful of what you share. Especially since you are not inviting them to the wedding.....

17. Sarah BordersJune 9,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    Congratulations! I have a healthy work environment, and I share some personal details with everyone I work with, but certainly not everything. Given how toxic your work environment sounds, I think you’re right not to share anything. And choose wisely the people in whom you wish to confide. Even if you say to them, “Please don’t share this,” you can’t control what they’ll do with the information you give them. Be absolutely certain that they’re trustworthy, or be willing to accept that something you share with one person may be shared with others.

18. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:57AM UTC

    Thank you!

    The trusted ones proved their loyalty/trustworthiness many times over already. That's why I shared with them and only them.

    Greatly appreciated!

19. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    How in the world can someone make an engagement sound bad? I feel like that is being a little too guarded but... your information is yours to share in the way that you wish.

20. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:56AM UTC

    Said co-worker has a knack for back-handed compliments and twisting everything positive into a negative. I don't know how anyone can do this as well as she can; she's mastered that artform.

21. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    To echo everyone else on here, no… of course you don’t “owe” any coworker personal information.

    I can relate to those experiences of being dragged in front of the boss, having personal details put in harsh light and maybe I’m projecting but maybe start looking for greener pastures. This isn’t great, how can you possibly thrive in an environment where you fear glimpses into your life could harm you?

    I don’t believe in (and think it’s a red flag to hear) “our office is like family”. No, that’s too much, But your life does impact your work and vice versa. Oversharing isn’t good for anyone, but do you want the people you spend more waking hours with than your loved ones to know anything about YOU and who you are?

    The hard line head down, work & only work people on this thread aren’t wrong… but I am curious if those posters are in “jobs” or careers? Leadership path? It’s a defensive choice and I wonder how it plays out with advancing through an organization. We learn in leadership training that you ask people to trust you if you can’t show them trust.

    my current company has a motto, we don’t just hire great people, they’re also good humans. I think everyone deserves an environment full of as many good humans as they can, they deserve to feel safe, valued and productive. I’m sorry you aren’t there right now, but I hope you learn what you need from this opportunity & find a better environment(s) in the future.

22. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:54AM UTC

    Interesting perspective. I'm absolutely looking for another position within the company that moves me out of the current circle/environment. Thank you. Greatly appreciated!

23. Maggie StoneJune 9,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

    The OP does not sound silly. Everyone over the age of 12 has the legal right to privacy. OP does not have to share anything she doesn’t need to or want to share. And it sounds like when she shared previously, it was discussed in ways that made her uncomfortable discussing anything personal going forward.

24. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 2:00PM UTC

    Then why is she asking? Is she 100% comfortable with her choice? Is she asking for someone to give another view point? Is it wrong to give another why to look, see, and hear the situation? Are we hear to discuss? Does another opinion mean mean I am saying she is wrong? And, if it “SOUNDS” one way to me, and differently to you, does that make us arch-eminies? Huh? Why are we here again?

25. Joycelyn M. SiameJune 9,2022 at 12:58PM UTC

    I don't think they necessarily want to make it into a bad thing, but they are definitely hella nosey! Like, geez Louise! You are not wrong for not wanting to discuss your personal life at all... after all, it is YOUR PERSONAL life, and has nothing to do with the job at hand. You were burned once, so you are perfectly in your right to not want to risk getting burned again...

26. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:51AM UTC

    Hella nosey is completely accurate. Thank you for your input. Greatly appreciated!

27. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 12:59PM UTC

    I am in agreement with the people who say that it is your choice what to share, when to share, and with whom to share with. No, you don't owe your co-workers any explanation as you are there to do a job, not make friends. If you are wearing your ring and someone says, "OH, you got engaged???". Just say, "Yep, sure did" and keep it moving. I too learned long ago to separate the two - work and personal. This avoids any need to speak up for yourself about your personal life because there is nothing to defend. I also limit who has access to my social media.

    Best wishes.

28. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:50AM UTC

    Thank you!

    I completely agree with all of what you said. Greatly appreciated!

29. AmadumiJune 9,2022 at 1:02PM UTC

    So I worked at a university through a government funded program. We had a meeting and I announced at the end I’m getting married and there were crickets. Nobody said congratulations—nothing. So I did not invite anyone. Fast forward to my wedding day. All those women had an 1 hour long meeting, on the clock, about how I did not invite one of them to my wedding. They were offended that I invited the student aides and not my boss. I was close with the student aides as I was 4 years older than them and most of the women in the office were over 40-50 years old.I hung out with the aides. The ladies did not invite me to lunches and they would be overly inappropriate. How inappropriate? One sprayed a whole can of Lysol in a no window building, choking people out for 3 days.I’m not exaggerating. One would scream like she was on the farm yelling to us to get out of our offices for a meeting. One lady yelled at me for having my name. She did it in front of my boss and the boss did nothing. The woman was intent on calling me a nickname. I hated working there in that horrible environment. They were awful.

30. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:19PM UTC

    Sounds like you moved on !! Lol

    And, it also sounds like a great sitcom !! You should make that experience work for you, and write a script !!

    Seriously, if anyone is working at an awful places where you have to be afraid to share the simple fact you are engaged - move on. I have done it more then once. It works. I work, and I am happy. That is truly important to me. Being happy at work, and with whom I work with. Each time I move on, I make it work for me. I am making more money as I move along, and I happy at work as well.

31. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:49AM UTC

    Okay.

32. AmadumiJune 9,2022 at 1:57PM UTC

    HR did nothing. Because I was younger, the system worked better towards those ladies and not me. It felt to me that although I was in the right for speaking up, it looked more like I tattled on those women instead of them getting reprimanded for their wrong doing.

33. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 2:14PM UTC

    HR sucks… it’s really just part of the “legal team” set-up to protect the company. The gate keepers for the company. , I didn’t know being engaged was topic secret information? I thought it was just like saying your name - general information. But I guess it’s super sensitive. Oops! I have never been married, and I don’t think one way or another about people who are? ??‍♀️ Anyway, I like your share, it was entertaining, and you rebutted me without without being insecure, and defensive. Have a good day!!

34. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:48AM UTC

    ?

35. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:47AM UTC

    I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such nonsense. I wish you the best!

36. AmadumiJune 9,2022 at 4:47PM UTC

    I announced my engagement so I would have time off put on the work calendar. If I did not say it during the time, somehow there would be no record and I could be reprimanded for no show. Being engaged isn’t top secret info but in a very negative work environment they were judgey about everything. They saw my husband to be was white and it became a thing that I don’t like men in my race. Everything that’s normal was abnormal. Case in point we had a student to look at porn and had meetups with people. Instead of disciplining the student for unsafe computer and safety of our location as I suggested, they talked about how gay his Dad was and how gay he is. It was like I was working in the twilight zone.

37. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:46AM UTC

    My future husband is white as well, and I can only imagine that would only add fuel to the fire with the co-workers I'm choosing to exclude from my personal business. My workplace sounds as toxic as yours.

38. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:43AM UTC

    People can be the absolute worst some times. Congrats on your wedding and the very best wishes to you in everything you hope to accomplish in life!

39. EmpoweredGirl832429June 9,2022 at 1:07PM UTC

    You really shouldn't judge this person by a short paragraph about a situation. Who are you to tell her that she sounds too sensitive and silly; or paranoid and prickly???? I mean just, wow. You have no idea what the atmosphere and culture are in her office. You are projecting your own experiences and opinions on to OP. Maybe she doesn't want to be the kind of "proud bride" who goes around telling everyone who crosses her path that she is engaged. Some people prefer to be a little more reserved. And that is 100% ok. Office politics can be super tricky to navigate and OP has already had her personal information used against her. I absolutely do not blame her for not sharing the news. as the old adage says: Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.

    OP: you are not wrong and don't let anyone put you down for keeping your work life and private life separate!

40. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:28PM UTC

    I am me. That is what it sounds like to me. She wrote her situation down for the public to read, and I responded honestly. Annnnnnd, I didn’t say tell the world with a megaphone ? I just said be proud, and happy, and confident? Annnnnd, I am not blaming her for anything? If she didn’t want opinions different to hers, she probably shouldn’t publicly tell her story. Are you one of the bullies she works with? You sound like it - Lol

41. EmpoweredGirl832429June 9,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

    Annnnnd I never said you said any of those things. You are funny. Have a wonderful day

42. Karen BurkeJune 9,2022 at 1:27PM UTC

    I tell the people I work with as little as possible. My personal life is none of their business, and I prefer to keep it that way.

43. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:41AM UTC

    I totally agree. Thank you!

44. LynnJune 9,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

    It sounds like you have good judgement and a healthy respect for good work/life boundaries. Trust your instincts and don't second guess yourself. Many workplaces have groups of gossipers and overly competitive co-workers who quite simply, should not be trusted and have no need to know your personal business.

45. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:41AM UTC

    Thank you. Greatly appreciated your advice!

46. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

    why do you feel the need to include coworkers in your business?? When people do this with everything that goes on with their live it screams i have no friends in real life to talk to.

47. Bernadette M MartinezJune 9,2022 at 3:30PM UTC

    Why are you being so attacking and judgmental? OP is literally saying that she doesn't want to spread it around because of what the person did. Since they don't know about the engagement, the implication is pretty clear that she doesn't disclose personal information at work.

    And if someone wants to have friends at work, why does it matter? Some people thrive like that. And if someone doesn't have friends outside the office, why shouldn't they make some there? We spend too much time at work for no one to get along.

    And then there's the obvious reality that people like to share good things. Why you hating so much?

48. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:39AM UTC

    Clearly, judgy mcjudgypants needs to reread the original post for better comprehension. Thank you for standing up for a stranger who was feeling lost and is trying to navigate work/life balances.

49. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:37AM UTC

    Awfully brazen for someone hiding behind the anonymity of being a keyboard warrior. If I wanted to share anything with them I wouldn't have asked if it's wrong of me not to because I don't feel that I should feel obligated to share with people who I don't consider friends/friendly/trustworthy. For the record, my IRL friends have ALL seen the engagement photos. Take all that judgement elsewhere.

50. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:55PM UTC

    As a past-middle-age organisational psychologist, I can say that it isn't necessarily desirable to have friends at work. It was fun in my twenties and I was lucky enough to work with people I really liked; we had a lot of fun and I still have friends from that period today. However, I believe it is much more desirable to have colleagues we like and trust, and to leave friendships for our lives at home. That way issues such as these are kept at bay. Your colleagues sound pretty awful, so I don't blame you for keeping quiet on your engagement. I will congratulate you instead!

51. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:28AM UTC

    The 2 I shared with are amazing, the nosey 3 or so I'm not sharing with are indeed horrible.

    Thank you, much appreciated!

52. Mich.Fr.June 9,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    You don't have to share anything you don't want to. There is nothing wrong with keeping your professional/personal life very separate. It took me a long time to understand that. People are going to talk regardless.

53. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:26AM UTC

    Thank you, greatly appreciated.

54. Rosa GoesJune 9,2022 at 2:08PM UTC

    It sounds like your in a toxic work environment. You don't need to share personal details of your life with others at work, but if you are asked and feel uncomfortable about how others may interpret, even if you keep it short, then it's time to move on. Congrats on your engagement!

55. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:26AM UTC

    Thank you!

    It very much feels toxic and I'm two steps away from planning my exit.

56. Valerie RiegerJune 9,2022 at 2:13PM UTC

    You don't have to ever share anything about your personal life if you don't want to. Your business is your business.

57. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:24AM UTC

    Thank you, greatly appreciated.

58. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)June 9,2022 at 2:20PM UTC

    BAH! You’re imagining things (maybe)! Who cares? Don’t be so secretive- being secretive often cones across as “snobby”, which you are not. Share some news.

59. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:24AM UTC

    Nope, not going to share. If that makes me snobby, well then so be it.

60. Karen CurtaJune 9,2022 at 2:23PM UTC

    I think it can be an asset to share parts of yourself in a professional setting. It can help move your career forward, being some polished version of your authentic self. Though, you are not obligated to talk about your personal life, especially if you find yourself in a situation with toxic coworkers. I was very closed off in a role, and should have recognized for me it meant I was bad fit for the role and/or culture. I've had similar situations with a coworker and ended up working with them for years. I later became their boss, and they turned out to not be such a bad person. They were unhappy and unsuccesful in their career. It wasn't really about me, and likely isn't really about you (that doesn't help in the moment, I know). Share only what you are comfortable with.

61. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:23AM UTC

    Unfortunately, said co-worker has been known to throw me under the bus any time it's convenient for her and thinks it would make her look better. Sharing nothing is what makes me feel most comfortable because she is out for herself.

62. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 3:14PM UTC

    No, it's not wrong.

63. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:18AM UTC

    Thank you!

64. Veronica PageJune 9,2022 at 3:23PM UTC

    No I don't feel that u r wrong...this is ur business..discuss or don't discuss it with whomever you choose...

65. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:18AM UTC

    Thank you!

66. Bernadette M MartinezJune 9,2022 at 3:25PM UTC

    Your personal life is none of your coworker's business. If you don't want to share it, you should not feel like you have to in any way. Especially after such a violation of your trust like that.

    Your suspicions probably spot on and the same person would start some type of gossip for the sake of their own drama.

67. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:12AM UTC

    That was my initial thought, but then I started second-guessing myself thinking that I was being negative. Thank you for validating my gut feeling.

68. Bridget HarringtonJune 9,2022 at 3:29PM UTC

    Not at all!
    I recently got engaged as well. Co-workers know that I have a partner, but aside from that, it's none of their business what the status of my relationship is. I keep my personal life personal at work. I come from a corporate environment, and I learned (unfortunately the hard way) that the more people know about you, the more they have to use against you or judge you by. The mistake a lot of women make is in thinking that work associates are real friends. Sometimes they can be...but in most cases, they are not.

69. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:11AM UTC

    Thank you for your valuable input. Greatly appreciated.

70. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 3:33PM UTC

    Lots of great advice on this! I will add that it hard to avoid those who want to "share" (gossip) with a more negative spin. I have learned that it can be very valuable and powerful to calmly address them & the situation when it happens. If they share something, making it sound "bad" you can respond with something along the lines of "Wow, how interesting that you chose to interpret that in such a negative way". Or "My goodness, you must have misheard, that certainly wasn't the way I presented it". Don't be defensive or apologize and don't say it was a miscommunication - make it clear that they are misrepresenting the conversation.

71. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:09AM UTC

    Great advice, I will, in fact, try the "wow, how interesting that you chose to interpret that in su h a negative way" route. I like that one!

72. DCGirl627June 9,2022 at 3:35PM UTC

    I actually lost out on a job just for being engaged. The assumption was (and it was said directly to my face) that I would 'have babies and my husband would not 'permit me to travel' The job was working for a popular radio sports host who attends all the major sporting events and in this position I would have to travel with him. Little did he know-or even listen when I told him-that I am unable to have children. I don't even wear my wedding ring to interviews until I have secured the job

73. Elise PilkingtonJune 9,2022 at 4:25PM UTC

    I can't tell you how disappointed I am to hear this is STILL happening. I am so sorry, it's awful. I was told something similar in 1982. The bank where I worked had a supervisory role open up. I was told they would really like to offer me the job, but they knew my husband was graduating and he would probably make me move for his job.

    And to think 40 years later we are still facing this!

74. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:06AM UTC

    I'm sorry that you, too, had to deal with that type of nonsense; it's ridiculous that it happened in the first place, let alone is still continuing to happen.

75. Barbara WhiteJune 9,2022 at 5:49PM UTC

    I am so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately I can relate. I'm pretty sure that being engaged was a huge factor as to why I didn't get into medical school in 1985. The interview was going really well until one of the interviewers looked down and saw the engagement ring on my hand. Then the interview became very strange, with their telling me that medical school is very demanding and there's no time for a family during those years. Dude, I wasn't planning to have babies immediately or anything! One of them actually told me that perhaps I should consider entering a graduate program in psychology as it would be less demanding and is still in a helping field. Needless to say, I pursued neither. Another of my friends who was an even better student than I was also was not accepted, and since she was married, I imagine it was for that reason. Plus we were female, which at the time there far more males than females being admitted. It's sad to hear that this is still happening in 2022. Personal lives simply should not factor into the equation. That's on each of us to manage.

76. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:05AM UTC

    I'm sorry that you had to endure any of that nonsense; it's just not right.

77. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:03AM UTC

    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such nonsense. Best of luck in everything you are trying to accomplish.

78. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 3:58PM UTC

    I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with wanting to be private. I agree with the others. When your private the drama coworkers are so eager to find out the scope about your life to see how they can tarnish your good reputation/ work ethic. To prevent you from succeeding in the eyes of upper management. Personally,, I feel your aiding them in their plan . Years ago I had couple coworkers that I felt very close to which I share personal life events with. While I worked there they were cool. Then I landed a better job with better benefits and left. It became a 360. Although I tried to keep touch after I left. Theses same people did not reciprocated to reach out to me as well. Long story short. Keep to yourself. These are your coworkers and nothing more. Keep them guessing…

79. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 5:24PM UTC

    This is absolutely accurate. Most want information to sabotage your life. Nothing more. Nothing less. The same people who ask a million questions are the same who would never help you in need. I have a bad habit of blabbing to get it over with. It never ends well. I tend to give all negative because they don’t deserve the positive. Recently a teacher asked me all kinds of personal information. She called HR on me I am almost positive. They even came to the school. I didn’t return to her class. Made something up but I had to to keep my dignity for myself. I can only hope it backfires on her. Since then she barely even looks at me. Pretty telling where she was headed with the information. To me it’s a huge sign of her own insecurity. I can anonymously write to HR myself and tell them how invasive and inquisitive she is to children and was to me to collect information. She was asking kids all kinds of personal questions and asking if they stay home alone, etc. to me it was unnecessary and unwarranted . That’s a toxic teacher who parents should really look out for.

80. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:02AM UTC

    I couldn't agree more. I don't for the life of me understand why people are so invested in being so toxic within other people's lives.

81. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:00AM UTC

    They stay guessing which is part of my frustration; the more I don't share, the more they hint and guess and interrogate. It's annoying.

82. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 4:13PM UTC

    Totally makes sense. There’s not requirement to share information from your personally life. That’s a privilege. Sounds like you have a couple people you do trust. I would say to keep the information with them. Maybe once you get closer and need to take PTO for the honeymoon but, not before then.

    good luck!

83. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:57AM UTC

    Thank you, I appreciate the advice. PTO has already been scheduled and I refuse to share why I'm taking that time off other than "I've earned the PTO and I'm going to use it".

84. Elise PilkingtonJune 9,2022 at 4:27PM UTC

    I don't blame you for wanting to keep your personal news to yourself after what happened. Doubt you'll be able to keep it from them for long, though, they seem interested. Have you told your friends what happened and/or discussed it with your boss? Maybe by being a little more open with the right people they will help you put the offenders in their place.

85. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:55AM UTC

    The 2 people who I shared engagement news with were (and are) the only 2 who are the right people to share with. The other (few) nosey co-workers will not ever be told regardless.

86. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 4:32PM UTC

    "My feeling is that the more secretive we are, the more it creates drama and speculation from others."

    I think the creation of drama and speculation is from the people who feel entitled to know things that are, essentially, none of their business. Some people, by nature, do not share a lot of personal things (for their own reasons) and that is their right. They should not be made to feel bad or any other way about it because other people want to bring attention to it (thus causing the drama themselves - not the person who does not want to share).

    Some people share good news and that is good. Some people don't share anything, and that is good, too. Before social media and the world of oversharing has garnered a sense of entitlement amongst people and if you do not put your business out there, you are viewed as the "oddball" or "something must be wrong with them."

87. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:18AM UTC

    Spot on. Thank you greatly, I appreciate this bit of advice. I think you hit the nail on the head with this, entitlement is most likely exactly what is spurring on this constant interrogating and speculation. Thanks again for allowing me to feel the way I do.

88. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 4:37PM UTC

    I keep my personal life separate for the most part. When I got engaged someone spilled the beans on a huge team call (60 people) I was furious. Because there were a select few I didn’t want knowing because of their negative outlooks on everything. Plus I hate the attention, low and behold I went to the office (during Covid we are essential workers) and the whole floor knew and everyone hadddd to see the ring and touch my hand and I wasn’t having it. Safe to say I didn’t tell that person anything personal again. I also have zero social media so no one even knew when I got married except my boss since she had to approve my time off and she’s a vault. But yeah work is work. Personal life is personal life. It’s up to you what you want to share but my only advice is, if you do share with a select few it could get out and people like to play that elementary school game “telephone” things get twisted from person to person.

89. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:53AM UTC

    The two that I shared with are the only "adults" in the building. Everyone else is basically reliving their high school days. They've kept it quite thus far and I trust them enough as we've shared way more in our conversations and NONE of it (on either side) left the 4 walls that those conversations took place.

90. Karen P. StoreyJune 9,2022 at 4:43PM UTC

    If you want to keep your feet on the ground, put some responsibility on your shoulders.

91. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:49AM UTC

    Okay, Karen.

92. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 5:25PM UTC

    I'm sorry to hear you going this. It's okay not to discuss personal matters in the office, however, from experience and training, it's best to share at least one or two non-sensitive facts about yourself to help balance conversation. If it's not engagement news, go simpler like favorite food or hobby. This way, when those who like to talk (gossip) share this information in a negative way, when it is confirmed, you get the opportunity to share it properly, not in a negative way in return, and not on a sensitive topic. This will take care of 2 things: weed out the gossipers and show you are not stand-offish. You're sticking to workplace etiquette.

93. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:48AM UTC

    Agreed and thank you. I will say though, it wasn't so much sensitive, it was just an honest and straightforward answer to an asked question that was then twisted when repeated in front of our boss. At this point, I don't necessarily care if I appear standoffish because that is the environment created of their own doing.

94. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 5:50PM UTC

    Some people have never left a high school mentality. It's amazing to me how they function in life generally. Is it Social Media, where everyone wants to know everything and then comment on it? Fortunately, you can go into "reserved" mode. A raised eyebrow at any questions or simply ask why they want to know, in a friendly manner of course. You're at work, not heading to study hall.

95. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:44AM UTC

    You hit the nail on the head, never left high school mentality.

    The overshare clique always wants to pressure the rest of us into sharing and it's annoying as all get out. If comradery is the endgame; then maybe not twisting information is the route that should have been taken.

96. Eugene WeatherbyJune 9,2022 at 7:27PM UTC

    I found sometimes it better to keep your social life limited no offence people tend to twist things around unless they are you friends I know maybe your circumstances are different a, and this is only my opinion

97. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:40AM UTC

    No offense taken. It wasn't so much a "social life overshare", it was more of an honest and straightforward answer to an asked question that got twisted in order for her to look better in front of the boss.

98. Millie MardahayJune 9,2022 at 7:46PM UTC

    This is such an important topic to discuss, I am glad you brought this up. Everyone is entitled to their privacy, period.

    In this day and age of oversharing, whether online or in person, some people feel pressured to share their innermost thoughts and feelings.

    I want to tell you that your private life is yours to share. Now you've been burned before, you don't owe your co-workers anything other than doing your job for which you get paid. Thats' it.

99. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:38AM UTC

    What irritated me most was it wasn't even an "overshare"; it was an honest, straightforward answer to a question that was asked. Unfortunately, as it was retold in front of our boss, it got twisted into something completely different. At this point, I'm clocking in and out as scheduled (no longer even bothering to come in early and/or stay late). They really have burned the wrong bridge with me and don't fully realize it yet.

100. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 2:21AM UTC

     From where I work, sharing important details about your life, "opening up" and telling secrets from time to time...
     these have become a measure for promotion and peer rating. If they find you a snob or Ms/Mr. too sure about yourself, they'll give you low ratings... making you now the least productive among personnel. So when superiors see your records, they'll think that you can't do well your duties and responsibilities. Maybe you have thoughts about this? a piece of advice perhaps? thank you!

101. Millie MardahayJune 10,2022 at 10:18PM UTC

     Hmm, tricky. This type of peer reviewed culture is popular in the start up world. As far as I am concerned the more traditional companies do not condone this type of culture and measure your productivity based on your actual work performed, not what your peer thinks of you. Does your workplace practice Agile by any chance? I find these New Agey management techniques slightly repulsive , precisely because they tend to pit peers against each other. Also these evals tend to be subjective which do not properly measure anyone's productivity or potential.

102. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 8:38PM UTC

     If you do not feel like sharing “Don’t share”. I keep my personal and work life completely separate. I only have colleagues at work no friends.

103. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:34AM UTC

     Thank you. I completely appreciate your advice.

104. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 9:22PM UTC

     You're not and don't let anyone make you feel like you are. I didn't even tell my co-workers when my husband passed away.

105. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:31AM UTC

     Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss; may his memory be a blessing.

106. Kristen SteinerJune 9,2022 at 9:26PM UTC

     In my previous job we were always being encouraged to share personal details as a way of showing commonalities/bonding -- but I was so unlike my younger colleagues, if I did give personal details it just alienated people from me. And my manager would continue to elicit information in meetings and I was unable to directly oppose her, and...it all served to make me the odd woman out. I only realizing the full extent of this as I write -- and vow I will make sure I am never in that position again.

107. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:30AM UTC

     Wow, I'm sorry you had to experience that. I can relate, every time we have a meeting any input I give gets dismissed as nonsensical, stupid, a waste of time, etc. At our last meeting I was talked over so many times; I just stopped talking all together. I'm getting upset all over again just thinking about it. No one should have to feel like this at their workplace.

108. TheodoraJune 10,2022 at 2:22AM UTC

     That is awful!! That’s absolutely workplace bullying. You should tell whoever cuts you off that you weren’t finished speaking. Stand up for yourself.

109. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 3:10AM UTC

     Somehow I know that telling my manager that I wasn't done speaking won't go over well.

110. Kristen SteinerJune 12,2022 at 4:18PM UTC

     That is an awful environment, and I have a feeling for how much courage it would take for you to shut down that dynamic. One possible route is to state the situation to your manager (regardless whether your manager was present). First off, ask for confidentiality. You don't (necessarily) have to ask his or her reaction or to do anything for you -- just repeat your experience of the meeting in as neutral terms as possible and state that you do have useful contributions. If your manager is decent, this will set off alarm bells AND they will be careful how they proceed with you and the others. Hopefully s/he will be present in the next meeting and intervene if/when someone talks over you with a statement of respect for you, that you get to talk (too). I hope these suggestions helps you think about it in a new way and you find a way to re-institute a better dynamic with your colleagues.

111. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 3:08AM UTC

     The (head) manager is one of the ones who finds the need to dismiss my input so I doubt that brining it up in our one-on-one meetings would be of any use.

112. Kristen SteinerJune 13,2022 at 3:21PM UTC

     I'm really sorry to hear that.
     It doesn't leave you the space to ask the manager to manage the situation. It's really hard to find the entry point that will result in a positive outcome. Asking your manager point blank why s/he consistently disrespects your imput? HR? Good luck. Like you say -- no one should have to feel this way.

113. Maddie GJune 10,2022 at 4:55PM UTC

     I was in the exact same scenario in my previous place of employment, except I was much younger (young enough to be their child/grandchild) than all of my coworkers, and was singled out. Our workplace was toxic and filled with gossip, and I would always be left out since I didn't want to share anything with them and was even pressured to share things at times and those things alienated me even further. I was young and dumb, I also made a promise to myself to never be treated like I was in my previous place of employment again. Best of luck to you Kristen, and I am glad you got out of that environment.

114. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 9:55PM UTC

     I too only wish to share certain personal things with my coworkers. Unfortunately I share office space with two women who have no boundaries as to what they share. I have been referred to as smug, standoffish, and not a “team player” because I choose to keep my personal life just that

     It has gotten so bad that I’ve begun to look for other employment

115. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:25AM UTC

     Extremely relatable. I share office space with folks who know no boundaries as well which is why my issue is what it is currently. I'm real ready to look elsewhere for employment as well. Best of luck to you!

116. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 10:38PM UTC

     One of my coworkers actually went to our supervisor because I would not share personal information. It's just a bullying tactic to try to control you. Do not share anything that you do not want to.

117. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:23AM UTC

     I'm almost certain that one of the other co-workers has complained to the boss that I'm not sharing personal info which is why the boss is now interrogating and hinting. I plan to share absolutely nothing. Thank you for your support.

118. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 10:11PM UTC

     Gawd why am I not surprised? This is crazy. Unhealthy on all levels and to think we potentially can get in trouble or frowned upon for not over sharing is ludicrous. This mentality is rampant and unfortunate. I truly believe it’s the cause of “mental health” and “burn out” not your actual job duties. I’m sorry that happened to you.

119. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 3:04AM UTC

     You are correct. Burn out is real not because of actual job duties but due to the stress of being forced to overshare. It's draining.

120. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:02AM UTC

     Has red table talk and the housewives brand on bravo taught you anything?!! Anything sacred you speak to anyone outside your family, especially at work, always expect it to be repeated. Your coworkers are not your family and people are constantly competing for more pay, promotions, either covertly or overtly. So why create this vulnerability for yourself. You can be friendly but keep,the conversations basic never say anything you wouldn’t want repeated

121. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:21AM UTC

     The conversation WAS friendly, but personal (as in not directly work-related) nonetheless; it was something quite innocent; HOWEVER, it was repeated in a way that sounded AWFUL. Had it been repeated as it was initially said, I wouldn't care one way or another if it had been repeated. But by all means, please continue to victim-blame.

122. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 6:52AM UTC

     this is about self accountability. Be accountable for the role you played in this. In your own response it is clear you keep in repeating the same mistakes. It is naive to trust anyone in your work environment to the extent you have. It’s not victim shaming, it’s the truth. You can either learn from the brutal truth or stay on this cycle. If you are going come here and ask for advice, realize people wil be brutally honest with u to help u. Take it or leave it

123. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 6:26PM UTC

     Our environment here is not meant to be "brutally" honest. It is meant to be tactfully honest. Calling someone names like "naive" isn't helpful.

124. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:59AM UTC

     While I appreciate you standing up for me, perhaps the commenter above was correct in their assessment that I shouldn't be stupid enough to trust anyone. Sorry for wasting everyone's time with my question.

125. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 3:02AM UTC

     Go find someone else to make miserable because I didn't come here for any part of that.

126. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:02AM UTC

     Um, okay?

127. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:15AM UTC

     This feels a bit "victim-blaming" to me. Me choosing not to share with people I don't consider friends/friendly/trustworthy doesn't give them the right to spin anything.

128. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:21AM UTC

     The only drama being created is by entitled co-workers who are not close enough to me that I should/would feel obligated to share anything other than "good morning" with. Nope, not sharing anything works best for me. Thanks.

129. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:41AM UTC

     I completely agree, why be that judgemental for absolutely no reason at all.

130. TheodoraJune 10,2022 at 2:28AM UTC

     This goes hand in hand with adding colleagues to your social media. It’s always best not to overshare. It takes time to grow a true friendship, and rarely does that happen in the workplace.

     Sometimes it’s a game of smoke and mirrors. I give a little glimmer of insight into my life just to keep people at bay. I’ve seen it too many times where people regret becoming too close to a coworker whom they thought was a friend.

131. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:54AM UTC

     I concur!

132. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 2:35AM UTC

     You are not wrong for not wanting to discuss your personal life.

     Unfortunately not every co worker is created equal when it comes to trustworthiness. I have my select group of work friends who I share personal information with and sometimes we go out to dinner together and text outside of work etc. I have other coworkers who I don't share anything personal with at all as I don't trust them. For example, I have a coworker who is the office gossip and has all the scoop. He'll stop by periodically and share stories with the woman who sits next to me who is also into gossip and when he is finished will move on to gossip with the next person who will have him. I can hear their conversations and he seems to know everything about everyone such as who's getting that promotion, who is having an affair, who is secretly looking for a new job, how much people make in their roles, people's political viewpoints etc. He knows and shares it all so he and the woman who sits next to me are two people who know very little about me. I also don't share or befriend anyone I see privately talking to him.

133. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:53AM UTC

     Fantastic advice. This is one of the most sound pieces of advice throughout this thread. Thanks.

134. Nicola BanksJune 10,2022 at 3:30AM UTC

     No you're not wrong.

     FULL STOP.

     You decide when to share and when not to.

     You set boundaries on what you want to share.

     If you are asked directly respond with "I did get engaged, I'm excited about my future with my partner". FULL STOP

     If they ask for further details, something like "We're in the planning process with nothing decided yet". FULL STOP

     People that are genuinely interested may ask how the planning is going - "Things are going as I expect at the moment" FULL STOP

     A gossipy workplace is the worst workplace - and connections can be built with others without telling all.

     Brene Brown has some great ideas about personal connections - brenebrown.com - I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) is a great place to start...

     GOOD LUCK!

135. Madam anon663June 10,2022 at 2:42PM UTC

     I don't agree with your response, she doesn't have to respond AT ALL to questions that are personal if she doesn't want to.

136. WhiltiernaJune 11,2022 at 12:53AM UTC

     That is true, also.

137. Nicola BanksJune 12,2022 at 9:28PM UTC

     I agree, there is no need to respond... however perception is a powerful thing in the workplace.

     It's a great way to share enough for a connection, put a positive spin on and effectively shut down any further questions.

138. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:51AM UTC

     You are correct. Thank you.

139. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 3:15PM UTC

     Full stop ? Really?

140. WhiltiernaJune 11,2022 at 12:53AM UTC

     Yes Really - FULL STOP

141. Bretley DannerJune 15,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

     Lol. Yes, so much cooler to write, Full Stop, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Why use a silly period mark - And stop annoying people trying to read what you said. Cooler is so much better then the content at hand.

142. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:51AM UTC

     Yes.

143. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 2:08PM UTC

     don’t you mean… Yes. Full Stop

     lol ?

144. WhiltiernaJune 11,2022 at 12:52AM UTC

     "FULL STOP" after "I did get engaged."

145. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:51AM UTC

     I agree.

146. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:50AM UTC

     Greatly appreciated advice. Thank you!

147. SusanJune 10,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

     Coworkers are NOT friends.

     keep healthy boundaries and only share things you are comfortable having spread around.

148. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:49AM UTC

     Greatly appreciated. Thank you!

149. BeaBoss997338June 10,2022 at 2:41PM UTC

     I am with you, I do NOT discuss my personal life at work. I know my manager doesn't like it, but they are two very separate buckets...they are coworkers, not friends!

150. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:49AM UTC

     Sound advice. Thank you!

151. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 5:10PM UTC

     I don't like sharing personal info either but during the obligatory office "social", I might give vague information or generalize. I try not to give too many specifics. A few people have asked me where I live and I just give an approximate area, I don't name the neighborhood. And if they keep asking, I say I can walk to a certain known place. I guess I've worked with too many toxic people to know that certain personalities can use information and weaponize it

152. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:49AM UTC

     Weaponizing information is exactly what these co-workers I refuse to share personal info with love to do with their time.

153. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netJune 10,2022 at 7:45PM UTC

     As i read response after response after response, it makes me sad to see that none of the respondents apparently have enjoyed the wonderful office friendships that I have enjoyed that have lasted for decades. In the offices I have worked in, we worked hard, socialized and I do not recall ever having experiencing any of these conflicts.

     My precious granddaughter, a rising senior at Georgia Tech in the business school, educated me by explaining that the phone is not really a feature. People communicate by texting, emailing, instagram and various other social media. The actual skill of social interaction is very limited and i see this also as a recruiter placing this generation. So it is not surprising that they do not know how to nurture and develop work place gatherings. It is such a shame that everyone who has responded has not experienced the priveledge of having the opportunity to make great friends out of co-workers. Maybe they have not had good leaders....

154. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 6:15AM UTC

     I have a job where I work for three different clients, all in the same genre, but each client having their own very specific needs. I have worked with one for years, and the other two for at least a decade.

     They are wonderful to me, and they feel lucky to have me. I take really good care of their needs, and they in turn take really good care of me. We share, we talk, and we are friends, as well as work partners. Client/ employee/friends

     I then have a side hustle where I work to be out there, and closer to the public. I move around every coupe of years in this position. Trying new places out. I like it, but you are right, people do not make friends like they used to at work. And, they do not communicate kindly. Of course you will find some great nice folks. But, the world of the work place today, is very competitive, being nice isn’t cool, and it is no longer a place where you can find lots of good friends. And, people supporting people -it just isn’t done any longer.

     Everything is about how you look to the rest of the world. Social media, zoom, online dating - real communication at work is becoming a thing of the past. It’s sad to me that people except, and seem to like it.

     “Friends are for outside of work” And, “work today is just work” A place to compete, and to hide the the true you. Super sad, and boring, compared to what I like and am used to. It’s more then 1/2 of your life, if you have to work as most people do. Bummer. But, I still find a few really good friends in my side hustles. Cuz being happy and enjoying life in all aspects is important to me….

155. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:47AM UTC

     Thank you for making me feel worse because it's completely my fault that I work with a few people who would rather make themselves look good in front of management by giving out back-handed compliments.

156. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 5:53AM UTC

     Huh? Made you feel worse? Completely your fault? Not sure where that came from? I was talking about me, and the subject of “sharing” at work… no offense, this had nothing to do with you, or your story specially? I was responding to all the threads, the subject matter at hand, and wasn’t cutting anyone down.

157. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 1:49PM UTC

     I am also surprised. I worked in great work environments and toxic ones. I feel like the attitude to not share anything personal is stand-offish and is a contributor to the toxicity. I had a job that I hated going to work everyday. The people were nasty, gossipers, etc. But I found that finding commonalities by sharing some personal info helps diffuse some issues/tension.

158. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:43AM UTC

     I completely appreciate the victim-blaming mentality that you are exhibiting. Thanks.

     Me keeping my business to myself is not toxic, but okay.

159. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 6:33AM UTC

     Sweetie, are are confused.?People are sharing, and speaking about themselves, No one is attacking you? They are just telling their stories, their experiences, and giving different view points based on their lives, and experiences- not yours. Only you can speak to your experience, and others speak to theirs. Sharing experiences, and looking into the subject matter you brought up. People are discussing, and speaking about themselves too. These threads are not all addressed to you, and your story. We are all sharing…

160. AnonymousJune 20,2022 at 2:58PM UTC

     Right. I absolutely think some people are “victims” in toxic environments. I feel that I was one of them. When I pulled back and had a f you attitude and concealed stuff from coworkers, I felt that it made things a lot worse.

161. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:42AM UTC

     Yes, the leaders are where the problem starts; once you as a leader have decided to have cliques amongst yourselves and a few select employees, that's why the rest of us aren't inclined to participate in sharing anything.

162. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:49PM UTC

     This is where I think a lot of the workplace toxicity stems from!

163. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

     I’m no expert in this subject matter, but people who share some aspects of their personal life always come across as friendlier, team players, and more trustworthy. I’m not saying that you’re not any of these, but it’s just something to think about. I don’t share a lot about my personal life, but I’ve learned that it helps build rapport and camaraderie. I would think major life events are the ones to share because people find out anyway (i.e. the ring, baby bumps, or taking time off). Major events are news where people are generally excited for you, too. What’s there to gossip about or the big secret?

     And from experience.. I had a coworker conceal certain major life events from some coworkers (including myself), such as his engagement and his baby. After eventually finding out that he shared the news with other coworkers and not me, I feel like our work relationship changed a little. I thought we were decent work friends.. one that you’d share exciting news with, but I guess not. I kind of stopped sharing my personal life afterward since he obviously thought our work relationship was strictly business. Maybe that’s an immature way of thinking about it. But it’s how I felt afterward. I’ve felt this way about another coworker who quit and told everyone but me. I found out during the staff meeting. I guess I wasn’t part of the clique “in the know.” She begged me to help her get a job at the new company I was at a few months later…I didn’t go out of my way to help her.

164. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:38AM UTC

     I assure you that said co-worker that basically ruined everything is not trying to be happy for me. She is simply waiting for her opportunity to spout her typical back-handed compliment(s) and make me regret ever sharing anything at all.

165. Bretley DannerJune 14,2022 at 3:31AM UTC

     You just ignore that one to the best of your ability. Don’t let get under your skin, move on from what she did to you, and no longer let it, or her, bring you down. Her loss - not yours. Do not let her ruin one more minute of your happiness , your ability to do your job well, and remember you are better then her at being a good human. Learn from this experience, but do not let her ruin other relationships with good teammates. Be smart, be confident- And, watch your back!!

166. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 4:33AM UTC

     Greatly appreciated. Thank you!

167. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)June 14,2022 at 6:32PM UTC

     Read that very first sentence, and it’s all there! Geez. Share something now & then!

168. Eugene WeatherbyJune 12,2022 at 12:59AM UTC

     I am sure it a very happy time in your life wish you the best I have learned through the years to draw my limit some people at pretend to be my friend sometimes leads to gossip and twisting you situation around unless you have a great relationship with your coworkers know your limits this based on my opinion only all the best to you

169. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 6:27PM UTC

     Thank you. Greatly appreciated.

170. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 9:22PM UTC

     There has been a lot of discussion on this topic. And, reading through all of the posts, it is apparent that there are people in our lives we can trust, and people we cannot. There are toxic work places, and healthy work environments. There is gossip, there is mis-communication, stabbing in the back, and labeling;There are times our companies support us, and times they do night. So the world turns.

     I guess navigating the situation is the way it goes. Asking others for advice has led to two totally different arguments- imagine that? Lol

     And, then again (literally), there are people we can trust, and others we cannot. And, that’s sboit that.

171. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 2:33AM UTC

     Thank you for your input. Greatly appreciated!

172. EMILY KIKUE FRANKJune 13,2022 at 2:49PM UTC

     I once worked with someone who got called out by her boss for not sharing enough personal stuff during staff meetings. Talk about inappropriate! You know who you trust and who you want to share your personal info with. Nobody else needs it. Just stay pleasant and distant with your other other colleagues. You can be friendly and professional without needing them to know your personal details.

173. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 4:32AM UTC

     Thank you! Greatly appreciated.

174. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 6:08PM UTC

     Am I wrong in that the OP is incredibly defensive and immature in their responses? I am honestly having a hard time siding with her or feeling bad for her after reading some of her comments. If she acts this way at the office then who is really causing all of the drama?

175. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 8:09PM UTC

     If you would have said that a few posts down the line, you would have been attacked for not siding with her completely. Lol ?

     She does sound a bit beat up, and defensive to me, but she has all kinds of support from others saying that you most not share anything

     Like most else discussed in this country these days, it’s all black and white with people. One side or the other, no middle ground.

     She asked a question, I didn’t agree with her completely, and I was attacked for being a troll - lol I have noticed a lot more defensive dialogue going on with this site then before. I used to post, and people listened with an open mind. Now it’s turning into a rant war lately. Less decisions, and more verbal assaults for having a different opinion. No intellectualizing the subject at hand.

176. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 1:33PM UTC

     The OP is not wrong. Some of you are taking this opportunity to truly speak horribly to/about them under the guise of "giving advice". I'd be defensive too with that type of hostility coming my direction.

177. hardy carverJuly 20,2022 at 4:33AM UTC

     I think you are wrong but I hope you will look back, it is not good to let your personal story into work too much, but sharing it with each other is a very good thing when those people are the ones who listen to you every day. Only when we know how to listen can we understand others

     https://slope2.online