I had an outburst at work due to stress on the job and the boss sent me home.

58 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 25,2023 at 10:59PM UTC

   If you’re interested in trying to salvage this work relationship, You should step up and take full responsibility for yourself and your actions and be prepared to explain the outburst and why you can’t control your emotions in the workplace. Acknowledge that you’ve done tremendous damage to your credibility and you recognize that you’ll have to earn their trust again to repair this relationship.

   Ask if your organization has an employee assistance program and who you can contact to learn more about so you can immediately use their services.

   Set up regular check-ins with you boss and figure out a way to communicate workload and stress without having an outburst.

   Right behind all of this, I’d clean up your resume and start looking for other jobs. You should be prepared to lose your job.

2. AnonymousMay 25,2023 at 11:01PM UTC

   Thank you. This was an one-time incident.

3. AnonymousMay 25,2023 at 11:36PM UTC

   Question: have you been telling your supervisor about your workload? What was their response? I’ve faced being completely overloaded and overwhelmed; I’ve constantly brought it up during 1:1 and even sent and email, with documentation, to no avail. Fortunately I interviewed for another position in another department and got it; my nightmare will be over soon. I agree that you need to apologize about your outburst, but if you’re not being heard, then whatever. Polish up your resume; you deserve much better than this. Next time, tell your prospective employer that you are a diligent, focused worker and take your PTOs; don’t save all of them. Do what you can do; you can’t do everything.

4. AnonymousMay 25,2023 at 11:42PM UTC

   Thank you. No, I have not told them this until now. I have not taken any PTOs or vacation time for this year and they noticed that.

5. AnonymousMay 26,2023 at 12:21AM UTC

   Only you can be your own advocate. Trust me, employers will run you into the ground if you allow them. Take advantage of EAP services and learn how to advocate and, frankly, the proper ways of saying no to extra work (it exists, and I had to use it, regularly). Please, please take your PTO; you don’t want to lose it if you end up losing your job. And it’s good for your mental health.

6. AnonymousMay 25,2023 at 11:44PM UTC

   Just use this time to reflect and rest.
   If your company has an EAP use the therapy option to get some help and learn strategies to find balance. If there is no EAP, then ask your Primary Care Doctor to refer you.

   As much as we want to place blame on work, relationships or other factors in life, it not healthy or normal to not be able to regulate emotions and be able know when it's time to remove ourselves from a triggering stressful situation. Stress and overwhelm happens to the best of us but you rarely see someone lose it.

   You just need help to shore up your coping skills and to evaluate the situation. You shouldn't need your colleagues to recognize and address your level of stress.

   As for the conversation, let your manager know you are seeking mental health support from a therapist and it wont happen again. If you doctor recommends a more prolonged break, request pto, short term disability or a leave of absence .

   Ask for what you need and get the help.

7. AnonymousMay 25,2023 at 11:53PM UTC

   Thank you.

8. MislynMay 26,2023 at 3:24AM UTC

   Well at least they sent you home. I was in the mist of a divorce and my life was falling apart, I cried every day at work. My boss would never ask if I was okay and totally acted like It was just an ordinary day. I was livid the least he could have done was ask if I needed a break or needed to talk it out or take some time off to get my head straight. He did nothing. He was dealing with a cheating wife after that and never batted an eye. Let on like he could care less. If that doesn’t show you what type of person he is I don’t know what would. I would tell my friends and family what what going on at work and they were all like stay away from that guy he’s absolutely heartless. That was when I truly realized he was a narcissistic jerk. May he get what’s coming to him.

9. AnonymousMay 26,2023 at 11:19PM UTC

   suffering is a choice so what prevented you from telling your boss that you needed some additional support? He’s your supervisor, not your counselor!

10. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 1:40PM UTC

    No, suffering is not always a personal choice. I get where you're coming from, but re-think wording because it's callous

11. MislynMay 31,2023 at 1:11AM UTC

    I suffered everyday and it was not a choice. I just needed a little help getting through some things. I made him well aware of what was going on at home and that I was overly stressed and very emotional. He never cut back my work load let me go home early or even acted like he cared about my feeling. Knowing we were both going through issues I expected him to have a little more heart and sensitivity. We were very close and talked about everything so I did expect more from him. And yes I realize he’s not my counselor but thought he cared more for me as a person then he did.

12. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachMay 26,2023 at 12:35PM UTC

    Good luck. I agree with the comment to seek mental health support immediately. If you’re off today, then make arrangements today. Whether they fire you or not depends on your history and the nature of the outburst. Hopefully a humble apology and affirmation that you are seeking help is a good start. But also be prepared for an honest, fact based conversation where you discuss how the job got to this point, and what changes can be made to help both you and the organization?

13. AnonymousMay 26,2023 at 12:40PM UTC

    I agree with many comments on here; please seek help. You should always talk with your boss and let them know if your workload is too much.

14. AnonymousMay 26,2023 at 3:28PM UTC

    Next time you go into work walk in sort of hat in hand, be humble thank your manager for the day away and let them know that will never ever ever happen again. Acknowledge what transpired. Let them know you acted in the moment and that you will be sure if you get overwhelmed and stressed next time to ask for help or ask for time away. Be sure when you speak to them you look them directly in the eye and assure them this was an isolated situation. Thank them for their support and then get back to being the great employee you are. If you also were witnessed by others in your team do the same with them. Mistakes happen and if you are valued as an employee and this was a one off you should be fine.

15. Tricia BurroughsMay 26,2023 at 4:20PM UTC

    I am sorry you feel you will get fired over being human, but it sounds like your current boss will be open to supporting you. You should go in with some thoughts on how you got to the super stressed and overwhelmed place and what help/support/changes you think will help you not get to that place again. When you go back in you and your manager should be focused on solutions and keep open the lines of communication. Good luck, work should not make you feel this way.

16. AnonymousMay 26,2023 at 5:08PM UTC

    This very thing happened to me a month ago. I had an outburst with the boss. I was scared to death of losing my job. So far, I haven't been written up or anything, but no one talks to me. My boss barely speaks, other coworkers totally ignore me. It has been brutal for me. I just try to do my work and go home. I would do that and brush up your resume just in case. Hopefully they won't all pretend you aren't there like they continue to do me even a month later. On the bright side my boss's boss did speak and call me by name yesterday.

17. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 1:27PM UTC

    I’m sorry you found yourself pushed over the edge. Your boss and colleagues are not responding appropriately by ignoring you. They are making the situation worse by perpetuating a hostile environment - this is a form of bullying. Seems like they’re wanting you to quit instead of firing you so they don’t have to pay unemployment. Document everything. Speak with EAP or your doctor/mental health provider about the incident and what’s going on since so it’s documented and get notes for work. Look up Workplace Bullying Institute for insights to cope until you find a new position. Is there someone in the organization, HR, or your boss’ boss you can discuss with?

    I’ve been in similar bullying situations of being completely ignored. People think they can get away with doing this because they’re not “doing” anything to you and it’s difficult to prove.

    Take care of yourself. Good Luck!

18. AnonymousMay 26,2023 at 5:12PM UTC

    Prepare to explain why you didn't feel you could reach out and get support you needed. You will need to own that interaction but be clear on what really pushed you over the edge. Don't make excuses but use 'I' and not "You or They", own it. Have moving forward steps to commit to if you're feeling overwhelmed in the future. I use the word 'commit' for a reason, this shows you are aware of your actions and what needs to happen in the future. Yes, you can apologize but be clear what you're apologizing for. Some of the strongest leaders are able to vocalize their weak sides and own it. you got this.

19. Mary BalmerMay 27,2023 at 1:12PM UTC

    Great advise. I do like how OP is taking ownership of her actions. That should speak well during your meeting.

20. AnonymousMay 26,2023 at 8:03PM UTC

    One of the things that come to mind is to forgive yourself for what happened and how you have been handling the stress.

    This allows space and different energy to come in. It's a learning and healing moment for you so you won't carry that back at this role or in another if they decide to end your employment.

    With that, when you do go back, sincerely apologize for the outburst along with discussing workload, communication, etc., and how to move forward peacefully and productively.

    We only know what you have disclosed - you may have asked for help, people may have not respected timelines, unrealistic expectations, short staff, etc or you may have been afraid to ask for help until it was too late. If it was the former, it is also a heads-up to your boss that issues in workload, and communication need to be addressed. If it was the latter, that is something that you can take the initiative on by developing a plan to address that by going to EAP, doing weekly quick check-ins, etc.

    Good luck and I wish you all the best.

21. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 12:21PM UTC

    Are you sure a manipulative coworker or coworkers have not been trying to provoke this from you? If you have sat down and recalled all the events of the moment and your actions were solely due to inability to cope in that moment then it’s time to find another position for your mental and physical health. Therapy is also in order, again for your long term mental and physical health.

22. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

    the information you've shared here is very vague- we don't know what this "outburst" was-- did you name call, destroy furniture, throw a garbage can or ...??? It makes a difference here. In the meantime, if you are so stressed that you are behaving inappropriately at work-- consider seeing your primary care provider IMMEDIATELY and get a work note for the office visit. By doing this, you are demonstrating to your employer that you are taking full responsibility for your behavior and are working thru this with your healthcare provider. Also call your company EAP, if available to you. Ask to have an appointment with your boss and HR, together, and be forthcoming. I think this is the best way to salvage what happened.

23. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 12:35PM UTC

    Excellent advice

24. Suzanne Luscombe ChamblissMay 27,2023 at 1:15PM UTC

    Another benefit to this advice is that it will document the stress you are feeling related to work.

25. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 2:31PM UTC

    You should watch the show Beef on Netflix. It’s about that happens when we feel we need to smile all day long and hold it all inside. Forgive yourself. You’re human and everyone loses their cool if the heat is turned up high enough. That said, if you want to keep this job play the game. Apologize “hat in hand”, but also don’t ignore the circumstances that led to this. You don’t want it happening again if you decide to keep working there (I don’t think you should - it sounds like it’s time for a change).

26. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 1:27PM UTC

    What type of environment do you work in? Is it chaotic? If so, keep looking. How long have you worked there? To manage stress; are you getting enough rest, eating healthy, some time in nature/exercising? Are you safe at home? Best wishes to you. Since your supervisor said to take an extra day off, it sounds like he or she is human too! Best wishes to you!

27. Audrey KirschMay 27,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

    Don’t know what kind of outburst you had but I’ve had one in the past, was sent home and then fired. My outburst was displeasure at the boss for a decision he expressed in a meeting. If yours didn’t rise to that level, you apologize and explain the cause of your stress, you may be okay.

28. Erin SicklerMay 27,2023 at 2:12PM UTC

    Easier said than done but if there is a way for you to see this as an opportunity to listen to your body and spirit—they are trying to tell you something. Either the job is the right fit, or your mindset around the job or work in general isn’t in alignment with your best interest (perfectionism, not setting boundaries or speaking up for your needs, not earning enough, not getting enough self-care (water, sleep, fun, exercise, creative expression))

    meltdowns can be breakthroughs if we listen to them—that’s my experience.

29. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 3:09PM UTC

    Oh my goodness! I so agree with this sentiment and wished that it was expressed more - especially when it comes to work. Not the OP yet this advice would have been so beneficial when I was in my first career. Thank you.

30. Kirsten BunchMay 27,2023 at 2:44PM UTC

    I work as a mental health coach for people overwhelmed by work and it sounds like you are having trouble navigating your stress and overwhelm, which has led to a professionally inappropriate way of communicating your emotions.

    Mental health is a basic human right and you deserve to get help when you need it. Perhaps approaching the conversation from a place of vulnerability and asking for help with your stress instead of feeling like you have to defend yourself. If you regret your actions, apologize sincerely and then ask for help finding a coach or a therapist that can help your sort through what is going on. Many companies offer mental health support through EAPs.

    if they fire you, please know that that doesn’t make you a bad person. Emotions are very human and we all have them and sometimes we respond to them in a way that isn’t ok for the situation. The good news is that you can learn to respond to your emotions in a way that feels good to you.

    Please feel free to reach out if you want some help.

31. Rosa GoesMay 27,2023 at 3:26PM UTC

    Start journaling about what happened. This will help collect your thoughts, pinpoint feelings and hopefully get to the real root of your outburst. By doing this you will have a better response for your conversation with them. Like others mentioned, meltdowns can be breakthroughs. Take great care of yourself.

32. Cynthia BecklesMay 27,2023 at 5:25PM UTC

    Please document everything that happens. Hope you will communicate your challenges and triumphs when you meet with them. Wishing you the very best. Hang in there!

33. Paul ReedMay 27,2023 at 6:19PM UTC

    If you get called in to the office you have the right to ask why. Once you no you can ask a work colleague to be present with you so that you are treated fairly.

34. Sir John McPoopington XVII JrMay 27,2023 at 7:10PM UTC

    It’d help to know what your boss is like generally. Sending you home sounds like a smart idea as job one is de-escalating the situation and it sounds like you needed to get to your own space. Judging by that at least I would be surprised if you’d get fired

35. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 8:43PM UTC

    Thank you. I have called EAP to schedule an appointment and an appointment for counseling will be made this coming Monday. How should I apologize to my supervisor and all employees? Thank you.

36. Suzanne Luscombe ChamblissMay 27,2023 at 11:53PM UTC

    Keep it real. No need for details. A simple I'm sorry for my outburst, and I'm taking steps to make certain it never happens again. Maybe add that you were feeling very stressed, and you realize your actions may have caused others stress, and you never want to be the person to add stress to anyone's day again.

    Maybe that will trigger others to also consider how their behavior may affect coworkers.

37. StephanieMay 27,2023 at 8:51PM UTC

    I'm sorry this happened - workplace stress is real!

    I would also be surprised if you were fired for this one outburst, and agree that your manager needed to deescalate things. I also agree that there is no shame in prioritizing/ managing your mental health! If your workplace benefits include an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) this often includes options for support with no additional cost for employees. If your position includes health benefits, mental health services may also be covered in part through this, if you decide to pursue anything on this path. For your conversation with your manager, I'd be prepared to acknowledge, and apologize, for the outburst versus denying it or putting blame on others. You might also acknowledge/thank your manager for giving you time and space to decompress. If you have ideas for next steps you'd like to pursue, such as EAP, mental health resources, or stress relief ideas, you could mention these to show steps you'd like to take to avoid a similar situation in the future. If these are not a benefit available, you could still mention these and ask if the business has any support options or if they'd consider assistance. If there are work related triggers you can identify and any ideas you have to diffuse these earlier, you might suggest these also. I would be sure to mention these in a constuctive/proactive manner versus in a blaming or resentful way, again to show your acknowledgment and steps forward versus avoiding and blaming.

    Best wishes in your next steps!

38. AnonymousMay 27,2023 at 10:33PM UTC

    It depends on what you said and your conduct, if this is a pattern of concerns. If not, apologize for your behavior and explain what going in and what support you need from them.

39. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 12:44AM UTC

    While I agree with the others that you need to take care of your own mental health and try to figure out what caused the outburst, I think that when you do get back into the office, that you can sit down with your manager and have a discussion. If your outburst really was caused solely by work-related stress (as opposed to things going on with your health or home life), then your manager has a hand in helping you manage the things making your job stressful. It shouldn't be all on you to figure it out. Your manager has a role to play in this as well.

40. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 1:17AM UTC

    I have a drafted apology statement: "Dear (supervisor),I am writing to apologize for my inappropriate behavior during the incident that occurred last Thursday.
    I take full responsibility for my actions and want to express my sincere regret to you and my colleagues. I understand that my behavior was unacceptable, and I have reflected on what happened. I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed due to the high workload assigned to me, but that is no excuse for my actions. I did not approach you for support because I felt uncomfortable asking a manager for help. Moving forward, I will take steps to manage my workload better and ensure that I do not react inappropriately again. Once again, I apologize for my behavior and any discomfort or harm it may have caused. Thank you."

    Could you let me know what you think, please?

    Another concern I have is:
    -What if the supervisor probes me with more questions to get information that could be used against me?
    -What if the supervisor yells at me or says something that triggers something in me?
    -What if the supervisor starts micromanaging me?
    -What if the supervisor threatens to cut my salary?
    -What if I am placed on PIP because of this incident?
    -What if I am suspended from work, fired, or placed on leave?

41. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 2:05AM UTC

    Your letter sounds great. A supportive manager would take things into consideration and work with you, possibly take some workload off from you so you can bounce back. Also, a follow up conversation after you’ve sent this email would be good to work through things.

    If your manager use this against you, then it’s not a workplace that is supportive of as you go through hard times and should start looking for another job.

42. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 2:48AM UTC

    This is a growth opportunity for both parties, I feel. A supportive manager would receive this apology and feedback and then work with you on how everyone can successfully move forward (this includes the supervisor, too).

    From personal experience, people taking sincere accountability such as what you have done here is exceedingly rare.

    Irrespective of the supervisor's decision, I feel that you do care because you have given great thought (and action) towards making amends and moving forward. If the supervisor is unable to see that, I would seriously consider looking elsewhere.

    Although very understandable, you cannot control how the supervisor reacts or what he/she decides to do and that's their karma.

43. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 5:30AM UTC

    It’s hard to give specific advice without knowing the culture of your company, what your supervisor is like or what exactly happened. Personally, I would not put anything in writing. I would speak with my supervisor. Putting it in writing might be used against you in the future if your company was so inclined. Please do not add that to your list of “what if” things to worry about.

    I would make it short and to the point. The more you apologize, the bigger a deal you make it.

    That’s quite a list of “what ifs” you’ve come up with. Please don’t worry about things that may never happen. That’s not the way to reduce your stress.

44. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 11:44AM UTC

    I have no intention of emailing them.

45. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 10:41PM UTC

    I didn't say anything about emailing.

46. Prerna PrasadMay 28,2023 at 6:12PM UTC

    Somewhere it should be mentioned that you will reach out for help if similar situations/workload happens so that necessary assistance could be extended.

47. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 8:32PM UTC

    I would really just leave it "Dear Supervisor, I apologize for what happened the other day, I want to be proactive about making certain it won't happen again, and I would like to have your input and support".

    Then use the DEAR MAN (link below) interpersonal technique.

    Short, succinct, and to the point.

    You made a mistake that anyone could make, so please do not people please. By people please I mean do not take all the blame (especially when blame can be shared or maybe even no one is to blame --sometimes these things happen!). If you do this, which your letter is definitely doing, you may indeed find yourself trapped in a position that is even worse.

    https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/using-d-e-a-r-m-a-n-to-get-what-you-want

48. AnonymousMay 29,2023 at 3:27PM UTC

    Agreed. Apologize, absolutely. Once us enough. Come with an action plan to discuss workload too; that led to the outburst. Accountability is a two-way street.

49. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 10:09AM UTC

    I'm so sorry for your outburst and that you got to that point. Hope you are feeling better. To understand the situation better, I would need to know the mood or reaction of your supervisor when he/she sent you home. Was it in a supportive manner - like we know you, trust you, take some time to regroup? or was it a we need to discuss your future here type of reaction? I've seen various outbursts at work and no one has ever been fired, they just needed to cool off. I would take this as a one time bump in the road and figure out a way to move on. Best of luck!

50. Rosa E HearnMay 28,2023 at 1:02PM UTC

    You can't think that way. I really doubt you're getting fired. EVERYONE has a "moment" but that's all it is. A moment. However, they will probably want to talk to see how not to put you in that position again.

    Communication is key. If they don't know what's going on, then it's hard for them to know how to help.

51. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 3:36PM UTC

    Document everything that occurred leading up to the outburst, and exactly what your boss and/or others said. Make notes on anything else that may have contributed. This is for your own personal use just in case the situation goes south when you get back to work. A good manager would sit down with you and try to work through how to improve your workload situation. Their concern would be on attempting to work with you knowing there’s a clear issue that led up to this. Unfortunately, I think managers like this are few and far between. The manager in the role I just left was a verbally abusive individual - many times i

    could have had an outburst but kept it bottled up — believe me when I say that is NOT healthy. The outburst you

    had was a clear signal that something needs to change so see how they react and then go from there. Most importantly, take care of you - and remember the company is going to always look out for themselves regardless of how it impacts you.

52. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 4:12PM UTC

    Recently left a job due to stress. If this is a one time thing, I would work on the issues at hand. If this is/becomes a normal thing, I would look for new employment.

    Heath and Well-being are the most important thing to evaluate, knowing you’re going to be in that environment on average 40 hours a week.

53. Prerna PrasadMay 28,2023 at 6:10PM UTC

    Outburst indicates that we have been bottling up certain emotions and feelings and that it has been stressful - while it may be better to jot it down so that you can help them see why you reacted the way you did, and how they can contribute in creating a better work environment, i also see it as a positive that they said they didn't know you were stressed and asked you to take a day off. Some workplaces are worse where these things are just shrugged off under the carpet or employee being penalised. At a broader level, its better to know why it happened and ensure that root cause is addressed, whatever it may mean in your case. All the best! Keep us posted :-) i have had outbursts too at my workplace !!

54. AnonymousMay 28,2023 at 6:59PM UTC

    Find a therapist, explain your anxiety and stress, apologize for not addressing this with your manager sooner, apologize for the disruption at work, share your need for accommodations (time off, therapist appointments and requests for help with your work load). Show you ability to address your issues, show proactive self management, don't blame anyone or anything. Take responsibility.

55. AnonymousMay 30,2023 at 3:20AM UTC

    OP Update: My supervisor and I had a conversation about what happened and decided to have weekly check-ins. But, the supervisor said they will not be making any changes to the workload. They also asked me about career endeavors and said my role which is a mid-level role doesn't support that and advised me to get it somewhere else in an entry-level company, entry-level city, or town. They also questioned me about the type of duties and responsibilities with my previous employer. I was not fired. I told them I am in therapy. I will be working with a career coach to find new employment as a result of this disheartening and disappointing news and that the career dream I had since childhood is unachievable, out of reach, and no longer exists. Thank you to everyone on FGB for your help and insight. I am sorry that I do not have better news.

56. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 30,2023 at 5:04AM UTC

    I'm glad you spoke with your supervisor and cleared the air. I'm sorry they're not willing to make changes to make your workload lighter.

    I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "career endeavors" nor why, if you're currently mid-level, your supervisor is suggesting you go somewhere else for an entry-level position. What's an entry-level city?

    YOU SAID: "I will be working with a career coach to find new employment as a result of this disheartening and disappointing news and that the career dream I had since childhood is unachievable, out of reach, and no longer exists."

    What is your career dream? Just because your career dream may not be achievable at that company, why can't it be achieved somewhere else?

    In any event, if this is the way you will be treated at your current employer, it's better to find out sooner rather than later. As an employee, all you really have to invest is your time. Now you can invest your time in a company where it will pay off for you in the long run.

    Big hugs for the difficult time you've been having and best wishes for your big new adventure ahead!

57. AnonymousMay 30,2023 at 7:43PM UTC

    No reason to give up. Just figure out how to make it happen elsewhere.

    I'm glad you're getting some help.

58. Rebecca MillikenMay 31,2023 at 2:36PM UTC

    I'm so sorry to read your original post and update. I had several outbursts due to over stress, menopause and crappy managers before I finally sought work elsewhere and have had NO outbursts despite still having hot flashes all the time. The difference is better management and less stress. Don't give up on your dream just because this one job didn't work out. There are many factors that might cause an outburst. Hopefully, you and your therapist can work on ways to deal with it. But also, with a better place to work, you may still be able to do what you want to for work.