I have been at my company for 14 years and started as a corporate assistant when I was in my mid-20s a few years out of college.

Anonymous

October 22,2021 at 3:26AM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I have been at my company for 14 years and started as a corporate assistant when I was in my mid-20s a few years out of college. I’ve grown with the company and helped institute many new programs in all departments and genuinely enjoyed my job and feel like I’ve been able to contribute and bring value. I finally settled into a role as project coordinator and handle external and internal communications, which can sound very broad and often times I am the one with miscellaneous tasks thrown on my desk. I’m a team player and have always respected my boss and his management. He has recently stepped into a less involved role and hired an operations director to take over the management. So we all have a new boss and he’s brought on a lot of changes, which I’m fine with. But number one, he is treating me like his personal assistant and sometimes grouping me in with the receptionist who just started with the company two months ago and number two, he has a very loud and attention seeking personality that I find absolutely unprofessional. Often he makes jabs at people and if they don’t respond by joking back he jabs them even further for “not being fun”. He is constantly interrupting people and then asking if they are mad at him if they are annoyed and trying to get work done. He’s got some very ambitious ideas to move the company forward and seems to have the skills and determination to pull it off, but i am so stressed out around him that I’m not enjoying my job or the work environment. Do I say something to my boss, do I quit, do i confront the new boss? People have been noticing and commenting on my change in personality and say that they can see I’m physically uncomfortable around him, even though I’m trying really hard not to look like I am. I’m stressed out every day I work with him and leave a bundle of nerves. Do I quietly look for another job?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

14 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

14 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousOctober 22,2021 at 6:10AM UTC
I would take my que from your boss. He is taking a much less involved role in the business because it's time for change and a new direction.
Nothing stays the same and with good change sometimes there is also not so good change.
The company is evolving and you do not have history with this new Ops Director and he views your role as far less valuable than your boss did. He and you don't mesh well. And that's OK.
Bringing up his brash personality and overbearing management style will not change things and might just make you a target since this man likes to ping on people to rile them up.
I would consider yourself lucky to have spent 14 years in a great job and company but it's not that job and company any longer.
Now would be a good time to get your resume in shape and yes look for a new challenge. Clearly if people are noticing your aversion to this man you will not be able to hide from him for long.
AnonymousOctober 22,2021 at 6:14AM UTC
First ((hugs)).
He is a bully. What he is doing is inappropriate. Document it.
Do you have an HR person you can trust and confide in? Talk to them for guidance, let them quietly know your concerns.
AnonymousOctober 24,2021 at 12:43PM UTC
FFS, a new work style doesn’t make you a bully! It makes you a recent hire with a different approach to management. What on earth will you document, the new guy made a joke trying to connect with staff? He’s taking a different approach to meshing with staff? You might now like it but let’s reserve the term bullying for when it’s truly warranted.
AnonymousOctober 24,2021 at 2:15PM UTC
Making constant jabs at people is an inappropriate behavior, especially if you are demanding a response. That is a bully behavior.
April McCafferyOctober 23,2021 at 5:00PM UTC
I agree with all the comments :) Start looking for a new job, because you should feel empowered that you can exit if need be. Also, talk to your old boss. I like that you acknowledged that there are some changes the new guy is making that you appreciate, and that's something to say to your boss. Then you can state that the personality difference is what's not working for you.
Also, it sounds to me as if your job title should at least be manager instead of coordinator. That might be why you're feeling undervalued.
All the while, work on your resume, research jobs, and check in with some people you've worked with outside of your company.
You sound extremely capable. and deserve to work somewhere that appreciates that!
KatOctober 23,2021 at 5:02PM UTC
Don't confront this person about their behavior and don't waste your time with HR. He won't listen and he doesn't care, so HR will be of no help. It would also make you a target of his bullying and jerky behavior. If you think he's going places in this company and he won't be your boss much longer, then wait it out. If you don't feel you can/want to do that, then polish up your resume. See what else is available inside and outside the company. You've got a good skill set and solid work history. No reason to put up with this any longer than you have to, especially with a strong job market. You owe it to yourself to find an environment where you can thrive, not some place where you're anxious and unhappy.
Michelle PrinceOctober 24,2021 at 12:24PM UTC
I have a different perspective than the other commenters. I think you are well respected in the company and should feel like you can confide in your previous manager about how the new guy is acting. The new guy may be trying hard to "fit in", but doing it poorly. Your previous manager ought to be able to provide him with feedback that can help him improve. This is not a company I think you should leave, instead, try to help improve it for everyone. Best wishes!
AnonymousOctober 24,2021 at 3:00PM UTC
It sounds as though you aren't the only one that appears to be bothered by his personality and communication style, and management may come to realize he's a poor fit for your company culture and he won't be around long. I would mention it to your former manager, not as a complaint, more as an observation. It has been my experience that the disrupters don't stay long due to conflict with higher ups as well. And my response to his requests for personal assistant tasks is to tell him your current priorities and responsibilities and ask what does he want you to drop? Repeat often.
Adele FriedelOctober 24,2021 at 3:08PM UTC
I tend to disagree with some posts. Have you thought about sitting down with this person and having a conversation? I know it’s hard to do but the potential rewards could be huge! I was hired into my job knowing that the senior director I would be working with was known to be very difficult. I sat back and observed his behavior for about a month and a half. Then he spoke to me the way he spoke to other team members. I setup a meeting with him for the very next day. During that conversation I told him that I knew he was under a lot of pressure and only wanted the best for the company. I then said “however, the way you spoke to me was not acceptable.” I went on to say several other things that I had observed and explained that the way he was speaking to others was having a negative affect on the organization. I told him that I was more than willing to help him by taking on some of the work that was stressing him out. He never spoke to anyone the way he had in the past again. His attitude towards everyone improved. I think that there are times when people may not be self aware enough to see the impact of their actions. It’s our responsibility to have difficult professional conversations with individuals to help the organization improve and grow. I’m not going to say I wasn’t terrified going into the conversation, I absolutely was but… it was one of the best things I’ve ever done professionally.
Sheri ThompsonOctober 24,2021 at 4:01PM UTC
Organizations tend not to have the same loyalty for us as we have for them. Get that resume out there and do something new. I am just now leaving my first employer after 29 years. Life is too short and this situation is hurting you.
Sarah LarsonOctober 24,2021 at 5:00PM UTC
I recommend doing a self assessment and time audit. Then once you can see where your time is spent and how you feel about those activities, you can make an informed decision on whether to speak with your new boss or to look for a new role. More aligned to what you want to be doing.
You started as an assistant 14 years ago and have only made it to the coordinator level? I’d argue you have the experience to be a project manager or program manager-potentially you’re doing it already and not getting paid what your work is worth.
While this is my opinion based on your post, I could be far off base. Therefore, what do you want to do? Whatever decision you make is the right one. Be confident, you got this!
AnonymousOctober 24,2021 at 6:04PM UTC
From your description, he doesn't actually sound like a bully but simply much more frank and playful than what you were comfortable with before. Like some sports coaches. I've been that guy trying to connect to new people by joking around. He might just be used to working in a more male environment. My advice to you: send him a jabby joke back sometime. Make him laugh. You might find some joy in your workplace again. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but you might actually find it freeing after a while and learn there are many ways to communicate. Change is not necessarily scary. Also consider you do not know this man and might be judging his motivations incorrectly. Your fear and anxiety sounds like it is based on a lot of assumptions about his intentions. Try forcing yourself to credit him with good intentions for a week (force different glasses on yourself) and see if you maybe experience his behavior differently.
Regarding treating you below your level: are you sure he knows your scope and tasks? He may just be acting based on your official job title. You sound more like a project manager but your title says differently. Write down your task packet and ask for a title change (and a raise while you're at it ;).
JaimeOctober 25,2021 at 2:42PM UTC
It sounds to me like you really enjoy most aspects of your job and I think it would be a shame to quit over something that may be easily fixed.
Like others have said, if you are comfortable or can push yourself out of your comfort zone a little and have a conversation with him it might get you everywhere. He should respect you for coming forward and helping him in his new role. Outline how you think his behavior could improve as well as your role at the company. You may want to clarify at the beginning of the meeting that you have two items to discuss, I would recommend going with his attitude first. I think this can open the door to being able to work along side each other and him seeing you as a confidant, you may be able to get a new title, responsibilities or even a raise out of it.
If you're simply too uncomfortable with discussing it directly with him, and you trust that your previous boss will keep your name confidential, you can ask them to have a conversation with the new guy about his attitude and everyone's responsibilities and titles, not just yours.
Karen GongawareOctober 26,2021 at 5:22PM UTC
Where is your job description and title paperwork? Your contract should state this and if not, get one. Create one if need be and have your old boss sign it. Do not let this new one treat you in a dismissive or demeaning manner. Remind him of your title and what you do. As for jabs at people, if it isn't at you, let that person handle his sniping personality trait. If it is you, call him out on the bad behavior. "What, you can't take a joke?" State to him that those words were not a joke or funny. Then walk away. He's a SNIPER which means he ambushes people and makes them feel inferior with a few well placed nasty comments and then hides behind just joking. You do what you want. No one here can really tell you what to do. Make a good choice.