Hello, I retired five years ago and I recently got asked back for a consulting position in my old industry where I was in management.

24 Comments

1. Tamara MillsFebruary 23,2023 at 3:54PM UTC

   If you're consulting, you get to pick your clients. Pick a different client.

2. Tracey MorrisFebruary 23,2023 at 4:12PM UTC

   Have you tried meeting 1:1 with this person to discuss your role, what her aspirations are, how you can work together, etc? It might be as simple as extending an olive branch and finding common ground so you can work together rather than at odds. You could become a mentor to this less "business savvy" colleague.

3. AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 4:23PM UTC

   Another commenter (not OP) here. From sad experience, I can tell you that olive branches almost never work with people like the administrative assistant.

   Such people might gladly accept your help, but the probability is that they’ll stab you in the back nonetheless.

   Sure, a conciliatory approach can be attempted, but the probability that OP and the administrative assistant can form a genuine mentor-mentee relationship is remote.

4. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterFebruary 23,2023 at 5:44PM UTC

   This was my suggestion...at least you can rest in the knowledge that you tried. I'm not hopeful about your little snake, however.

5. AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 4:13PM UTC

   The administrative assistant (AA) is a snake and I doubt that she’ll get better with time.

   AA’s misappropriation of your work is beyond the pale. Is there any way that you can communicate and submit your work to your boss directly, without going through AA?

   I’m sure that AA is great at making others look bad while retaining your boss’s confidence, so please have *ironclad documentation* about your issues before speaking with the boss. I suggest confining your remarks to AA’s most serious provable offenses, such as her misappropriation of your work.

   Do other employees have issues with AA? If yes, it might make sense to approach your boss together, as it will be more difficult for your boss to overlook multiple complaints from multiple employees.

   If the situation with AA doesn’t improve, I hope that you’ll consider leaving this position. AA is toxic and aggressive. People like this don’t improve on long acquaintance. As a seasoned manager (now consultant), you shouldn’t have to put up with this.

6. Mare LevineFebruary 23,2023 at 4:34PM UTC

   Make an appointment to speak with your boss and have a list ready of the two most important issues you've had with her (From what you've shared, I would say not copying you and embarrassing you in front of others). Tell him you know she is an essential part of his team, and you also want to be an essential part of his success, but you have noticed some issues and would like his buy-in on an idea to improve communication. Then give your two examples briefly and unemotionally.

   Ask him about the three of you having a brainstorming meeting with her, so she can see 1) the three of you can work together and be teammates and 2) that YOU are important to him but not a threat--instead you are a possible resource and collaborator. Emphasize to him that you want both of you to be able to support him effectively so he can focus on his priorities.

   Now, you also can't ask your boss to step in every single time (unless it is harassment or some unlawful behavior). It's important that you establish yourself as a strong, reliable voice in the organization which means not allowing her to do things that you feel are disrespectful, unprofessional, or bullying AT THE TIME THEY HAPPEN. Don't keep it all inside and feel bad about yourself. If she tries to embarrass you, remember that you have a voice and can say, 'Thank you for sharing your opinion [her name]. I have found that collaborating with my colleagues is a good way to focus at the task at hand and looks so much more professional than [name the bad behavior].' You may not be the only person she is bothering, so by your modeling good behavior and redirecting the conversation back to professional, collaborative channels of communication, you are strengthening the team bond.

   You have to be assertive if you want to stay and you have to remember it doesn't have to be 'her or me,' that BOTH of you should be able to be professional enough to work together. Maybe you could even get to the point where you could informally mentor her on business savvy issues, and perhaps you could learn to find something to appreciate about her in return.

   Also, a life coach or therapist might be able to help you put together a toolbox of ways to respond to difficult people in a healthy, self-affirming way rather than keeping it all inside until you are at the point of quitting. Remember, you were asked back because your knowledge and skills are respected!

7. AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 6:29PM UTC

   If I'm understanding correctly, you're a consultant AND they proactively asked you to come back, which means you call the shots much more than you seem to think. Speak factually with whomever you report in to, and tell them what's going on; be ready with examples. They need to get her in line and if they can't/won't, start looking around for a replacement client. They need you; you don't need them.

8. AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 1:44AM UTC

   1)Be scrupulously polite and professional, but don’t let this young woman get away with bad behavior.
   Coming across as a pushover or ignoring her will only embolden her.

   An obvious place to start is with the young woman’s attempts to embarrass you in front of others. I suggest that you firmly and unemotionally proceed along the following lines at the time of the incident:
   “Jane, why would you say something like this, especially in a group? It’s so much more professional to model mutual respect with colleagues.”
   OR
   “Jane, if my [comment], [behavior], [appearance], [approach], [action] is problematic for you, the professional way to address it is to speak with me privately. This is not the appropriate place or time to raise your concerns, but feel free to set up a time to speak with me one-on-one. My door is open.”
   OR (if your office is in the South):
   “Why Jane, honey, what an interesting comment. Bless your heart.” (Bless your heart being the ultimate Southern insult.)
   It is possible that this approach will show the young woman that you are not intimidated by her and warn her off.

   2)Document all of the disrespectful/sabotaging incidents on your home computer: Date, time, what was done or said. Attach documents where relevant (memos not sent to you, work product that was misappropriated.)

   3)When you bring the young woman’s conduct to the attention of HR or your boss, frame her behavior in the context of lack of professionalism, undercutting workflow and damaging group morale. Present factual evidence in an unemotional manner.

   4)Your ability to deal with this depends on the response of your colleagues, HR and the boss. If the young woman’s behavior is not stopped decisively, this is not a good place to work and I urge you to leave. This young woman has gone beyond disrespect: she is sabotaging you or trying to do so.

9. AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 3:58AM UTC

   Wholeheartedly agree with this response! Amen and amen!!!

10. Balanced372207February 24,2023 at 1:56PM UTC

    I am not a Southerner, but am African-American, and I love "bless your heart" as an insult.

11. AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 5:32PM UTC

    The fact that your boss says he “doesn’t know what he’d do without her.” Tells you all you need to know about this work culture. Absolutely gross. The AA is unlikely to change unless her direct boss is the one to call her out. And maybe not even then. For now I’d keep interactions as professional and as brief as possible. Do not hesitate to call her out when she’s being difficult. However, I’d start planning an exit strategy right now. Your boss will probably never back you up

12. AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 9:58PM UTC

    I think you must address the elephant in the room. They hired you for your expertise clearly she is an admin but has aspirations of bigger things. Sit down with your manager and identify a few things she has done ask for how he wants you 2 to align or not and keep track of where she tries to take credit for your work. After the meeting with him sit down with her, let her know your background and experience and offer to be a mentor to her for things she wants to learn. Be upbeat not accusatory and then track how it goes. If your plan is to stay there and her behavior persists offer to help find someone who is more collaborative in a private chat with your boss. Don't let the kindergartener rule the classroom. Nip it in the bud.

13. Afo Ogbeyalu KaluFebruary 25,2023 at 4:09PM UTC

    *Get into the habit of presenting your work/contributions in a fixed or un-editable document*When presenting ideas in meetings, and another person begins to interrupt, remind them that you have the floor now, and were respectful when they presented their points. Welcome them to present counter argument once you have finished speaking

    *Cite proof/proven examples/your past experiences related to your points when presenting ideas or initiatives for consideration, and if others challenge you, encourage them to present facts to support their assertions, and declare an openness to review their position points

    *Follow up meetings with an email copying all relevant parties, recapping your understanding of the key points raised, highlight your position points, and thank everyone for their contributions

    When the rest of the work group and related associates realize that you are a consummate professional: confident, thoughtful, thorough, and assertive, they'd be less inclined to "mess with you" . . .

14. AnonymousFebruary 25,2023 at 4:39PM UTC

    I am so sorry! I had to work with someone like this once and it got to the point where I felt bullied by her constantly! Over and over again I would try to collaborate and she would just take credit for the work, go out of her way to “control the narrative,” by doing similar things with emails and meetings. She definitely was strategic about putting herself in the right spot and very focused on making her way up in the company. In more words she admitted to loving “the power.” We had two different bosses who were also fighting too. It was nuts!

    In the end I had to leave and I spent too many months/years of my life thinking how I could have gotten that working relationship to function appropriately and I finally realized, there was nothing I could have done. She was determined to be a solo star and the company was not interested in setting expectations, managing people and projects appropriately,etc.

    I am in the middle of my career and will NEVER work in that situation again- if I can help it. If I were you I would set a time limit for getting the relationship on the right track, but if she is as determined as my past co-worker… it will be hopeless.

    If you can financially walk away, do it. You have spent too many years in your career to not receive mutual respect from your co-workers. I would find a way to define your deliverables and step out gracefully doing the best job you can. Toxic cultures breed toxic behaviors.

15. AnonymousFebruary 26,2023 at 1:16PM UTC

    You’re retired and you’re only working right now because you were asked to consult, not because you needed this job. Why do you care if the AA is trying to advance in her career? You retired from yours, and her taking credit for your ideas/work isn’t going to hurt you in the long run but it might help her. Instead of making this situation a problem for you, maybe find a way to make it a professional learning experience for her and leave a positive impact on another professional woman.

16. AnonymousFebruary 26,2023 at 7:15PM UTC

    Why would the OP want to help a person who continually disrespects her? A little kindness can go a long way—and in this case, the best thing the OP can do is call this person’s bad behavior out—so that she doesn’t keep thinking that she can get away with it. I don’t see how the OP being retired has any bearing on the disrespect she has to endure. It’s ageism at its worst.

17. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 5:51AM UTC

    It’s GREAT the AA wants to advance her career!…but not like that. Not at ALL. My POV, there are 2 options… If OP would like to help the AA, definitely give her that reality check - but in light of her indispensability, it may not work.If the OP couldn’t possibly care less about the AA, then as someone else said here, she can just fire her client. That may (or may not) send a signal to the place to do something about the AA’s behavior. I’m a former EA, so this hits home for me!

18. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 8:02PM UTC

    I have issues with your statement, which says a lot about you, especially if you are fine with disrespect and unearned representation of effort. Her actions are unprofessional and will eventually have consequences in advancement and opportunities.

19. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 8:13PM UTC

    This!! 100%!

20. Bosslady520080February 26,2023 at 6:14PM UTC

    You're a consultant. Look for a job somewhere else. Let her figure out how to latch on to someone else. And keep climbing the ladder. Or not.

21. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 7:53PM UTC

    OP, you have to be direct, and I don't mean cordially. The time for politeness was gone from the first offense. You're dealing with a young, hungry employee that doesn't have anything close to your level of knowledge, experience, and professionalism, which is shown in her actions.

    You have two options:

    1- Leave. you have nothing to lose and added stress if you continue

    2- Stay and address the young wolf. Help her understand what she is obviously lacking in professionalism, and there is only one way to teach this through repetition of your actions or pain ( for her ) through correction of every interaction that shouldn't be tolerated.

    You were called back out of retirement to solve an issue the organization could not solve with her involvement. You have earned their respect she has not. Let her know that. Professionally, of course ?

22. AnonymousMarch 9,2023 at 8:10PM UTC

    I hope we can know what you decide to do, OP! If comfortable, please update us!

23. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 7:01PM UTC

    Hi All, OP here. THANK YOU for all your wonderful comments and suggestions. An update: I was able to stand my ground with this young woman by politely pointing out and requesting an alternative way of handling a situation every time she'd done something to undermine, embarrass or make me look bad. When she gave me lip afterwards, I simply smiled and walked away and didn't engage in her excuses/reasons for her unprofessional behavior. By doing so, I began to wear her down and she backed off a little bit. I don't think she's going to be my best friend but it's less tense than it was. I think (hope) she realizes that it's not a win to start anything with me because I'm not going to play. I've also documented and saved everything, just in case. Thanks again!!!

24. AnonymousMarch 23,2023 at 7:48PM UTC

    Thanks so much for the update! I’m all for admins moving up the career ladder, but *NO ONE* should be doing it like that! Again, you were called back because YOU are that good at what you do, and you can fire your clients anytime. ?