I moved to a new team within my company while I was pregnant.

Anonymous

November 1,2022 at 5:00PM UTC

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I moved to a new team within my company while I was pregnant. In the new role everything seemed to be going well -- my manager was happy with my work, my projects were rolling and everything seemed to be going fine. Then I got sick -- I developed preeclampsia, my baby was born way too early and I ended up going out on leave before everything was buttoned up nicely. It was a personally terrifying experience -- my baby was in the NICU and I ended up in the hospital for way longer than anyone could have expected. Fortunately, that part of the story has a happy ending -- my baby and I were both eventually discharged and we are now fine. My return to work, however, was not fine. When I came back after taking the standard maternity leave my company offers, I discovered that my job had evaporated. Another member of my team had taken on my responsibilities while I was on leave and refused to give them back to me because she wanted to keep them. My manager let her keep them. I was given another job to do that is at least four levels beneath my current title and salary. She told me that this lower level work is just temporary until they can "find something else for me to do." In the meantime, however, my manager appears to be undermining me within the organization. My manager will ask me to do something and I'll do it only to find out that my manager has already assigned someone else to do the work. She regularly has meetings without me on topics that I am supposedly overseeing. I am frequently the last one to find out about new directions to projects that I am supposedly overseeing. It's confusing to me and the people I work with. On several occasions I've had meetings with her to align on expectations about my deliverables and that seems to just irritate her. She gets very defensive when I ask questions about why she would assign me a project that she has also assigned to someone else. Sometimes it feels like she is making things up on the fly to defend her actions. I have tried being very diplomatic and polite. I have also tried expressing my frustration. None of it seems to matter. When I'm not talking about work with my manager she acts like she's my best friend -- she offers advice about parenting and commiserates on the challenges of working while also having a baby (she also has little ones). I was convinced she was going to lay me off until I found out from a credible source that that's not the case. So now I just assume that she's trying to push me out. Why, I have no idea. I've had nothing but positive reviews from other managers in this organization and I find this behavior to be very confusing. I'm obviously looking for another job but in the meantime I'm wondering -- is this even legal? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

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AnonymousNovember 1,2022 at 7:31PM UTC
I am going to be straightforward with you.
You have been replaced. I know when I was working at a job It was like 20 miles from my home and my supervisor would give me only 3 or 4 hours per day while others had 8hr or more. I went to his boss and his boss stated he only needs you for those hours and furthermore, he set your hours how he sees fit to and I had to either take those 3 or 4 hours until I find another job and I did and it was a better paying job with better benefits today that place doesn't even exist anymore and it was a well-known store to known as Sears
AnonymousNovember 1,2022 at 7:39PM UTC
It would be extremely illegal to let you go and would be viewed as retaliation for being out on leave.
With that said, the company doesn't not have to offer you back your same job. So, as you are finding out, your hob has changed dramatically. But the mixed messages and misdirection is troubling and is definitely an issue for HR to navigate. So, the best thing you can do right now is document the chain of events, circumstances and results of your meetings with your manager. Save emails and notes off-site and when you have enough to paint a picture, make an appointment with HR to discuss the situation and what your options are.
Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)November 3,2022 at 12:27PM UTC
I did not know that your salary can be compromised after maternity leave. Hmmm…. Do you have a Union?
Jennifer FingerNovember 3,2022 at 12:32PM UTC
It would be illegal for the company to fire you over your maternity leave but it is legal for the company to reassign you.
I would document all your encounters with your manager and take your documentation to HR. Maybe you can get yourself reassigned to another manager at the pay and work level you were at before your leave, but I would also update your resume and start a job search just in case.
Kate VonDerheideNovember 3,2022 at 12:35PM UTC
While on maternity leave, were you on FMLA? If you were, what they are doing is illegal. Under FMLA they would have to return you to your same or equivalent job; by your description of giving you work that is 4 levels lower, that is not what they have done at all.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 12:38PM UTC
I'm so happy that you and your baby are doing well! As you navigate this incredibly frustrating experience at work, make sure you keep that in the front of your mind — you know what is most important now and what was most important then. You and your child's health.
Now. On to this situation. I faced something similar when I came back from maternity leave with my first. Because of that, I've done a ton of research on returning moms and what challenges they face. It's not a pretty picture - about half of moms coming back to work hit significant roadblocks caused by the exact things you are talking about. I could go on about solutions to avoid this from happening in the first place, but now that it has, I think you only have 2 options:
1) Look for a new role outside this team
2) Since she's not actively trying to lay you off, glide for a bit with a smaller workload and polish up your skills with trainings etc. Then look for a new role.
In my situation, I hung on for WAY too long thinking I could right the situation and it just led to misery. She's shown you what it's going to be like moving forward. Are you ok with riding it as is or is it time to make moves? Only you can answer that.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 1:11PM UTC
I am baffled by this response. I completely understand and agree that not all people are "children-oriented" but you can have children and still be career driven. The fact that you "detested" working with women because you had to help out and communicate about a project for a couple of months is ridiculous. Women might go on leave to help with elderly parents or other sick family members - would you complain about that too? Men could also do this but because we live in a society where it is expected that women are the caretakers, it usually ends up falling on women. Have a little but more compassion for people with other priorities or find a team that you would be willing to help out when they are in need. Hopefully they'd do the same for you.
To the poster - I am sorry you are dealing with this work environment. I am especially sorry if it is truly in response to you taking care of yourself and your family. If you have communicated your concerns about the current situation and you are not taken seriously, I think it's best that you move on. As far as the legality of it, I'm not sure. But all in all, better you found out the true culture and can find a better fit with an organization that respects you and your other commitments.
Laura BairNovember 3,2022 at 1:13PM UTC
Wow, can you tell us how you really feel? I hope you never have to care for an ailing parent or are incapacitated yourself.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 1:14PM UTC
This is an all too familiar story and I am sorry that this is your lived experience. It really comes back to company culture - even with rules in place, without support for your experience being addressed from the top down it might be time to just do your baseline work and spend any additional effort or energy you have looking for something more in line with your capability, ambition and needs as a mum. I am literally just after going through the same thing in my workplace - I am direct, headstrong and I know my rights, but I got precisely nowhere - I wish I had a better experience to share with you but this has been my reality!
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 1:19PM UTC
I recommend talking to a lawyer. What you described sounds like retaliation for taking FMLA and pregnancy discrimination, both of which are illegal. I went through a similar experience when I returned from maternity leave. Make sure you document everything.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 1:28PM UTC
First off congrats on the baby and I'm so happy that you and the baby are doing well.
Put yourself in your coworker and manager's shoes. I'm not sure how long you were out but 4 to 6 months is a long time to let someone's work tasks be idle. Department and/or company performance starts getting negatively impacted. The risk that you run when you go out on leave is that when you come back things are not going to be the same and the fact that people expect that it will be still baffles me. You risked 4 to 6 months of someone else doing your job and to be frank, it seems like they were doing it better than you if the manager didn't reassign your job responsibilities back to you. From your coworker's perspective, would you want to be taking on someone else's job responsibilities? They probably see this as their way to get a promotion and/or raise.
You now have 2 choices, you stay and grind it out to show your new manager your value. Yes, I purposely said new, because it sounds like you weren't with them very long before you went on leave. Or you can leave, that means that you leave the company or department for a new job or you stay home with your baby.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 3:07PM UTC
I'm going to assume that OP is based in the United States and from your response I'm guessing you are, too. Almost every other developed nation has figured out parental leave and their businesses continue to thrive and manage while new parents are out.
I just hope OP reads my reply to know she shouldn't feel guilty about taking the time she and her baby needed. The US is a joke with how it handles family leave (baby and otherwise). Your attitude perpetuates the battles new parents and all caregivers continue to face and actively prevents progress in how we can come together to support people.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 10:05PM UTC
Yep! From the US and it's a very different culture. I know if I work my butt off in the right field I can be promoted, get a salary increase and various incentives. I've spoken to folks in other countries and it doesn't matter how hard they work they aren't getting those things or the comp is not equivalent to what they are getting in the US hence why we have soooo many GC and Visa recipients, but in their country they may have unbelievable work life balances and wonderful vacations. So there's definitely a tradeoff there.
I'm not saying one culture trumps the other, but what I'm telling OP is you have to be realistic about where you are. The US system is not going to change anytime soon and she needs to learn how to navigate in it. Now that she has this wake up call she still has those 2 choices, work her butt off or leave.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 1:46PM UTC
Because men and people without children never have health issues that put them out of work for months….
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 2:12PM UTC
I have questions:
1. How large is your company - in other words, large enough to be covered under FMLA (provided you met the minimum requirements? Of course, if you were out longer than three months/12 weeks that would exceed FMLA coverage anyway.
2. Have you talked to HR (if large enough for FMLA should be large enough to have a HR department?)
3. Conversations with your manager, when she assigns you a task, are you following up with an email to confirm what was discussed? If not, start doing that. Documentation is so important.
4. Have a frank discussion with your manager. What does she as your future there. What can you do to elevate yourself?
I can tell you that when I had my baby - zero complications me or my daughter and I only took 8 weeks off - I found myself in a position where my job was in jeopardy. Even in that short I was on my leave, my temp replacement was constantly positioning herself to take my job (I wasn't eligible for FMLA at that time as I hadn't been there long enough). I worked through it but man it was stressful and took time but I feel for you 100%.
Joann S. LublinNovember 3,2022 at 2:13PM UTC
I totally endorse recommendations from other commentators. Here are two more suggestions to help you navigate this difficult situation:
*Connect with your company's employee resource group that serves women or parents and find out how other colleagues who returned from maternity leave dealt with this situation.
*Get some inspiring lessons about resuming work after maternity leave by reading my latest book, "Power Moms: How Executive Mothers Navigate Work and Life."
Best of luck!
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 2:14PM UTC
Oh it is going to be SO FUNNY when you, yourself, have a major medical issue that sidelines you. I hope it happens soon. And I hope it isn't a total disability, so that you have to come back to work and see how it feels from the other side.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 2:26PM UTC
That is really sick!
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 2:14PM UTC
Wow.
Carrying all that baggage must be exhausting. What you are describing is a failure on the part of your organization to adequately manage resources. Be bitter towards them not women who take the paltry time offered to care for a newborn and themselves. Also, this comment is so damaging to the advancement of equality in the workplace. I doubt that many people would complain in the same manner if a male coworker had a medical need that required them to take time off. So why complain about this??
Am sincerely happy that you are pursuing your own path in regards to your future but don't assume that parenthood and career aspirations are mutually exclusive.
Also, a little bit of empathy and kindness goes a long way to promote positivity with those around us as well as ourselves.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 2:47PM UTC
I was in the education world and am childfree by choice.
Because I came from a medical background first, I advocated for a pumping mom who was not entitled to special consideration in this state by helping her find scheduling workarounds. By doing that I inadvertently shot myself in the foot as one scheduling change was not done exactly as I suggested. As a result, one teacher friend and I ended up with different lunches and were without the support of the rest of our department due to this lack of proximity. Both of us were affected by this and when I left, the department members, other than my friend in the same situation, didn't even bother to come and have a goodbye coffee with us. So I feel for you but please know that your decision to have a child impacted a lot of people in ways that you can't know. It's hard for me to square this with my feminist beliefs but it's the way I feel.
Laura MikulskiNovember 3,2022 at 5:11PM UTC
First, I'm really sorry that advocating for your colleague backfired and that in the end you had a negative experience as a result of the changes implemented. The lack of support isn’t your coworker’s fault (nor is it yours by advocating for her). Any resentment toward you (i.e no one showed up to say goodbye) is also not your coworker’s fault and again, it’s also not your fault.
It really shouldn't be difficult to square your feminist views as they relate to parental leave/colleagues having a family. By essentially blaming parents, you're only seeing the forest for the trees.
It's not the fault of your co-worker who had baby. It's your school and its culture, your district, your board and the budget, your community, your state, your country. It is SO MUCH BIGGER than one person. One person's decision to have a baby shouldn’t have that much of an impact. Sure, there are inevitable changes that come from a coworker being out of the office and flexibility may be required. However, it is not the responsibility of your coworker to determine a plan of action to ensure everyone has what they need. Work is not life. Work shouldn’t dictate your life.
People shouldn’t have to weigh their decision to have a family against how it will affect their job and coworkers. Similarly, your decision to take PTO and vacation time shouldn’t be weighed against the responsibilities of your job. Work is not life.
Be a feminist by not blaming the individual, but by blaming the system.
Kim PfeifferNovember 3,2022 at 2:53PM UTC
Take out the second and fourth paragraph and this response takes on a different vibe.
I agree with you. Life moves on, with or without you. And the projects are not YOURS, they belong to the company. And when someone is out, even for a short time, the rest of us do have to cover their work. The rest of us may have had to work longer hours, given up vacation time, and finished up projects that we came in on the tail end of. Give everyone some time to get over their irritation at covering for you and things should go back to normal.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 3:05PM UTC
It's definitely illegal for her to be doing this.
If I were you I'd immediately report this to her direct supervisor or to your HR person; because if they aren't made aware of it, the company could end up in huge legal trouble in the event that they are aware of the situation and refuse to take corrective action. The first plan of action I'd take would be to file a complaint with the EEOC, and they'll also file with the other appropriate agencies on your behalf after your initial filing with them, too.
I was forced out of my former job due to being disabled and when my former employer found out I had filed an EEOC complaint against them, they tried to get my unemployment denied. I had all my ducks in a row and had already consulted an attorney the same day I was wrongfully terminated, so I knew what to expect. In the end I not only received my unemployment benefits after I appealed and I told my state's unemployment office that they had permission to see my complaint and all related documents that I had filed with the EEOC for wrongful termination due to disability, and for bullying and harassment as well by other employees (including senior managers). I filed my unemployment appeal on early Friday morning and I received all my back pay from unemployment and current in my mailbox by the following Monday morning. I also eventually received a large enough settlement from my former employer with the help of the EEOC, that I was able to pay off a few small bills and start my own business. So, I was one of the lucky ones that was able to turn a very bad experience into something positive.
I'd highly recommend documenting everything and keep it somewhere off the work property, because you don't want them to know that you are documenting things. I'd also talk to an attorney ASAP that specializes in employment law as many will give you a free initial consultation.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 3:10PM UTC
Hey OP! I'm sorry you're going through this and empathize with your situation. I don't have much advice as a lot of options have been laid out in the other replies.
However, I just hope you don't start to question the decisions you made and don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty for caring yourself and your family. Your job is the problem. Not you.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 3:42PM UTC
Thank goodness you chose not to have children. Good for you to know, ahead of time, that you might be incapable of sympathizing with another human being. I am serious! There are too many parents out there that realize this too late. However, bad on you for being a horrible coworker. I hope you never need the compassion of others, should you end up in a situation where you need some understanding and grace. Things DO happen that are out of our control, that aren't child related. Good luck I hope you live in a bubble!
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 4:09PM UTC
I am so sorry you are going through this, doesn’t seem like she is a vey god manager in my opinion either look for another job in the organization or outside it
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 4:37PM UTC
Congratulations on your new munchkin. You both went through a lot. You are already a warrior mom!
Google maternity leave requiremts and put the name of your state. The company isn’t required to hold your job. Usually they are required to give a job similar in pay, benefits, and seniority.
it sounds like they learned to get along without you and are going through the motions to comply with legal requirements.
Keep dated notes. If any of this was over email or text, save those conversations. Maybe take a screen shot. Call a lawyer who specializes in employment law and see about a short consult. It may not be illegal, it certainly isn’t professional or nice. You might want to ask yourself if you really want to work at a company treating you this way.
Faith PickingNovember 3,2022 at 6:00PM UTC
Congratulations!
I am in so my sorry you are going through this after such a traumatic birth/maternity leave. Get a pregnancy employment lawyer immediately to help you navigate what to do before you are let go.
I know you don’t feel like this is the case (from your credible source) but you need to protect yourself. I highly recommend getting a consultation from this attorney. She will be able to give you templates on how to document and communicate with your employer. https://www.themamattorney.com/get-help
Milissa JacobsNovember 3,2022 at 6:53PM UTC
Congrats on a healthy baby! That is the most important thing. Now, you must document document document. It will come down to your word against someone else's and the more specific proofs that you have, the stronger your case will be.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 7:34PM UTC
she should not be doing that to you. you should find someone who will help you find a new job with a manger who treats you better than she is.
AnonymousNovember 3,2022 at 11:03PM UTC
Wow. How incredibly insensitive and rude you are. You can be a parent and enjoy your career! I am in management and a mother. I know, how horrifying! Some people do have a life outside of work, even if it is a hobby or enjoyment of travel. You do not need to be a parent to be a caring person, and you can be a parent and care about your career. These things are not mutually exclusive.
I imagine you are not a team player by any means, because teams assist each other. I am also guessing by this you are not a people person as you sound extremely bitter about life and people. You sound really unhappy. Maybe you should get yourself checked out instead of these parents that legally and otherwise deserve to have time for a family. Yes, most people will need leave at some point for family, personal, or other issues, even after a person has passed. People do/ can/ and are entitled to have a life outside of work, even those without children. I bet you expect and feel entitled by a company to let you take leave if needed or even an extended vacation, but somehow others do not deserve it. I hope if you ever need leave it is a serious wakeup call. I would hate to work with someone like you. I really hope you are not in a leadership position.
AnonymousNovember 4,2022 at 2:57PM UTC
First - I am not a fan of those that say don't go to HR. Maybe because I have worked at companies that had great HR representatives, so great that I became one myself!
Anyway...This should be reported to HR. I don't know where you are located though there could be some protections to your job that should be happening.
I am sorry you are going through this!
AnonymousNovember 6,2022 at 1:49AM UTC
This "don't go to HR" "advice" really needs to stop.
AnonymousNovember 7,2022 at 5:23PM UTC
I disagree as well about not going to HR as well. HR's job is to make sure the company is in compliance. If managers are not complying with company standards, policies or the law then HR will want to do something about it. It is in their best interest.
Does that mean every HR person is great, no, and does that mean every company cares no. However, as an HR person that has left a company that did not care about if we were to get sued, I will say most of us care- even when our hands are tied. HR is there to help. Many of us went into HR to change things, we like people, and want to help, but that does not mean we are successful at every organization. However, I will say if your company has high HR turnover, there is usually a reason why. Saying do not go to HR means you are letting things slide that should not be.
Congratulations on your baby. I would suggest going to HR. That does not magically mean everything will get better, but it is still worth pursuing. In the meantime, I would look for a new job or transfer to a new/ your old team as well. Because in the end, do you want to stay working for that manager?