If your manager told you during one of your 1:1s that your coworkers disliked how would you take it?

52 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 5:16PM UTC

   Yeah, sounds like your boss may have been manipulative or insecure or both. It’s a common tactic by toxic people to gossip in such a fashion. Also, true story, you don’t have to be best friends with everyone you work with—you should Google what people have to say about work places that insist that everyone is family in a work place—it’s usually a red flag.

2. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 6:55PM UTC

   OP ( original poster ) here - Ya know, I thought so! but was hesitant to lean into it and thought maybe they were trying to look out for me...as you can see i tried my best to give "benefit of the doubt" fruitlessly so. Thank you and agreed "we're all family" sayers are definite red flags.

3. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:41PM UTC

   This very thing happened to me early in my career and I turned it back on my manager. I asked if she had asked coworkers who complained if they had reached out to me with their challenges. She said no and I wondered what her solution was for resolution. I told her that without concrete examples from coworkers I had to dismiss the complaints unless she wanted to meditate a discussion. She actually became somewhat flustered. I started a job search the next day and learned that she was fired a few months later. Confluct will always exist in the workplace and while liking coworkers is nice it isn't necessary. What's important is how do we come together to move the mission and work of our employer.

4. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 6:22PM UTC

   It appears that your old manager used a high school tactic to undermine your confidence.

   If you carry residual trauma that still impacts your demeanor and performance, I would consider therapy to help you sort this out and deal with your insecurity.

5. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 6:53PM UTC

   OP ( original poster ) here - Thank you and luckily the insecurity has dwindled down to just a spontaneous intrusive thought but does not go as far to make me present myself as a people pleaser. Thank goodness, since its taken so long to unravel that part of me completely haha!

6. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 10:44PM UTC

   Put that load down!
   Your manager was immature. Leaders don’t speak that way. Remember that you don’t need to like them, and they don’t need to like you. It is just work and the skill is in collaboration and professional communication. Stay brief and concise and kind and you’re good.

7. ChristineMarch 29,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

   I think that is a sort of juvenile thing for a manager to say to you. But, I think it has taken me a long time to figure out that someone will always dislike me for some reason in the working world. I am pleasant to everyone I work with and maybe a bit more pleasant to those who don't seem to like me. It is hard for someone to continue to dislike someone who is only kind to them. But in the big picture of things, does it really matter if there are folks who don't like you? The office is not unlike your neighborhood or town. There is always someone who doesn't like you but how you let it affect you is the issue. Don't let them get you down. Be you -- the same you toward everyone -- and you will be ok.

8. AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 2:08PM UTC

   This is very immature way to talk in 1:1. Even when the college is criticizing you he should have collected more information of actual situation rather than saying collegues dislike you. Since its a work atmosphere colleges should try to act professionally its not an obligation to like each other. Unless there is a concrete behaviour you think is getting pointed out and can be changed to fix the atmosphere you do not have to worry as there would always be someone who would point out mistakes or dislike the choices you make (I think that is part of having diverse opinion) . I am sure manger did not know how to handle the situation , he should be more constructive in the feedback by disclosing that someone does not like you he indeed spoiled the situation even more.

9. AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 4:28PM UTC

   Wow, I'm so sorry this happened to you. That was very wrong of the manager, and I'm actually wondering how many of your colleagues they may have poisoned with this sort of thinking and approach. There are manipulative people who try to control others by using a tactic called "divide and rule". Since you were so surprised to hear that, it's quite possible that it was not even true at all. I'm so glad you started to work on and lessen the feeling of insecurity! Absolutely the best thing, to continue to be reasonably friendly with colleagues and having a good rapport. It's just a natural thing to like people who are more open and receptive, as distancing ourselves from our colleagues makes things awkward and will usually hurt us more than help us.

   As for how I'd take it... I prefer to reflect on how to use negative experiences for improving myself, rather than letting unpleasant feelings fester in my mind. I'd say to myself, whether it is true or not, what if I had never heard this? What's the best person I can be? I'd just use it as a reminder to always be considerate in my dealings with my colleagues, so that I'm not caught unawares, even at times when my patience may be short, for any reason. Also, I function better being very forthright in my relationships with others, so I will not be able to go on without asking my colleagues, with whom I believe I have a good rapport. I'd ask it, either playfully or seriously, and I would insist on hearing the truth. I must have feedback.

   We learn everyday. I'm glad you shared this. It's given me a new perspective on why some people seem to put up a wall at work.

   Thanks.

10. AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 5:41PM UTC

    Your old manager is an idiot. Personally, I pay no mind to such comments from third parties.

11. Karen BurkeMarch 30,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

    I was thinking the same... I'm not at work to be "liked". That doesn't mean I go out of my way to be rude or disrespectful, but I couldn't care less if people like me. I create relationships necessary to get my job done as well as enable others, and that's it.

    On the other hand, why this manager decided that you needed to know this if it wasn't part of a behavioral discussion is odd. This would make me question the manager more than anything, and the fact that your 1:1s then were avoided says more about your manager than anything else.

12. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:18PM UTC

    Why would you let one person's single comment haunt you this deeply for this long? Just because someone is a manager doesn't mean they are always right or understand everything. This was his opinion in that moment and who knows exactly what it was based on.

    You need to look at yourself and figure out why you let this impact you this much. Sometimes we overreact because there is some truth in what we are being told, sometimes we lack self confidence and it doesn't take much to derail us.

    Make the necessary adjustments to yourself so that you have the confidence to deal in challenging situations. I believe you can.

    Also, if you can find someone to mentor you - and I believe in this for any stage of your career - that can be helpful. Having someone to run things past can give you great perspective and new tools for handling sticky situations.

    Good luck.

13. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

    Agree with the mentor suggestion. Have someone help guide you and be honest with them. Tell them this situation. However, agree with the comments. Work is work. You don't have to be liked, just respected for what you can do. Not everyone will like you. That's ok. You just have to be professional and respectful in your interactions. I can only assume you don't "like" everyone you work with either. Find those that you enjoy, perhaps they are ones you can take a walk with during break or get a coffee or lunch or a drink after work with and don't worry about the rest and what they think. As long as you are being a professional, then that's all that you can do. Be respectful, professional, and interact to get the job done but you don't have to be friends or even really "like" each other. Your manager should not have said what he said. He should have said to the complainer, assuming there was one, something to the effect of "you don't have to like her, you just have to work with her." Or he could have said to them "put on your big kid pants and get the job done." But his response should have been to them and should have basically put the issue back on their shoulders. Did you ever think he might be threatened by you.....could be another reason for the comment. Either way, move on and do the best job you can do.

14. Rebecca Gale-GonzalezMarch 30,2023 at 12:25PM UTC

    This supervisor was way off base. Personalities may conflict from time to time, but to be told that your coworkers dislike you is unprofessional and unrelated to your job performance. It's more of a problem for the coworkers that they dislike you than it is for you. Sometimes bosses who don't know what they are doing and don't know how to lead work to divide people and distract them from what's really happening or not. It's like the jar of ants, some red and some black...they get along fine together until someone shakes the jar, then they go to war killing each other off. The problem wasn't you it's your boss. He shook the jar to distract folks for some reason. I'm glad you got past it and it's a valuable lesson. As a leader we do have to address behavior from time to time, questions can often coax out issues. "You seem upset lately, is there something I can do to help?" You've become quiet and don't seem to be engaging with others as much, is everything okay?" Turn this into an opportunity to build rapport with subordinates.

15. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

    Well, I’ve been disliked by my coworkers for all kinds of reasons, both personality differences and professional annoyances, like asking questions during a meeting. The best thing you can do is not let it bother you and let it go, the reality is not everyone likes everyone in the world and that’s fine, just because you work together doesn’t mean you have to be friends. Now as far as your supervisor saying that, irrelevant and unprofessional. I would have responded and asked what outcome they would like to see as a result of sharing that information and examples of how it affects my job performance.

16. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:38PM UTC

    Wow that is so sad. As someone who’s struggled with insecurity, I constantly try to make people like me. Like I get extreme anxiety if I feel like someone doesn’t like me and I can’t figure out why.

    If I do know why, I do try to change their perception of me, by figuring out what they care about and trying to help them if I can, or just generally being great at my job. If everyone else is happy with me and they’re the odd one out they’ll usually succumb to the peer pressure of liking me, or at least outwardly appearing so.

    All this to say this is an extremely effed up way of thinking and I should probably be in therapy. :)

    The others on here are correct. Other people’s opinion of you shouldn’t matter. You should just do your job to the best of your ability, be cordial to people, and not think about work when you’re not at work.

    But that’s really hard to actually put into action sometimes.

    Honestly, sounds like a toxic work environment. You will probably not get far if that bad manager like you had is the type of person they put in charge. Meaning maybe they only promote imbeciles?

    If you are doing well in your annual performance reviews I wouldn’t worry too much. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Haters gon hate.

17. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:50PM UTC

    Hi, not a mental health professional so this is personal advice that has worked for me. Take a look at information about attachment styles and see if the tools for coping with Insecure Attachment style work for you. Best of luck to you!

18. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 9:22PM UTC

    I really appreciate that! Thank you!

19. Joycelyn M. SiameMarch 30,2023 at 12:44PM UTC

    That is highly unprofessional of your supervisor! There are ways to kind of say that without sounding like an unprofessional nincompoop. I am sorry that you feel that sense of insecurity, even now. If you have a co-worker that you feel somewhat close to, it doesn't hurt to ask or confide in them. For some reason, I feel like that boss had an issue with you personally, and like an immature person, said it was everyone else.

20. Kirsten FisherMarch 30,2023 at 12:46PM UTC

    This just happened to me. It made me all the more determined to have a better relationship. I scheduled weekly update calls with them and things have been much better.

21. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

    As a supervisor, her delivery was very unprofessional and unsettling - aAs we can see by the impact both as on you. When I’m dealing with situations of disharmony, it’s helpful to collect the facts (from both sides).. oftentimes it a misperception that leads to tension between people. As a supervisor, you want to support a healthy working environment. If this is creating tension, it needs to be addressed but ina constructive manner it citing a specific situations (or hypothetical one if appropriate) and analyzing it. Sometimes folks don’t realize what they are doing can be irritating or misperceived by others. Talking it out and understanding the motivation behaving it is helpful.

22. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:56PM UTC

    I had a manager who like to use the 'other people' phrase to explain what he was feeling. "Other people say you're really bossy" or "Some people feel you may be to aggressive when speaking with partners" etc. It was just his BS way to try to put his feelings/views out there without actually having to own them or have a serious conversation about it. That old phrase 'it's not you, it's him' comes to mind here.

    Having said that, I know it's really hard to get past that internal doubt. I try to do positive self-talk to counter those feelings of doubt and insecurity. Practicing meditation or mindfulness can help counter that inner voice.

    Somedays it works, somedays it doesn't. The biggest thing I've found is to give myself grace to recognize that I'm never 100% great but I'm also never 100% awful and that most of the time, people are stuck in their own heads too. (in other words, we all feel the same way a lot of the time).

23. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 1:07PM UTC

    Well, it's abusive. When a person keeps being told that "other people" think this or that about you, it's a gaslighting technique. What this does to the recipient is more than emotional, it can cause serious health problems. It's not a matter of talking yourself out of it if you find yourself in the ER over it.

    I think the OP needs to get out of that job and possibly that type of organization. Personally, I find that corporate structure is awful for these kinds of social dynamics.

24. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

    Ah yes, the manipulative manager. My last manager was doing that very thing to me. It was insidious, she'd hold 1-1 meetings and guide the conversations. She did that with me, pitting me against another co-worker, one who she had hired me to mentor. You don't notice it at first, it feels like the manager is being conspiratorial with you and that you are being drawn into the inner circle. But trust me, if you are being whispered to, you are being whispered about.

    Over time, I started to get bluntly negative signals from several of the other co-workers and started to see them avoid me or be outright rude, even in meetings. One day, one of the youngest co-workers snapped and became verbally abusive and hostile in front of several teams, and I was the recipient of the tirade. I didn't even get to respond. To my amazement, she was not disciplined. Rather, I was told that it was my fault for "making her feel bad" which was so completely fabricated that I knew immediately that all those 1-1 meetings were the source of it. This co-worker and I had different approaches that we talked through but we had never had this level of vitriol before. What I had been noticing was the manager tended to mother any of the staff that was under 30. Projects that would have been my responsibility (at a much more senior level) were being given to this co-worker, and I had to help trouble shoot constantly. I would never preach or scold, and plenty of people saw my even-keel work style, but any slights this person must have felt were pure entertainment for the manager, who then amplified it until there was "drama". I kept a journal of various "drama" incidents and there were quite a few.

    When we had the big pow-wow with HR, I was told that I would be put on a PIP. I still have some trouble understanding how a senior employee who is gradually assigned less and less to do, who is trying to promote the department and the company anyway, and who is hoping to help younger team members learn the business, is suddenly at fault for making someone feel bad, when it's everyone's goal to make the customer happy.All this on the cusp of big changes in the department, with me taking probably one of the higher salaries on the team. I gave it some serious thought while this was unfolding, and decided that this company wasn't worth it to me. The pay was marginal at best, there was a stressful commute, I wasn't using most of the benefits, and it was an industry that treated women like second-class. Now, this weirdness was happening with my co-workers, who I thought I got along with fine until this started happening. Why deal with a PIP on my company record with this company when I know my reputation is great anywhere else? I drafted my resignation letter and dropped that email at the close of business that Friday. Already had my backpack and a tote bag packed with my personal stuff and never went back. I have no regrets at all.

    Found out almost a year later that the department crumbled that whole year, and there were only three left by the close of the year.

25. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 1:10PM UTC

    I’ve heard that starbucks. It didn’t make any sense since I didn’t do anything to anyone and of course I cried but I held it together.

26. Nadine BonnerMarch 30,2023 at 1:25PM UTC

    It happened to me and I now regret I didn’t get outside coaching to help me manage the situation. In my case, I had a CFO who hated me. I was hired by the CEO and supervised by her for the first year but then she started her succession planning and passed me to the CFO, who she had tapped to take over. This woman told me there was a wall between me and everyone else who worked there. I knew it wasn’t true because I had a line outside my office with people asking for my help. In the end, she was passed over by the board to replace the CEO. But before she went out the door, she eliminated my position. Which angered the incoming CEO but she had to live with the budget. I believe if I hadn’t been so blindsided and handled it better, I would have kept my job. I subsequently worked with a therapist and gained skills in handling workplace conflicts. If you are still suffering from the fallout of this situation, I highly recommend coaching.

27. Kathleen HawkinsMarch 30,2023 at 1:29PM UTC

    Just continue to be civil, your there to work for the company and get paid. If they want to act like the mean girls club and try to get a reaction out of you, just be the mature adult and stay on your path. Coworkers are not your friend, employees are not your friend,

28. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 2:29PM UTC

    always always always ask for specifics. I coach supervisors on how to give feedback and I tell them, no example, no feedback. Managers should say "I've noticed that...." so it's clear they own the feedback. If they fail to do that, they're cowards and are probably being manipulative.

29. AyianMarch 30,2023 at 2:34PM UTC

    I think it's highly unprofessional and speaks more about the manager than the coworker. At this point in my life and career, I would address that lack of professional in the meeting and inform them that I expect that the manager will not repeat their mistake in the future. If I felt it were necessary, I would clearly state that I am performing a job, not hanging out for fun, so someone not liking me as a person isn't material to my performance.

    If the manager responded with anything other than 'oh, you're correct; I apologize', I would immediately begin looking for another job and upon exit, I would have a meeting with or send an email to their boss and HR, if the organization has enough tiers for that. It should not have to be clarified to management that we aren't going to all get along perfectly just because we work together and I am too seasoned to have to deal with that nonsense.

30. HalimaMarch 30,2023 at 2:36PM UTC

    This manager is like a middle school kid. What was the point of spreading seemingly unsubstantiated gossip? My policy is, we’re all adults. If someone has a problem with me, it’s up to them to let me know so we can deal with it. The talking behind my back and then someone else telling me, is ridiculous. I’m sorry.

31. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 2:43PM UTC

    I had a co-worker who was in my division, but another dept. Someone, not sure if it was another co- worker or her manager, told her something like everyone had a problem with her. She then went to each person in her department and asked them if they had a problem with her. No one said they did. At the time I thought the entire thing was juvenile, but now I give her credit for confronting the situation. I went to another company that was toxic. There were 2 mean girls that were badmouthing me, which I think was more their insecurities because they were doing it to 2 others- we were the last 3 hired, one a year before me and another a few months after. I think they were trying to make themselves appear better. I wish I would have confronted them and asked what their issues were. I bet they would have been shocked they were called out on. I now have a job I am happy at, but still find myself afraid people are talking about me or don’t like me. I had that awful job less than 2 years, yet that negativity affects me more than the job I had for 18 years where I knew I was well liked and praised. Still trying to shake it off almost 7 years and 2 good job experiences later.

32. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 2:57PM UTC

    I had that happen to me. My boss hated that the staff liked me and they didn’t like him. He would make things up, or spin something they said to make it sound like they had a problem with me. It was hurting me so I finally started to go to the person and apologize for my behavior that he said was the problem. They’d look at me confused and baffled. That’s when I figured out what he was doing. It ended up backfiring on him. He’s a narcissist and gaslights all the time.

33. GirlBossanova934974March 30,2023 at 3:43PM UTC

    Here is what I have learned after 4 decades in the working world! The more successful you become, the more you are going to attract people who dislike you! And in the last 10-15 years, that has become even more of a problem. Everybody wants the promotion, the raise, the attention etc etc etc. Many are simply not willing to work for it and have a great deal of internal insecurity and jealously. That being said, life is too darn short to be worried about these people! Go about your business! My favorite saying about this topic is from the American Civil War where three of my direct relatives fought for the Grand Army of the Republic. “Quit thinking about what Bobby Lee’s gonna do to us and start thinking about what we’re going to do to him.”

    — Ulysses S. Grant 1864

34. Meghan RoadMarch 30,2023 at 4:28PM UTC

    You don’t have to like your coworkers, you just have to work with them - some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten.

    That being said, unless there’s something actionable (like you were objectively rude and that’s why your coworkers didn’t like you), your boss should never have brought this up to you.

35. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 4:33PM UTC

    I was once told by a supervisor that no one liked me. I have unfortunately taken that to heart as it was very cruel. I knew that I had work friends but it undermined my confidence even 7 years later.

36. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 4:51PM UTC

    As a woman we are often told we are too aggressive, or too vocal or bossy. These words can hurt and the pain that they cause often makes us change our behavior unnecessarily as generally it is said by those who often times don't have a voice. Use your voice when needed to express who you are, in any situation. The fact that this one person has tainted your approach and style is something you will have to shift focus off of. I would suggest you reach out to one of those that was warm to you when you moved to another team and ask directly if they had any issues. Soliciting feedback often gives you information to solve things that others are feeling. Generally it's not you, its them and its the way they choose to react to you in general. Perhaps you are direct, serious unsmiling. For some that is an issue...you be you and find the place that your security comes from doing what you do best and being valued in the team you are in.

37. MARI S PHONASA, CPSM & CPSDMarch 30,2023 at 4:53PM UTC

    This is highly suspect and poor leadership. As someone else mentioned, I would question your manager and push back for more specifics. They do not have to tell you who said what, but at least ask for what exactly is the behaviour that you're exhibiting that they dislike, because what you do not know - you cannot fix. Also, that is correct that you don't have to like who you work with, but you have to be professional. And professional courtesy is if someone has an issue with you, your manager should be telling them to talk to you personally/professionally as an adult.

    On the other hand, this manager may have ulterior motives and be trying to gaslight you. I don't know all the details about your working relationship with this manager.

    If it were me, I would try and remain objective and be curious about it and ask your manager what was the intent of them bringing this to your attention. Put it back on them.

38. Dcre1977March 30,2023 at 6:08PM UTC

    Some managers do not like it when you are more respected than they are so they try to undermine your confidence. I have had it happen to me. I was told nobody liked me, but they were constantly coming to me to solve problems and completely disregarding what he said. He even went to HR to try to get me fired. Thankfully I had emails documenting that the others, whether they "liked" me or not, they clearly respected me and my work.

    I am dissappointed so many people have experienced this, all it does is show you have to analyze any feedback you recieved from your management for their own bias.

39. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 6:59PM UTC

    I had a manager do something similar once. I was a supervisor at the time and a member of my team complained to him that I wasn't there to help her when she had some programming question. Thing was, she started much later in the morning than I did and I was reliant on public transit. This happened after I returned from a vacation where I had (thought) my manager and I had a plan for coverage while I was out. Came back to nothing done while I was away so was coming in on several weekends to catch up. All of this he was aware of. Then he brings up my team member's complaint and asks me what I want to do about it. I told him nothing. It wasn't a me problem. The person complaining was often late and I was doing a bulk of the work on this particular project. It really angered me that this manager would see this complaint and not back me at all. He did some other mind playing games with me and other team members and I was just done with him. I left for another position within 6 months of that incident. Some managers really just shouldn't be in their positions.

40. IntentionGirl299847March 30,2023 at 8:57PM UTC

    First, why would you take this to heart? You heard a general broad and hasty statement and did not ask "what work related item am I doing that has a coworker not liking me?" That keeps it in the work arena and not the kindergarten arena. You manager is and was an asshat. Should have kept it professional and work related not feelings and fostering insecurity. Be yourself and stop brooding. If this really bothers you go to counseling for self esteem and knowing you are a competent person. Not everybody will like you at work. Which has zero to do with your ability to do the job. Be happy and no second guesses!

41. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 12:41PM UTC

    The way this comment is phrased is very much in the realm of kindergarten arena—you might be presenting advice with the most positive intention, but you are being personal and derogatory about it while invalidating the OP's experience and her question.

    OP's question is thoughtful and legitimate, and per my understanding of this site, it's exactly the sort of thing we are all here to navigate on our own and help one another . OP is also trying to take responsibility for her re/actions to her coworkers and reframe the situation for herself. Major points for self-awareness and accountability. If only more people were like her in the workplace and in general!

42. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 7:45PM UTC

    OP here! - thank you for your comment as it embodied everything I was just about to say and how I felt. As their comment came across as a slow-burn" pick yourself up by bootstraps" comment and we all know how destructive saying that to someone who has experienced harm or injustice can be.

    To that commentator and the people who upvoted it I say, "Im sorry you feel the need to be apathetic to others experience and that sharing generic words of encouragement which are actually counterproductive is conducive to a positive engagement. How you are speaking makes me feel that is how you talk to yourself and if that is the case then I urge you to reflect on why and practice more self compassion."

43. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 11:44PM UTC

    Oh well; if most of the people are fine so not worry about the minority who do not

44. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 1:16AM UTC

    Sounds like my husband.
    That was gaslighting pure & simple but oh so damaging. I'm sorry you have carried that with you. It's something I struggle with too.

45. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanMarch 31,2023 at 6:27AM UTC

    This sounds difficult. I would wonder what his motivation to bring it up and why it was relevant.

46. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 11:27AM UTC

    First, that was NO leader who shared that, or is it what you heard vs what was said. Your perceptions matter don't get me wrong. I would have taken and asked straight out to THAT leader, since you feel it necessary to tell me that my coworkers don't like me I would like specifics. I can see this is not a coaching opportunity for you to provide for me but an unprofessional discussion. Obviously you will naturally take that with you on your career journey. At some point I hope that crass manager helped you in future jobs that you reminded yourself of demeanor and poise in the workplace anyways. It probably helped in positive ways, fyi. AND I agree to be be on guard but not shut off. We work with all different humans, we need to exist in the work space as a team. NOT everyone is going to be a BFF. We all get reminded of this. As you work towards leadership roles you will most definitely remind you on how that felt, and become an empathetic leader. The saying is 'to complain up not down'. When a manager complains about someone on your team to you that is a 'down'. Love that you shared this as we ALL have potholes we often may not have created but probably played a role in making it become bigger. Keep Growing Keep Going! Good Luck!

47. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 1:01PM UTC

    I’ve had this happen. My boss even called me a “cancer” However when I worked with my co-workers. They would always tell me they love working with me and I’m a pleasure to work with. gave me panic attacks - I suggest documenting everything and attempting to focus only on what’s in your circle of control - (easier said than done)

48. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 3:13PM UTC

    I would have asked for specifics. Why does he think they "disliked" me? And then see how he responds, ask for his suggestions on the best way, in his opinion, to move forward. Document everything. Continue to be your authentic self with your co-workers rather than letting his opinion influence how you present yourself, and continue to document the results. If you heard anything that sounded legitimate in his feedback, work to improve on it over time, and then continue to move forward with your career goals without looking back.

49. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 7:26PM UTC

    I wish I had a supportive mother like you growing up! Your daughters are blessed to have a supportive mother to lean on. As I feel having a narcissistic mother who did everything they could to tear me down definitely added to the reason for me carrying remnants of this experience into my present.

    Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom with me and everyone else here who can relate.

50. AnonymousApril 2,2023 at 5:28AM UTC

    I totally understand you. My mother is a psychopath and natcissist and has done immensive damage to my life. It is so hard for me at work when I realise evilness in a boss or colleague as I onow it all to well from growing up with her and suffering the effects of her evil doing

51. Bradford McCormickApril 1,2023 at 2:53PM UTC

    I would be extremely wary of this manager. I would ask him (her, other) for clarification. He seems to be saying there is a problem and that the problem is me. But maybe the problem is them? Or maybe the problem is him?

    Long story short, I saw a case where , unbelievable as it may sound, a person was fired for doing too good a job. Yes, he was a bit "rough around the edges" but his prodctivity for the company was off the chart. He was a first line manager. the third line manager s immediate subordinates, some 2nd line manager, gave the 3rd lind manager an utimatum: him or them. They were a bunch of toadies. They stayed, he was fired. It really happened. This person -- I had worked under him, so I knew who he really was -- was not only a master of the job skills (computer programming), but he was also a great manager who really nurtured his reports. But the toadies feared he might build a power base in the company against them. He had told them tha tif they had an employee who wasn't performing, to give the person to him, and I saw him turn one unhappy useless person into a happy and productive employee. That scared the toadies.

    So who had the problem?

52. AnonymousApril 2,2023 at 1:10AM UTC

    I have worked with a boss who told me face-to-face how much she hated me and that all the other staff disliked me. However, I focused on something we all could agree on - do the job we were hired to do the best way possible without crossing the line of respect. I made it clear that I got the job because of my skill, knowledge, experience, and attitude. We have worked together for almost five years. While I can not control what people will think of me for being good at what I do, and who I am, I can certainly keep my professionalism and diplomacy. I can relate to both Mr. McCormick's and Anonymous's postings. The latter would ascertain me if the dislike had anything to do with my work performance or just them being bullies at work. Let go of that experience that contributes nothing to your destiny nor to your confidence. Those two are up to you.