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How to not be an end of the year martyr

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How to not be an end of the year martyr

so often, I’ve found myself at the end of the year, sitting alone in an empty office working while my coworkers enjoy their holidays and their time off. This was again the case last year when I came into an empty office for two weeks while most people I work with were on vacation.

Last year, I was pushed to come in to finish an end of year closing that “was very important to the company” (never mind that the people I was working with on this - many of them in higher positions than me - slowly disappeared until I was left all alone holding the bag).

So this year, I put in my end of year time off request in September. Over the past couple of weeks, I have reminded my boss of my time off several times (and he approved the request months ago). During one reminder, he actually encouraged me to take one more day off then I was already taking!

Now this week, all of a sudden he starts trying to get me to take over projects that my coworker (who will be out for two weeks over the holidays) needs coverage for. So I again reminded him that I would actually also be out most of that time as well. And he was shocked! He had completely forgotten that I had taken off some time myself and so would not be able to provide coverage for somebody else. This all came about in our team meeting, and once I reminded him he said (in front of my five other coworkers) “well who’s gonna cover all your work??”

Right now, I am fuming following that interaction. I work at a company that promotes “work life balance” but it seems like whenever I try to take time off I am given a hard time about it by my boss.

I feel like I did the right thing by asking off early and reminding him of my time off a few times over the past couple of weeks. I should also say that the coworker that he wanted me to cover for has only worked at the company for about a month so she’s been there less time than my time off request has existed. So basically when she started, she immediately asked for two weeks off, but he had already known I was taking off as well.

I really don’t know what I’ve done wrong here, but I feel like I’m being treated poorly and I’m very angry about it.

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  1. Anonymous

    I hope your time off request was in writing. If so, take your days without feeling guilty. Someone else can cover for the coworker who is taking off time already, or else her work can wait a couple of weeks. Before you take your time off, you could offer to work overtime (with extra pay) to take care of the most essential details, then someone else will have to cover the rest. If it was an oral agreement that you would take the time off, now you know that from now on, if it's important, get it in writing. I hope you're able to enjoy your vacation without guilt!

  2. Anonymous

    I don't think she should volunteer. She will regret it. Also if salaried, she is not elig for OT. She scheduled PTO to get out of this year end mess and should take off without guilt.

  3. Anonymous

    Agree! If she doesn't get extra pay, don't volunteer for it. Just take the days off and let the company deal with their poor planning. I hope for her sake she has the approval in writing because it's too easy for someone at the company to claim they don't remember giving the OK or it was a misunderstanding , unless she has written proof. No matter how friendly your boss seems, if something is important, get it in writing and if it is given by email, forward it to a personal email and print it off so it can't disappear into cyberspace. I strongly advise everyone that whether it's a work situation or a personal situation such as a divorce, even if everyone is amicable, get the important things in writing or they may never happen.

  4. Anonymous

    Don't buy into it. You simply enjoy your time. People will only try to treat you poorly. It's up to you to allow it to actually impact you. Don't make yourself a doormat. Enjoy your time off, look forward to it. Get excited. Don't buy into anything less.

  5. Anonymous

    You have done nothing wrong here, do not let this situation convince you that there is some action You need to take other than to make sure information about what needs covering is available for whoever is going to wind up taking care of it.

    I do think your boss is taking advantage and trying to make you feel guilty for his lack of planning. This is entirely on him and he knows it, that's why he's acting shocked & surprised.

    Honestly, this isn't even about the newer coworker. She also did it right too, she asked they said okay. She may have even let them know about the time during the hiring process, after all people do book vacations months in advance.

    Ultimately, it's all on your boss that he didn't plan for vacation times and adequate coverage so it's up to him to figure out how to manage to it.

    One thing I will say, do not cave. If you give in, it sets the precedence that he knows he can manipulate you.

    I hope you are able to enjoy your time off.

  6. Rachel

    It isnt your responsibility to worry about what anyone else is or isnt doing, or the fact that your boss seems unwilling to step up to do HIS job in order to allow his tenured employees to use their earned benefits. He's being paid more than you to know and do better. His decisions have nothing to do with you personally. Relax and enjoy your earned time off.

  7. Kim Pfeiffer

    You've always been there at year end, so you're being taken for granted that you'll be there now. Make them miss you.

  8. Anonymous

    You've done nothing wrong other than proving yourself invaluable to the company and as well your manager. Please pull him aside before this holiday time off and remind him that you prefer not to be publicly shamed in front of others for asking for and taking much needed time away and that you are sure since he is the great manager that he is he will find a good resource to cover your work while you are away. Remind him again of the dates and also that during the time away you will not respond to calls, emails, texts, etc. After the in person conversation repeat exactly the script above (or your version of it) in a follow up email. Be sure to bcc your own personal email so that you have a record of it just in case. Take that anger and box it up and toss it out. His commentary is surely a testament to his trust in you and your great work. It is weirdly a compliment. Then take your time away from work. Hopefully the flattery to him and his great management skills will get him to course correct his behavior and not have it happen again. Enjoy your time away and come back refreshed!

  9. Dr. Patty Gross

    First of all, I don't think you did anything wrong, but is there any chance that you have made yourself indispensable? If so, it is a failing on the side of your employer, not you. Your employer should have been keeping your career path and development in mind and helping you to achieve it. It is quite shady how you were treated in your staff meeting, but if indispensability is your problem, start grooming your replacement. Yesterday would have been the best time to start that process.

  10. Anonymous

    I’ve actually been told I’m never going to be promoted at this company so it’s a contradiction I guess.

  11. Vivian Lee

    Ouch! Now you see the company’s true colours about your future. Leaving for a better opportunity and working environment could be the best way to stand up for yourself.

  12. Dr. Patty Gross

    That is exactly how I learned that lesson, and it is advice I give out generously. Once I left, they kept calling me, even though I got a 25 percent raise by changing jobs, and was working full-time, so I could not go back on a contract.

  13. Vivian Lee

    Indeed. I have been in the situation several times in the past. I took the bad advice of making myself irreplaceable when I first started my career. As I had been treated like the original poster by enabling my colleagues’ behaviour, leaving was how I stood up for myself.

  14. Vivian Lee

    I commend you for booking personal time off well in advance and sending reminders. You have taken all the right steps to stand up for yourself. It is your turn after all these years to enjoy the personal time off. This situation shows the true colours of your manager and colleagues. Their reaction and handling of your approved personal time off are a reflection of themselves. Now that you see their true colours and how you have been taken for granted, it is time to consider if this is the future you want with the company.

    This type of treatment was a reason I had looked for a new opportunity. On giving notice, those who treated me the most disrespectfully had cried the loudest as they knew I would no longer be their punching bag. Others began spreading rumours about my departure.

  15. Anonymous

    I don't think you did anything wrong. Do you have the approvals, etc. in writing? At this point I'd say you should take the time off and point to any approval or correspondence confirming you did make sure to ask for the time off. Only you know what works for you, though!

  16. Bethany

    Have you already made plans/want to have it off? If it's in writing (and he approved it), forward it to him. If he still responds as he did in the meeting, email HR and copy him. You can't get fired, or it will look like retaliation. HOWEVER, an employer can find a myriad of ways to get you out if they want. Either way, he doesn't value you; I'd start searching for another job. Sorry you are going through this!

  17. Anonymous

    I take it you did the September request in writing.

    Resurrect that and send back. There are ways to cover the work and you can propose a sharing solution between the new hire and yourself that can include something virtual, so at least you're home. I don't blame you for feeling angry.

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