Asking for a friend.

24 Comments

1. KathleenOctober 12,2021 at 2:15PM UTC

   people that are insecure do not like you to outshine…but, truth is, it is kind of threatening and disrespectful to go over their head and engage their direct report

2. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 7:17PM UTC

   Why is it threatening to share an idea with a superior?

   What if the idea doesn’t involve the nature of the work with the boss?

3. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachOctober 12,2021 at 2:34PM UTC

   Hey! It might be a good idea to sit down with your boss and just say you want to get a clear understanding of the rules of engagement. Coming from a place of curiosity and getting very clear on expectations is a characteristic of a top performer. This way, you have an open dialogue about it & a clear view of how they prefer things . Then, if they continue to reprimand when it is well within their expectations, you can determine what is really going on.

   Hope this helps!

4. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 7:17PM UTC

   Poster here. That is a great idea!

5. Barb HansenOctober 12,2021 at 3:30PM UTC

   Unfortunately there are no blanket set of "rules of engagement" Every company is different and sometimes within a company rules are different for each team or each manager within a team.

   If a company's leadership says "our doors are always open" that doesn't necessarily mean that those rules are baked into corporate culture, and you'll never know if you are working for a company with true open doors or you are working for a company that just says that.

   So to be safe: "always check in with your manager before stepping outside of your reporting structure".

   Got an idea for another manager or department? Run it by your manager first and see how they want you to present it. Your manager might want you to write it up so they can present it or they might "give you permission" to talk to the other manager, or your manager might say "you don't need to check in with me before talking to another manager, just go ahead"

   If that seems parental, in some cases it is, but it doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. Managers are charged with managing their staff and what their staff is doing and if an employee brings an idea to another manager, that employee could get pulled into extra work. And sometimes, managers are insecure and want to control everything. And when a manager says "just go ahead and talk", you have the confirmation that your manager is okay with your actions.

   And then, if you can, find a mentor who can help you learn the corporate rules for your company.

6. Andrea Macek, Career Change Coach for Professional WomenOctober 12,2021 at 4:07PM UTC

   This is very well said and I agree!

7. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 6:17PM UTC

   Poster here. This is good insight. My manager is not in my field. They are like a general Office manager. Honestly, none of this occurred to me because my managers aren’t in my field.

8. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 5:01PM UTC

   I have also been baffled many times in my career. I would encourage you to find a colleague at your level and run things past him or her. Or post here. I have been 100%shocked at how people like that have answered me. I found their perspectives insanely bizarre. But that doesn't make them wrong. They were probably much more right than I was. Ask and be open to whaat you hear--and then be willing to totally change your gut feeling and resulting behavior. I used to think that if I really thought over every angle of a problem or difficult relationship I'd come to the right solution, only to find I was still wrong a lot.

9. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 5:25PM UTC

   Published? Politics are politics. They are the nuances of business. You learn by watching others and understanding motivation. These are learned with experience just as socials norms differ in different context and are learner

   You watch people meeting expectations in social hierarchies and navigate unspoken norms just by staying alert and using your emotional intelligence. Its a way to influence outcomes and navigate complex social & professional situations. It's why EQ is so important to your career. That you can actually learn by reading up on. It helps to read situations and since communication is 80% unspoken it good to become a great reader of the unspoken.

   All these unspoken challenges are around you all day. I intuitively use this as an aid to helping me express myself and lead. But with that said it's not necessary but makes you life easier.

   This doesn't really help explain your management's politics but it's a place to start.

10. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 6:44PM UTC

    You need to watch how successful people use unwritten ques and honor those around them by navigating management styles and communication rules. You learn by watching and picking up successful habits of successful people. There are reasons certain people can command a room, can move discussions where they want them to go and gain respect as a influencer by saying very little. They observe and pick up on the politics and subtleties in an organization. People listen to them because the can maneuver around politics and personal boundaries. It's an art that you learn by observing successful dynamic people and develop by practice.

11. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 2:14AM UTC

    This is a good idea. In today’s remote world, I am rarely in a meeting with others. I’ll have to ponder this.

12. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 3:15AM UTC

    There are a million blogs, videos and TedTalks &,books around this subject. It is actually something that can be learned abd practiced.

13. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 8:43PM UTC

    I would say in this example, you went over your boss's head directly to his boss and create an uncomfortable situation both for your boss and the client.

    You're referencing and open door policy likes its a literal guideline or s.o.p. in this company and most others that policy is not to be taken literally but I understand that you are not privy to corporate culture so you learned a lesson.

    Next time you'll know that being a top performer doesn't necessarily correlate to being business savvy. There's a way to perform and there's a way to handle yourself or conduct business. Next time run these things by your boss to get a read on how you should handle things.

    Culture and behavior and conduct are all part of another language you need to learn for success.

14. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 2:20AM UTC

    Thank you.

15. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 2:18AM UTC

    These were 2 different scenarios. Just examples. I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me. I don’t perceive things the same way as others. Am I socially awkward? I don’t know.

16. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 1:50PM UTC

    I recently learned this harsh lesson. I went to my CEO, a female, because I really like her and all we did was speak about general topics for about 10 minutes. We both enjoyed the natural and flowing conversation.

    However, the next day I was called into my boss' (Director) office and raked over the coals for a solid hour about never going over, around or through her again. I still feel I did nothing wrong but I will never do it again! That was a painful lesson.

    I am allowed to talk with the CEO if she comes to my office. However, my boss will grill me on what was said.

17. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 6:21PM UTC

    Why is this a bad thing to do? Okay there is a chain of command, but what is the issue with having a relationship with others outside from our boss?

18. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 6:35PM UTC

    my response will sound harsh but it is what it is. each office and org is different. in top-down places talking up the chain will be a problem. you can like it or you can leave it, but asking 'why' will not get you anywhere.

19. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 11:39PM UTC

    It’s not harsh. That was the answer I was looking for.

20. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 12:26PM UTC

    Good luck!!! I realized that having the ability to interact with different personalities is a plus and a gift. What is written by your company does not translate into what is actually true. They may have a lot of wonderful policies but it is better to get the lay of the land before you actually use one of them. Give yourself a grace period before acting on any so called "policies".

21. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 6:12PM UTC

    A good point on “not taking their word for it.”

22. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 1:42PM UTC

    I once worked at a MAJOR financial instotution that always said they hand an open door policy - except when I walked into an open door to ask a question, I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed to do that and had to make an appointment.

    My rule after that? Head down, be pleasant, say nothing, contribute what they say they need, document everything and go home.

    The corporates world has sucked the life out of me.

23. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 2:06PM UTC

    I wish I could say this wasn't the norm but I've really only had one boss that didn't have an ego the size of Jupiter. In my experience, "open door" policies, especially in large corporations, are generally lip service. Unless you work in a truly collaborative environment it's best to follow the chain of command so they don't have the urge to beat you with said chain. That being said, sometimes you run across an organization that is in the middle of transformation where you may be able to do this sort of thing. Right now I'm in a situation where my direct boss isn't a very well respected individual but he is protected by a c-suite executive. His boss frequently goes around him to work with me and my equivalent on another team so I let him initiate that but let my boss perceive he's in the loop and I'm not going around him. It's ridiculous but necessary as many times people have made their way to the executive suite through manipulation and sociopathic narcissism that is rewarded. Many companies are still stuck in the past and this type of management style was once highly valued. 20 years from now we'll hopefully look back on this with disbelief that these things happened at all.

24. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 6:15PM UTC

    I have worked in various places where leaders went around bosses to work directly with someone. Is that universally viewed as a lack of skill by the manager in the middle?