Hello everyone.

21 Comments

1. Carmelita ErvinJuly 11,2022 at 12:39PM UTC

   I commend you for quitting a toxic job prioritizing your mental and physical health over a paycheck. When you start your new job, remember why you left your previous position and why you chose a new one. Once you do some introspection and became aware of your feelings then you will make better decisions going forward. Continue to be self-aware of your triggers. Maybe consider having an honest conversation with your new boss to help reset your expectations for a new positive work experience. Focus on you and how you can be more successful. And remember to build a support network. I know that the after-effects of a toxic work environment can be challenging, but with persistence regarding your mental health and a support network, you will be able to take full advantage of this new opportunity and professional life you are starting. I wish you all the best! You reached out so I know you a can make it!

2. AnonymousJuly 13,2022 at 3:27AM UTC

   there’s one caution about this which is most bosses don’t want in on personal drama and trauma victims often become repeat victims by being to hopeful and trusting of others.

   Stay open to a covered ADA diagnosis if you do have a chronic stress, or trauma, or anxiety disorder so rather than divulge information you are still healing from, you can tactfully get needed reasonable accommodations with divulging as little private and health information as possible.

   I used the trust thing. But it backfired. The new boss had a 19 year old daughter with PTSD and had frank conversations with me about her frustration that her daughter “doesn’t do what she’s just supposed to do [to get better]” then the boss, nearly my same as, transferred stereotypes onto me.

   i was 39 when I started working for this person. I had been assaulted multiple times, lost my parents, lost my adopted parents, was abused in foster care, aged out of foster care, was neglected, malnourished, and had severe medical needs that were written off as “emotional.” On the one hand I was so relieved to be diagnosed with real diseases that were treated with many surgeries. But it’s also salt in the wound.

   If i had a chance to start all over again. I would have kept my business to myself.

3. KileyAugust 15,2022 at 7:26PM UTC

   Excellent and considerate advice.

4. AnonymousJuly 11,2022 at 1:03PM UTC

   I agree with Carmelita’s advice as well! To add to that, try to ENJOY the month you have off since that time is hard to come by. Do things that make you happy and things that relax you so you can unwind from that traumatic experience.

5. AnonymousJuly 11,2022 at 1:13PM UTC

   Only two weeks?! Give it some time and space. I’ve experienced extremely toxic work environments over the years, and in my experience, the trauma can last for months- even years. Time does heal. Consider talking to a therapist or talking it out with a friend. Meditation, exercise, and yoga have helped me cope. Unfortunately, this happens more than you’d think.

6. AnonymousJuly 11,2022 at 1:27PM UTC

   I have found that writing a "letter" on paper (or typing it but in a Word doc and not an email) is helpful in purging negative thoughts and 'speaking my mind' to those who have hurt me in some way. I never send these letters, of course, but it does help me see what is really bothering me and gives me back some of the power/control so I can move on.

7. AnonymousJuly 11,2022 at 1:36PM UTC

   I have an experience that might relate. In a previous job, I had been micromanaged so much that if I did my job independently I had a "talking" to. Which frankly impeded my performance. When I left that place and was finally able to have my independence again, I found myself second guessing everything that I had been confident in prior to that experience. It does take time, and give yourself a bit of a break when/if you get triggered. Take a moment to take deep breaths and think things through rationally to understand that your reaction may be due to your past experience. Best of luck with your fresh start!!

8. AnonymousJuly 11,2022 at 2:32PM UTC

   Even though this is a normal reaction to separate from a toxic environment, if you are experiencing extreme symptoms, I would suggest therapy as a fast way to recover.

   Therapy can provide you a sounding board and an opportunity to learn tools to gain a healthy distance from the trauma and ways to move beyond it.

9. AnonymousJuly 12,2022 at 2:36AM UTC

   Just want to echo the recommendation for therapy. I’ve been in therapy since March 2021 for something that happened to me in April 2020 ( I resigned from an incredibly awful work experience) and it shook me to my core. It’s been a year and a half and I am finding the strength and confidence to succeed in my new job. Definitely recommend it for support if you are still struggling ❤️

10. AnonymousJuly 11,2022 at 9:56PM UTC

    1) Get a Journal and jot down how you feel, on your yukkiest days and happiest days.
    It is good for reflection.
    2) Watch youtube videos on healing from trauma. This is a really good one: Dr. Paul Conti: Therapy, Treating Trauma & Other Life Challenges | Huberman Lab Podcast #75
    3) Meditate/Pray & Exercise: Walk 45 min everyday. Get out in nature. Sunshine, nature, ocean even for 20 min/day emits frequency aligned with your brain waves and healing.
    4) Be kind to yourself: This journey called life has so many twists and turns. There will be good moment and horrific moments, it is unfortunately part of the process. What is important is that you learn what you can and try your best to look forward. Love yourself and know that God created you with a purpose and every challenge in life is meant to make you stronger and more resilient.

    Good Luck and Continue to Look Forward to your bright destiny ahead

11. Steph ReileyJuly 11,2022 at 11:19PM UTC

    There are an increasing number of counselors who focus on workplace trauma. Two weeks is also not a long time to recover from a really lousy work environment. Be patient with yourself.

12. AnonymousJuly 12,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

    I had a dream about a dysfunctional workplace last night, and my last day there was last August! By the time I left, I was on 3 psychiatric medications, and the dosages of each had to be increased. I'd been seeing a therapist for several years, and I still see her (and I still take the meds). I've been applying for jobs, but I fear I'll be rejected if the hiring officials hear bad things about me, and I replay in my mind the things I should or shouldn't say in interviews.

    The technique that helps me with rumination is called "thought-stopping." I still lapse at times, but getting out more, visiting family, and making new friends has helped me out. Also, I do food delivery, and I get a dopamine hit whenever the customer increases the amount of the tip after the delivery. (got a big boost last night!)

    I think it's normal for an intelligent, hard-working successful & intelligent person to feel driven to try to find answers to uncomfortable (and outright wrong) situations. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

    I like this doctor's video about rumination:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAT9pFN2GqU

13. AnonymousJuly 13,2022 at 3:12AM UTC

    Preach.

14. AnonymousJuly 12,2022 at 2:38PM UTC

    I am so sorry you're going through this!

15. AnonymousJuly 12,2022 at 2:58PM UTC

    5 months since layoff from 8+ year toxic job and still recovering. I am looking in a different direction for work (I get stomach cramps and headaches when I look in my current field). I have been writing everyday about my life, positive and negative. It is helping me put things in perspective. I haven't gone to therapy yet, but have plans to in the near future. Talking to my husband and son has helped. Working on projects that I didn't have time or energy for, due to job stress, has also helped. Good luck and try your best to keep an optimistic attitude. It does get better.

16. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 12,2022 at 8:17PM UTC

    I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Being out in nature - walking, bike riding, running - is a great way to help facilitate an attitude adjustment. Meditation helps some folks.

    Volunteering, doing things for other people or animals is another great way to help build confidence, take your mind off things, give people a sense of purpose and get them out of their own heads. It's kitten and puppy season so I'm sure your local Animal Shelter could use your help either volunteering or fostering.

17. Patricia ManroeJuly 13,2022 at 5:13AM UTC

    Try to put the past behind you. Focus on your new upcoming job more. Try your best to stay positive.

18. AnonymousJuly 13,2022 at 1:59PM UTC

    I am almost two months out of walking out on a toxic work environment. Day 1 I felt amazing and on Day 2 - I had a massive meltdown, on the floor in a ball crying questioning every decision I had made.

    Journal, meditate, move your body. Give yourself time to heal from leaving a toxic work environment, BUT do not give yourself a hall pass to sit around and replay every conversation, mistake, emails, etc.

    You have an opportunity over this next handful of weeks to radically change your mindset, habits, etc.

    I would suggest revisiting what aspects of the toxic work environment caused you the most pain and create boundaries around those experiences, triggers, and situations.

    What do you need to do in order to not allow the same behaviors, triggers, emotions, and experiences follow you to this new job?

    What methods of self-care (personal development) do you need to do outside of the office to strength your mindset?

    Often those who see us walk out of a toxic environment as we are in the wrong or a bad person - in reality, you did one of the most courageous things, by choosing yourself.

19. AnonymousJuly 13,2022 at 5:46PM UTC

    I went through something similar. I had nightmares and struggled to get past sexual harassment I'd endured. Panic attacks, everything. I was afraid I'd jeopardize my own success in my new role.

    For me, building a relationship with a trusted psychotherapist was life-saving. Now I have an amazing job, with a supportive male leader, and have even re-explored dating again.

    Hang in there, and I say don't be afraid to ask for professional help if you find it's getting to be too much.

20. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    I had a similar experience 5 years ago. It is extremely traumatizing and what I found worked for me was primarily the passage of time. (Although I'm sure that's not what you'd prefer to hear.)

    I also found discussing the situation with close friends and family helpful as their horror at what I had experienced was validating and reassuring.

    Finally, I undertook a lot of self-learning on mindfulness and cognitive behaviour therapy to help me to recognise my triggers, and manage my response to situations that my subconscious felt were the same, but in reality were just part of the normal experience of dealing with people.

    Unfortunately, there is no magic cure-all. But you should remind yourself that you've already done the most important thing, namely getting yourself out a a situation which was damaging to you.

    Give yourself kudos for having that self-respect.

    I wish you healing and success in your new role.

21. AnonymousJuly 28,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

    I’ve found that therapists can’t relate to workplace trauma, as many have never worked in such an environment. On the other side, I’ve found HR professionals to be lacking in empathy for the traumatized employee. Anyone have specific recommendations for true workplace trauma therapists? Or links to share? Thanks!