I literally feel sick to my stomach everyday I come to work right now.

25 Comments

1. Regina BrownMarch 30,2023 at 3:18PM UTC

   Whoever is the authority over your boss needs to see these notes. Stress can be very, very toxic and harmful to your mental well-being as well as physical. The first thing you should probably consider it a leave of absence from work. Then you may want to speak with your therapist about writing some kind of letter stating why you need the LOA from work. That alone will raise questions about your well-being.

2. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 3:48PM UTC

   Your post doesn't mention that you're actively looking for a new job, rather just thinking about it now. What barriers exist that are preventing you from planning your exit and taking steps to execute on that decision?

   Suffering is a choice and I think you already know this behavior won't change. Your therapist can confirm your suspicions every time you meet with her but it will ultimately be your decision to chart another path. Best of luck in your search.

3. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 4:20PM UTC

   The Sunday Scaries are real. I occasionally will suffer a bit of insomnia on Sunday nights because my mind is already moved on to my never ending to do list for the week.

   Now with that said, I have also been in a job where my boss was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I stuck it out for a year, but the stress of it started to take a toll on not just my mental health but my physical health. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, if I did, I was combative, I was not a nice person to be around. After one particularly bad morning, I said eff it, I'm out - and walked off the job (after firing off one last email). Not ideal, no...but I was to the point where I felt like there was no other option.

4. AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 4:51PM UTC

   You're not alone. I'm in the exact same situation right now. I either feel like I'm going to throw up or have a stress headache. It starts Sunday and persists. Toxic/micromanaging boss, unrealistic expectations, no support, etc.

   It sounds like you're looking for another job, which is good. Control what you can control. Do your best every day that you're there, put in your 40 hours per week, dive into things that bring you joy when you're not working...take care of yourself first.

   You can take FMLA for stress/anxiety due to work. Your doctor can write it up and no one at work needs to know why, if you choose not to share. Your job is also protected during this time. I've heard of taking short term disability for this as well, but I'm not familiar with the process...but I've been looking into it lately myself.

5. Rae WagonerMarch 31,2023 at 12:51PM UTC

   To add to your comment, FMLA does come with guidelines.

   A private-sector employer is covered by the FMLA if it employs 50 or more employees in 20 or more workweeks in the current or previous calendar year.

   It would be a good idea for our OP to investigate if she is eligible for FMLA before filing.

6. Stephanie CayneMarch 30,2023 at 11:42PM UTC

   At this point, does it make sense to share your frustration with your boss. You and your work ethic are suffering in this environment - why not confront the issue head on. You'll need to be diplomatic and not start the blame game. Explain that you value this job and want to do the best work you can do. If there is a different way to approach X, then please let me know. I can't imagine that any supervisor will respond negatively to that - you are reminding him of his value, which in turn can work favorable for you. Good luck!

7. Erin Thomas, Career + Leadership CoachMarch 31,2023 at 12:35PM UTC

   Hi, oof, sounds horrible, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

   A few thoughts:

   1- maintain boundaries at work and if you don’t feel safe with your ED then avoid as much as possible. Find an ally or two at work for support.

   2- Clarify your target roles and align your resume and LI.

   3- Network and apply to jobs and tailor each and every resume to a tee.

   4- Craft your professional narrative/story and incorporate in your resume and LI, networking, and interviews.

   Good luck and happy to hop in a free career upgrade consultation call where I’ll build you a road map to increase your salary and move into a job you love.

   https://www.careerupgradecoaching.com/book-schedule-with-erin

8. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 12:38PM UTC

   i’ve experienced this, and I empathize it’s awful.

   I ended up in the emergency room, being treated for stress, high, blood pressure, etc. etc. my doctor wrote me a note telling me to stay home for a week. During that week, I had to come to terms with no matter how financially hurtful leaving would be it needed to be done, I went to therapy with a stress therapist and they too said being financially strapped would be better than what I was being put through with this abusive owner of the company, they were times when I just wanted to lunge across the table and strangle him, and punch him, because his ego and his opinions and putting down people was so nauseating.

   I knew that I couldn’t control myself, which was the first time in my life .

   I found another job. I really didn’t want the job but it was an escape. I knew if I gave notice it would just be ugly so I packed up my things one day and just left. I knew I wouldn’t get paid either, but I accepted that because he was such a horrible individual. I actually feel he was evil ,start looking for a position, if you have to put your résumé out there with a pen name and keep your company of your present employer, confidential as well. Best of luck.

9. Orlagh CostelloMarch 31,2023 at 1:06PM UTC

   I've experienced this. Change jobs, if you can at all. No job is worth it!!

10. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 1:08PM UTC

    I have PTSD from an abusive marriage and was in your particular situation. I sat down with my boss and explained that his behavior was terrible for my mental health. It didn't help because he was a "drill sergeant" type and a screamer, so it was part of his persona. Couple this with public shaming, and I was a total wreck. I know this isn't an option for you, because your boss is the ED, but perhaps someone on the board of directors can help. I went to the company's VP, and the boss was moved to another department.

11. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 1:43PM UTC

    What's ED?

12. AredtigressMarch 31,2023 at 7:36PM UTC

    Usually means Executive Director

13. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 7:55PM UTC

    Ty for responding. Googling brought up the one definition not appropriate for this post. Lol

14. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 8:39PM UTC

    Haha! I can guess what that is!

15. AnonymousApril 1,2023 at 4:02PM UTC

    And he likely has it. Just 1 of his problems.

16. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 1:51PM UTC

    your body is keeping score of how toxic this feels for you. When you say,' you feel trapped.' Is it because you cannot make job changes? I feel for you. I hope you will find a way to move on. I do support a person work through some of the issues in workplace; however, if it is affecting your health, you have to put your needs and health first and make the change sooner than later. I also often say to self, "maybe I'm too this, I'm too sensitive, not this enough and not that enough." NO!!! The other person you are dealing with is a complete jerk and vile. My point is, in your process, do not self doubt, there's a reason you are reacting the way you are., You've got this.

17. MislynMarch 31,2023 at 3:12PM UTC

    Oh yes I have been there. Find a new job asap. I went through this for a long time at a job too long actually. My job tore my family apart. Marriage fell apart kids were spending more time with their dad because I was just always on edge and short with them. I always brought my anger and stress from the job home. I constantly had a nervous stomach while at work like I felt like I was doing something wrong. It was like something changed over night for me at work. I documented conversations everyday in case I needed them later and shared them with a good friend so she would know what I was going through. I started looking for a new job right away. I should have just quit but I needed the income. You need to start applying for any job you are interested in and get your mental health back before it’s to late. It’s so sad that so many women go through this with their gaslighting narcissistic bosses. They don’t realize they own the business not the employees.

18. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 8:38PM UTC

    Most of them don't even own the business! LOL-they are mere employees just like you and I-who by some ungodly act b's'd their way into a supervisory position! There's nothing worse than insecure people in positions of power. Get out as fast as you can. It's simply not worth it. These people really buy into their own BS because the moment they leave the office, they lose the power. They are nothing outside the office.

19. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 5:55PM UTC

    Your post gave me flashbacks. I started having both heart and stomach issues at my last job due to the stress and completely toxic bullying/mean girl work environment. Honestly, if you are dreading work that much, it is time to get out and to find a better fit. It is not worth sacrificing your health and mental well being to have to deal with that every day. Best of luck to you!

20. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 6:16PM UTC

    You could file a formal complaint both internally to the HR dept and also to the EEOC and your local authorities. Be sure to use the words toxic and unsafe as those will net the company a need to respond within 30 days to a formal complaint. It will also protect you from retaliation and may even soften the behavior until you can get a new job. Definitely when checking out your prospective new employer look to see who has left and perhaps check the why before you make a move. Alternatively see if your doctor will give you a medical release to WFH which may help.

21. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 8:35PM UTC

    You always have options.
    Taking FMLA, speak with your primary care physician and have him put you on short term disability, etc.

    You can also speak with yiur therapist to help you find ways not to internalize your fear and anxiety. Having them place labels on your situation is not helping you.

    You clearly need to find ways to deal with your situation. Just sucking it up is not an option.

22. AnonymousApril 1,2023 at 6:50PM UTC

    I took short-term disability over a year ago because I was ill with pneumonia but firmly believe I wouldn't have been as sick if it weren't for work stress. Taking leave helped me catch a break, set some much needed boundaries, it just helped a lot. It's gotten a bit much again, so I'm in the process of leaving to start my own business but this helped me through a very tough time and get my head together. Good luck, there are laws to protect you as others have mentioned.

23. AnonymousApril 1,2023 at 11:12PM UTC

    I have only been at my job for a few months and I hated it from the very first week.
    I am in my 6th month and can't believe I made it this far. I would have crying spells,go straight to bed after work pretty regularly if not working late,and feeling depressed every weekend. I ended up getting shingles and I rarely get sick. I believe the job stress dealing with a difficult manager is the cause. I actually like the work but my manager makes it miserable with her impatience and annoyed behavior which is pretty constant, every single day, she is annoyed or mad at someone,not necessarily me, but there is that annoyed impatience that implies "you better not make mistakes". She will very quickly run through instructions and expect me to get it and perform quickly,and I am often left trying to remember all she showed me. I feel she prefers my coworker under her over me as she is much nicer and sensitive when he asks questions but she shuts me down at times when I ask questions and will make an angry face. He was here 10 years and she is always saying how wonderful he is . It makes the job unenjoyable and I hate working with her.When I got shingles she was clearly annoyed but gave me one day off. I work remotely so I could still work. I so want to get another job but she is going on leave and I hope to make it through her leave. I feel like I'm failing if I leave without at least staying a year or two. So I also feel a bit trapped even though we do have choices.i just don't want to ruin my resume. I want to find something else too.

24. AnonymousApril 2,2023 at 12:38PM UTC

    Absolutely start looking for a new job. I went through this and the stress caused my body to completely go against me. I lost an enormous amount of weight giving me hyperthyroidism, my blood pressure was 175/105 ON MEDICINE, and I developed a swollen lymph node at the back of my head that was the size of a quarter that would cause so much pain and debilitating headaches rivaling the hypertensive headaches. No job is worth your health. Ever. If you can’t immediately leave, request fmla. And in the meantime, apply and interview with other companies, continue therapy, and do whatever you need to do to make sure you come first.

25. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachApril 3,2023 at 5:19PM UTC

    So sorry you are going through this. Sounds like the best thing for you is to create an aggressive plan to leave this position and manage your feelings at your job in the mean time. If you want some support in finding another job quickly & managing your mind so whats currently going on does not give you "shutdown stress", here's my consult call link . I'd love to support you. https://maeganmillercoaching.as.me/?appointmentType=36003743