I'm officially confused.

Anonymous

September 7,2022 at 3:27AM UTC

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I'm officially confused.

I recently began a new position at my company and two of my team members are consistently tardy, absent, and not completing work in the proper hours or time. Despite my manager consistently stating that they are aware of the problem with the other two employees, they are still having the same issues 5+ weeks later. Recently, I have been ill with a bout of IBS and have had to stop taking an anxiety medication due to adverse side effects this has been an adjustment and I have missed two texts from my manager and 1 text (about an extracurricular work event) from an executive. My boss immediately texted me about being unprofessional and that they "need to make sure that I am deserving of my raise and promotion". I apologized profusely and tried to explain where my head was at (because apparently when one of my teammates was awol for a week because of "personal reasons" that was totally okay with that even though it was on company time) but was sent another aggressive message about how I was being completely unprofessional and am required to respond to all communication no matter what time of day and that they "never want to get a text from their boss asking if I was seeing a message again".

For some background, at my last company, I was repeatedly reprimanded for working "outside work hours" and was told that it was unprofessional to speak and communicate work stuff after hours. Honestly, I'm really pissed off after seeing that I have coworkers that literally have taken whole weeks off without any notice or using their PTO but I missed a couple text messages and now I'm being grilled because an executive was asking me about Fantasy Football and I didn't reply right away.

Is this normal behaviour? how should I move on from this and deal with the fact that there is clearly a difference between the way I am being treated and the way my coworkers are. It's a remote position so I guess I could be being sensitive because it's hard to communicate digitally, but I don't know. I've only been at the company for a couple months and don't want to jump to conclusions but I am pretty upset and could use some advice about how to handle the situation going forward. I can be pretty strait-forward and blunt about things when I speak so my boyfriend suggested that maybe I've put a target on my back "asking for people to be more critical of me" or that my boss feels like I'm being critical and it kind of biting back.

Help.

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AnonymousSeptember 7,2022 at 6:10AM UTC
First, take a deep breath and return to your medical team about treating the IBS and getting a different med for your anxiety. Also be aware that your anxiety could be fueling your IBS— I note this from personal experience. What is clear is that added stress doesn’t serve you well at this time.
Second, if you are describing the situation accurately, your new manager sounds dreadful. I wonder if your manager was berated by the senior executive because you missed a non-urgent email, or if your manager was just over-reacting? Either way, it seems as if your new manager has not been a sympathetic or supportive boss. I don’t think that this situation sounds normal or healthy, so give yourself the option of moving on if things don’t improve soon.
Finally, there is the matter of your direct and blunt communication style. I also have direct and blunt tendencies, and have found that it can create the impression that I challenge or do not respect authority, even if this is not my intent. My observation is that this communication style is less tolerated in women than it is in men. Unfair, but there you have it. Might some coaching be useful in helping you to modify your communication style to some degree? This would be a useful investment that could improve others’ response to you, reduce your anxiety and move your career forward.
Farah BajwaOctober 3,2022 at 11:17PM UTC
I agree with Anonymous below. 1st, as my dad says, "health is wealth." yours needs to come first (I say that as I struggle to take my own advise, lol). second, certain conversations are best over the phone rather over texts as tone, emotion aren't as well conveyed. 3rd, if you feel you can't have a sit down with your manager to get on the same page, consider getting some advice from your HR. At the end of the day, if you feel the environment is too toxic or has no room for improvement, consider looking for other opportunities. Nowadays its generally okay to have a gap in your resume, or a job that lasted a few months so long as you can give a down to earth explanation, like "I felt I didn't mesh with the work environment or the role was different from what i expected". Always put yourself first because no one else will. Good luck!