I am struggling with an opportunity for a potential promotion that requires relocating.

Rachael L

September 4,2022 at 5:56PM UTC

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I am struggling with an opportunity for a potential promotion that requires relocating. First, I wasn't expecting this for a few years. My sons are 6 and 4 and the new location doesn't have as good of pre-k and K options as where we are at. This move would also put a lot on my husband, a stay at home dad who would be essentially single parenting during the transition. We also have our dream home, are near family and just put in a pool last year. In addition, I would feel like i was abandoning my current team amid a lot of turmoil. However, this new job is one I definitely want and know I could be VERY successful at. It is a crucial next step for my long term plan and I would thoroughly enjoy it.

Here's the worst part: I am worried that I am unconsciously self sabotaging. The week of my first round interview was one of my worst emotionally with some unexpected resignations from key players under me in my current position. I spent the whole week putting out fires and as a result, wasn't as prepared as I wanted for the interview. I have a second round coming up and need some advice on how to address this without sounding like an excuse.

Has anyone been through a similar situation?

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JJSeptember 4,2022 at 6:13PM UTC
Not similar, but your first paragraph seems like there are several reasonable reasons to stay put. You are valued and there will likely be future opportunities. Not everything is self sabotage—sometimes it’s just following you instincts and saying no.
AnonymousSeptember 4,2022 at 7:35PM UTC
You have listed all the negatives in the situation but yet you feel compelled to put yourself through the interview process? I don't get your objective here?
Rachael LSeptember 5,2022 at 12:06PM UTC
Greater impact, advancement, taking on a new challenge, and leading a mature team that would allow me to get out of the weeds and onto strategy are all huge positives. I tend to get in my head a lot and focus on the "obstacles " once I have decided the reward is worth it. Sorry if that didn't come across clearly initially.
AnonymousSeptember 4,2022 at 7:54PM UTC
I think you should first concentrate on nailing the interviews and negotiating a salary package. Can't wait to here about your success.
AnonymousSeptember 4,2022 at 9:05PM UTC
Get a journal and write down in detail all the pros and cons.
Make a third column title it non-negotiables. And factor the worst-case scenario for those non-negotiables. This would help you both put everything out there and discuss from a logical and practical perspective. Discuss with the hubster to get his perspective.
PreK and K: Not sure what changed between the 80s and today in terms of what is taught at this level but if not much perhaps look into the school systems for 1st grade and up. Are those schools suitable at the new location? For pre-K and K you can also have your hubby enroll them into online enrichment to offset whatever pre-K and K is lacking.
Moving away from close family and friends could be a shock, but how far are you moving away? 1hr flight or 5-6hrs.
A dream home with a recent pool. Yea, with the housing market about to tank I would have a hard time parting ways with my real estate too.
Based on how and what you posted, you do not come across as ready and given the circumstance I would stay at current location. Now with the several folks leaving, could that be a sign your company might tank? If so, that would be a reason to continue with the interview since you have a single household income.
As far as the interviews, if you advanced to the next level, let whatever negativity you thought transpired go from previous session. And just focus on the steps ahead.
This is a tough one, but I think you if you do an extensive pros, cons and non negotiables analysis like stated earlier, hopefully it would bring some clarity to light on what is best for you and your family. Good luck!
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 4,2022 at 10:32PM UTC
As far as the kids go, wouldn't this be a good time to relo - when they're just starting school?
As for the previous interview - you need to let that go. You obviously did well enough to advance to the next round so bringing up what happened on the previous interview, would just be emphasizing the negative. I would not say a word about it. Wow them on the second interview.
Don't get ahead of yourself - find out as much as you can about the new role, team, organization, reporting structure - all the info you need to make a good decision.
Whether or not to take this potential new opportunity depends on the offer they make you. Then your family can decide what's best.
Crystal HowellSeptember 5,2022 at 1:21PM UTC
Family first, why not (if salary increase allows), you relocate and return on the weekends, to test the company and position before pulling up the family. The family is settled and happy, you may or may not be happy at the new place, you sound like you got this! Sacrifice with apartment or efficiency unit, if you get the job. The 2nd round you don't mention the reccent exit of employees, they wouldn't know?
You can say, if it came up, some leadership changes are in the making from upper management, etc. Never volunteer.
After a year, if all is well, then rent the home for retirement and move ? Good luck, thoroughly check out the company, BBB, yahoo finance, google the name for lawsuits, check with competitors, do your due diligence too!
Lara Ivey KauchakSeptember 6,2022 at 4:06PM UTC
What happens if you don't take the new job? Do you stay at your current role? Is this ok? Are there other dream opportunities that you don't have to relocate for? If not, is this ok?
I've personally found that you can't control timing of next great steps. You either jump or you don't. If its with your current employer (an internal promo), you might get 1 more opportunity, but if you continue to turn it down, you will not get other internal offers.
A new role with a promotion is rarely a completely winning situation - there are always downsides. What do you and your husband really want?
I do agree that moving kids at 4 & 6 is pretty easy. Its prior to 1st grade and not too hard to get involved with activities and schools to meet new friends (and their parents).
At the end of the day, you have to decide what is most important to you and your family and then lean into that.
Good luck!