I stood up to the office bully who has been targeting me all year...

30 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 11,2025 at 1:46PM UTC

   Go to your boss and request her support. If you cannot get support from them, then go to HR. Make sure you document everything in writing and email it to your personal email. But make sure the bully is emailing you too. That way you have a trail of their poor communication style. Also, go to HR first to get guidance, then have a meeting with your boss and HR in the room. And let them know clearly you enjoy the work very much, want to continue to do a great job, but the colleague seems very aggressive towards you and to others, as others have also witnessed. If this does not work, it's smart to find another job, perhaps in another department or another company where your skills can shine.

2. LauraApril 11,2025 at 2:43PM UTC

   Completely agree with the previous post and just want to reiterate.....DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!

3. AnonymousApril 11,2025 at 3:18PM UTC

   If this person is your peer, I don't think the right move is to confront them directly (I recognize it's too late). The move is to go debrief your manager (slightly more professionally than you did here). Maybe she's been instructed to give you instruction? Maybe she really is supposed to tell you how things are done here? You're allowed to take issue with her tone and the way she communicates with you, and you're allowed to want redirection/correction to come from someone other than a peer, but all you've done is stir the pot and created more drama for someone who, it sounds like, wants that from you.

4. AnonymousApril 11,2025 at 3:33PM UTC

   Unfortunately this is her domain and is run with her permission so your boss will most likely need to take her direction on whether or not you may stay.

   I'm so sorry. I hope you can get back into her good graces while you find a new job.

5. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 12:16AM UTC

   I stood up to the office bullies - documented everything... followed the chain of command and I got fired

6. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 2:19AM UTC

   I would start documenting everything. fast. I did the same with my bully and she ended up firing me. so....I documented and reported her to the labor board.

7. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 12:46PM UTC

   I left my job because of this … it’s only going to get worse. You need to talk with your boss with someone as an eyewitness.

8. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 1:35PM UTC

   This really depends on your boss. If they don’t care whether their team likes each other as long as the work gets done you should be OK if you can document that. If your boss needs an emotional support human to function, and the bully is also that person, you are doomed. Leaders won’t admit to needing an emotional support human and may not even be aware of it but will fight hard and dirty to keep them.

9. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 2:20PM UTC

   I’ve done that as well and I ended up getting fired. Because she is insecure and thinks she’s “top dog” in her delusional mind, I would start looking for other jobs and see if you can get something equal or better. It’s always good to practice interviewing skills. (And it doesn’t hurt to wear a tape recorder around this woman, just sayin!) Document Document Document

10. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 9:09PM UTC

    I'd start documenting everything and looking for a better job. This is toxic and distracting. You deserve to work at a place where you are appreciated and in an environment that is good for your mental health.

11. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:25PM UTC

    This was a helpful learning point.

12. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:27PM UTC

    Interpersonal conflict happens there are push and pull factors. Are there projections here?

13. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:34PM UTC

    It is how you feel about a situation.

    You could write down your strengths and weaknesses. And give yourself esteem. . The emotional aspects are involved in decision making.

14. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:36PM UTC

    Are there non personal aspects of your work you could focus on aswell. That would give you some gains.

15. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:36PM UTC

    Are there alternative perspective?

16. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:37PM UTC

    Could you help or be a buddy to someone who has started new?

17. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:51PM UTC

    If someone has gone to a senior role, they have worked up to get there. It may not be what you want to hear. What are the similarities and differences between your role that is bringing this conflict?

18. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:57PM UTC

    I had someone who was in a different group trying to do this. Despite the fact she had a different boss. She was not able to realize that we were actually already in a different group.

19. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 9:17PM UTC

    We actually don't know facts here, and the other peoples perspectives involved in this. It isn't a school playground. I think it is minimizing the workplace. You have started off a title with bully. We don't know whether she is senior or junior. She may well have other responsibilities. It is emotional reasoning fully. You have given the title of a bully in your mind, without checking facts.

20. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 9:19PM UTC

    How do you know you both have the same experience?

21. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 9:35PM UTC

    You kind of didn't explain how you felt. Angry, sad. How do you know it is not the company culture. You added they work her way. It is the thought that is problematic not the events themselves. Mind reading leads to inaccuracies.

22. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 9:49PM UTC

    Terms such as office queen. is loaded with drama. It feels as if jealousy

    People do bully. Bully as a behaviour and bully as a title are two separate things.

    If some one is communicating in a manner that is affecting the resources you have, or is isolating you from others.....That does not appear to be the case here.

23. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 9:52PM UTC

    If you recieved an award for your work. Your contributions are being acknowledged.

24. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 10:34PM UTC

    I have a family of educators..Usually the ones who give the prizes. They are usually are not the ones who take the awards. If it was anonymised they wouldn't know. To the person recieving the award it would feel that they are not doing anything. The victims of bullying actually their lives are not bearable they don't perform and are not reaching their potential, at some point may stop turning up. A critical assessment is necessary.

25. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 1:17PM UTC

    Wow a lot of these replies are shockingly bot-like. People often minimize the impact of this kind of toxic environment, but bullying in the workplace is a major problem, we’ve all met office Kings & Queens, and i’m sure you know HR is there to protect the company, not you. Sounds like your bully runs the show & yeah pushing back (even though you were right to do so & good for you!) the boss is probably pissed that they might have to be accountable for something. Best to document everything AMAP, and know your allies. Get written testimonials for your good work from colleagues, and your boss, if possible, and hang in there until you can find something more suitable. Good luck!

26. Tina MorenoApril 14,2025 at 1:22PM UTC

    First off, thank you for being so open about your experience. It’s clear you care about doing your job well and contributing meaningfully—and it’s equally clear that you’ve been navigating a very difficult dynamic. Standing up for yourself in any environment takes courage, and I don’t want to minimize that at all.

    That said, I want to gently offer a different perspective—one rooted in long-term strategy, emotional intelligence, and self-preservation.

    You mentioned that this person didn’t like you from day one, and that she holds a lot of internal power. That’s important context—and while I completely understand the urge to push back (especially when it’s gone on for too long), there’s a difference between standing your ground and matching someone’s energy who thrives on control, dominance, or even intimidation.

    The truth is, it sounds like she expected a reaction—and when she got one, she had her inner circle ready to support her. That doesn’t mean you were wrong to assert yourself, but when someone has social capital and influence in a workplace, confronting them head-on (even respectfully) can have unintended ripple effects. Power dynamics matter—and they can make or break how your actions are perceived, regardless of intent.

    This is where strategic leadership comes in. The goal isn’t to “win” against the office bully—it’s to preserve your integrity, your peace, and your position. That often means managing across just as much as managing up or down. If you're still in the thick of it, my recommendation is to pause and reflect on what the bigger picture looks like:

    -Can you document what’s been said or done—without emotion—just facts?
    -Would it help to request a one-on-one with your manager to clarify expectations and reaffirm your goals for the team?
    -Can you reframe this as a leadership opportunity: how do you want to show up when challenged?
    -How do you want others to view your response?

    The reality is, your colleague may never change. But you can. And protecting your peace doesn’t mean backing down—it means choosing your battles wisely and staying aligned with your own values and goals.

    You’ve already been recognized for your work. That’s not by accident. Keep building on that, and let your professionalism speak louder than any outburst or whisper campaign ever could. You’re playing the long game—and that’s where real influence lives.

27. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 3:39PM UTC

    Pull your boss aside or in the next 1-1 ask if anything has changed since that incident. Let them know that you felt bullied and that you needed to take matters into your own hands and stand your ground for the quality and work that you are doing. Professional jealousy is at work here and if queen bee doesn't get her way clearly she will mutiny the team against you, perhaps the manager has also been conditioned for this. Let your manager know that you will document any things in the future and want to know that your work and value at the company is solid and that you want the same professional respect that others expect and nothing more but surely nothing less. Don't bend but don't be so harsh when you communicate this that there is any sense that your are stirring the pot. Leave that to qb and then go back to being a great employee. If things don't warm up you will need to decide how much being friends at work matters vs. just doing your job.

28. Lilye Stallworth ChaffinApril 14,2025 at 4:00PM UTC

    Stand your ground! Someone has to make a stand and maintain their integrity. I stood up to my bully in front of our boss and the boss’s boss. There was an immediate change. Your boss is probably upset that you did what she didn’t have the intestinal fortitude to w. Your office mates are letting her do whatever she wants, giving her undeserved power.

29. Sidney BristowApril 16,2025 at 12:16AM UTC

    Nodding my head, I can relate. The bully in my office is after my job too. So sad that some people live as bullies and get away with it. I APPLAUD YOU FOR STANDING UP. I 100% know it's not easy.

30. LizApril 21,2025 at 4:53PM UTC

    I can relate. My coworker is NOT my boss, but because she has the word "manager" in her title, she often acts like she is. She manages NO ONE. There has hardly been an event during which she hasn't either yelled at me (almost ALWAYS for my not meeting UNCOMMUNICATED expectations) or thrown a tantrum. She takes over entire conversations and shuts me down in front of others when I so much as try to get a word in. I have a dozen hollow apologies from her in the past year, but I've come to the realization that she will never change. She has thrown out the f word (friendship) but often acts the opposite. When management is around she frames herself as a team player but with me, she is anything but. Real teamwork is MULTI-directional, not just upward. Real teamwork communicates in advance- it does NOT throw under the bus. We have a new boss and I'm pondering whether I should tell her why I get such anxiety at events, the reason being that this self-proclaimed diva (yes, she is actually proud of it) has yelled at me in the presence of others, thrown tantrums, or in the least bad scenario, just treats me like "the help." She was so obnoxious at our last event that I nearly walked out. She did nothing but talk, schmooze, eat, and basically act like she wasn't even part of the staff...yet I couldn't even so much as have a 5 minute coffee in between 2 meetings (I took Minutes for both AND I set up everything, while she breezed in super late and did nothing) because apparently Ms. Diva is too good to chip in even half of 1%. Our old boss (who they fired) maintained an environment in which it was perfectly acceptable to yell at me. So she, plus diva, plus another woman who quit would take turns bullying me. I've had people there actually give me props for lasting this long because they wouldn't have been able to take it. But I'm hitting a wall because even though 2/3 are gone, I'm still dealing with it. It also bothers me that the guys who have witnessed her tantrums just sit there like rocks (because she has strategically wrapped then around her finger). Btw, how she acts, to my surprise, was already known by HR. But again, I'm reaching my limit.