Hi!

Anonymous

January 26,2023 at 9:50PM UTC

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Hi! This is more a question I wanted to ask to gain feedback and try to gauge a situation I've had going on at work for months. I've been working at a large chain grocery store for nearly a year and have worked overnights for 8 months out of that time. During this time, I'm not only noticing more and more how conniving some of my co-worker's are, but there's been one older male, possibly a little older than I am (I'm a 43 year old woman), who's taken it upon himself to ridicule me about my speed or how quickly I stock. He's made some snide remarks and bad mouthed me to just about anyone who would listen, including our night foremans. Interestingly these foremans have not only told me about it, but have supposedly confronted him about it and nothing else. No verbal warnings or anything like that.

Point being, he's not my superior in any way besides the fact that he has tenure at the company. Even though I'm not personally bothered by his harassment, it does feel toxic at work because none of the foreman' (All females btw) have written him up for it, therefore making me feel like people he's complained to are really in cahoots and they're trying to get me fired but can't find any legit reasons to even write me up. I have a sense that they think they can do better however, my company has a very hard time keeping employees for several reasons and losing me would only make their jobs harder. Luckily we are unionized and according to the union, as long as I'm busy, it doesn't matter if I'm a little slower than another person. This male seems to to have some sort of complex ?

All this being said, I'm basically just asking for ideas or feedback as to possible reaaons why this particular male is trying to make my life harder at work? I've not been written up for anything so I feel strongly it could be more personal even though this guy has never spoken a word to me or tried getting to know me. Only indirect smart comments insinuating he has an issue with the way I work. On a quick sidenote, I'd like to add I've smelled liquor on this guy's breath but I've never said anythingto anyone about it. Anyway, it kinda feels like he's trying to recruit others against me. I'm generally a quiet person who minds my business. I stay out of the drama and high-school antics.

When I interact with my co-worker's, it's never in a negative way. I do the best I can to stay positive in spite of the toxic and negative work environment. I refuse to allow it to make me leave the job outside of leaving on my own terms. This is why I find it hard to understand why people are so rude or mean towards me if they know nothing of me other than that I do what they do. It's not a competition and it's getting annoying because I don't engage in the gossip. I go to work to work and get through it and go home. Why are people talking about me when they don't know me?

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AnonymousJanuary 26,2023 at 11:18PM UTC
Is it possible that this co-worker goads you because he feels that he can get a rise out of you or because he senses that you are intimidated by his remarks?
I’d suggest ignoring him, or asking the foremen how they suggest he be made to stop, especially if his behavior is accelerating.
If it is the role of the foremen to write people up, ask them to write him up, or find out why no action has been taken. (Is it possible that they are waiting for a complaint from you?)
As for the foremen: it seems that they are on your side in that they have confronted your colleague about his behavior. Again, ask them what your options are and their suggestions for getting your colleague to stop.
Continue to get your work done and stay positive with your colleagues. You are on the right track with this!
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 12:09AM UTC
I suggest making sure the forepersons know of the behavior. I too suspect he is trying to get a response. I deal with that in corporate and often wonder if the other person needs more to do when they are spun up over something that is not their business nor within their control.
if you wish to respond to the coworker, simply offer something unrelated, “well, it might rain tomorrow” or equally dull. Then walk away if needed.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 12:07AM UTC
They all know but have only been there when he's in action and they would even suggest to me that I respond in kind however, because he doesn't know me, he has no right to speak about me especially in an offensive way. I have no desire to have him in my world or acknowledge him in any way and in a sense I think that makes him more comfortable with doing it. My responding by changing the subject won't change who he is and why he started in the first place. I'm moving forward with filing a formal complaint. Wish me luck ??
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 12:11AM UTC
Does your company have an anonymous box that employees can submit feedback or report a situation? If so, is it checked regularly? This coworker sounds like he has problems that you're not aware of, the evidence being the drinking at work and harassing coworkers. That is the first thing I would do. If you don't feel comfortable having a one on one conversation with a foreman, then the second thing I would do is go to HR and file a complaint. Also, what are the chances of you getting all the women who have had issues with him and going as a group to the foreman or HR or both if necessary, Before you do this, ask as many of this women as possible to have lunch together and discuss this where you cannot be heard, or better yet ask them over for dinner or drinks. This is the way to get them onboard with you, because they will feel more free to speak their mind. Also, you might make a friend or two if you want. This guy knows what he's doing and has probably done it before. He is unhappy and a bully. If you don't get good results, go to the next step or resource. Keep us posted on the progress.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 7:34PM UTC
Thank you for your advice! I will keep you all posted.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 12:04AM UTC
Thank you for your thoughts and ideas! I have a feeling I'm being singled out by him and I don't want to involve anyone else but in a way I am quite curious if he has a pattern if doing this to anyone else because it would not only help drive my case in but help get rid of him if he does have a pattern of doing it to others. There's a small part of me though that wonders if he's sick enough mentally to go even further if he were severely disciplined if I went to the lengths of checking with my other co-workers about him. If eventually he isn't disciplined then I will definitely consider talking with my other coworkers. Interestingly, I don't have many female coworkers outside of my foremans. All 3 are women. The male was recently let go on an HR and all the other women working overnights work in other departments so its really just me, 2 older women and one other who's closer to my age I believe. He's not bothered any of them that I'm aware of.
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 12:32AM UTC
They do this because, for some, drama is entertaining and helps make work interesting.
It obviously doesn't have any basis in reality. So you can either let it drive you out of your job or you can take charge.
I use humor on people like this. I would say "oh no Frank......what are you going on about?" " not again frank.....you need to stop watching me! Or just laugh and say....yeah Frank I know........blah blah blah.
You can also file a complaint with your supervisor and request an investigation to corrective action.
Whatever you do don't let it weigh on you.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 11:52PM UTC
Thank you for your comment and supportive words. I absolutely won't allow it to drive me out of my job but since he doesn't seem to care about his, I wouldn't be upset if he were to leave instead ?. I am currently working on a formal complaint.
Kim PfeifferJanuary 27,2023 at 5:13AM UTC
This says much more about him than it does about you
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 7:32PM UTC
Thank you for your kind supportive words.
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 1:54PM UTC
In my experience, if they are talking about you that means they are not talking about them. However, maybe you should seek advice from your Union rep.
RachelJanuary 28,2023 at 7:32PM UTC
Working on that now. I've never been approached by a foreman however about the quality of my work which would make sense if they did as foreman, but I don't believe it has much of anything to do with me, if at all. Every foreman I've worked for has never had a complaint about my work and he shouldn't worried about it either especially because he doesn't know me personally.
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 1:56PM UTC
You know, what. I'm ashamed to say it, but I do this to coworkers sometimes too. Get all nosey about what they do at work, and then gossip about them in a real mean way. It's so negative and ugly. Just for fun or I'm bored ot something. I don't know why I do it, but it's definitely not because theres something wrong with these people! It's me! So keep that in mind. I'm sorry this guy is being a jerk to you. For me, I keep trying to stop being a mean person, but I always revert to it! If anybody has advice for a common sense behavior that I obviously shouldn't partake in - please help!
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 2:24PM UTC
You should be ashamed. This is bullying and you are aware you are doing it, yet you continue. You are doing real damage to not only a persons reputation but their emotional well being. It is truly hurtful to someone to be treated this way and keep in mind could be actionable as well; civilly or criminally depending on the situation. Get yourself some therapy help and learn to be a better person. In my experience, low self esteem and a struggle for power is what drives a person to behave this way and it is not a good look.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 12:28AM UTC
Wow! It takes some courage to be honest about being this way being that it's not a good trait to have at all. I would say though that it sounds like you know its wrong but still do it, which means that you really don't care how it affects others around you? I would go so far as to even say that you have to lack empathy in order to keep doing that knowing how it affects others and still not stopping the behavior. Maybe you have some kind of psychological disorder and should get some professional help for the issue. I'm not the person to really advise you otherwise on this so its curious to me why you wanted to comment on my issue? I'm not a mean spirited person and I don't like bullies but I appreciate your insight.
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 11:17PM UTC
I find this happens in departments that perform more physical labor and repetitive type work that bores people. The workers have so much time to think that they start trying start things just to keep from losing their minds.
Every single person that I've had to terminate in these types of roles have said they didn't know why they kept doing this to their coworkers. They just said everything just kept getting on their nerves.
I think your team should try and mix things up. Try inventory one day, stocking the next cleanup the next.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 7:27PM UTC
Thank you I appreciate your thoughts on this. We're already short staffed however and our jobs are simply to stock the shelves and make them look nice. At the same time, I don't think anyone should be obligated to work around someone like that. He's made the environment very toxic.
AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 11:35PM UTC
Although this is one way to deal with the problem, I do not agree with ignoring comments or joking it off as a response. It would be different if she had already known this co-worker, but she doesn't and he doesn't know her either. From the sound of it I believe this goes a little beyond harassment and maybe borderline stalking. I don't think this is too much emphasis. Look at all the women that have been sexually assaulted or killed because they under estimated the problem or was given the wrong advice. As for management turning a deaf ear or under reacting, lets hope with the Me Too movement that they will have some common sense and be proactive.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 7:24PM UTC
Thank you! I'm moving further up the chain currently and hoping for a good outcome.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 6:56PM UTC
Who knows the why...probably no one but..you should definitely tell him directly to stop. Do so in front of the foreman and let the foreman also know that its not a contest to see who is fastest. Clearly he has either an issue with women on the job or he is professionally jealous of you for whatever reason. You should be sure to document this with your union rep as well and the HR team in your store and also in the regional office. It will likely hinder his ability to move up but do it to protect your own reputation.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 7:22PM UTC
Thank you so much for this advice. I'm currently doing exactly what you've mentioned. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. I work in a huge store and he walked 30 aisles from his aisle (which he does regularly) just to yell loudly when my back was turned "Hurry Up." I then took one of my foreman and let her know I was done with being bullied by him so we went to him and I confronted him. He had the audacity to offer me his reason as to why he had an issue with me which was that he thought I was the slowest person there (which isn't true by any means). I just told him it wasn't his job to watch what I do. He got so visibly angry that he threated to do something (Not sure what but he boiled over with anger that I had the audacity to approach him at all) and put his palm (very closely) in my face telling me to get out if his face. I have contacted my HR because I've already tried dealing with it through my foreman. I think he thinks he's invincible.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 12:47AM UTC
You've made some good points about what his problem could be. I think he has some sort of complex amd he's an alcoholic as well. I don't want to make any judgments about his physical appearance but I have honestly noticed his teeth are rotting and he looks a bit scary in the face. He looks the way he acts if you get what I mean. I did confront him with my foreman present though last night and she didn't blame me one bit so that helped me feel better about it. He was warned by one of my other foreman earlier in the week and strangely he apologized to her and not to me. Now I'm writing up a statement and we'll see where it goes from there. Thank you for your advice ???
Kathy LeskiJanuary 28,2023 at 7:23PM UTC
Although your foreman have shared with you I would take it one step further. I would formally make a complaint to them about this co-worker. He is creating a hostile work environment and no-one should have to work in those conditions. I would tell them you have tried to stay positive and do your work, but it's getting to the point where you dread having to work side by side with him. If the foreman(s) have spoken to him, this should take it to the next level and keep your complaint anonymous. I would also expect that when you make the complaint, the foreman should include HR who would then interview and get examples of the behavior. Good Luck. No one should have to work in a hostile workplace.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 12:39AM UTC
At this point my issue with this guy is already well known within our crew but, it seems almost like people are either afraid to say anything or don't care, dont know what to do, or dont want to do what it takes to handle it. I don't care to stay anonymous though because I did nothing wrong. He's simply trying his best to ruin my reputation (though its not working where it actually matters) or get me to leave which I won't ever allow another person to make me quit a job that I'm good with otherwise. If I quit, it will be on my terms for a better opportunity. I have spoken to my HR representative and am currently moving forward with filing a complaint of harassment against him. Thank you for chiming in ???
AnonymousJanuary 31,2023 at 12:33AM UTC
Hopefully, you've been documenting his behavior. That's critical to showing how he has created a hostile work environment and that's exactly what he's been doing.