DISCUSSIONS

Just taking this space to share a frustration.

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Anonymous

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Just taking this space to share a frustration.

I'm a clinical director in mental health. I've been in my position for ~16 months. My company is a national company. We have acquired practices in new states and will have additional new practices in new states by end of year.

I supervise a staff of 25 and growing. I provide your typical run of the mill duties: supervising unlicensed staff, providing regulation consultation to those who are fully licensed, outreach, patient coordination with our reception staff, therapy, etc.

I have brainstormed ways to improve service delivery and administrative tasks so as we grow we can continue to have a smooth facilitation of operations. I have done all of these things without being asked, without any direction, and without any oversight. I believe that I have gone above and beyond to create sustainable solutions.

Here's where my issue is. My direct supervisor is moving out of his role into one focused specifically on mergers and acquisitions. He mentioned to me that he will be looking for someone to fill his role. He's always said that one of the things he has appreciated is being able to trust me fully because he feels we think a lot alike. To some degree we do. Our goals and outcomes are similar, but how we achieve them is different. I'm more detailed and like to have sustainable structure. He flies byt he seat of his pants everyday.

I let him know that I would be interested in applying for the position. He basically told me that because I have a young child, I wouldn't be appropriate for the roll. His current role requires him to travel about every 1-2 months to each of the offices we have in each state.

I know where he's leveraging this from. I requested to move my hours up so instead of working until 8p most evenings, i can instead be home with my daughter. I did this to achieve a better work life balance for myself and my family. That said, I'm a salaried employee so I work even when I'm home. Last night I was on the phone with a staff member from 8-9p discussing a client. I still work as much as I did when my schedule had me in the office late into the evenings.

The state I live in has 3 offices. None of the other states do. None of the other directors oversee the number of staff that I do. None of the other clinical directors have created documented initiatives to address client retention, employee burnout, outreach needs, etc. I have. Yet he's telling me that because I have a child I wouldn't be a good fit for the role.

I was transparent with him as I'm always a straight shooter, and I let him know that I want to be somewhere with upward mobility. If that's not possible here, he can let me know. I even asked him if he was telling me that he would not endorse me for the role if I applied. In his passive-aggressive way he offered to let me have "some say" in the M&A work he'll be doing, as if this was a reasonable consolation prize. I don't want to do M&A work. I want to continue working in a clinical role.

He acts like my professional role is somehow reduced to less because in my personal life I am a single parent... It just doesn't sit well with me. If I left my role today he would be lost without me. He wouldn't be able to handle my job as he's very emotionally reactive, which tends to burn out the staff. I would hate to leave here as the staff have appreciated having me as their supervisor, especially the fact that I am a buffer between him and them. But I want to be somewhere I can pursue my career goals. What that conversation made me realize is that this company may not be a place I can do that.

I'm feeling frustrated unappreciated. And I wonder if it's time for me to start searching for a better career fit.

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  1. Anonymous

    If you are in the US it may be illegal to say you cannot have the job because of your status as a parent, or your marital status. It’s hard to take action on that without being antagonistic if you DO want to stay, though.

  2. Anonymous

    Is he telling you they can’t put you in that position, or is he trying to be open with you about the travel requirements and that they will affect your family. I assume it’s the later. I would assume he doesn’t want you to move into a position you could subsequently find difficult to manage due to the travel requirements. Those requirements don’t go away just because you have a child - you will be REQUIRED to travel. Based on what you’ve said, you’ve indicated your priority is to be at home and he has no way to know otherwise. If it’s no big deal to pick up for a week or two every other month and you have arrangements for your child during that time, then just tell him that.

    But I would caution you to be very, very sure. Don’t take a job you’ll be terminated from because you can’t meet the travel requirements.

    Lastly, your daughter only grows up once. Take every second you can with her.

  3. SPQ

    Let some time pass before restarting the conversation. It's possible he might be open to a trial period for this arrangement. Hopefully you'll see eye to eye.

  4. GirlBossanova934974

    While I was reading this, I thought I had gone back in time a few decades or something. So the big hoo-ha is about traveling to an instate office every 1-2 months and you have 3 instate offices? That's it? And you're working at 9PM with a subordinate? And you've developed all these programs on your own? Well in that case, I would NOT hesitate one second to apply for your manager's job. Hope he leaves sooner than later. Talk about the good ole BOY club in action.....thought that stuff went bye bye in the 1970s,,,,,,,sheesh.

  5. Coach Nancie Kay Shuman

    So I have to say, as a mental health practitioner and someone who has been in corporate, I am SHOCKED at many things in this post, including the fact that you are expected to work as many hours as you are logging, salaried or not. Also, there is a ton of information out there (easy search on Google Scholar) about team size and effectiveness.

    Now, if you really want the job, I would start with the list you gave us, but also be prepared to address the question which is obviously high on your supervisors list: can you be effective while prioritzing your relationship with your child? And do you have the support needed to do so? And those are the things I would be asking myself as well.

    I am not promting myself, but you might want to speak with a Coach of Counsellor about your goals, both personal and professional, and see if you can come up with a clear plan and make sure you have tools to overcome any obstacles which come your way.

  6. Anonymous

    Breathe first and foremost. What he said to you is a direct illegal statement and is discriminatory. Document the time and date he said that to not only your work email but also bcc yourself and perhaps send this onto HR. Be sure that you do not remain silent about that comment. But be kind when referencing it as a non-problem.

    Now as for this comment: >>I'm more detailed and like to have sustainable structure. He flies by the seat of his pants everyday.

    Keep in mind as a high level manager you are mostly strategic, think of being the air traffic controller over many planes. Now in your current position you are in the weeds or just a plane and in the depth of what is going on around the ground. That is not what is needed in the role he is leaving. His "fly by the seat" is him letting his trusted people (you) do their thing and being there if you need him but otherwise not being too "in the weeds". If you want to move up learn that moving to that next level means letting go of details and not being in the small things. Plot a plan for that and get the role you want by showing the leadership of the company CEO/HR and him what you have done STRATEGICALLY that affected the whole company and not just your 25 person team. You can do it you just have to think bigger. Go for it!

  7. Diana Schneidman

    You recognize that the job requires overnight travel or at least May stretch into the evening. You've already said that a top priority if getting home probably to your child. If you think you can accommodate the demands of the promotion, State this to your boss. But if you can't accommodate the demands and you think you're going to change it to make it work for you, don't apply

  8. Regina Brown

    I guess I am a little confused. You changed your work hours to be home with your child. You have to ask yourself, "What do I want"? Being true to yourself that is the best and only way to be truly happy with whatever job position you hold.

  9. Anonymous

    Look at the pros and cons. He seems to have described the cons and he may be right. If you can see his schedule and check if it fits you, then you'll be able to make a better decision. In any case, you have a comfortable job that fits your family responsibilities and your career aspirations can pick up again when your responsibilities have eased after they go to school, etc.

  10. Jackie Ruka

    What Would be your ideal day, what would be your primary focus and why are compromising your family time with work? This leads to resentment , frustration and burnout.

    Step back and put your priorities in order. Only you get to choose what is best for you and your family and I can’t imagine that applying for his role would make this organization any better? Or the workload any less?

    Be true to you.

  11. Anonymous

    To the other commenters implying that the parenting needs to come first and OP is making a choice between career and family.... There is a really big difference between traveling 1-2 days per month and being home for dinner every night. It may be worth mentioning this particular difference to the manager in question, while gently reminding that (if you are int he US), it is illegal to consider family status in a job application.

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