DISCUSSIONS

How do you deal with resigning guilt?

Anonymous Image

Anonymous

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

How do you deal with resigning guilt?

I Began looking for a job a few weeks ago knowing I probably wanted a change sometime earlier next year. Usually it takes me a few months to find a new role but surprisingly I was offered a role and they want me to start at the top of the year.

While this happened sooner than expected I feel a little guilty resigning during such a peak time for my current company. I am not leaving due to toxic environments or horrible people, just simply don’t see a long term career path for me with this company.

Has anyone else ever felt this guilt before a resignation? How do you best handle it?

Why women love us:

  • Daily articles on career topics
  • Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
  • Advice and support from an authentic community
  • Events that help you level up in your career
  • Free membership, always

Like

57 comments

Share

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

57 Comments

Join the conversation
  1. Lauren

    Yes, and makes sense, but no guilt for you. At the end of the day, one has to do what is best for them!

  2. Anonymous

    I always opt for doing what's best for myself in the long run. After all it's my career and I need to keep moving forward. Another week or two in a notice period won't really make a difference

  3. Anonymous

    Lucky you, congrats!

    Leaving any relationship (work or otherwise) can surface these feelings. You are leaving FOR yourself, not any other reason. Feel your feelings and also let them fuel you with pride towards your next adventure.

  4. Annette Reimer

    I stayed at a job for years longer than I should have because I felt I couldn't let them down by leaving. When I finally did, they were truly happy I was moving on and we have maintained friendly contact for years since. The company and colleagues you leave behind will go on. It is how you leave that will be remembered.

  5. Vanessa Hagerbaumer

    Hi there - first of all - I'm totally guilty of feeling guilty about leaving past jobs... even when it was absolutely the right thing to do.

    We are often fearful of the immediate feelings and blowback of a decision while forgetting to take into account the equally real future benefits. A helpful framework for this is the 10/10/10 exercise: consider how will you feel 10 minutes, 10 days, and 10 months after resigning.

    You've got this! :)

  6. Anonymous

    Thank you for the tip of 10/10/10 assessment.Will surely try this after 10months of staying into my next job.

  7. Anonymous

    I really am curious if men feel this same guilt. I think as women we put too much load on ourselves to do it all and be loyal at our own expense. Just think your old company would fire you in a heartbeat if they decided to ‘change direction’. You owe them nothing.

  8. Nina Dale

    My husband just accepted a new position and he feels extreme guilt leaving his current company. He's been agonizing over it.

  9. Stephanie Howell

    If it is something with career growth and something you would enjoy doing..be thankful for the blessings. I have been looking for 6 months and a dozen interviews, nothing.

  10. Anonymous

    This is exactly what I'm feeling right now! I resigned from my job I felt like I'm not functioning I'm out of place and I'm not keeping up with the flow of work. For me, this is the best decision since I'm not happy with the job plus I'm frustrated with the payroll process.

  11. Anonymous

    Pretty sure no company ever felt guilty when they let me go, I do my best to talk myself out of any guilt.

  12. MJ

    If you appreciate the opportunity you were given write a letter such as:

    Dear Boss,

    This is to inform you of my resignation as (Job Title) at ABC Company effective (date, preferably at least 2 weeks away). I appreciate the time I have had with ABC, and will miss you and the staff. It was nice to work with you. Thank you for the opportunity.

    Sincerely,

    Jane Doe

    Act from the heart. Bring some kind of treat into the office during your last week. Be available for the first few weeks for your replacement to call with any questions, and even go in on a weeknight or Saturday to go over any questions. Keep in touch with them. Give the company a good review.

  13. MJ

    PS: my apologies for the lack of proper paragraph formatting.

  14. Diane J Huff

    This is a problem with US workers. We become cogs in a machine and put the company first instead of putting ourselves first. Sure, teamwork is great but personal health and work-life balance are the most important thing. Your growth and career path belong to you and you only. If they had a path for you, you wouldn’t have started looking. Don’t feel guilty. Move forward and let all that go. Since you are on good terms, leave with grace and empathy but at the end of the day, leave as scheduled. That’s all you should do.

  15. Becca Carnahan

    Totally understand the guilt! Try to reframe it as by you leaving the role you’re opening up an opportunity for someone else on your team or from the outside to shine in this position. And you’re giving your company the gift of a new perspective and energy in the role. I find that this helps!

  16. Terry

    Yes, when I was younger I felt guilty for leaving a position in an advertising agency where I loved the people and they treated me great but I there was no long term career path for me, similar to you. I still left the company and pursued the new job. I found I was easily replaced. As my career journey progressed I began to witness other people who were very loyal and worked ridiculous hours for a company only to be terminated or ignored when it came around for corporate America to return the favor. I learned too late in some of my own experiences that it's business and a company will do what's best for them. I suggest you do what is best for you. Hope it helps!!

  17. Ashli J

    I understand the guilt. I’m going through something similar now. The question is when will you do something for you? Don’t spend a lifetime not taking a leap of faith that you have wanted. Your current position will move on and find someone else. Those same people will more than like move on at some point and it’s okay to live your life how you see fit. It’s ashamed as humans we are so programmed when we reach adulthood to have guilt over wanting more for ourselves. I do wish you luck and you will be great in your new role.

  18. Karen Gongaware

    Why feel guilt at all? Your company wouldn't hesitate to fire or lay you off in a heartbeat, AND they would never feel guilt over it. You have outgrown the company and it is time to move on.

  19. jnewburg@gmail.com

    Yes! You are 100% correct -- this is exactly what I came in to say!

  20. Maggie Stone

    When I have resigned, I definitely do have some guilt. I am a Therapist, so leaving clients/patients is really hard. That being said, the hard reality is that we are all replaceable. While there may be a temporary upset and inconvenience, the company and the world will go on.

  21. Vanda Lee

    I've experienced guilt as well when leaving but realized looking back it was leaving my good co-workers & staff...they move on as well ..no organization doesn't feel any separation guilt I can assure you. Take care of you!

  22. Deb Horner

    I recently resigned from my job, and they tried to guilt me into staying. However, (and this was my focus in my resignation and every conversation thereafter) I am responsible for my own health and well being. If I stay, I will not be doing anyone a favor, because I will not be here due to illness. In all honesty, after a particularly harrowing experience with my administrator, I was called by a former boss offering me the best position I've ever had - and I could start 3 weeks later. I gave a week of notice (we shut down for two weeks over the holidays), and left last Friday. I'm excited about what I'm going to be doing. I'm happy for the change. I'm very pleased that my budget just doubled (but then again, so did my commuting costs). You are leaving for your own best interests. Women typically stay too long in dead end positions that fail to benefit them, due to misplaced loyalty.

  23. Anna

    Thank you. I’m notorious for staying in roles where no one cares but me. Talk about misplaced loyalty.

  24. Ciera Pratt

    Don’t feel bad for doing what’s best for you, and they should be happy for you too. Turnover is normal and every person is replaceable, just the reality. Congrats on your new job!

  25. Diane McDevitt

    Let's flip that script - IF you current employer experienced a downward trend or your position was eliminated and there was no other option for them, but to term you - perhaps a nice severance package, and you could collect UE. And your employer would maybe regret having to do that to you. But the employer doesn't make business decisions by weighing his/her/their regret at letting employees go. Neither should you and, if they are good employers, they will be glad that you are moving towards your best self.

  26. Jolien Schwan

    A couple months ago, I left a company after 17 years with them. I believe there is a grieving process. However, if you make the decision that this is the best business decision for YOU and understand that they will go on without you, that confidence helps. Best of luck in your new career!

  27. EMILY KIKUE FRANK

    I always say that a good supervisor will celebrate your success in a new role. Give notice as soon as you can, offer to answer questions for a couple weeks into your new role, and enjoy.

  28. Anonymous

    If you feel guilt, channel it into something productive. For example, create an exit document with all the passwords, links, and file locations necessary for your successor. If that's not appropriate for your position, write a personal note to everyone in the office you interact with on what you most appreciate about them. Do something that honors the time you spent there and gives you a sense of closure.

  29. Sophia Antoine

    That is very thoughtful. I will definitely do this in the future.

  30. Anonymous

    Yes, it feels like '99 did right now. I did the same and had so many options I had to stop looking after one week.

  31. Jocelyn Lyons

    It's definitely normal to feel guilt, and I think I would, too. Keep reminding yourself of the reasons that you started job searching - and remember that you have to do what's best for you! If you don't have a long term career trajectory, it's totally fair to be looking elsewhere. I'm sure you know this, but the easiest decision isn't always the right one. You've got to put yourself first because chances are, no one else will. Even during peak season, your company will likely be just fine. If not, you clearly were overdue for a promotion/raise and that is reason enough to want to find something better for yourself!

  32. Wanda Shaw

    I believe it's normal to feel this way. But if the organization you're leaving is a sound one, and if, as you've said, there isn't a toxic culture, then don't spend too much time second-guessing your decision. You're going on to what looks like a better opportunity and fit for your future goals and career, and I truly believe that your soon-to-be former managers and colleagues wish you well, and would want nothing but the best for you.

  33. Shelby C

    It is normal to feel that way when you spend so much time with people at work. It means you are caring, kind, and compassionate. It is kind of like a breakup, but you are moving on to what is best for you. It is a natural progression.

    Congrats on your new position!!!

  34. Audrey Kirsch

    I've never felt any guilt when resigning. Instead I feel liberated and excited about what comes next. I do miss some of my co-workers but have managed to stay in touch with many of them.

  35. Annmarie Formosa

    I have, especially when you finally feel appreciated for the input you give! But at times you have to take that leap and have faith in yourself especially when you get stuck and the wage is not so good since you have to consider the whole package.

    So I encourage you to believe in yourself in what you do and do your best to keep up with what's going on as unfortunately we spend most of the day at work.

  36. Anonymous

    I believe it's natural to have that feeling but it will subside. Don't let it cloud your decision in moving forward with your life path. It's all good! I'm happy your choosing to put your career goals & needs before their business needs. In the end, they're going to post your roll in the next week or so lol. There's no hard feelings here, so it's all better business decision for you. You'll be fine! Good luck to you.

  37. Anonymous

    As many others said, it is normal to feel this way but think of it this way: even though you may have built strong relationships in this job, it is just business. You may feel bad leaving your coworkers with extra stress at this time of year, but if it's a great opportunity for you, they will understand. Every single one of them would likely do the same in your position!

  38. Anonymous

    Corporations aren't your friend or your family. Do not feel guilt about leaving to better your life.

  39. Anonymous

    Also I am basically appalled by how many people have been indoctrinated to think guilt should be normal. Almost every company will replace workers at the drop of a hat rather than accommodate more than the bare minimum of requests or special needs. And most of those are because of labor laws, not generosity. Your guilt is undeserved.

  40. Rosa Goes

    Good byes are always hard. You need to do what is best for you. It happens all the time, no need to feel guilty about it. Congrats on the offer and good luck to you!

  41. Anonymous

    First of all, congratulations. I’m In a similar position and I’ve reconciled to the fact that it is never a good time. But what I can control is setting up a good handover, processing my feelings (a mix of sadness, loss of comfort, going to miss my boss who has been amazing, a little nervous at the stretch in my new role, and yes a teeny bit of guilt). I really recommend you sit with the feelings you are having and separate out the threads because I guarantee you it’s not all guilt. My boss and colleagues are appreciating the amount of commitment I’m putting into the handover and I’ve provided a bit of extra notice 1.5 weeks more than required legally.

  42. Bradford McCormick

    You only live once. As for leaving a job, unless you're doing it to escape responsibility for your work (like some people get themselves promoted before the product ships...), you've done your best and they haven't done as well by you. Anyway, you could have been killed in a car accident and they would have to cope. If where you are leaving was not the greatest place, remember Lot's wife in the Bible.

  43. Bradford McCormick

    Addendum (since I don't see "Edit"): Of cousre it would be different if your current employer had just paid for you to get a graduate degree with salary + tuition, or something else so generous to you as that. Then, I think one owes them something.

  44. Anonymous

    When my mother worked at a hospital, they would make her sign a contract for how long she had to stay in a position to offset the cost of school. If she left before that time, she was required to pay back a portion of it.

  45. Renee

    How do I read the comments. Am I required to post something first?

  46. Marcia

    I use to feel very guilty when I left a job because of the relationships that I left behind and what I thought that I owed them. However, after witnessing a few layoffs, I started thinking differently about leaving. When a company is laying you off it is “business” not “personal”. However it seems when you leave the company it is “personal” not “business”. I had to change my mindset to understand that I am my own “corporation” and I have to make decisions based on what is good for my corporate or business which includes my health, growth, work life balance, finances, etc. I have a strategy of where I would like to be and I weigh new opportunities against my goals. I don’t job hop but I am always open to opportunities that will strengthen and enhance my corporation. As with any business deal conduct yourself so that there is a possibility of renewing that b2b opportunity with your former employer.

    I too just started a new opportunity that is teaching me something new. Yes, I could have stayed at my former job since I knew how to do it, had a good relationship with my boss, team and my co-workers, and still had a chance to get promoted. That was the safe choice. However, I saw an opportunity to try something a little bit different and so far it has been great. Congratulations on your new opportunity!

  47. Anonymous

    That's so true and interesting about the perspectives on "business" not "personal" being skewed toward whatever the company wants!

  48. Sue T

    I love this!

  49. Anonymous

    I'm in this exact same situation. I genuinely like working with the people at my current job, but it's a bit of a dead end so I'd like to move on and received an offer for the following month. The timing is definitely tricky because of the holidays. So much time is off and I have additional days I wanted to take off in the next month, so I'm unsure when to even make my final day... I feel a bit bad and like it'll be awkward resigning over video but I owe that much too.

  50. Anonymous

    Let me flip the script on your resignation guilt. I worked for a Fortune 500 company for almost 19 years thinking I would retire there. In June 2020, at the height of the pandemic I got a zoom meeting invite from my boss. I didn’t think anything of it, jumped on shooting the breeze and he looked nervous. HR popped up on the screen and I immediately knew what was happening- I was being fired. As the new millennia folks like to say it “laid off, let go”. Wow, I was sitting there in my robe being fired from a job I had grown my career and made high six figures in- they said my position was being phased out. Fast forward to this month, the consultant I hired several years ago, that I groomed now has my old position. It made me feel awful for the moment- they lied- the position was not phased out- I was.

    I say this all to say, are these jobs really dedicated to us as we are to them?

    From my experience the answer is “NO”. They would have no guilt resigning from us as we have for them.

  51. Diane J Huff

    That’s exactly right! That’s basically what I said too. We are far more dedicated to companies than they are to their employees. Leave with grace but not guilt.

  52. Anonymous

    Exactly. I was hired to revamp a product and did a terrific job. I had a great reputation in my organization and was a resource for many of my colleagues. I helped them improve their work and I did so happily without even being a manager. Well, my jealous supervisor did not like the fact that I had more influence and respect than she ever would have and started to bully me. Within two years I was pushed out, but I found a job before they were actually able to fire me for not submitting to the bully's ridiculous demands and incompetence. So yes, it often doesn't matter if you are a stellar employee. They will turn on you or outright fire you-- for a variety of reasons-- profit, malice, politics, you name it.

  53. Regina Brown

    Don't feel guilty, my Darling!! YOU want bigger and better things for YOU. You have an incredible opportunity!!! Not a lot of people get that...in life... much less their job!!

    You're not deserting anybody. The company will survive... guaranteed and YOU need to do what is best for YOU.

    Don't feel guilty, my Darling. Come back in a month and let us know how you like the new job!!! We are here for you...period!!!

  54. Eloisa Jacinto

    Hi there, a good employee does feel a tinge of guilt when they resign during the peak season. But you have to take care of yourself and do what is best for you long-term. I believe your team will understand and they will appreciate if you do a complete and proper turnover of your work. While it is still a burden to receive additional work from a resigning colleague, knowing that you left tying most lose ends or at least enabling them to work better do help. Wishing you the best.

  55. Shanita Taylor BSIS, BSc (Psyc), M.A.E.L

    I will keep it short by saying no, if it's what's best for me and if I feel I'm not getting anywhere or where I should be on the job.

  56. Anonymous

    I think it depends on the circumstances. Leaving behind a good boss and relationships can be at best bittersweet, a worst, heartbreaking if you spent a lot of time on a great team and have cultivated solid friendships. Your colleagues may genuinely be upset but if you're close and supportive of each other, your relationships should continue beyond that office. I'm still great friends with several from past jobs I left many years ago.

    On the flip side, if you're leaving under difficult circumstances such as a toxic environment, resigning may be fraught with anxiety, jealousy, even feelings of betrayal if you're the first one to escape a horrible boss. There's the wonderful satisfaction of handing your bully boss a resignation letter and then there's having to tell your best work friend of five years that you've found and out and have taken it. I left great colleagues because of a terrible boss last year. I did feel guilty even though some colleagues insisted it was a good thing that I take the opportunity to get out of there. I know the toxicity continues and I offer support from afar. I know some are still struggling there but they have stayed for their own reasons.

    In the end, it's best to accept that we all have our own personal career journeys and life goals and that when a good opportunity comes knocking you shouldn't pass it up.

  57. Anonymous

    I am currently struggling with this. I have my resignation letter typed and ready to turn in but the GUILT and fear of how my team lead will respond has me paralyzed. Reading all of these responses over and over again to psych myself up!

Browse recent posts

Netwroking Event: Treating Interviews as Sales Conversations and Communicating Your Value 11/13 11AM ET
Networking Event: Treating Interviews as Sales Conversations and Communicating Your Value 11/13 11AM ET
When you role ends your experience goes with you....
Ready to land your next sales or marketing role? 🚀💜
Hiii everyone!
I'm. Current looking for remote jobs
See more
Fairygodboss VIP
Achieve your career goals.
Be part of the largest online career community for women to find jobs, advice, and support — for free.
Fairygodboss members