Oh, I can relate....
My joke was that I couldn't go to Workaholics Anonymous because I would turn it into a networking event. If anyone could've, I am sure that I would've in my late twenties while I was crawling up the corporate ladder, being careful who I stepped on during my way up, but I still had the force of a freight train. It can be exhilarating to be a woman noticed for her accomplishments and ambition. It doesn't happen enough.
You will burnout if you are not careful. I used to do what you are doing when I was single and in unhappy relationships even more than usual to avoid going home or to have a way to escape when I was at home in order to feel appreciated, accomplished, and needed. It led to a feeling of "needing more". I was always looking for the bigger challenge and where I could make the most impact which led to a lot of job changes until I found the right niche that fit - process improvement.
After I was ready to slow down, I got into defense and it was my dream job again. I was quite blessed. Now, I have reset again and I am an Author.
When I was in previous relationships, I felt more alone when I was with them than I did when I was by myself. That was a large part of what drove me to work. I received so much of my validation and identity from my career, but that is a dangerous place to be and emotionally unhealthy. When people asked me about myself, the first thing I used to tell them was about my career and now it is, "Oh, I didn't know you worked." It has come quite full circle.
I have an app in my phone called ColorNote. I write things down when I have productive thoughts in the middle of the night. The great things about it are:
- Allows for color coding electronic "notes" by subject
- Option for checklist or text
- When you select checklist you can go back and cross things off later
- You can organize lists by project and move the tasks in order, unlike on paper where I found myself rewriting or typing later
- When everything is complete, you can archive it so you can access the information at a later date
My iPhone friends use the voice record diary feature, but I am a faithful Andriod user.
As a fellow recovering workaholic who is also married to one, you need to set boundaries for yourself. If you don't you will find the career you love will most likely become your life and identity which is the opposite of how we should ultimately look at things. We need to work to live and not live to work. Here are some things that help me:
1) Mentoring others - I get a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment from it and while I am using what I have learned from work, I am not working. I am passing that knowledge along (e.g., now).
2) No emails - Learn how to put down your phone when you walk in the door. Do NOT check emails. If it is important, they will call.
3) No phones - Set your phone to Do Not Disturb from the time you usually get home until you wake up. I have mine from 6:00pm to 6:00am. Then, go back and mark family and friends as favorites, go into settings, and allow them to bypass. I also allow any number that calls two or more times in a fifteen minute period to ring the second time.
4) Don't WFH - Don't do work anywhere except your office. It isn't healthy for us to work from home because we never have a chance to leave the office.
Do something that requires a routine like working out or getting a dog. If you have a dog, you are required to come home. You will also relax more and potentially save a life. There isn't anything like those big eyes they look at us with either. You could also volunteer, but you need to do something that is time sensitive that will force you out of the office. I had to have an extremely regimented schedule and my husband still jokes that I even plan to be spontaneous now, but it is true. I don't like surprises, but I don't wrap myself around my work anymore.
Here is a cautionary tale as well....
When I was twenty-eight I was at the prime of my career, sitting on the BOD with powerful men old enough to be my dad, but I was in charge. I had everything going for me. I already had obscene amounts of money being thrown at me to relocate across the country or out of country to the Middle East. I could've bought a house with my salary and I wouldn't have had any expenses while I worked other than storage! Blondes stick out in the Middle East though, so they retracted their offer when I walked in with my strawberry hair, ivory complexion, and blue-green hazel eyes. I don't think they knew I was a woman either, but I digress....
I was very upwardly mobile with a lot of potential and on the right track for success.
Then, I slipped in our garage while doing laundry and broke my back. One accident. That is it. I never went back to "work" in the traditional sense. I almost died from the surgeries and complications. The worst part was grieving for the part of my life that was gone and that I didn't know who I was. I started working for cash at age nine. I was managing a sit down restaurant at fifteen. I had worked over half of my life and owned multiple businesses, but I had NO IDEA who I really was when all of that was taken away. I felt like a teenager going through an identity crisis of sorts, attempting to find myself. At times I even felt emotionally stunted away from work? I felt like a fish floundering out of water.
When I would see people that were recently discharged from the military that were attempting to enter the workforce, I watched and counseled them as they went through a lot of the same experiences. You would ask them who they were and even after they were discharged, they would say they were a (insert branch here) instead of a wife, husband, child, mother, father, friend....
It is difficult to let go of things that we are so passionate about that they seemingly become part of our souls. I loved my job, but the problem is that no job can ever love me back. There is more than work. I didn't learn to balance things and when the poop hit the fans, it really showed. There is no guarantee that we have job security or that we will remain in the same career, so please take a few steps back, reassess, and take time for yourself. I wish that I had. Then, "retirement" wouldn't have been such a big transition.
I am so glad you are doing something you love!
Share your insight
Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.
37 Comments
Join the conversation