I find myself once again seeking employment after I thought I found my "dream job." Turns out the place was incredibly toxic and hostile.

39 Comments

1. Amber GuetebierSeptember 21,2021 at 6:09PM UTC

   Well, I left a job for my dream job, it was super toxic, and I quit. That's how I dealt with it!

2. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 23,2021 at 11:31PM UTC

   Kind of hard when you have no family, a special needs child and no backup. I tried for 90 days. That was my PIP which I actually requested because I wanted to do whatever I could not to lose my job. I knew he wanted me out with every ex employees he brought on board Soon I realized I was training my replacement in 2 weeks into my requested pip. I couldn't figure out what was so wrong so I requested it and it didn' t help. Just made it worse. That man was a monster

3. Trie AngelevaSeptember 21,2021 at 6:34PM UTC

   Ugh, sorry to hear you experienced that. I've been there too.

   One way I dealt with it was to be grateful I recognized it and didn't think it was me being paranoid. Then I was also grateful for not letting my passion for the work and my original joy in getting the job prevent me from seeing the real organizational culture of the place.

   I left it, disappointed it didn't go as I'd envisioned but happy that I wasn't in a place where individuals acted that way. It clearly wasn't a fit for me, and I hope by now those who were toxic and hostile have bettered themselves and the organization too.

   After that, I found a position that had a great work culture, and I was better able to see the signs of a good or toxic work culture before I accepted the job, so all in all, I'm fine I had that toxic experience -- I learned something and I landed in a better place. I hope the same for you!

4. AnonymousSeptember 21,2021 at 6:57PM UTC

   I'm also sad to hear you've had to endure this; however, I also don't believe you should have do "deal" with a toxic work environment. If it's not aligning with your values or your overall psychological safety/emotional safety, then I would leave. I had to quit a toxic work environment once with no job lined up (I went back to school to get a cert & traveled to clear my head), and I don't regret that decision at all. My peace is way MORE important to me than any job! I vowed I would never subscribe to the noise. It's not worth it -- trust me, we're already dealing with so much in our personal lives and this pandemic alone. Protect your peace and find a new opportunity that suits YOU! Life is too short for all this unnecessary stress. Do you!

5. AnonymousSeptember 21,2021 at 7:15PM UTC

   Therapy lol

6. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 22,2021 at 6:13PM UTC

   I know right? Maybe the BOSS should get therapy. My comments to HR put him in a management class but I still failed in the end because HR IS NEVER YOUR FRIEND

7. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 21,2021 at 7:20PM UTC

   My environment was toxic too. When I couldn't take my boss screaming at meany more, I went to HR and lost in the end. HR is never your friend. You have to deal 1:1 and hope your boss is understanding. Mine was not.

8. MM MSeptember 21,2021 at 7:36PM UTC

   Been there, done that. Not worth it. I say I am better off for it. I had to seek therapy to get my self-confidence back together. I also escalated that manager who bullied me but companies don't really do anything. I found he fired 3 people before I was hired for the same position. I left after 3 months.

9. DENNISE WILLIAMSSeptember 21,2021 at 8:23PM UTC

   Leave. Get counseling.

10. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 22,2021 at 6:12PM UTC

    When you LEAVE you don't get insurance to work therapy. I know, I have been in the exact situation. People would prefer to deal with it and lean on insurance in order to help themselves. You don't know if she/he was already in therapy or not. That's a really hard stance ... some people do not have the resources to quit and pay 120 a session. I think the remark was insensitive.

11. Crystal Miller-O'BrienSeptember 21,2021 at 8:26PM UTC

    You do have to work hard to not blame yourself for choosing this job. It is very difficult to not turn inward and carry a lack of trust in yourself when you aren't happy with your job.

    But consider identifying what you can do to improve your outlook and your work environment. Can you work on improving "toxic" communications (not sure what is the toxic part) by being very clear and trying to turn negative interactions into positive opportunities to clarify and bridge misunderstandings? Can you work with micromanaging-types who are getting to know you by providing them with regular and consistent updates on your work activities so they can learn to trust you (and in turn give you more breathing space)?

    Can you meditate each morning before you work with people so that you can have maximum patience when dealing with people so that you won't feed into their "toxic" interactions by adding more toxicity to the situation?

    These are just some ideas and I am sure there is more to your experiences than what these comments suggest, but it could help while you do look for your next job adventure. Hope this helps.

12. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 23,2021 at 11:23PM UTC

    Really hard to de stress when people are screaming at you. Even when HR said he could not talk to me without HR present he called and screamed at me anyway on my cell phone. My persoal one.

13. Megan LeasherSeptember 21,2021 at 9:40PM UTC

    Accept you cannot change the environment. Leave. Grieve the loss and embrace the new.

14. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 23,2021 at 11:21PM UTC

    They guided me to the door.

15. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 27,2021 at 7:46PM UTC

    As I mentioned:
    Single Mom
    Special needs child
    trying to do my pip, train my replacement and my job. Who could do all that and not fail. I was set up to fail.

16. AnonymousSeptember 21,2021 at 9:51PM UTC

    I really thought it must be me-every job I've had was so toxic and hostile. I see you are a HR generalist, but I am curious if you are in any specific industry?

17. Rhonda RondeauOctober 19,2021 at 9:27PM UTC

    Legal

18. AnonymousSeptember 21,2021 at 9:53PM UTC

    I accept it and calculate whether it worth my time or not. Sometimes it actually is for many different reasons.

    Toxicity for me is not always a deal breaker.

19. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 27,2021 at 7:45PM UTC

    It's hard though.
    Pandemic
    Special needs child
    Toxic Boss
    I wanted to keep my job because I was terrified of finding a job in a pandemic and boy was I right.

20. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 12:17AM UTC

    Honestly, I quit. I'd rather save myself the gaslighting and mental anguish and trust God for something else than to work in a toxic environment with toxic management. Yes, we all need money to pay for things we need and want, but peace of mind is priceless to me.

21. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 27,2021 at 7:44PM UTC

    I tried very hard even through it all because I was terrified of finding a job in a pandemic and I was right. The last two weeks of my "PIP" I gave 0fux about him. I cared about getting the new guy all the resources he needed so that at the very least I didn't want the product to fail. It was my first MVP it's just sad that other people took credit for it. No worries I am not there anymore but it was bittersweet. He pitted me against PMs, PAs, the CEO and the director of dev. At least at the end I was able to tell the dev director that I never had a problem with you. What ever he told you (and I don't care what it was) I had a solid relationship with you for two years so whatever he said to you to pit you against me was a lie. he said likewise and he never had a problem with me either.They reap what they sow and now I hear they are in a worse place since I have not been there for 9 months. I was the only one that knew what I was doing and even heard one of the devs after a refinement said "wow, I can't believe I miss (me) ...

22. Rhonda RondeauOctober 19,2021 at 9:26PM UTC

    I would have honestly if I had backup resources, but I don't. I have a special needs child who needs PPO insurance to get to the people he needs to see. I was trying to hang on...

23. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 3:03AM UTC

    I pushed through two different toxic environments back-to-back. Toxic partners (sadly, all women) and toxic managers that played favorites. I loved my work, but dreaded the people. I wore "a mask" everyday, remaining professional when they preferred being petty, passive and micro-aggressive, dismissive about my contributions. It eventually caused significant amount of stress and ate at my confidence. I'm pretty sure my manager also blocked opportunities to move to new roles within the company, so after 15 years with the company, I decided to leave. The past year and half taught me that life is too short and that preserving my mental health, family and dreams were more important. I decided I would take my talents and 15+ years of industry knowledge elsewhere and where diversity and inclusion is embraced (not just touted for accolades). It may take some time to secure my next move, but I'm excited about the future.

24. Rhonda RondeauOctober 19,2021 at 9:24PM UTC

    Same.
    I was in the legal industry where everbody knows everybody. I didn't apply for legal jobs because I wanted to be out of the industry but I took calls for legal jobs. I looked them up on LinkedIn and saw our mutual connections. None of them ever called me back. I really don't want to be in that industry anymore but right now a job is a job. So I took the calls. I probably have more experience in legal but I can do so much more which is why I was trying to get out. No problem though because I'm sure our mutual contacts probably said something bad about me. Especially my toxic boss.

25. Jackie GhedineSeptember 22,2021 at 10:43AM UTC

    I think the word 'toxic environment' has become a buzz term to describe anything and everything not making an employee happy. I'm not saying this is you at all, just something I am seeing over and over as a career coach.

    If the environment is truly toxic, it's good to evaluate it holistically. How much of an impact is it having on your work, your relationships and your mental well-being. If it is having a negative impact, it may be time to make a move. The other option is to learn to respond to situations differently instead of reacting emotionally. It's a skill we can learn.

    What I will say is corporate is broken. It's why 3M women left corporate America during the pandemic. Workloads, managers, culture, demands, expectations need to be reevaluated across the board and companies need to evolve or they will have no talent left.

26. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 2:44PM UTC

    Excellent response Jackie! I agree 100%

27. Jackie GhedineSeptember 23,2021 at 10:24AM UTC

    Thank you!

28. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 22,2021 at 6:07PM UTC

    I had a boss who screamed at me daily and made me cry. No job has ever made me cry. This person was VERY TOXIC as I had worked the job for a few years until HE came onboard. Basically he wanted his team back so one by one they hired his people and chaged my job description so I was no longer qualified for the job I applied for. Toxic environments EXIST and when your boss makes you cry everyday because of screaming at me. It was very toxic.

29. Jackie GhedineSeptember 23,2021 at 10:24AM UTC

    Rhonda, I wish there was a care emoji instead of a like emoji. No one should have to deal with being tormented and belittled at work. This is reprehensible and disgusting.

    As a career coach and a woman in corporate America for 20 years, I've seen and heard of horrific toxic experiences like this one. Absolutely appalling. Toxic environments do exist. Not every bad fit is toxic thought, this is my point.

30. Melissa CarmonaSeptember 22,2021 at 6:25PM UTC

    I really did try my best to push through. I've been fortunate to never have a toxic environment and I was in the military. They lied, the withheld information that was important to doing my job, and they bad mouthed everyone. Even my supervisor left. That's how bad it was. I was having trouble sleeping, and I was beginning to bring that stress home. Like I said, I've been fortunate to have had great previous work environments. This was truly a first for me.

31. Jackie GhedineSeptember 23,2021 at 10:22AM UTC

    Then absolutely, 100% hold onto your integrity, grab your resume, network and look for something new. Make sure you go into looking for a job with the right energy, energy of curiosity and excitement instead of dread and uncertainty, it does make a difference.

    Ask questions about leadership style, expectations and talk with other team members before taking a job. Do investigative work to make the right choice.

    You are a valuable commodity to an organization. Know it, believe it and express it in everything you do.

    Want more support? Join our Facebook Community, Just Gen X: Talking Business Career + Life.

32. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 23,2021 at 11:15PM UTC

    My biggest problem was going to HR. I was sick throwing up blood from stress. When they let me go I was almost relieved. I went to HR cause I couldn't stand the daily torture... and suddenly the tables turned and it was all my fault. So when you think toxic what do you think about? Throwing up? Throwing up blood? Not having any support? What do yo consider toxic? When I was let go they made me sign a letter saying "nothing happened to you, you were fine, you had no issues, etc. I signed it because I needed the severence. Since then I've only got contract gigs. So I don't think it's a buzzword when you have to go to the hospital from stress or making you sign a ransom letter.

33. Jackie GhedineSeptember 24,2021 at 10:54AM UTC

    I'm devastated you went through this. My statement isn't to minimize your experience or anyone having an experience like this. Getting screamed at daily is not ok.

    My statement is meant to start the conversation around the words and terms we throw around as blanket statements of blame. Sometimes accurate and sometimes not.

34. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 23,2021 at 11:19PM UTC

    You really don't know what other people are going through.

35. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 27,2021 at 8:14PM UTC

    Also, I feel the same way when people call jerks narcissists. There is a huge difference. Just cause their an ass doesn't make them a narc. Totally different creatures.

36. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 23,2021 at 11:34PM UTC

    Not only that but even on a cell phone he yelled so loud that my special needs son heard him and ran to his room crying because of what he said to me.

37. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 6:18PM UTC

    omg I am so sorry you had to go through this.

38. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 27,2021 at 8:11PM UTC

    I just had to tell him, we're going to go through this, and get something better. He cried and said he was going to fire you. I said "He probably will" .. then what are you going to do "find something better" although I havent really had any luck with that.

39. Rhonda RondeauSeptember 27,2021 at 8:13PM UTC

    However I haven't found anything worse. If I have to drive for uber I will to support my family.. as long as it is not him. He doesn't deserve me. He wanted his whole team back and he got it. I told HR this 3 months before it happened. All I know is even unemployed and uncertain about the future, it is still better than putting up with HIM everyay.