Im feeling so down.

30 Comments

1. Jacqueline JonesFebruary 13,2023 at 4:12AM UTC

   Are you able to use those skills you've acquired over the 4 years as a freelancer?

2. JustKeepSwimmingFebruary 13,2023 at 5:40AM UTC

   I’m not sure why you don’t see yourself going back to school. If you’re concerned because of your age, don’t be — just find something you’re passionate about and pursue whatever education you can afford. It will pay off in countless ways. (Just one example, after having my child at 40, I went back to school at 43, and got a Master’s degree at 46, up-leveling my career and salary in the process.) It’s never too late. If you just don’t enjoy school, that’s a different problem, and you might want to consider freelancing or finding another path that brings you joy and doesn’t involve further schooling. Either way, just know that ultimately you are the one in control of your story.

3. Crystal HowellFebruary 13,2023 at 10:49AM UTC

   They give career assessment tests at temporary agencies, I would start there first.

4. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachFebruary 13,2023 at 11:59AM UTC

   Lots to consider here.

   1) Get polished at the STAR questions! Think of them as telling the story of HOW WHEN AND WHERE you used the skills. For example: “I have strong accounts payable skills. At the ABC Company, I processed all payable invoices and managed over $500,000 in transactions per year. During the COVID shutdown, budgets were tight and I coordinated with the CFO to prioritize payments and negotiate payment schedules with vendors.”

   Practice telling your stories to a friend or career coach. Write down examples of how you’ve used your skills so you are ready when you interview.

   2) Regarding returning to school, reconsider if that decision is holding you back from being who you want to be! There are many options including online learning and many schools have programs to give you credit for past experience. Explore the options before rejecting education outright.

5. Bonnie CoventryFebruary 13,2023 at 1:04PM UTC

   First, practice the STAR questions. Come up with scenarios. What was the situation, what did you need to fix, steps you took, and result of that. It's not the best schmoozers, believe me, it's the candidates who really prepare for their interviews. Know your audience, speak to developing people, how you have handled issues in the past, what was it, how did you identify it, steps to fix it and result. What are you strengths, 2 NOT a laundry list, and what are your own opportunities, 2 NOT a laundry list. 30/60/90 plan if offered the position. Polish comes with practice, polish is spending the time to make something dull and working on it until it's shiny. You can polish, you can shine. Practice. Good luck!

6. Ally MorganFebruary 13,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

   Hi, there. I finished my B.A. when I was right at 39 or 40. It made a tremendous difference not only job searching wise, but also confidence and skills wise. If you want a degree for yourself, go get it. If not, that's okay too. Just wanted to leave a note to say it's possible, if you want it. Good luck.

7. GretchenFebruary 13,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

   I empathize, but several of these things are in your control, as people have pointed out. Take control of your own destiny. You have the power.

8. Brenda RischFebruary 13,2023 at 4:10PM UTC

   Maybe you could get some coaching on interviewing so that you can really represent your experience and talents well. Also doing plenty of research on the places you are interviewing at may give you more confidence in the interviews. Degrees are NOT everything. Sometimes folks assume they are a shortcut for a certain level of determination, intelligence, or for a certain skill set, but that is just not true practically. Experience matters!

9. Shanita Taylor BSIS, BSc (Psyc), M.A.E.LFebruary 14,2023 at 4:07AM UTC

   You can always spruce up your resume, take a free training or skill, and add it if you wish to avoid going to school. Look into any free training the company you work for has to offer.

10. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistFebruary 14,2023 at 4:21AM UTC

    YOU SAID: "im just not polished in the STAR questions."

    That's totally fixable.

    All it takes is practice.

    If you get nervous or can't quite articulate what you're trying to get across, I recommend you tape yourself asking yourself questions and answering them. I promise that answer is going to sound a whole lot better the 20th time you say it than the first.

    It also allows you to edit your answers if you maybe tend to ramble when you get nervous. Knowing you're prepared can also give you confidence and make you less nervous. I used to practice in the car and in the shower.

    What do you do? You didn't say.

11. ARoquesFebruary 15,2023 at 3:38AM UTC

    Great answer, Joan. I would also recommend the original poster read "Everything is Figureoutable" by Marie Forleo for more inspiration.

12. AnonymousFebruary 14,2023 at 6:10AM UTC

    You need to do what’s right for you. Perhaps if it’s going back to school or still attempting at your job to do better or finding another job. I noticed a lot of times the schmoozers get the job somehow. Rejection is difficult but you can still try and some day you might get it.

13. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 1:28PM UTC

    I think they get the job because they put in the effort to make themselves look as good as possible. It sucks but the reality is it works most of the time. Appearance means a LOT in the corporate world.

14. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdFebruary 14,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

    I'm sorry to read you're feeling down. If you don't want to return to school full time, what about taking certification courses? Specialize in something that interests you?

    A college degree isn't all it's made out to be as far as I'm concerned. I hold a BS in Elem Ed and am studying for my Masters in the same field. However, my entire 30+ year career (including the past 20 at my current job) have nothing to with education.

    As for "schmoozers" get ting the jobs. I've interviewed several that would fit in this category, and I didn't recommend any of them be hired for our company.

15. AnonymousFebruary 14,2023 at 1:50PM UTC

    You can not go to school and in four years or so, you'll be exactly where you are. Or you can go to school and in four years, have a new set of shiny skills. If the job you want REQUIRES a college degree that seals the deal. Go get one. If the job you want doesn't require a degree, I agree with others here--go polish your skills with certificates of some sort. These show a potential employer you are interested in growth. Practice those STAR questions. Use those rejections to decide what you have to do to move forward. You aren't in charge of someone hiring you but you are in charge of making yourself the best possible version of yourself. You do sound depressed. Maybe get some counseling can help you focus and move forward

16. BethBFebruary 14,2023 at 1:52PM UTC

    “The best shmoozers get the jobs” is a justification. You aren’t prepared properly for your interviews, which is fixable. The good news is that your lack of a degree isn’t getting in the way of getting interviews. This is huge. What is it about your resume and applications that make people interested in hiring you? That’s what you want to highlight.

    btw, it’s never too late to go to college. My aunt got her degree the day she got her first social security check. If it is something you want, go for it.

17. AnonymousFebruary 14,2023 at 3:38PM UTC

    I find writing out STAR answers very helpful. I have a document full of STARs and pull it out before interviews and add to it with new experiences. The last time I pulled it out I was reminded of all the great things I had done over the years. It was a great confidence boost.

    Also when I have done something above and beyond I would make a note of it and drop it in a file. It is easy to forget things over the months or years.

    You have skills you have developed. There is a STAR in the story of your career. For example, there was a need “situation “ you developed a skill “action” and the steps you took showed a “result”.

    Interviewers want problem-solvers and people who take initiative.

18. Jennifer TannerFebruary 14,2023 at 3:41PM UTC

    I feel you. I hate the STAR format, too. There's been a lot of good advice given already, so I will just express that I can completely sympathize. I finally finished my bachelor's degree last year at 42 and now I'm working on my paralegal certification. It is never too late to get a degree, and these days with online classes it is a lot more manageable.

    I'm still struggling to actually land a job, but at least now I know it's not my lack of a degree holding me back.

    I hope a great opportunity comes your way. Keep going, try not to let the rejections get you down. I feel like there is a lot of competition out there right now, and companies are being super wishy-washy.

19. Laura BrennanFebruary 14,2023 at 5:12PM UTC

    Lots of great advice! I only have two things to add:

    1) I maintain that in any interview, there are 3-5 things we need to say to feel heard. The problem is, we don't know what these things are, and so we circle them -- which is messy, diffuse, and we never really get to the point.

    2) "Schmoozy" is a judgment call. "Networking" or "Connecting" is a less-loaded way of thinking about building a strong professional and personal cohort.

    You can work on both of these by something as simple as asking your friends to help you role-play interviews.

    Do this one-to-one, this is not a group effort. Start with a close friend; doesn't matter if they're in your field or they have lots of interviewing experience. This first one, you just want to record yourself (THIS IS KEY!) during the mock interview. Get their feedback, thank them, and then go listen to the recording.

    Do not judge yourself. Just listen and notice. Where are you vague? Where can you not stop talking? Where do you drift off? There's probably something in there that you need to say but don't know how.

    Generally it will revolve around what you bring to the table, why you're good at it, what you're looking for (or sometimes, what you're not looking for, which you should flip to make a positive). Dig into that and maybe work with another close friend who can see you from the outside. This part could be a group effort; let your friends tell you how they would describe your qualities/skills/desires. RECORD IT! Do not skip that step, it'll be too much to absorb all at once.

    Then, again one-on-one, keep practicing with different friends, do mock interviews. Incorporate the things you want to say about yourself into STAR questions. Come up with examples of times when you were really on your game in the way in which you want to be seen.

    Interviewing is a skill, with a growth mindset and a little help from your network, you can improve. You've got this!

20. AnonymousFebruary 14,2023 at 7:19PM UTC

    I said I would never go to college...

    I did at 37 and finished within 2 years (summer semesters) Look into state funding and grants for non-traditional students. University of MN Crookston is great and you can be online. Degrees make you more money, no question. If you aren't willing to stretch yourself with your own time and energy, you can't expect others to.Corporate is a game. Play it and you will be just fine. Of course we all want it to be different but it's not and life is too short to find the current. I'll take my benefits and retirement any way I can at my age.

21. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 1:28PM UTC

    I did my degree in my late 30s, graduated with my BA at 40, just completed my MA at 45. It's never too late.

22. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 1:25PM UTC

    Life is all about relationships and presenting yourself well. Not to be rude but this isn't high school and your skills are only a part of why companies hire you. Scoring high on tests stopped being relevant when you left school.

    If you can't make an effort to present well in an interview, why would anyone think you would make an effort at an actual job?

    It seems like you want to take a path of least resistance, which means you will get jobs offered to you who can't attract people who put in an effort. Sorry to be blunt, but if you want a better job you need to work on yourself. Practice start questions. Take a course online. Make sure you are on top of the news and insights in your industries. read blogs and articles about networking and then go out and do it. It doesn't have to be schmoozy. Comment on LinkedIn posts for people in your industry. Attend small group webinars. Reach out and introduce yourself. No one is going to do it for you, and if you want a corporate job it is necessary to show you can interact with others.

23. Dilini RajapakseFebruary 15,2023 at 2:01PM UTC

    I understand that it might feel overwhelming a big task to take on something like this. Just start small. Break your problem down into small doable chunks. Take one course at a time. Develop one skill at a time when you do that you will build up the confidence to tackle the rest.

    Invest your time smartly in the skills that you can easily learn, and which have resources out there also where you can land a small corporate job to begin with.

24. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

    I will be blunt - Based on your description, my impression is that you want a corporate job but you only want to come in, do your job (nothing more, nothing less), and go home. That's not how a corporate job works. The "skills test" comment is what tells me that you may be better suited to an individual contributor position. And that's fantastic, many excel in that role! As for continuing education, that is a life-long endeavor for improvement. If you aren't willing to invest in improving, that again is a sign that you want a "come in, work 8 hours, go home" job. You don't mention your field, but you won't move into corporate with a "line-worker" mentality.

25. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 2:43PM UTC

    College does not guarantee schmoozer factor. College shows you stuck to something as a kid. That being said, you can practice, watch LOTS of videos and movies about successful interviews, questions to ask, and learn when to keep your mouth shut. You can look at other successful people to see how they dress. You don’t have to shop at Bloomingdales.

    What kind of corporate job are you looking for? How have you been working to get experience without the college education. I don’t have a college education although I have always taken random classes for fun. My attitude and often my answer especially in a new position is “I don’t know but I’ll figure it out”. And I did. With that attitude, I once got the additional job as Transportation Manager, ie over see the auto shop and the loaner vehicles we had for staff. Why did I get it? Because you know about cars. What did I know? My dad was a alley mechanic, my uncle was an alley mechanic, my cousin raced cars and knew a little (but had his own mechanic) my husband was an alley mechanic, my son was an actual mechanic. So sure I know about cars.

    You will gain more respect from your colleagues and bosses if you know your stuff, take on more responsibility and, yes I’ll say it, dress appropriately. First impressions are important. Showing up to work looking sloppy in the name of “I deserve to be comfortable and my clothing/appearance should have no impact on how I do my job”. Nice speech, but not reality. No matter what. No, you don’t have to wear a straight jacket suit and 6’ heels, yes you should look well put together and like you give a crap. Suits and jackets do not have to be uncomfortable. Too short skirts and too low tops give off the appearance that you are trolling. think about it, if you go see a lawyer or accountant, and she is in shorts and flip flops you are going to pause and wonder if she knows what she is doing or will she be able to represent you.

    Being rejected sucks. You owe yourself the time to sit down and go over every interview, where do you think you did poorly? How can you improve? Creepy as it feels, practice questions and answers in front of the mirror. Watch videos and yes movies. Something I saw recently somewhere were interviews with Russel Brand and how he deflected rude questions and hosts who seemed to be nothing but snarky brats. Whoever was doing the video would stop the tape and point out how he was ignoring/deflecting/rising above each situation. Never thought the words “I want to be like him” would come out of my mouth but he owned the interviews.

26. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 2:48PM UTC

    "schmoozing" is a skill, and just like any other skill it can be learned through practice. Sure, it comes naturally to some people and is harder for others (just like any other skill can come naturally to some and be more difficult for others), but I'm sensing dismissiveness and judgement from you around something that many people have devoted time and effort to learning.

    If the idea of schmoozing leaves a bad taste in your mouth, break it down into its components. Can you work on being upbeat, positive, and cheerful even around people you don't care for and in stressful situations? Work on your emotional intelligence, aka regulating your own emotions plus "reading the room"? Relationship building skills and finding connection/common ground with others? Small talk skills (tip: learn to ask questions that get other people talking and let them do the heavy lifting for you. "What are you looking forward to" is one of my favorites). Networking - aka, making a wide variety of acquaintances and nurturing those relationships along (which in the beginning might look like you doing some favors for people/giving your time and expertise - it's a lot easier to ask for a favor if you've already done a favor).

    Competence, reliability, and pleasant attitude are the top 3 ingredients, and each is equally important. It sounds like you are focusing on "competence" at the exclusion of the others. Can you focus building up a balance between all three ingredients? As long as candidates meet a baseline of competence, companies are going to hire the more pleasant person most of the time.

    Finally, you sound like you are deeply tired. Is there a way you can rely on your support system to get some rest for an hour or a day or a week? And then dive back in? Fatigue affects our attitude and that comes through in our applications too.

27. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 3:22PM UTC

    Its a lot easier for a supervisor to take a candidate with relationship skills and who is a personality match for their team and to teach them the hard/technical skills they lack than it is for a supervisor to take a candidate with great technical skills and teach them the relationship skills they lack... What seems like "schmoozing" to you could just be emotional intelligence to someone else.

    Also someone out there with your same level of experience and qualifications is putting in the time to improve their interview skills and plan out/practice their STAR responses before their interviews. If you want to interview confidently then you have to do the work, and if you don't do the work, that's on you. Somebody else will, and they'll be the one who is able to land a job for themselves. It might not be easy, I'm not saying it will come their first or second try, the hiring process is definitely awful right now. But they'll get there eventually. Contrasted with the person who doesn't do the work will never even have a chance at getting there.

28. QFebruary 15,2023 at 4:23PM UTC

    What type of role are you interviewing for? And what roles were you in prior to your current four years of experience? Do any of the skills you utilized prior to your current role translate over - so you can show a longer term use of those skills in interviews? Normally at least one or two skills will translate across positions.

    From personal experience, having a degree is not a requirement for many roles. I do not have one (and am in my mid 40's) but have stayed up to date on my own with the skills needed, as well as taking advantages of conferences and certifications. College simply gives a formalized option for learning. There are other ways to acquire skills.

    It sounds like the area you need to focus on is taking a realistic assessment of all the skills and experience you bring to the table and practicing how to convey that in conversation. Like others have said, your ability to communicate and bring a positive attitude and determination to grow and support a business with what you know - and are willing to learn - is a differentiator for you in interviews. It will change the way you're perceived. This is especially true if you are competing against other candidates with similar experience levels.

29. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 8:04PM UTC

    STAR interviewing is testing your skill. I wasn’t good at it either until I prepped ahead of time. I came up with a bunch of Situations and the Task (skill) that I needed to do to take Action to get the Result. I listed several of them that related to different tasks and how I solved the problem at hand. It’s a story format instead of yes and no. They are asking you to tell them more than what’s on your resume. I also ended up hiring a job coach last year when I wasn’t getting any jobs. I used to interview and get hired. Now I’m 47. Thought I knew how to interview and wasn’t getting hired. She had me do slight tweaks to my answers. I landed a job I didn’t think I’d get.

    You can do it. It takes practice. The internet also has a bunch of examples so you can plug in your own information. Think of it as telling about your skill set in a story version vs schmoozing.

30. AnonymousFebruary 16,2023 at 1:21AM UTC

    Stop playing the victim, take control of what you want and ask for it. Be prepared when you interview, do your homework and show enthusiasm for the prospective new company and what they do and what they can offer your career. Ask for feedback in the process and always remain professional not being negative about former employers and what you don't have. The glass is always half full you just have to see it that way. Everyone now is getting many rejections, the market is flooded with talent and lots of talent is getting laid off. Find your purpose, find what you are good at and come with a plan.