long-time employee I have to work with has been targeting me since I joined our org, and I think I need to get out

38 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 23,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

   Original poster here again. I did apply for another role in another division but the job was pulled and I don't see anything else I like on the horizon.

2. AnonymousJune 23,2023 at 2:42PM UTC

   As a 50 year old here who has been in great jobs with BAD drama - hold on to it. At the end of the day, keep being you..

   As one person said, she'll mess with the wrong person. Make sure you get everything in writing for the corrections. These people often ramble on to be "the boss" but have no clue what they WANT or NEED....it's all in the moment of a power trip.

   You got this!!!!!

3. AnonymousJune 23,2023 at 3:40PM UTC

   OP here.
   Thank you. That's just it-- she has no idea what she wants. One day she wants blue font, the next day, blue is WRONG and it MUST be GREEN. She approves information she provided that declares it's wrong the next day. She probably sends her food back at restaurants just because she can.

4. AnonymousJune 23,2023 at 4:48PM UTC

   My supervisor is the same. She will say "we discussed this two months ago" if I asked simple question for clarification.Annoying.I've had that with the colors and related. When they say "what's taking so long", I'll respond with "you asked me to....". This often cuts back on the stupidy of minor issues. I'm not rude in any fashion, I cheerfully (ugh!!) say "you asked for the corrections".People like this need a life!!!!

   Long ago 9i had someone accuse me of never responding to am email from two months later. While these things can easily be missed with an "oh, sorry!", They tore me up and down on a conference call in a meeting with other upper level management.

   I politely said I sent it on the date and their rebuttal was an angry "no you didn't, PROVE it.". Took me 30 seconds to find it and forwarded IN THE MEETING with the sent date highlighted.

   No apology for being wrong on their part or trying to embarrass me.

   Some people have zero class

5. Barbara Rickman PowerJune 24,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

   Agree with the person who said to get everything in writing. You do not have to be confrontational. You can say something like, “I want to se sure I get this right, can you please put it in an email so I can deliver what you expect. Keep doing that so you have a paper trail. Unless she is incredibly dense, she will

   move on to find someone else to bully. In the meantime, you will appear helpful, cooperative and pleasant to work with.

6. AnonymousJune 24,2023 at 3:42PM UTC

   I'm the person that said to get it in writing! Thank you :)

   Yes, helps tremendously because these managers know that I pay attention and often times will go back and say "nevermind". Sometimes I do the work - and "save as" in case....

   I get that trial and error exists. But a lot of this is busy work.

   You are right about the "clarification in writing" Serves as professional at CYA!!

7. Theresa WilsonJune 27,2023 at 2:09PM UTC

   Wow, can't even imagine the stress of that on a daily basis. Hang in there.

8. AnonymousJune 24,2023 at 5:01PM UTC

   So true, great advice. I’m new to my job and pretty much everyone there likes me except for these two unkind women who work upstairs in the building. I’m trying to avoid them as best as I can. I was unemployed for five months and went through a lot of annoying job interviews until I took this job. It’s with a great company that I had previously worked for at a different site. To make a long-winded story short, I’m over 40 as well, and despite my education and qualifications, the job market is difficult. I have to try to stay in my new job despite those two hostile women actively trying to make me miserable. My boss and my supervisor (two men) are great and if it weren’t for them, I’d be gone. And getting a job nowadays is mainly luck and somebody liking you. I’ll consider myself lucky for being employed but my job doesn’t feel secure due to the hatefulness of those two women, so I’m studying on the side for a new certification to qualify for another career just in case. But I have a 650 page textbook to memorize and have to take an exam. Wish me luck. I love my current career and I do very well at it but being bashed at work causes a toxic work environment. The two women don’t even know me and decided to hate me right off the bat.

9. misskelleypJune 24,2023 at 7:35PM UTC

   I just don't understand why people behave this way - but yeah, I've been on the receiving end too! It's definitely no fun.

10. AnonymousJune 24,2023 at 10:20PM UTC

    Thank you for your kind and empathetic reply! Our Fairygodboss community is wonderful! ☺️

11. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 12:52AM UTC

    OP here. Thank you for sharing your story. Same set up-- I report to men who I enjoy working for. This one woman did not know me at all and has been critical of my work from the beginning. It's a male-dominated org so perhaps she's trying to show them she's tough (but by turning on me all the time?!) Just the fact that other women who she works closely with have stopped communicating with me tells me she's starting to say negative things about me.

12. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

    Hello, you are most welcome. I’m sure that woman is critical of your work because your work is amazing. I can tell you’re intelligent and unfortunately there are crummy people who will get jealous and allow themselves to bully you. And now it looks like she had others turn against you. I’m glad you enjoy working for the men you report to, that helps the situation but I do understand how uncomfortable it feels to be in a hostile/toxic work environment. I think for you, me, and everyone else, if we do decide to leave, we need to find another job first so our finances don’t suffer. The job market is particularly difficult right now and employers are pickier than ever. So if we leave our position without another one lined up, who knows how long we’d be unemployed. I’d say avoid that woman, try to let her biting words roll off your back like water rolls off a duck’s back (easier said than done). Give her zero satisfaction of seeing you upset. Find things outside of work to make you happy, and little things at work to make your day more pleasant. If your work situation is becoming unbearable due to the poor treatment you’re receiving from those women, focus on finding a better job asap. This advice is for both of us and anyone else who might benefit from it. People who are smart and competent get bashed and when you’re a woman, your attractive looks may also make others jealous. Your personality may also be dazzling and it makes them feel insecure. I wish you so much luck and I’m glad you vented to us here. I felt better when I vented and I think we will get through this. It won’t last forever. If you think it’s worth staying due to those good men you report to and the doors this job may open, please do research on coping techniques to help you deal with a toxic work environment. There are great YouTube videos on this topic as well. I’m doing the same. :)
    Also, I found this piece of advice on Quora: “The best way to avoid rude people is to meet their acts of rudeness with kindness and then remove yourself from their presence. If you can’t do this and can’t walk away, try grey rocking, which involves acting as unresponsive as possible like avoiding eye contact or not showing emotions when conversing.”

13. AnonymousJune 24,2023 at 10:23PM UTC

    Thank you for your kind and empathetic reply, as well as your suggestions! I will take your ideas into consideration, for sure. And I'll do my best to forget about them until Monday. Our Fairygodboss community is outstanding! ☺️

14. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 12:52PM UTC

    Reading this was so helpful for me. I resigned from a position at a college with a similar situation. A woman who I was initially reporting to, who knew nothing about the field I am in, had it in for me from before they hired me because everyone was excited about my résumé. This is a woman who has low self-esteem, but has been at the institution for so long that she gets paid more than any of the other deans, and yet everyone says they have no idea what she does. Of course we all wondered who she is ““ sleeping with. She was outright disrespectful, horrifying to me and I had to resign because I am battling cancer at the same time. I’m trying to work. I have been gone from there for three months, and I still have anxiety, and of course more anxiety, because I have not been working and finances are becoming difficult. It’s funny, I sort of hired a therapist, consultant if you will to help me get through this, but I think this website is more of what I need because people are going through similar situations. When I am asked why I resigned as I job hunt, It is tough. I cannot say that I have cancer because no one will hire you, and I am capable of working. I cannot say because a woman was abusive to me because it’ll sound like I can’t work with people which is very untrue. so I’m just stressed and the stress adds to the illness. It’s like a catch 22. Anyway, one day at a time and I do have a job offer, but I am not moving hundreds of miles away just to make a not very great salary at another college. I am used to making over 100 grand and of course that was New York City -so you can see how that played out. My apartment was the size of my car for 2500. And last but not least I do miss New York City it’s a fabulous place! thank you for listening. Just recalling that year and a half makes me so sad.

15. Pat RoqueJune 25,2023 at 1:28PM UTC

    The best defense is to take offense. And I don’t mean confronting her in a negative way.

    In fact, just the opposite.

    Have you ever tried to kill someone with kindness?

    In fact, perhaps if you could have lunch and try to befriend her and complement her and see what there is to learn from her you might be able to Uncover what’s really going on.

    Maybe there’s a way to break down some walls and see if there’s places to co-create or collaborate.

    Put your ego in check and try not to get frustrated. This is a really smart strategy play and it takes finesse to pull it off with a smile and a way to keep all of your Negative vibes in check.

    try to find the good in her. Ask her for advice (even if you don’t really need it lol).

    I always mitigate people who seem like poison that way first.

    Once you have that information in hand and give it a try for a while, see if it works.

    You might just be able to shift the dynamic, and if you don’t, we can regroup and revisit what the next step might be a month or so down the road. But I’ve never let them see you sweat and I’ve never just give up and quit and walk out of a good job.

    If this feels salvageable, which it sounds like it is, try this route first and see how it goes. At least you’re taking charge of your direction and the confidence and the self-esteem that you will find should help you get through another few weeks and at least give yourself the grace of the chance to be the bigger person. This is definitely situation of managing up.

    at worst, you will have a success story on your hand and a formula for helping others to negate confrontation. You can also use this as an example. If you’re have to interview at some point down the road on what you’ve done to either successfully build a Rover come negative relationships. Encouraging team building. You might even want to talk to this woman about writing a blog post for your company together and give advice on how to …blah blah blah.

    Decide what you want is the goal and start with the end in mind before you open up a single word to her. And just remember that goal for every conversation you have. Oh, and by the way, make sure your documenting every single thing save the emails recap the conversations after you have them. Cover your tracks.

    I hope this ninja approach helps!

16. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

    I've been in a bullying situation before, this will not end well for you. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but do some research on workplace bullying. The person being bullied almost always loses their job. Put your certification on hold and launch an all out job search. She will always find a way to get under your skin, what she says and does will start to dominate your entire life, both at work and when you're not at work. Your mental health will suffer. I stayed in a bullying situation for three years and it literally almost killed me. Everyone was sick of hearing me talk about work. My bully was gas lighting me so bad I lost all confidence in myself. I remember looking at my resume and wondering who that girl was who had accomplished so much. In the the end they let me go. It took me years to recover and remember who I am. As much as I know this isn't what you want to hear, the only way out of this is for you to find a new job. Knowing that you will be leaving your current job will be the one thing that gets you through the days with her.

17. Crystal HowellJune 25,2023 at 2:30PM UTC

    If you love your job, kill her kindness bullies are insecure and threatened by others. Mental fitness wins. Find her weakest link, if she is overcorrecting your work, start saving emails, print them.Challenge her by asking, is there additional training as I have been trained this way.

    Since the managers retired take them to lunch happy hour, they should be able to speak freely. Hr can be a witness toolif you file a complaint, when warranted. Document yourself;change passwords frequently.

18. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 2:33PM UTC

    My experience was different than others.

    I teach school but I was bullied by my department chair. I was told I wasn't a team member, I was accused of stealing (nothing formal), I was padding my numbers. None of this was true. However, every time we switched new administration, this department chair would make certain that doubt was cast on my ability to teach. I had to fight to show what I could do. She was always selected as department chair because no one would challenge her. Her degree was not a science degree.

    Fast forward seven years. My department chair is diagnosed with breast cancer and will be out for several weeks/months recuperating from surgery and treatment. My principal approaches me and says, "Will you be the interim department chair?" I said, "Yes, but I will not take the supplement. Continue to give it to the current department chair." The supplement was a pittance, less than $100/month, so it was no sweat.

    That year we lost 55% of our workforce and I had to mentor three new teachers. These new teachers turned into some of the best teachers ever. The original department chair returns in February and I just go to her and provide her with all the agendas, minutes, workshops, professional development, everything we had participated in...and said, "If you need any explanation, please do not hesitate to contact me."

    During this time, the teachers and administrators who had believed her gaslighting saw I was not what she said I was. She was NEVER nasty after that episode to me. My principal made certain she knew I fulfilled the duties of department chair without asking for a penny and I never badmouthed her in front of anyone.

    At the end of the year, she decided to return to her hometown in New England and I was elected department chair. A couple of years later one of our colleagues died and I was tasked with orchestrating a memorial service for him at the school. Loads of students, former students, colleagues, etc., came; he was one of the teachers who had originally believed her opinion of me. I gave the eulogy at the memorial speech and, afterward, she came down. She was there for a visit before returning to New England. It was so difficult for her to tell me I had done a good thing.

    I told that story to say this. Be true to yourself. Stay if you want. Go if you want. Just make sure you stay true to yourself. Do not lose sleep over her. Her behavior is all about her and not about you at all. That is the part I did not learn until later.

19. Diana SchneidmanJune 25,2023 at 2:58PM UTC

    As Reader’s Digest says, “Laughter is the best medicine.”

    Here’s what to do and laugh laugh laugh. Pretend you’re one of the men.

    First, talk to your male bosses to see where you stand. Don’t put it on the calendar. Stick your head in their office, laughing, and say, “Hey, do you have a moment? Mary has been a real pain in the rear end and I want to run by you how I can handle this. She obviously hates my guts, probably because I’m competent. Is my job at risk? HA HA HA.”

    If they say “yes, she can get you fired,” ask why? “Is there a way I can prevent this? I love this company, I love my work and I love working for YOU.”

    Or they may say ‘No, that’s just the way Mary is and we are all used to her.”

    Then you say, “OK, I’ll handle it. She is ridiculous and I plan to laugh at her. Any problems with that? I can handle girl issues just fine on my own if that’s OK with you. Just let me know what is taking this thing too far. Can I say the f-word? HA HA HA”

    Under no circumstances should you suck up to her. Even after you quit, it will eat at your gut.

    Sometimes work is theater. Play this role as a comedy.

20. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 3:56PM UTC

    I am going through a very similar situation, and have an interview for a new job lined up next week. My bully is untouchable and has been trying to push me out since I started. That was five years ago.

    I survived COVID and worked remotely, but being in the office with her now is beyond toxic and it is really getting to me. I have come to the conclusion she may never leave, and she's being groomed to move to a director level position. When I look back at my career (I am in my 40's) one of the biggest mistakes I made was trying to wait out bad management and bullies while suffering and never getting promoted.

    Life is too short for this drama. And that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking. I relocated for my job, and intended to stay long term. Sadly, one bad apple can really ruin the office and worm their way into your psyche. You deserve better.

21. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 5:16PM UTC

    March right into HR and the top of the chain and let them know that unless they pull her off your back that you will be filing a formal complaint with the EEOC for hostile workplace. Put it in writing on company email and cc your work email and your personal email too. Give them a timeline for addressing it and ask for a follow up. Concurrently get the documents for the complaint from the EEOC and your local DOL. Do not back away. Ask for support and let them know specifics if she is making rude commentary. Don't let this take you out of a job you love.

22. Lynn Slater MillerJune 25,2023 at 5:51PM UTC

    If you do this, you must have a solid record of evidence of her actions and how this created a hostile workplace for you. HR and the EEOC will do nothing without it. Example "On XX date, as I finished X project according to YY's instructions, Problemlady did/said this_______" You should have at least three such instances and a witness to corroborate.

23. Diana SchneidmanJune 25,2023 at 6:50PM UTC

    I don't get it. For it to be a hostile workplace, don't you need grounds such as race, age or sex? How were you discriminated against as a protected class?

24. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 9:08PM UTC

    The problem is that as the law currently stands you are correct, you need to show a protected class for harassment or discrimination. Legislation is badly needed to protect people who are being bullied. It's more than just some jokes at your expense or someone having a bad day and taking it out on you. It's a repeating and unrelenting pattern of behavior by one person towards another where any one instance would be no big deal at all, but as a continuing pattern it can crust severe mental trauma. That's why it's so hard for people who are being bullied to describe anything coherent, all they can do is tell some stories that make it sound like they are overreacting. There is a lot of research out on workplace bullying and several state legislators are considering legislation to help those being targeted by a bully.

25. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 1:15PM UTC

    You don't have to be actively discriminated against to have a hostile work environment. I think you are thinking of this is purely legalistic terms. Workplace bullying is a thing. Harassment is a thing. The person who bullied ME was a member of a protected class and she took full advantage of that situation, knowing no-one could touch her. She built her fortress tall and strong. Then she used it to bully me and others who were not members of a protected class.

26. Amala LaneJune 26,2023 at 12:17PM UTC

    Do you have a union? If so, go to your union rep and they will support you in your complaint process.

27. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 12:24PM UTC

    Yes. It’s time to move on. Not worth the headache.

28. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 1:04PM UTC

    I've been in that exact situation.. listen to your intuition..leave..toxic managers breed toxicity ..it will not get better

29. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 1:07PM UTC

    My advice is to stand up to her. I think people like that are used to going unchecked because they are essentially bullies. Bullies will keep bullying if there is no push back. I'm not suggesting you pick a fight but if the opportunity arises, you should stand your ground. I had a boss like this and I refused to be driven away by his nonsense.

    I'd also say... this is business, perhaps we'd all like to be friendly but at the end of the day does it matter if people "like" you? If someone refuses to work with you call out their BS... You have a job to do and should identify any roadblock to progress/success.

    I think org's lose good women because we'd tend to cut and run rather than stand up for ourselves. If you like the job, most of the people, etc... why walk away?

30. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 1:12PM UTC

    I had a situation like that as well. She wasn't really my "supervisor" or "manager" but she had worked more closely with my supervisor for an extended period of time.

    A little background. I used to teach, and had time during the summers, so I worked for this company (a law office) for several years during the summer when their receptionist would go on vacation. I had a great rapport with most everyone in the office. Everyone would give me extra projects to do, and I really started to enjoy the work. I decided a career change was in the cards for me. I took classes in my new field of study, and almost two years later, I was ready to get a full time job as a legal assistant. Unfortunately, it would take several years before the stars aligned and I was able to get a position at this same company. I worked in a couple of other firms and I had developed lots of great connections, while still maintaining a good relationship with those in the subject firm.

    In the time between my last temp summer and the time the firm needed a new assistant, this woman had been hired. She was quite good at her job, but she was definitely assertive and she was determined she was the queen bee.

    She was quite jealous of the fact I had memories and relationships at the firm that pre-dated her time there. She never ceased to remind everyone that she had been there for a longer continuous period of time and had more "seniority."

    The situation described above sounds like her to a tee. Everyone knew she was difficult and no-one would go up against her. She had driven several other people away, but nothing was done.

    I was in my mid 40's when I left that position. Like you said, too old for such childish games. There came a time when my sanity and mental health were far more important and valuable than any paycheck I could receive. Working with her took a real toll on me over the years. I felt so worthless and bullied for a long time. Everyone else in that office liked me and appreciated my work (or so it seemed).

    About three weeks ago, I found out she had moved on to another position with another company. There was a job opening at that firm and I went to speak to the managing partner, which is when I found out the position was to replace her. The entire office was different. Everyone seemed much more positive and able to breathe. There wasn't a constant friction in the atmosphere.

    I ended up not taking the position as we could not work out compensation terms, but the office environment was so much nicer.

    I now work in a firm with an attorney who gives me great latitude and responsibility. He values my work. The only reason I was interviewing was that he is planning to retire soon. He knows I am looking.

    Go where you are valued. If there is no hope of this other queen B leaving, then I would take a chance to find a place where you will feel more comfortable. Life is too short to work in a toxic environment.

31. Anne-MarieJune 26,2023 at 1:29PM UTC

    First of all I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. No one should have to put up with being treated disrespectfully at work.

    I would recommend seeking out your HR person and discussing the situation with them as a first step. Be prepared for the discussion with specific examples of this person’s behavior and a timeline to illustrate the pervasiveness of it. Keep the conversation focused and as concise as possible and conclude by stating that, while you really enjoy your job, you won’t subject yourself to this kind of treatment and will be moving on if the situation isn’t resolved.

    Follow up the discussion with HR by sending a written recap of what you said. Ask what you should expect from HR as a next step. A good HR department will take your concern seriously and look into it for you. If this doesn’t happen, or if the outcome isn’t what you need, move on but do give HR the opportunity to “investigate” before doing so.

    I see quite a few well intended comments here, advising that you threaten litigation through the EEOC or that you raise some kind of complaint of hostile work environment. While that is certainly your right to do so I don’t think it really fits the situation. There are a lot of inappropriate workplace behaviors that don’t rise to the level of being illegal per se, although there are many state laws around bullying. I would not focus on labeling the behavior when you speak with HR, but rather outlining the examples discussing the impact on you and your work, and concluding with “I’m giving you the opportunity to look into this and help resolve the situation for me. If that doesn’t happen, unfortunately I am going to have to find another place to work.“

    You never know what other complaints HR has received about this person, and yours could very well be the one that initiates action. Best of luck to you.

32. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 4:37PM UTC

    So sorry for the difficult challenges you are dealing with. I agree with most all of Anne-Marie's post; however,"....unfortunately I am going to have to find another place to work“ leaves you in a corner. I don't believe a threat/ultimatum is a constructive approach. It provides you with either having to leave if/when the behavior is not corrected or basically you 'folding', still dealing with the circumstances but putting your own word and reputation in the dumpster.

    Leave it on HR to follow the policy and procedures of the company (you your copy of those) as well as the law. If she is left to continue the caustic micro-managing, etc path, you make your decision then. Meanwhile figure out your next step options researched & readily available to then move forward with what you decide. Better yet, starting your search now for a different job (as an 'in case') would give the option to you. IF you decide as a last resort you must leave, you will be further along the path you would have chosen. You only owe them 2 weeks notice.

33. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 4:40PM UTC

    You know, there are an awful lot of women out there who are unnecessarily threatened by others and act like condescending jerks. I would keep precise documentation about every encounter. We all know HR is there for the company, but a report to them may be warranted. If nothing is done, or there is retaliation, I'd be contacting an attorney to find out my options. In the meantime, I would absolutely feel out what is available in your field. I am early 40's and I have had enough trouble that I am at the point where I never want to work for another woman as long as I live. I have had enough of the toxic competitiveness. I always thought a female boss would be fantastic. I've been proven VERY wrong.

34. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 5:57PM UTC

    Not sure if you have spoken to management. It sounds like they are "scared" of her but is there someone who might not be? I came into a new org as a manager of other managers. I was new, getting to know people, and there was one of my directs that seemed nice as pie when she spoke to me. I will admit there was this vibe that told me all was not well with the world - that she might not be as she put out to me, but had no first hand experience. However, she went on vacation and one of the guys who reported to her went to another manager about a concern with one of his peers performance. The other manager encouraged him to speak with me and we had some strong conversations about performance with the other colleague after investigating what he said. Well, word must have gotten out that I would tackle the issues. The next thing I know someone on her team is coming and telling me that the manager was a bully - gave some examples. I was able to do some work (it is hard to prove by the way) and find some things I could support (and that HR would let me use in a verbal) and I had a tough conversation with that manager. She did not react well (I got my first hand experience - lol). We had several tough conversations over the next few months and eventually, I re-organized the department and she didn't have a spot after the re-org. It was unfortunately easier to reorg than to actually get enough documentation to pass employee relations and eventually let her go. We had lost some business so the reorg made sense financially as well. She had been with the company for years (but her peers had all been here longer so she lost when doing the vetting practice). My message is, is there someone that might do something and if you bring them the right support they will? If so, seek that manager out - preferably her manager or the manager of the person you report to since it sounds like he is out as well? I think the advice you received is good about going to HR but there may be others that can assist as well. Without knowing your org it is hard to say the best route but something to think about.

35. Theresa WilsonJune 27,2023 at 2:34AM UTC

    I agree. I just left a job because of this. I am late 50's and know firsthand it's not easy. My decision was cemented after two others who gave me support quit as well. Eight people overall quit at the end of the school year. Management, which this individual sucked up to was pretty incompetent and let it happen with this person and in another situation with different individuals. My mental health is too important to me to put at risk.

36. AnonymousJune 27,2023 at 2:52PM UTC

    NO! Do not let her rule you or your life. I am a very strong, confident & happier than most on the daily,. Being a woman as well, I get bullied in the work place all the time. I am also a very sensitive person, and I can read people very well.

    I have one main career where I have worked for many people, and I also have worked for just myself in said career. Currently I am only working for myself, but I have also always had a side hustle. I am not wealthy, I am a single mom, and I put myself through college. I am therefore by necessity, and by nature, a bit of a workaholic.

    Do not let this woman “beat” you. However, do not think of this as a competition either. Though it is a game, her game, and she is trying to beat you - In your mind you need to let go of your frustration & just laugh at her. You don’t NEED to stand up to her. However, if you are deciding to leave, for sure speak to management!! What do you have to loose?

    If you decide to stay, then you need to change your mindset, and just laugh at her on the inside, maybe even giggle a little on the outside. Let her be THE BITCH. Don’t engage, dismiss nasty comments, and ignore her the best you can. And, if she is out of line - Call her out, and smile. She is the insecure bully, let her play her games, and just keep smiling. Make her feel like the looser, by letting her loose at her own game!!

37. Regina BrownJune 29,2023 at 9:15PM UTC

    OKAY GIRL...First of all...she is NOT your direct supervisor, so let's start with that:

    1. You have been with the organization for 18 months and you are still there, so you are someone that is appreciated and liked.
    2. If there are people who refuse to work with you...okay...you do YOUR job and let them drown themselves.
    3. Just because she "seems" untouchable, does not mean that she is immortal nor invulnerable. You've already stated that you suspect there there is already some issue with the organization, so you do YOUR job and let her drown herself as it sounds like she has already "fallen in the water".
    4. THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!! Only you can decide how to proceed next but from one "50 something year old" to another, the next time she makes a snide comment, over corrects your work, or is condescending to you...turn to look at her very slowly, look her up and down, say "thank you" and walk away like a boss!!
38. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 6:42PM UTC

    Original poster here again. Thank you for all of the feedback on this. Would you take the issue to your supervisor if it's getting out of hand and become pretty obvious to other team members that this person has targeted you and is preventing you from accomplishing tasks and meeting goals?