I manage a team of about 10 people and recently found out that one employee in particular absolutely hates everything I do and mocks me to their peers.

17 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 8:26AM UTC

   This sounds heartbreaking, I'm sorry you're going through this. If you care about keeping them on your team, the best course would be to address it directly with them in the same manner you described here: you're a caring person and it hurt to learn this. It may be just the mirror they need to see their mean spirit.

2. AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 10:07AM UTC

   That can’t feel good! A few quotes come to mind- “you can be the juiciest peach in the world and there’s still somebody who hates peaches” and then “you don’t have to like me, but you will respect me”

   These are to say- it’s not you, it’s them! As managers, sometimes people just won’t like us. But it’s our job to be respected, not liked - which is tough when you care! Keep being you, caring for the team, and not letting whatever insecurities they have get projected onto you.

   As for interacting with this person, there’s a few options. 1 pretend you don’t know (since it sounds like you’re not supposed to) and ignore it, keep on keeping on 2 have that uncomfortable conversation along the lines of “I understand how I operate might not work best for you. what would you prefer so we can keep this place as inclusive and respectful as possible?” and try to put into practice what they say 3 get their input and opinion on things more. If there’s something they don’t like, ask what they would do instead. You don’t have to go with what they say, but it at least let’s you see their perspective more. 4 a combination of them all.

   If you do have an uncomfortable conversation, document it after so it’s still fresh.

   Good luck- you sound like a great person to work for!

3. AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 3:04PM UTC

   This does not seem to be about you. The person mocking you obviously has issues and lacks respect for you and the team. The issue may be entirely theirs and may have nothing at all to do with you. Spend some time examining that person and seeking to understand them better. Maybe meet one on one or take them out for coffee and a discussion. Use viewpoint questions to try to assess how the person thinks and feels. Try to figure out if there is really something wrong or it is just something with them that you can never overcome. Build your relationship with others on the team as individuals so that the things said against you just role off their backs.

4. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterJanuary 5,2023 at 4:41PM UTC

   One of the greatest EQ skills someone can master is to look at negative comments and assign them properly. Is there anything in the employee's comments that has a grain of truth and is something you could work to improve? Conversely, what is 100% on the employee because of his biases, thoughts, beliefs, etc.?

5. Mary PoolJanuary 7,2023 at 6:26PM UTC

   I am so sorry this is happening to you. You might want to consider a one-on-one with the person, being direct with what you have been told, and asking them why they consider this to be supportive behavior. It might be in the best interest of everyone if this person was placed on a different team. The fact that they are dealing with their frustrations in such a childish manner speaks volumes about them; I certainly would not want them on my team.

6. TomBooleyJanuary 8,2023 at 2:20PM UTC

   Some people are just JEALOUS - and mean. The working world today is incredibly toxic. Try to find a way to distance yourself from this creep.

7. Karen TrémelJanuary 8,2023 at 2:49PM UTC

   I’m sorry this is happening. I like many of the suggestions that have already been offered here such as having a frank 1:1 with them to solicit their ideas about what works best for them in terms of management style. You can then frankly explain what you can or cannot accommodate, providing reasoning. You might gain some insight about what you could do better as a manager — then again, you may not. Either way, you have done your due diligence to create the best working relationship with this person.

   Depending on the severity of the situation, I might suggest giving your HR business partners a heads up, which will not only be a proactive approach on your part, but you might also get some advice on how to proceed. And depending on severity, you might want to give them the heads up before this 1:1 in case it backfires. And document the conversation immediately!

   While this is certainly hurtful to you personally, it also sounds like this situation is creating a toxic environment for the whole team—which can’t be good for morale or productivity. So you do need to investigate and take action in the interest of your team.

   Stay strong and try to stay grounded a belief of positive intent for everyone and a forward looking vision. This can only help to facilitate the best outcomes for everyone.Best of luck!

8. utpala deviJanuary 8,2023 at 4:32PM UTC

   Just know that you are dealing with a negative person. It's not ur job to correct them. But assert yourself firmly when required.

9. AnonymousJanuary 8,2023 at 5:18PM UTC

   I would have a conversation in front of the whole team and let them know that while you have a great sense of humor about being silly that making fun of people is not acceptable behavior. Tell the group that it's come back in a circle to you that some of this is directed toward you and that you would prefer that it stop as you are a sensitive person and don't find that kind of commentary amusing. That should put an end to it. Memorialize it in an email to the team afterward and if there is a segment of your employee handbook that references workplace behavior that you hope folks will take a moment and re-read it. Since you know specifically who it is you should also let them know that another team member has made them aware of this and that you would like them to respect you in the same way that you respect them. If you get any blowback please bring HR into the mix.

10. AnonymousJanuary 8,2023 at 8:55PM UTC

    there’s always is one in a group that behaves this way, it’s a low level or no level of emotional intelligence and immaturity.

    why you may not be able to change it, how can you convey to her or him that you’re aware of it without letting on other team, members told you being a manager isn’t always easy.

11. AnonymousJanuary 8,2023 at 11:23PM UTC

    A colleague who tells a manager about another colleague mocking the manager is a person whose judgment and even veracity may be questioned. Manipulators exist, and they enjoy creating chaos and drama. If you believe that the one who told you had positive reasons for sharing, and was not lying or distorting the facts, then ask him or her to document further incidents and forward to you (if you want the documentation). Then invite the mocker to a one on one with you, tell him or her what you heard, and tell them this is their chance to speak to you about any issues they have with your work performance that are affecting their ability to perform their work. Also let them know that mocking colleagues is generally regarded as unprofessional, childish, and undermining behavior that will be perceived negatively by most of their co- workers, regardless of status, and that more direct communication is preferable among professionals. Acknowledge that their issue may just be a personality clash, and suggest that if that is the case, it may be time for this person to start looking elsewhere for a better fit. Be direct, brief, friendly.

12. AnonymousJanuary 9,2023 at 2:13AM UTC

    As a manager, one thing you have to accept is that there will always be one or more on your team who just don’t like you. You can try to find a place of cordiality if possible. If that’s just not a place with this person, keep it professional. Let the person who shares know that they don’t have to give you the info as it’s not relevant.

13. Liz MilneJanuary 9,2023 at 10:03AM UTC

    If it's upset you enough that it's affecting your working relationship with them, speak to them about it. Note down a couple of incidents that you know to be true (proveably for preference) and then arrange a meeting with them.

    Not everyone has to like you, but there is no need for mocking and rudeness - that needs to be nipped in the bud asap. I bet they'll be mortified that you've found out about their behaviour which is almost certainly based in a degree of showing off: 'sticking it to the man' - ie, problems with authority and would do that to any manager they get

14. TheodoraJanuary 9,2023 at 12:15PM UTC

    Wow, what an awful predicament! It’s definitely wise to ask for evidence or keep an eye and ear out to see for yourself. It definitely could be a case of someone trying to instigate the issue. It’s also wise to mention it to HR in case it escalates you have it documented. Hopefully the person who allegedly mocked you is looking for work elsewhere. Good luck!

15. AnonymousJanuary 9,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    This sounds jarring and upsetting, for sure.

    When I have been in this situation I have attempted to address it with the employee, "I understand you're not pleased with our work together, how can we work together to communicate better? What things am I doing, specifically, that bug you?" This usually leads to some action items for both of us.

    Once after such a conversation, when I was holding up my end of our agreement and she wasn't holding up hers, I asked her about it. She said she wanted me to ask her what was wrong when she was giving me the silent treatment. I told her that if she's upset and I haven't done anything wrong that I'm aware of, it's up to her to let me know, that I would assume her bad mood had to do with something outside of work and I was willing to give her a wide berth, but not to interrogate her about it.

    That was more or less the beginning of the end for her. Thigs escalated after that to her yelling at me to go f*ck myself and slamming a door, she refused to go on a PIP, she refused to acknowledge constructive conversations with the other member of the management team and myself, we were preparing to terminate her when she wrote a letter that said basically she was not interested in personal improvement, that all her issues were someone or something else's fault, and offered her resignation (which she did not expect us to accept, but we did, with enormous relief).

    All this to say, some people are just toxic, and that's not your fault or your problem. They aren't required to like or respect you. If that's disruptive to your ability to do your job, the onus is on you to attempt to work through it. If that's not possible, you're the manager, and unfortunately sometimes that means you have to make tough calls and have confrontations and do follow up you'd rather not.

    Good luck to you!

16. IntentionGirl299847January 10,2023 at 9:52PM UTC

    The employee is jealous of you and is trying to ruin your day and you. First make sure they are actually guilty of doing these things and ii isn't a case of he said she said. If there is concrete proof (emails, texts, videos) then move forward with a meeting having a person from HR there too to discuss options regarding their unprofessional behavior. And never take anything personally at work. Doesn't matter if they like you or hate you, just as long as they do their damn job and stay professional.

17. AnonymousJanuary 14,2023 at 3:48PM UTC

    Another poster who said this is exactly right: "A colleague who tells a manager about another colleague mocking the manager is a person whose judgment and even veracity may be questioned."

    I work in an office where this type of tattle tale behavior is common. Tattletales are toxic too and may be contributing to a negative work environment just as much as someone who gripes. Having events is one thing and it's very admirable that you do it. Another great thing is when everyone feels belonging and respect. It's possible that the employee has personal reasons for disliking certain things assuming the snitch can even be trusted. Because of power dynamics, the employee might also feel like they cant speak to you about their concerns and vent elsewhere. There's also the group think thing, so maybe your mouthy employee has a different mindset. This can be an asset if leveraged correctly or it may mean the employee needs to seek out opportunities that meet their needs a bit more. You could have a conversation with the employee and ask for honest feedback and then give them some too.