A colleague has mentioned to me that they don't remember kissing their Director at the work party, and now feel awful about it.

6 Comments

1. Cheryl WiebeOctober 1,2021 at 11:51AM UTC

   Here is my take., the “by the books” advice is for her to politely say to him she is not interested (despite what may have happened). If he does not respect that, she should take it to the relevant Mgr, especially if she feels uncomfortable (or he gets weird). And if that doesn’t work, she should escalate to HR. This is straight out of ethics training in most company policy. But some company are not good at this. And she should take notes

   It matters what their relative roles are and her perception of who holds sway in the org. If they are relative peers, and especially not in the same group, she likely will have be able to rebuff him as long as she is clear and firm.

   If they are NOT peers (likely given he is older and a man) she should still do the same actions, but there is more of a burden on him to behave, and less expectation of how much effort she need take tomorrow”work it out”.

   Oh, and in either situation is there no grounds for her to be retaliated against after she takes that first action. (Hence the advice to take notes).

   My 2c

2. AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 12:06PM UTC

   Thanks Cheryl, I will pass on this advice to her, that's really helpful

3. Cheryl WiebeOctober 1,2021 at 12:18PM UTC

   *how much effort she need take to “work it out”

   (Bad autocorrect)

4. Stephanie IngleOctober 1,2021 at 1:26PM UTC

   If she can at all muster the courage, I definitely agree she should address him head on - she can say something simple like "about the party, I hope you and I can put that behind us so we can continue to be professional colleagues and move past that event." and even walk out of his office or away from him immediately after (since he is senior, she may feel intimidated and wish to "confront" him as little as possible). The onus of what occurred is on him; but if she immediately goes to HR, it will turn something pretty minor into a big mark on his personnel file... Although she won't be retaliated for it, ask her to consider if the roles were reversed, if she would think a junior man should simply ask her to forget it or if she would prefer him to run to HR?...

5. Sabrina RahmanOctober 1,2021 at 1:48PM UTC

   If I had made that mistake, I would tell him in a quiet place with a reliable witness present.

   If he is the kind of guy to ignore being told “no” and overreach, then there’s a witness to back her up.

   At that point if it gets hostile she will need to record it and take it to HR. Or even skip that and take it to police, if it gets that bad.

   My background:- I don’t drink and though I have been sexually harassed plenty of times, I’ve never mistakenly kissed someone, nor been in any kind of similar situation.

6. AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 2:30PM UTC

   Both are adults and both made a mistake. They both need to clear the air and put this behind them. BOTH are responsible.