I am stuck in a shame cycle of over-promising on turnaround time, please help me get off this ride.

8 Comments

1. Becca A.February 8,2023 at 2:22AM UTC

   Oh man, Ive been there before and sometimes still struggle with it. What has helped me is, taking a deep meditative breathes before I go into a meeting, or am about to talk to someone. In doing this, it helps center me and pulls me into this state of "calm" that allows me to speak with more intention by means of taking a moment to pause before sharing my answer.

   Doing that not only has limited the amount of time I have overcommitted but it also allowed me look more reliable with how composed and relaxed its made me.

   If you incorporate this method then or any others you find. Then please give yourself grace to lessen the habit of over-committing. As It is with giving ourselves compassion as we strive to be better, that it actually increases our chances of doing so with little regression.

   Blessings to you for being self-aware and wanting to better yourself to be your best.

2. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 12:35AM UTC

   So, I 100% relate to this. First of all, I usually convince myself I can get it done in X hours. So, at the time, I don't think I am overpromising. Then, it takes X+Y hours.

   In my last role, I was lucky enough to be in a job where I could tell my manager when I was struggling.

   I started the conversations saying during a 1:1. "I am struggling with time estimates for delivery. Would you be willing to work me to to help me set more realistic deadlines." My boss was willing and it ended up being a way for us to really break down the task and explore the steps needed to make it work. It was a win-win.

   Now, if you are not in that position to reach out to your boss, what we did together was keep a log of how many hours a task actually took me.

   So, if I completed XX task in 5 hours last time, my promise may be 7 hours. We also focused on breaking down the task to manageable bits to get that estimate, which gave me a nice todo list.

   Keeping track of how long things were actually taking also somehow helped me focus better. I learned more about how I worked and when my brain was scattered (for me it was afternoons) and had something to share with my boss to show I was working to manage my time better.

   All brains are different, of course, so find what works for you but for me this really helped.

3. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 1:05PM UTC

   I have a 24h rule. I don’t commit to doing anything faster unless I’m asked to and then I set several calendar and phone reminders to keep me on task.

4. AnonymousFebruary 11,2023 at 4:34PM UTC

   I do the same thing. My two thoughts for you are: Give yourself a formula that you always use, like [(time you would usually estimate) * 3] ÷ 2, or whatever makes sense for you, and use it every time you're promising a timeline.

   And second, try not to over-apologize and definitely don't put yourself down in those emails. You are 100% not the only one whose stuff gets delayed, and you don't need to draw attention to it. I know it's important to convey that you're aware of the issue and not just willy-nilly being late with stuff, but being optimistic in your time estimates doesn't make you a terrible employee or person.

   Actually I have a third suggestion, which you may already be doing. Don't wait until the deadline to let people know there's a delay—send an email as soon as you realize you're not going to make the time estimate. That way you can say "This element is taking longer than I planned because of whatever reason, so I need to adjust my time estimate."

5. AnonymousFebruary 13,2023 at 7:12PM UTC

   Thank you so much for that formula suggestion, that's a really handy way to measure time! I've already written it down on a sticky note and will give it a try on my next task.

6. AnonymousFebruary 14,2023 at 6:16AM UTC

   I hope it helps!

7. AnonymousFebruary 11,2023 at 5:24PM UTC

   Become a soldier to your calendar. Really! Plan your days down to the minute put work blocks on your time and really do what you say you are going to do in those time slots. If you get some new work that takes precedence over the things on calendar push them out unless they are URGENT priority and business stopping. Don't budge from this system because if you do you will fall back into your old ways. Take what you have now on your plate and put it into a spreadsheet- on your weekend. Be honest with yourself about what is P0, P1 and P2 and put those things on the calendar now. Sit down with your manager and walk through and agree on the things and timelines you have set forth on the following Monday. Adjust as needed, and do that weekly. You got this!

8. AnonymousFebruary 13,2023 at 7:10PM UTC

   I appreciate the feedback and your genuine words of encouragement! I do question whether or not you are also ND, though? Advice like "plan your days down to the minute," "take your current to-do list and put into a spreadsheet," and "adjust as needed" are nearly impossible. If these steps were that easy, I would have already been successful at implementing them :(