I have been working for 2 years at my current job, During that time I have also managed several serious personal medical conditions. I have also held the position while caring for my terminally ill father completely on my own. A colleague at my organization recently recommended that I apply for an open internal position. The position was ideal for me in terms of my background and qualifications. My work has been of consistent excellent quality. I have received personal praise from the president of the foundation I work for. My direct supervisor told me last week that she hoped that I would land the position and that it was well-deserved. Today I found out that the executive director passed me over in favor of an external hire. He said that he went for a candidate who was a better fit. I am devastated and furious. I have made it in on so many days even though I often go 30 to 40 hours straight without sleep due to my caregiving responsibilities. On many of those days I have even undertaken additional responsibilities at work. How do I handle this situation professionally? Should I begin looking for a new position? Thank you in advance for any help.

13 Comments

1. Krystin MorganMay 30,2024 at 5:03PM UTC

   I understand your frustration here! It's never a good feeling when something like this happens. However, this *does* happen quite frequently, and unfortunately being an internal candidate doesn't mean you'll be the one to land the job.

   You asked how to handle it professionally. I recommend giving it some time to feel your feelings and get past the worst of it, and then consider speaking with your manager/the hiring manager of the role to ask what you could do to improve your chances for next time. Are there areas you could focus on or places you need to grow? They may give you some useful feedback (or they may not, but it never hurts to ask).

   Then, consider what's important to you. Do you otherwise like your job? Would you have wanted to stay if this new role had never even come up? Or were you already unhappy? It may be time to start looking elsewhere.

2. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 5:06PM UTC

   Thanks very much for sharing your insights with me!

3. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 1:13PM UTC

   If you're going to stay, consider saying no or pushing back on additional tasks more often then you currently are. Unfortunately, hard workers are sometimes rewarded with more work and not more rewards because organizations don't feel they have to give them more to get more. I have fifteen years of nonprofit experience, and this has been the case everywhere that I have worked.

4. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 5:07PM UTC

   Thank you very much for your feedback and for sharing your experience with me!

5. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 3:14PM UTC

   Ask for specific feedback and take it in before you react emotionally to what you hear. Once you have processed this you can then make a reasonable decision as to whether you should look around. I am sorry for the strife you are dealing with but unless the ED knew what you have done and was going to interview you and consider you they may have already formed an opinion that will stunt you there.

6. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 5:07PM UTC

   Thank you for your candid feedback! Very much appreciated!

7. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 12:18PM UTC

   You need to ask for feedback and how best to develop. It’s frustrating when you know how much extra you’ve been giving especially with your home situation, but the job market also sucks right now which means it is possible a very well-qualified external candidate was available who did bring something else to the table. Getting feedback and working on development will

   open more doors. Leaving could be throwing the baby out with the bath water if this is an organization you like.

8. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 12:54AM UTC

   I do agree that leaving right now would probably not be wise. But I have decided that leaving will definitely be a long-term goal for me. Thank you for your feedback!

9. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 2:44PM UTC

   No one is entitled to a job, no matter how qualified or deserving. Ask for feedback and get out of the emotional spiral. Disappointment is understandable, but continued sour grapes is a career killer.

10. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 12:52AM UTC

    Thank you for your feedback. I am working hard to let go. However, I am neurodivergent and have been informed by my mentor that it is ok to take the time I need to process what feels like a tremendous loss. She told me that it is ok that I have a neurological system that is not made to move through things as quickly as others might like. Her counsel was very validating.

11. GirlBossanova934974June 2,2024 at 1:08PM UTC

    First off, this "better fit" story is as old as Noah and the ark. That response is especially valid in today's job market where lawsuits are prevalent. So I would read very little into it. Second and far more importantly, we are talking about one job at one company. Putting all eggs into one basket in today's job market is not a good idea. IF you want to have a decent chance of advancement, you should be applying for more roles, inside and outside of the company. I myself have had to take care of terminally ill relatives. I had help from outside help but it still was very time consuming. I got all my ducks in order and was ready to leave as soon as my caregiving duties ended. I was conducting interviews etc for months while I was caregiving. I couldn't wait to leave where I was at it. I was making millions of dollars for my employer while my fellow IT employees were scarfing up tens of thousands in IT training dollars while I was conveniently left off the training list....... I walked and got a 30% raise.

12. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 5:05PM UTC

    Thank you for your very helpful feedback and for sharing part of your story with me!

13. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 5:06PM UTC

    Thank you very much for your feedback!