Hi, yesterday I had my midyear review, after working 10 years in the company it was the first time it was not really pleasant. My direct boss is always very positively about me, but when he gathered feedback from management team (that is quite new) it was not positive at all. The current company culture is much of he who talks the loudest is seen as the best, and that is just not my style, as an introvert. Of the 3 things that were said 2 were just NOT true. Which I also stated. The 3rd comment was me needing to be more vocal in meetings, which indeed I still struggle with a lot. If something has already been said than i wont be repeating it....

Hi, yesterday I had my midyear review, after working 10 years in the company it was the first time it was not really pleasant. My direct boss is always very positively about me, but when he gathered feedback from management team (that is quite new) it was not positive at all. The current company culture is much of he who talks the loudest is seen as the best, and that is just not my style, as an introvert. Of the 3 things that were said 2 were just NOT true. Which I also stated. The 3rd comment was me needing to be more vocal in meetings, which indeed I still struggle with a lot. If something has already been said than i wont be repeating it....

Anyway , because i do a lot of behind the scenes work, they don't recognize the effort I do and my contributions. But i just dont really care to be in the spotlight. How can I try to revert this, and yet still be myself? Thanks

Why women love us:

  • Daily articles on career topics
  • Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
  • Advice and support from an authentic community
  • Events that help you level up in your career
  • Free membership, always

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

21 Comments

Join the conversation
  1. Chris

    Kkep a list of your accomplishments with dates for the coming year. Then at your next review present the list to you manager before your review.

  2. Anonymous

    Perhaps you can make sure your strategy emails and documents have your name in the footer. Ensure you are out in front with email responses and helpful replies. Be first to offer your informative opinions, insight and details. Don't make it easy for others to take your work as their own.

    It's important that you grab credit for your contributions and by doing so in writing you don't necessarily need to do so in person but still brand yourself as a contributor. As an introvert this method is easier than other in-person delivery.

  3. Anonymous

    The new management structure is a breeding ground for a toxic environment. It creates an adversarial culture by only noticing the "loudest" rather than the best. I agree with the others who commented on strategies, but I want to add that if this type of culture is not suitable for your long-term mental health, you need to start quietly looking for something that might have a culture more to your liking. Unless you are ready to make a wholesale change and start challenging everyone, you will not change them, and waiting them out might put you on a lay-off list as one who is too quiet and making more money than the intern they hired right out of college (which is probably more important to them than the experience you have).

  4. Anonymous

    I'm sorry you experienced this. It can be a sign of change of your company culture. They're telling you without telling you how to succeed there- and it's uncomfortable because it's diminishing your light. My advice is to keep your personal support system high at this time (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual--through diet, exercise, routine, friends, family, hobbies, therapist/ etc.). Also, shore up your supports at work. I'm not an introvert, but I've been a powerhouse workhorse pushed behind the scenes and I can say, they'll need you until they can replace you. After 10 years, they're likely putting you on a list of folks that need to change or will go. Stay useful---if you like the work, people, mission. Don't try to change them, stay true to yourself, and play a little more of "the game" to survive. You've got this.

    Dust off your resume and start interviewing. Use any company perks now (especially money/training). Correct the wrong statements on your review. You know the culture- often, they don't want to be directly challenged, so if you have to , play a bit confused. (e.g. " Oh, this is news to me. Please explain...yes, this is something I can work on...etc." Sometimes managers strike it off the list and rewrite something once they see you're open to it- but keep in mind many of them are told to write X # of things good and X # of things bad/to improve). Recommend to them language edits -on things you'll improve. There are great suggestions on the internet. I've done this and the manager agreed to change language---so it's no longer false, but let's them write a critique.

    As for being vocal, you could speak with your manager and say that as an introvert that's a challenge you're willing to work on (whether you are or not) and ask for suggestions. Whatever they say, just say, "Thank you, I'll work on it." It's a benign statement. [Taking criticism professionally is one thing, agreeing to lies is another. ].

    Also, please know that you don't have to be nice. Sometimes there is tension between employee and manager. I had some managers that wanted to push me around and write lies. So, in the review, I just said something like "No, I don't agree with that statement. I understand you have a critique. Let's uncover what you'd like for me to do and let's find different verbiage. This is my permanent file and I want it to reflect what we both agree to."] It was satisfying to say, but pushing back does have after effects. I started looking for new jobs that night.

    Keep a log of all the work you do. I keep a spreadsheet of projects, successes, emails of praise. Have them for your review. It's very helpful, esp. for bosses that don't have your back, they often forget. Highlight your successes- verbally or in an email. Even make it water cooler/Zoom chatter. A lot of companies have chit chat prompts before meetings (mention something you're proud of---encourage it out of others). Then highlight the successes you've done. Be gracious, but promote yourself (sounds like no one is doing it for you). I'm proud of the success of completing project X. Others, esp. those that don't know you, will see you based on that news. Also, making sure the influential folks have your back (this may or may not be leadership).

    Read "Designing Your Life "or "Designing Your Work Life" by Burnett and Evans...they have a chapter on Influence that's great.

    But seek to leave. If your company is big enough, maybe even leaving the department or to a new team is enough. A decade is a nice time to reflect on what you'd like to change. This could become a blessing or exploration. Unless you want to change to fit in (and you shouldn't have to), things will unlikely improve. You deserve good things. Good luck!

  5. Christi Lopez

    "Keep a log of all the work you do. I keep a spreadsheet of projects, successes, emails of praise"

    I cannot emphasize this enough. I make sure I enter all the hard data to back up my ratings in my performance evaluations. I also have a folder that contains all the thank you emails/shout outs that I can reference when needed.

    This is just good practice for anyone in any position. Sometimes you need it to self-promote, but sometimes you're just having a hard day and it's nice to see the evidence that you ARE appreciated.

  6. Anonymous

    Did your boss have any suggestions? Asking them to help you make sure your work and accomplishments are broadcasted might be a good place to start. I also agree that tracking your work and accomplishments is a good idea, along with putting your name somewhere on your work or asking your boss if you can socialize it directly, rather than it going through someone else.

  7. Anonymous

    Ask your manager to assign projects to you where you will have more visibility. Many times this kind of criticism is less about you doing your job successfully and more about perception due to lack of visibility. It will likely stretch your comfort level (speaking as a fellow introvert)

  8. Alexis Gladstone

    I have a giveaway I use for when I speak I that talks about ways to stand out "without bragging." It's a way to be noticed by your manager and others. Some of the suggestions might resonate with you. If you'd like a copy, reach out directly.

  9. GirlBossanova934974

    The new management team if one wants to be so that kind to them by using that title (management team), is beyond asinine. As a business owner myself, if I want someone to be more vocal in a meeting, I just call their name out and ask them what they think about a certain topic. You don't need a Harvard MBA to figure that out! Second, don't ever mix quantity with quality when it comes to words spoken. Last as a manager, if you want your subordinate to gain more visibility and take on more advanced, projects, you assign such projects to that subordinate. SIMPLE! I don't get this current crop of so called managers. Their job seems to be more about daily office politics and kissing up to their superiors on a non stop basis.

  10. Barbara

    So true !!

  11. Anonymous

    I worked really hard on being more curious and asking questions when it seems the opposite of my personality. Eventually is just became second nature and I find I have become a much more active part of meetings when I used to stay quiet and listen.

    I help those on my team in the same way.
    I was always a good contributor doing my work well, this allowed me to bemore successful and contribute in more ways.

  12. Anonymous

    I think you have to have a private and direct conversation with your manager about your work style. Let them know that your preference is more of a behind the scenes role and that if you are expected to be more vocal that you will limit that as that is what your comfort zone is. Also do write a rebuttal to that in the review so that it becomes a part of your employee record and not a negative thing but more of a style thing. Also I would ask for a meeting with each leader who gave that feedback for just a short 15 minutes to say the same thing and then ask them how they can gather your input in a non-verbal way. You can do this and no be something that you are not you just have to train them on the how. Let them know who you are at all levels.

  13. Anonymous

    Keep in mind that If they are looking for everyone to be the same, or like themselves, they are not truly embracing diversity.

  14. Anonymous

    Thank you all for your advice and kind words. I've always knew it was a toxic environment but qomehpw managed to work my way around it in all these years.. But as someone said, yes it does put a lot of pressure on me and my pentao health. So I talked to the manager and they indeed want to change my job style from behind the curtains to upfront all the time, he even at one point said "i urge you to go about it asap,... Or else"

    I think yes the plans are clear, because nothing was said about support or helping me grow into this new/changed role.

    I don't even know why I have put up with this culture so long, maybe the fear that other companies aren't necessarily better...

    I also know that the "standing on the front line" is probably also my biggest fear, way out of my comfort zone. It might be also a chance for great growth, but it adds such an amount of stress on me that it feels like i cant breath... Is that so wrong of me on wanting to avoid it/not ambitioning this. And how do i manage this, also in a future role?

  15. Anonymous

    Consider (write out) what you really want in a job. How do you work best? What are your skills? What skills do you want to learn? What work do you want to do? What tasks or aspects of your job do you loathe and what do you love? Then update your current resume. Then look at what jobs are out there. Even if you don't meet all the job requirements, apply for jobs you are excited about and think you'd excell in. And if there's a job that seems really really awesome but you need to get additional training, look into that too. Write a personalized cover letter and adjust your resume and apply for any job openings that look good. I don't get the sense that you want to stay there, so my advice is to find something new, explore and find a job that you can grow in that fits your work style.

  16. Anonymous

    Since you know that it's not one of your strengths, work on it. It's obvious they see you have potential or need you to step up more. Take some classes, ted talk or read books on public speaking. I think this is beneficial wherever you go. It's normal to be fearful of the unknown, and it's uncomfortable. But you have to challenge yourself, I know you can do it and you will be happy that you did.

  17. Anonymous

    I am sorry that I do not have time to read the replies here, so I might be repeating what others have shared. But here goes... So it sounds like your direct report manager and you get along and there's never been a problem, but higher-up management is saying they want to "see" you more- See you verbally, and actively. So, is there any truth in these observations? If so, take it all in- Just because we receive a critique doesn't mean it's a "toxic" work place. That's for you to decide. There might be some truth in what management team is saying (or maybe not!)-- For the time being, My thought is for you to internalize what has been said and look at your work and performance in comparison to others- is it really "who is the loudest", or rather, a more competitive environment in which you are more passive? Maybe your role is not a good fit for "you", but you've been getting by all these years due to having a good relationship with your immediate/direct boss...but now, the company culture and leadership has changed. Now , it's your decision whether you want to embrace the changes suggested, or move on. You are in the driver's seat- not them. You've been there 10 years- do you have good benefits, a decent retirement and insurance? Contemplate all that has been said and be your best self. YOu sound like a great gal and I'm sorry this experience stings. Do document and clarify what was said as "untrue", chin up, decide your direction and GO THERE.

  18. Anonymous

    Ask your boss directly for feedback on what you can do to improve on the areas identified. Only they / leadership truly know what they want to see.

    it also sounds like you may need to work to develop relationships with the Sr Leasers. Otherwise they are giving feedback on what they personally see or what others have said -

  19. Anonymous

    I understand the struggles of being an introvert. My work is also a lot of support for people, backstage and preparation. The only reason I don't have this issue is because my coworkers make sure to mention me in every project, meeting and presentation.

    Unfortunatelly, it seems that new management is leaning on to the culture without pushback from others. It is up to you to adapt or leave, so think carefully.

  20. Anonymous

    I learned long ago that if your direct manager doesn't believe in you, it's time to go. It will be nothing but heartache and anxiety as you continue to get gaslit. Take the info as just that info, but not necessarily the way your manager would like it. This review is telling you something very clearly. Reviews should never be a surprise you should have known long ago if there was an issue before it's in writing.. start looking for a place that fits your goals and respects what you bring to the table. That's my .02. I'm sorry you got this review you don't deserve that kind of treatment..

  21. Michelle Lady

    You have to be your authentic self. As someone said here "if your direct manager doesn't believe it you, it's time to go" and that is great advice.

    Do your best to do great work. But jump into action, update your resume and start networking to let former co-workers and individuals you know that you are looking for a new opportunity. Ten years at one company once was celebrated and now tossed aside when politics change the environment.

    Don't let this situation hurt your confidence. Just because one person doesn't like your work-style (or secretly wants to push you out to hire someone else) does not mean that the next/new company will feel the same.

    It's time to move on and don't look back. Good luck!

Browse recent posts

Fairygodboss VIP
Achieve your career goals.
Be part of the largest online career community for women to find jobs, advice, and support — for free.
Fairygodboss members