Recently my job has turned into a place of torment.

49 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 17,2024 at 11:22PM UTC

   This is exactly why it's a horrible idea to work at the same company as your partner. Especially a small company. Hope he finds something else quickly and you should start looking as well. But not at the same company as him unless it's a large company and you're in entirely separate departments/roles.

2. AnonymousMay 18,2024 at 3:30AM UTC

   I would leave immediately

3. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 18,2024 at 5:50AM UTC

   Since it sounds like your husband is now out of work, I would fire up that resume and begin a job search immediately. In this market, it can take a while to find a new position so unless you have a significant financial cushion, I would put my head down and try to hold onto your job until you find another one.

   Sorry to hear about your husband - that sucks. Sending you a virtual hug.

   Good luck!

4. AnonymousMay 18,2024 at 4:29PM UTC

   I have my resume being reformatted and the search has begun. Unfortunately, in this economy and with a large household to support I’m stuck until I have something else lined up. Thank you for the hug ?

5. AnonymousMay 18,2024 at 4:32PM UTC

   It’s a small company and she’s the owner. It is some gaslighting for real, she can’t keep her own lies and excuses straight.

6. AnonymousMay 18,2024 at 11:23PM UTC

   should it not be redundancy, is it legal to sack someone for no reason?

7. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 12:17PM UTC

   at will employment

8. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 12:18AM UTC

   I'd NEVER work with family, especially in same department and a spouse as a direct report.

9. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 12:34PM UTC

   Again, it's my choice but not everyone's decision. That's what this board is- DIFFERENT views.

   If the organization made HER ditch her husband rather than do it themselves, it's a bigger issue.

   Most places do not allow immediate family for this reason.

   The best way in MY opinion is she should start looking elsewhere.

   I can't provide further assistance because I don't know her location, field, experience or accomplishments.

10. Beth Whight MoralesMay 20,2024 at 12:21PM UTC

    There are some situations - real estate, insurance agency, mortgage broker, or anything along those lines where it’s not so frowned on. Not all companies are full of sharks angling to call out favoritism just to get ahead.

11. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 12:39PM UTC

    This sounds horrifying. This really sounds to me like your boss actually wants to get rid of both of you and decided the most sadistic way possible was to have one fire the other. Of course tou would not want to stay and your boss would know that.

    That being said, get the hell out of there. No way you want to work for that of person.

    What I would do? Do the absolute bare minimum to not get fired and then look for another job and leave.

12. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 12:41PM UTC

    And don't train a replacement for your husband or yourself.

13. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:31PM UTC

    I would do everything but the "quiet quitting". That could backfire; they could use it as an excuse to fire her. It is very difficult to do the bare minimum for a sustained amount of time without either making a mistake or even the most oblivious bosses catching on/reacting to a poor attitude and/or lackluster work performance. Especially if they just made an employee fire their spouse; they're toxic, not idiots.

14. GirlBossanova934974May 19,2024 at 1:36PM UTC

    As others have pointed out, it is not a good idea to work at the same company as your spouse. If the company were to go under, you would have both lost your jobs. Supervising your spouse? Not a good idea, either. All that being said, this boss of yours has struck a new low in even today's "NOT fit for management" group of bosses. Who promotes these fools? If this were to EVER see the outside of the company, the reputational damage would be off the charts. I would be getting out the resumes ASAP and going elsewhere! Any company that promotes or hires "bosses" like the one you have is not worth staying in business.

15. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 2:01PM UTC

    Helping her is EASY. And obvious: find a new job.

    Don't believe methen read what others have to say

16. Shelly KatzeffMay 19,2024 at 2:44PM UTC

    I am speechless! How nasty, cowardly, and insensitive! If I were you, I would immediately begin to look for another job. I would not leave (even though you should) because you need the money and will not qualify for unemployment, and it is easier to get a job when you are currently employed. The fact that you are actively looking for another job will definitely make it easier to stay. And, once you find a new job, I would not give your current employer 2 weeks notice. Let him/her see what it feels like to be put into a very uncomfortable, tenuous position!

17. AnonymousMay 21,2024 at 2:41PM UTC

    The mere fact that the employer had you fire your own husband speaks volumes. It is advisable to find another job because nobody cares about your life as much as you do. In the meantime,vi hope your husband is getting UI. Depending on the state laws, talk to a lawyer, but find out what your rights are at the same time!

18. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 5:05PM UTC

    Get over it. Changes do happen, don't self sabotage because the company made a change. Yes, it likely stunk to fire him but help him find a role somewhere else and then if you need to take the time to find a new role in a larger or more supportive company if you still feel sour. Quitting won't do anything positive for your family right now, hang in there.

19. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 6:11PM UTC

    I'm not OP, but I agree!!!

20. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:22PM UTC

    How is she not supposed to think they'll fire her next?? They got her to do the dirty work for them, now she's dispensible to them.

21. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 2:14PM UTC

    I agree. People on here really need to check their privilege. Not everybody can just up and quit and not everybody can just move right onto another job. A lot of people are over 40 and a lot of people are over 50.

22. Evelyn McguiganMay 19,2024 at 6:20PM UTC

    If they’re hiring someone else for the exact same position, it’s not a restructure. Perhaps a recalibration of finances if the pay rate decreases for the new hire. I would ask for clarity and start looking just in case.

23. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 8:00PM UTC

    A nice sentiment … but I think the better or worse vows mean sticking together as a team. And the marriage-team needs to feed their household while they both regroup. Quitting to send a message is the privilege of the independently wealthy. By all means choose your spouse, but you don’t have to sabotage your remaining joint livelihood as a symbolic gesture.

24. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 8:32PM UTC

    I'm sorry for you and your husband.
    Most companies have a policy in place that no relation/relative can report to a relation/relative.
    If it is that uncomfortable for you to remain, start looking for a new job.

25. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 12:00AM UTC

    ????????

    I hope you are responding to others that state what I did: bot a good idea to work with a spouse. One person said "get over it".

    What is YOUR PERFECT SOLUTION???

26. Alice NjokiMay 20,2024 at 11:25AM UTC

    For me I guess I will explain to the boss the advantages of the husband been in the company and also the gain that the company has gained since he joined. And the boss would have no reason than to bring him back

27. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:16PM UTC

    I cringe when husbands/wives work for the same company, even more so when there is any sort of reporting relationship between them - most places would typically have some sort of policy forbidding this.

28. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:18PM UTC

    That's not the point- congratulations on blaming the victim here ?

29. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:28PM UTC

    Thank you, answer police!

30. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:17PM UTC

    Get. Out. ASAP.

31. Stephanie Branch LekowskiMay 20,2024 at 1:24PM UTC

    Hear Hear! They're likely to fire her next when she becomes inconvenient.

32. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:33PM UTC

    They'll still have to work on their stories to potential employers.

33. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:34PM UTC

    I agree it is wrong to have one spouse fire the other, but other than that, without knowing the full story from the other perspective, I can’t get as outraged as everyone else.
    We don’t know if there were issues related to having spouses work together. Maybe they brought outside issues to work. Or maybe, since it seems like he reported to her, there was a bias or favoritism. This is why in most places a spouse not only can’t report to another, many times they aren’t even allowed in the same department

34. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:56PM UTC

    This sounds terrible. Sorry that your husband lost his job. And sad to hear that it was you who had to fire him. It's clear that you feel disappointed.

    Hope that this is not going to harm your marriage.

    If you feel uncomfortable working for that company now you and your husband need to have a plan ASAP on how to deal with this. Quitting immediately is maybe not the best idea because then you'd be both unemployed. If you believe that your boss did this out of hostility towards you or your husband then in the long run this is not a place for you to stay.

35. StellaMay 20,2024 at 2:30PM UTC

    Bolt!

36. Leanne EdwardsMay 20,2024 at 4:07PM UTC

    You don't need to be enduring this. Seek an expert to write your branding documents and get out on the market while keeping your current job. Use this security to advance forward! You'll feel a sweet relief and revenge!

37. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 6:22PM UTC

    I think if she considered leaving immediately then she should not have let the boss force her to fire the husband. She should have refused to follow that order and quit straight away.

    But now it's already done... So don't cry over spilt milk. Understand what is this whole about. Talk to your boss and collegues and try to understand.

    Is the boss a narcissistic a*hole who wants to get rid of both of you? Or is this a situation where personal issues have been mixed with professional issues (like favourism)?

    If the first is the case, it's time to update the resume and start searching a new role. And then quit of course.

    Talk to your husband and explain your point of view. Quitting impulsively doesn't help the husband, it just make 2 people in the same household unemployed.

38. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 7:32PM UTC

    Obviously, not the same, as it is my husband. However, the fact that I'm the director of a department and my right hand was terminated without so much as a conversation - yes, I would still be leaving.

39. Tami L CannizzaroMay 20,2024 at 7:43PM UTC

    I'm sorry this happened. It's tough to fire someone you know, whether it's a colleague or a friend or a relative. What would I do? I'd put on an "academy award-winning performance" every day at the office. Would never let on what I truly thought or even give a hint as to what I *might* be planning. Because who knows, at this point? Behind the scenes, I would be evaluating next steps. This could include staying or leaving. I might want to take some time to let the dust settle and really consider the situation/what happened. Meaning, is it remotely possible that my sweet husband was not performing up to par, and that's the real reason he was let go? Perhaps I didn't want to see it? OR His personality clashed with someone and that's the reason? OR The boss simply made a decision and said, He's out!? Bottom Line - I'd take a little time to let my emotions fade, perhaps get more clarity (if there is any) and THEN make a decision as to how to move forward. That's what I would do.

40. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 7:57PM UTC

    OP here. I want to clarify some things. But first, thank you so much for the support; I really need it right now.

    I have a large family to support, so I can't quit without finding a new job first.
    My boss is the owner of the company, which is very small (under 12 people). There is no HR department. Many of the people who work here are friends or were brought in by someone else.
    The owner knew my relationship with him before he joined the team and has always been fine with it.
    I have been at the company for nearly a decade, and my husband has been there for about half of that time. I am an actual employee, and he was a contractor who was promised a full-time position, a raise, etc.
    Unemployment would pay me less than half of what I'm currently bringing home, and I'm already living paycheck to paycheck.
    I have hired a service to update my resume and have my finger on the apply button for a ton of openings, just waiting on the new resume. I tried updating it myself, but I think this move in my career justifies having a professional recreate it.

    I believe this happened for two reasons. First, my husband complained to her because she messed up his paycheck three times in a row. The last time, he told her he couldn't have it happen again. She is made of pure ego, and I told him she was going to do something petty—and she sure did. Also, I think she's looking to make the company more "white-facing." My husband was replaced by a very nice man whom I started training today. He told me he has no experience with the technology we support.

41. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 8:18PM UTC

    It doesn’t. Why do I need to do you a favor and read all the comments? I read the poster’s comment. I’m sure she felt it was torture, and I have sympathy for that. However, we still don’t know the other side. And since I read the comments, I read another where she referred to him as her right hand. To me, that is a red flag that can mean there were issues. Unless you own a business with your spouse, they should not be your right hand. As I said, we don’t know the whole picture, but in this case she said she was the director. How do you think other employees that report to her might’ve felt seeing her husband as her right hand? Maybe it was favoritism, or maybe it happened out of convenience because she’s with him all the time. I think it would really suck to be in a department where my boss’s right hand person was their spouse.

    I’d leave, but perhaps others complained and the paycheck was the last straw.

    Or everyone could’ve been perfectly happy and the boss is mean. The point is, we have no idea.

42. Jennifer FingerMay 21,2024 at 12:20PM UTC

    You definitely need to leave the company, because having one spouse fire the other is gratuitously cruel. So updating your resume and looking for a new position is completely appropriate. Good luck!

    It is unusual for companies to hire two spouses to work together, though, and this is part of the reason.

43. Jennifer FingerMay 21,2024 at 4:53PM UTC

    It wasn't victim-blaming, it was employer-blaming.

44. AnonymousMay 21,2024 at 6:07PM UTC

    OP Here, he was never made employee, only myself and two others are actual employees, oh and my husband's replacement was brought on as an employee. This is definitely done intentionally. My husband isn't eligible for unemployment, he's on the hunt and is of a positive mindset so I know he'll have something much better soon (which he deserves more than I can express).

    I'm not looking to get revenge or even justice, I'm just looking for a new job. She will know my pain when I leave as I'm her right hand.

    Thank you so much for your message, I appreciate it!

45. AnonymousMay 21,2024 at 6:22PM UTC

    I did and my foot is not in my mouth. i

    will say it again. We only know one side of the story. Was there is a post that I missed where the employer gave their side?

    I don’t think reserving judgement because I don’t have all the facts is a bad thing. In fact, the world would be broad if more people did that. You should try it.

46. Lauren BrunoMay 21,2024 at 7:15PM UTC

    I’m early career so don’t take this as gold, but I would have diplomatically and firmly told upper management that I would not make that decision and if they’re going to make that decision, they need to disclose the news.
    I would reiterate your ability and commitment to remain fair, impartial and professional as well as aware of biases while supervising your husband. However, I would say this is way out of the ordinary of regular work tasks and if he did not have poor conduct, you should not be involved in that decision or delivery because of bias. There’s a reason why surgeons are not allowed to operate on their family members and loved ones and something this big is too much of a conflict of interest IMO

47. Jennifer FingerMay 21,2024 at 8:24PM UTC

    Sorry, I choose not to argue with anonymous posters. I stand by my post. Thanks, have a nice day.

48. SweetpollypurebreedMay 22,2024 at 5:30PM UTC

    Can I just say that your boss seems like a sadist.

49. AnonymousMay 26,2024 at 1:02PM UTC

    Wait, what?!? I’m not sure what’s more ridiculous. Being upset at your boss for doing their job or nepotism.