I feel left out.

33 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 8:56PM UTC

   Have a smoothie! A cup of mud/wtr! Bubbly water! It's not about the coffee. It's about the social ritual of connection. Be yourself and be curious about them. The rest will work itself out.

2. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 9:42PM UTC

   Just drink milk or whatever beverage you choose to bring from home but join the conversation

3. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 9:43PM UTC

   Hot chocolate, smoothie even warm water in a mug

4. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 9:53PM UTC

   This is not beverage specific... It has absolutely nothing to do with coffee. This is all about social connection. Human beings are social creatures. We like connection.

   Figure out a way to get in there. Get water or keep a green juice in the fridge. ANYTHING to get you in the mix.

5. Barb HansenFebruary 27,2023 at 9:56PM UTC

   Ask one of your co-workers to grab you when they head off for their coffee klatch or grab your water bottle/glass and head into the break room when you hear the team gathering, then join in the conversation.

   I'm not a smoker but early in my career many of the developers that I worked with did smoke. I wanted to spend more time with these developers outside of scheduled meetings so I asked them to grab me when they went out for their smoke breaks. Since I don't smoke, I told them that I wanted to stretch my legs and their smoke breaks was a good opportunity for me to do just that.

   Of course, joining smokers for their outdoor smoke break meant I spent time trying to find the best place to stand to still be part of their group and not be breathing 2nd hand smoke. Sometimes, if the weather was too cold or the wind didn't work in my favor so I didn't hang out with them, but usually things worked out for me and I had great conversations with that team.

6. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 1:24AM UTC

   First, apologies for serious talk. That is a form of retaliation not making you feel welcomed to just join in. They may not realize it but it is. They may not be meaning it in a malicious knowing way, but it is. If you feel obliged, drink something else, or NOT. Just join in. Bring an empty cup or no cup. It's ridiculous that they even make you feel like you're not welcomed.

7. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 1:18PM UTC

   Make tea or breakfast while they chat over coffee.

8. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 1:20PM UTC

   What? It comes down to the fact that you don't drink coffee or tea? What?

   I would really take a second to explore your social skills. This doesn't have anything to do with coffee.

   I'm sorry you feel left out but you need to find ways to forge relationships with your coworkers. Again, this has nothing to do with drinking coffee.

9. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 2:23PM UTC

   I love my coffee, and in my office, we have coffee and tea and nothing drinkers. What is nice is that before our day begins, there is a little huddle in the hallway where people share their story of the day, silly things about their partners or their pets. It involves everyone who wished to come and join us. It lasts no more than 15 minutes and it starts the day off right. Then, we go to our offices and start the day. Bring something you do drink, juice, water or whatever and rotate with officemates bringing in cookies or donuts. Don't feel left out! Join your group!

10. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 2:28PM UTC

    Brew your own tea or cocoa and join the group.

11. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

    In what sense does it come to the fact that you don't drink coffee? Is it that you feel self-conscious about it or they always bring it up?

    We tease one of our colleagues who doesn't drink coffee, but I do the groceries run and I always make sure we have the tea they like (and several different other ones) hot cocoa, etc, So while we do tease for not needing caffeine, they're not actually ostracized from enjoying a social moment with the rest of us.

    One of my colleagues just sips on water, because they don't like anything else, so that's what they do, others snack instead of having coffee.

12. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 2:41PM UTC

    I'm not a coffee drinker unless it's a calorie laden drink to the point where it no longer resembles coffee. If you're feel left out, grab a cup, fill up with water (or hot chocolate or whatever your beverage of choice is), and join in the conversation.

13. sjones9392February 28,2023 at 2:51PM UTC

    Bring your drink of choice and relax with them if this is the company culture and it's allowed.

14. AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 5:50PM UTC

    I don't like coffee either. I always bring water or a hot chocolate to these situations. After a few surprised "you don't drink coffee?!" no one cares, and it becomes a fun fact to share about myself with new hires :-)

15. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistFebruary 28,2023 at 11:32PM UTC

    YOU SAID: " but it always comes to the fact that I don't drink coffee (or tea for that matter)."

    Can you explain this?

16. Danielle GenslerMarch 1,2023 at 1:29PM UTC

    Can you take a “ healthy “ take on it ? Drink a smoothie or a flavored enhanced water . State that you are focused on your health . Lots of debate on how good coffee really is for you . ( i stared drinking it in my 40’s) lol. I don’t care for tea either..Do they discuss coffee while chatting or laughing? Is it more of a prop or excuse to get together and connect ? .We are social creatures and need connection more than ever.... People will understand if coffee is not your drink of choice. I think people are more accepting these days of others doing their own thing.

17. AmyMarch 1,2023 at 2:02PM UTC

    I always feel the same way when co workers go out for drinks. I don’t drink but will totally have a mock tail but then it leads to the oh did you have problems with drinking? Ummm no I didn’t but I don’t like how it makes my body feel and my health is my top priority!

18. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 2:07PM UTC

    Take your own drink that you do like, and go sit with them for a few min. It doesn't matter what you're drinking, but that fact that you're having that bonding time.

    Some days when I bring my own lunch to the office, I'll still to for a walk with everyone else who is going out to pick up lunch, and have my own meal while they eat what they bought. Or if people go out for drinks, I've had sparkling water when I don't feel like drinking, but I can still join the group activity. It's the quality time together that is important and will help you feel more included.

19. Christi MillerMarch 1,2023 at 2:27PM UTC

    Take your drink over and be friendly. You could also try bringing in something that goes with coffee, eg donuts, as an ice breaker for you joining the group the first time.

20. Anne R.March 1,2023 at 2:36PM UTC

    Grab a glass of water or yogurt, something you like to have in the morning and join in the conversation and laughs. Bring up your own topic and lead they way. No one should be commenting about your dislike for coffee or tea.

21. Valerie RiegerMarch 1,2023 at 2:36PM UTC

    I don't drink coffee either. When others are enjoying their cup of java I take my own cup of tea or bottled soft drink and join in the coffee klatch.

22. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 2:51PM UTC

    I say go join them anyway! You don't need something in hand to join the party. More times than not, we are our own worst enemy - we tell ourselves things that aren't quite true and that holds us back. I'm sure your colleagues would appreciate you joining in regardless of your beverage/snack of choice or none at all :)

23. Jennifer FennerMarch 1,2023 at 2:56PM UTC

    I know what it is like to feel left out, especially when I have never felt that way before. It is an isolating feeling.

    My suggestion is a first step. When they are brewing the coffee, even if you only drink water, attempt to blend in, maybe have a protein shake or bar.

    I hope you don't continue to feel this way.

24. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 3:09PM UTC

    I would join in even for just a few minutes, to show you are on the team. Eventually it will get better, it has taken my eight months to finally fit in, but I had to get out of my comfort zone. Good luck

25. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 3:38PM UTC

    Tea drinker here. Also feeling left out. I just go to work like you do and get a head start. Keep going! Never mind the coffee clatch fluff.

26. Lisa McCartneyMarch 1,2023 at 4:17PM UTC

    You could take your drink of choice (diet coke for me) and sit. If something is said you could mention they seem to have a lot of fun.

27. Peggie Arvidson * Career Consultant | Adoptee Advocate | RecruiterMarch 1,2023 at 4:19PM UTC

    for many years I didn't drink coffee for health reasons - but when everyone went off to get coffee at the the in-building cafe, I'd often tag along and chat while drinking water or whatever other beverage was my choice.

    Maybe it's not about the coffee? Are the conversations that they're having during their socializing appealing to you?

    Are you worried about missing out on opportunities because of missing out on the chit chat? Is this an organization and team that generally makes you feel valued and included otherwise?

28. Julie A. LaryMarch 1,2023 at 4:48PM UTC

    I agree with other's comments, it's not about the coffee. It's a morning routine that enables your coworkers to kinda' ramp up for the day by sharing and strengthening their connection.

    Seemingly ages ago, I would regularly escort a coworker to the cafeteria where she'd order the same breakfast every morning. It was an opportunity to chat about the weather, work, news, and much more... and get our blood flowing as we walked between buildings.

    In my last position, there was a daily, 30-minute virtual meeting at 8:30 am, in which people shared what they were going to do for the day, meetings, whether they needed support... and to provide answers to silly daily questions like "If you had a superpower what would it be," and "Is Texas or Carolina BBQ better."

    I felt like some people joined the meeting simply to share their answer and madly text back-and-forth in the conferencing app, debating the merits of each answer.

    As humans, we're social animals. An opportunity to connect in the morning, over a "hot beverage" is mentally and emotionally beneficial, as long as people get to work afterwards.

29. Kimberly GrahamMarch 1,2023 at 6:20PM UTC

    You have the power to fix this. It's not about others leaving you out but rather you having the opportunity to join in. While you don't drink coffee you can still linger around and be part of it. It looks like you feel alienated and this is all within your control. Have fun!

30. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 6:50PM UTC

    So don't drink coffee or tea. Bring your own hot/cold beverage of your choice ALONG WITH a plate of home made goodies, or a box of bagels from the local bakery. DO DIFFERENT!

31. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 8:09PM UTC

    Orange juice? Seriously I get that you come to work to work but the community around the internal relationship mechanics with or without a beverage can sometimes make or break your evolution on the team. Find something you like to drink or better yet bring in some muffins instead.

32. LeslieMarch 1,2023 at 10:50PM UTC

    Bring your preferred drink and take part in the relationship building opportunity.

33. Jocelyn LyonsMarch 2,2023 at 1:44PM UTC

    Totally agree with others' comments - you should bring whatever you prefer and join in on the conversation! If you need to break the ice or feel like you need an excuse to re-join the group, maybe bring some breakfast food item to share (donuts, etc.)?