I started with my current company in February.

23 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 11,2024 at 6:39PM UTC

   While this guy sounds like an asshole, I’m not sure there’s anything reportable here. From what you’ve described, I’m not sure I’d go up the food chain with any of this. You will not win. What will you say, I have a hurt feeling?

   HR is there to protect the company and you having a hunch about his wife is not sufficient. Also, knock off the temper tantrums by turning off your camera. You’ve only been with this organization a few months and you have no track record or credibility yet.

   It will be easier to replace a more junior employee like yourself rather than a supervisor. If you want to keep this job, than I’d suggest keeping your head down and eyes on your own paper.

2. AnonymousMay 11,2024 at 7:51PM UTC

   You need to document everything in writing so you can remind everyone of the status of things.

   Next time when someone won't be attending, everyone will be alerted.

   And yes, he didn't want you to attend the groundbreaking because he will expense that portion of the trip as business expense to attend the groundbreaking. So on that portion he will only be out of pocket for his wife. It will save him about $1000. So I would get very clear about his motivation here. Anything to serve him will be the order of the day. Pretty easy to figure out. Be prepared not to be available to assist him from the office at the groundbreaking. He will most likely be acting out and trying to be in charge in front of everyone and I would make myself very busy with other things.

3. AnonymousMay 12,2024 at 2:06AM UTC

   Plan your exit!

4. AnonymousMay 12,2024 at 12:50PM UTC

   I would have said, no sir I emailed you such and such date letting you know.

5. Hold on Lee LouMay 13,2024 at 12:51PM UTC

   It was immature of him to blame you on the call, whether or not it was your fault. That should have been a private conversation.

   Regarding the groundbreaking that you are not attending, let it go. Anything about the wife is an assumption, and has no bearing on you.

   Unfortunately you're not going to come out on top if you make a big deal about either of these things. It's never a bad idea to keep an eye on other opportunities, but while you're with this company make sure you are doing your job precisely to expectations. Did you drop a ball about the contractor joining the call? If arranging to have them involved wasn't clearly your job, this is a good reason to ask your boss for feedback and clarity. Whether or not he is rude or immature, you can be professional and forward-acting. It sucks, but responding to criticism from your superior by shutting down will not help you in the long run. Directly approaching them with questions and trying to better understand their expectations is the right thing to do.

6. GirlBossanova934974May 13,2024 at 1:37PM UTC

   2 points should probably be made here. 1) There seems to be an obsession with FACE TIME points at your company. You might want to step back a few moments and try to be objective about this before you get too wrapped up in all of this drama. 2) Groundbreaking events are PURE FACE TIME events. The work has long been put in before hand by many people working for many years. You may wish to consider if you really want to be caught up in a daily DRAMA spin cycle when a contractor cannot make a ZOOM call and everyone loses their mind. There are other architectural companies out there, right?

7. AnonymousMay 13,2024 at 3:56PM UTC

   Who cares if he takes his wife, takes 2 people to make this an issue, IMO, it sounds like it's an issue for you too, and maybe not just him. Move.On. Learning how to handle in the moment professional comments back will help you.

8. AnonymousMay 13,2024 at 5:22PM UTC

   Breathe, you are making too much of this wife thing. Perhaps he wants to wrap some days away with the wife because he needs to make her happy. As for him being rude to you because someone else did not show up to a meeting let him know that you did your part in asking the person to be there but not being lobby monitor are not responsible for when folks don't show. Ask him about how in future you can be sure that all attendees attend, ask him how he would like you to do that. He should be able to respond to that, then follow that with an email confirming that you both agree to that. This should stop it from happening again. Additionally, are there costs associated with this travel? Perhaps given budget restrictions he is rotating all those who helped the project and so it's this time that he takes the admin to the trip. Let it go, if you need more recognition for your work ask for it in a professional way. As for him closing his door, I assume his role has some steep pressures and perhaps he is stressed out and needs that alone time to decompress himself. Find an outlet for your stress that doesn't include making these small things into big things which will hurt you more than anyone else.

9. Erin VegaMay 14,2024 at 1:20AM UTC

   Your job is to make him look good. So taking one for the team should be on your task list. As far as him vacationing and taking wife is what has been stated, this has to do with writing part of his vacation off as a business expense. He may have already had the assistant going to the ground breaking. I truly believe you are making more out of this than it needs to be.

10. AnonymousMay 14,2024 at 5:55PM UTC

    “Taking one for the team?” This has to be the worst advice I’ve read yet. No one should ever be used as a scapegoat. There are actually laws against this.

    Speak your mind without afraid of retaliation. If you are getting a sense that your job may be in jeopardy, then get your resume together and start applying.

11. Erin VegaMay 14,2024 at 10:12PM UTC

    May be the worst advice but it is true. As an employee of any company YOUR job is to make the employer and company look good. I wasn't saying this type of behavior is correct, however, going to HR, getting your resume together, and finding another job with the job market the way it is now is some of the worst advice.

    Please explain these 'laws' you are referring to? I'm fairly certain that being used as a scapegoat because a contractor was not on a call and suing the employer would hold up in a court of law. But than again since my advice was the worst, you never know.

12. AnonymousMay 15,2024 at 8:00PM UTC

    So you’ve never heard of Whistle-Blower laws? Ok, wow.

13. AnonymousMay 15,2024 at 1:41PM UTC

    It’s nobody’s job to be bullied, thrown under the bus or disrespected so the boss can “look good.” It’s a manager’s job to communicate effectively and make sure everyone has all the tools they need to do the job effectively so the manager benefits through the good work of the team. Being a doormat isn’t in anyone’s job description and this mindset is unhealthy and dangerous. It’s how harassment, discrimination and assault occur unchecked and unreported. Demand respect from everyone.

14. Erin VegaMay 15,2024 at 9:05PM UTC

    Bullied??? The guy blamed the OP for a contractor not being on a call.

15. AnonymousMay 14,2024 at 12:40PM UTC

    Little empathy on this thread for you so I’ll be the one to say, I’m sorry you’re going through this. We should never be the scapegoat for bad behavior and I’m sorry you have to deal with it so soon. If you have a feeling in your gut, then it’s not wrong. If people that didn’t contribute to the project are going then you are not imagining that something shifted. My advice is this: do jot confront him about anything. It gives him improper leverage and he’ll only get worse. Just carry on as if nothing happened, be extra diligent and deliver quality work. You will have your time to call him out but not right now. And don’t hide out because it implies guilt and encourages bandwagon behavior from others

16. maria roseMay 14,2024 at 5:29PM UTC

    Okay, I am confused about what you are referring to—are you mad/upset/annoyed that you are not making the trip—or are you annoyed/upset/mad that you were told not to go because your supervisor is making the trip and also making it a family event and didn’t tell you about it upfront. Whichever it is there’s a big disconnect communication problem between you and your immediate supervisor. As we are only getting your version of the situation, you are going to have to clarify either in this discussion feed your exact role duties or have a face to face conversation with your supervisor to clear the air as it stands. It appears that you may not know all the details of certain aspects of the contracted agreements for the projects you coordinate for different locations. Whose fault that gap has occurred should be the main part of your discussion and if you are being left out of certain aspects, you may need to be made aware so you don’t overstep your role in the project. It sounds like you coordinate the contractors after they are approved and one of them was probably undergoing a rewrite of their contract expectations, but you weren’t in the loop of need to know that. Again I can’t really pinpoint what caused this gap in communication of what you were given but it strongly suggests that something else occurred at a prior contract that made higher management limit who knows all the details of the agreements at certain points of time. Best way forward is to approach this in a professional non-accusatory manner by having that conversation. Bring in HR , if you think that you need a “neutral “ person listening to the conversation. —good luck

17. AnonymousMay 15,2024 at 1:12PM UTC

    Unless there's been a case of inappropriate behavior between you and your manager, I don't think that him bringing his wife to the groundbreaking has anything to do with you.
    Otherwise, you just might be reading more into his behavior than there really is. If you feel that you need to address why you're being excluded from the recent events, then set up a meeting to discuss the matter.

18. AnonymousMay 15,2024 at 1:49PM UTC

    This is an unfortunate situation, if what you’re saying and perceiving is true. Unfortunately, you may never know the true reason the manager doesn’t want you to attend the groundbreaking. Perhaps it is the wife. Maybe he feels she would be threatened by you knowing you two frequently go out of town together. But that’s between them—don’t let that derail you or snowball into other issues that you need to address.

    Write and email to your boss and confirm the details of what occurred at the previous meeting. If you conveyed specific information and he essentially lies to cover himself then call that out, and ask him where the communication breakdown occurred and how you can both best ensure future calls go better. This way you start a paper trail early of documenting specific instances and getting confirmation that you’ve tried to address them and correct them.

    And remember to trust your gut. If it doesn’t pass the smell test something is probably wrong with it.

19. RachelMay 15,2024 at 1:50PM UTC

    I'm not sure about the wife thing - I wouldn't read too much into that as far as it pertains to you personally. However, I can understand your being insulted by his taken an admin. ass't. and his wife rather than someone who worked on the project. Unless he owns the company, I'm not sure why he's bringing his wife to what is clearly a business event. Next, he has no business using you as a scapegoat. I think others here have noted that you should document everything for yourself, and keep an eye on him, because it seems he's clearly willing to make someone else look bad rather than just admit that he couldn't make something happen. I can tell you for myself that lying about me is one thing I never let slide. I don't lie to you, for you, or about you - don't ever do it to me. That means you can't be trusted. Ultimately - take care of you, do your best work for you and not him, and try not to take his behavior personally. (But if it continues, don't be afraid to politely but firmly stand up for yourself. That doesn't mean throw a tantrum or call him out in front of everyone, etc. It means that maybe next time, you go into his office and quietly but calmly tell him that you did not appreciate his claiming that you gave him false information when he was aware otherwise.)

20. Tami L CannizzaroMay 15,2024 at 3:52PM UTC

    My husband is an architect of 30 years; I can tell you that that stuff like this happens to him as well. Multi-million dollar projects that he has managed from cradle to grave, where he absolutely should attend the grand opening - and the clients specifically ask for him - yet someone higher up will attend in his place. Does this upset him? Sort of; yet he knows there will be other travel opportunities + he's been the face of the job the entire time. Re: being thrown under, you could have written this about him as well. He's got the same boss LOL! What I would do - and what he does - is address it one-on-one immediately following the incident, within 24 hours or so. Verbally, not via email. Wait until you are calm enough to have a professional conversation. Let him know, "Hey, I know that put you in a tough situation yet I don't appreciate being called out in front of the group either. What can I do to help you out next time?" Or something like that. My husband actually did this and it helped.

    Wishing you the best!

21. AnonymousMay 19,2024 at 12:53PM UTC

    Thank you for this.

22. Leader135412May 15,2024 at 4:05PM UTC

    If things like you've described keep happening. Run like your feet are on fire.

23. LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEMay 15,2024 at 6:24PM UTC

    I wonder if he and his wife have a good relationship. Or if she has reason to distrust him.

    You may want to have a 1:1 with your boss, keep the door open, to discuss these issues.

    Empowerment starts within -- know your self-worth.