Hi Everyone

33 Comments

1. Cheryl IsleyOctober 22,2021 at 5:31PM UTC

   Your question is not unusual at all. In today's world "fitting it all in" is very difficult. I have been in that situation. Oddly the only way I could figure out some balance to my life was to add one more thing to the plate. I know it sounds crazy, add one more thing to do.

   I had to make time to look at and decide what was most important to me and in what order I wanted to address each part of my life. The other thing I had to do was come to terms with the idea that having and doing it all is not always possible and be ok with that. It does however, become less stressful once you have decided for yourself your priorities.

   In my case I decided self care was most important. That included taking care of my physical and mental health through taking breaks when needed and social activities.

   Start with something small. If you must actually put it in your calendar like scheduling a meeting. Once you start seeing and feeling the benefits on that one step you will be surprised at what else you can get done.

   Will you get it all together and done in a day? No. Will you sometimes have to let some things go to do something else? Probably. Stop trying to do it all at once. Take it step by step. You will get to that balance.

2. AnonymousOctober 25,2021 at 12:59PM UTC

   Like you said step by step. I gave up the word “balance” a long time ago. I focus on seasons of life and I prioritize what is important to me during that particular season. Right now I’m in survival mode with two young kids and that’s ok! I can’t always prioritize myself or work and yet I still am doing well in my career. I find that woman put too much pressure on themselves in general.

3. AnonymousOctober 25,2021 at 2:10PM UTC

   I love thinking about times as "seasons of life". Please tell me you have heard of "Lazy Genius" Kendra Adachi, as that's one of her major philosophies.

4. AnonymousOctober 22,2021 at 6:10PM UTC

   Please don't sacrifice your health. Unless you are saving a life immediately, the life you need to make sure you save is your own.

   Let go of some of the minor thing. If you can afford it, hire someone to clean your house every other week. Or have the laundry sent out.

   I hate cooking so I budget for one of those meal services like Home Chef or Blue apron for 3 meals a week.

   I gave up buying books and have turned to reserving books at the library. It gives me a few minutes of "me time" getting there to pick up or return books. I take the kids with me occasionaly but most of the time it's all about me. That half hour of time, I get coffee, my books (pre-ordered) and a walk.

5. Jackie RukaOctober 22,2021 at 6:35PM UTC

   If you don't put yourself first, no one else will either.
   Schedule me time, each day, 30 minutes of quiet, a walk, meditation, goal writing is imperative.
   Proper sleep is crucial.
   Delegate out what you can afford, dog walkers, house cleaner, grocery delivery , laundry service. Fill it in with social, health and me time as much as possible.
   Try to schedule out your PTO time, for example a 3 day weekend.
   Give yourself things to look forward to each month.
   Adjust accordingly, your balance is different from another's definition of balance. What would you define as balance for you?

6. AnonymousOctober 22,2021 at 7:01PM UTC

   I have learn to allow myself grace and if something slips its OK.

   I find that making an ongoing list in a small tablet that fits in my bag helps.

   I chunk my days in 2 or 3 hour blocks so I don't let a single tasks take over my day. I take each task and break it down so I know what I need to accomplish as an end goal but that task might be broken down into smaller mini tasks.

   I know it sounds like too much work to try and manage but I am a "doer" and don't like to feel ineffective or have too many task get left undone.

   This system also incorporates my selfcare, my social life and my downtime. I actually schedule time for daydreaming where I sit outside with a cup of tea and just let my mind wonder.

   I found some weeks are more successful than others but strive to keep a balance and not get overwhelmed. The whole purpose of life is to enjoy your life and joy for me is taking care of me and mine and that takes work to keep thing moving forward.

7. Kristie WhiteOctober 22,2021 at 7:51PM UTC

   I LOVE the scheduling time for daydreaming! What a great idea!

8. C AllenOctober 25,2021 at 12:38PM UTC

   I agree with this. I find a schedule is very important for myself. At this stage in my life, if it's not on my calendar, it's not going to happen. When you write things down it makes it easier to see what time you DO have available.

9. AnonymousOctober 25,2021 at 11:06AM UTC

   I try to have weekends be a blackout period for emails and work related communications and find taking two days of rest allows me to push ahead and have a very work oriented workweek without getting me to burnout levels. To keep me disciplined during the weekend I try to be outdoors or with my family/friends so I can stay away from screens!

10. Leader757947October 25,2021 at 12:16PM UTC

    This is so hard and something I've struggled with since my early days as a professional. I schedule a lunch break (and encourage my staff to, as well) and refuse to waiver on this break - it needs to be away from the computer. Taking time away from the office is the hardest for me - it seems like the punishment (catch up) of being gone is not worth it - so I try to take a day here and there and save longer stretches for something particularly special.

11. Allison LaRockOctober 25,2021 at 12:16PM UTC

    Schedule a vacation and book everything- when I was working 7 days and sixty or so hours I took a day here and there or a long weekend . I would not suggest taking a full week. It makes your pto go longer in terms of the time you feel like you’re getting and a day always felt like it was coming at an appropriate time. Nothing wrong with taking a full week if you have a lot of time but I find it stressed me out more being gone too long and also made it seem like I didn’t make the best use of taking more frequent but shorter breaks.

12. Allison LaRockOctober 25,2021 at 12:19PM UTC

    Always remember unless you work in healthcare no one is going to die if you respond to their email three hours later so you can go to the gym, cook, or take minutes for yourself.

13. Dr. Eva Gankiewicz MerkelOctober 25,2021 at 12:27PM UTC

    Don't wait until the year you retire to actually use the days you have for time off. For years I thought I was getting ahead of the game by working when others were off work. The work is always there and you just end up being resentful that you didn't take the time. You are much more productive and useful to your organization if you take care of yourself.

14. Elizabeth RadovskyOctober 25,2021 at 12:51PM UTC

    This year I decided to let other people help, even if I have to pay them. I'm lucky that I can afford for someone to cut my grass and seed/fertilize. I am a single mom, so I had to finally make time for me, my daughter, and my health. I'm SOOO glad I did. I might shell out for housekeeping pretty soon too.

15. Martha YoungbloodOctober 25,2021 at 12:52PM UTC

    I've found, over the years, that you can't. You just have to decide what is most important to you and go from there. One thing though - take care of you first, because at the end of the day, you can't do any of those other things unless you take care of you.

16. AnonymousOctober 25,2021 at 12:53PM UTC

    Your health and your family’s well being is always first. Last year during the pandemic I was lucky enough to work from home. Also, I had to do home schooling with my second grader all during business hours because some of the websites the school was using were only open until 3:30 or something weird, so it was very difficult to do my job and stay on top of the school work. Additionally, my husband’s father had a stroke and his mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. All of this took a huge toll on our ability to work, have flexibility and manage all these sudden life stuff. I had an “empathetic” boss at the time but that only runs for so long before they expect maximum output from you again, maybe I was given 4 weeks. I was very overwhelmed and I decided to find a position with lesser responsibilities and a much lesser title, with a very understanding boss that gives me much flexibility and encourages flexibility programs the company offers. The bottom line is, you must make the decisions on what is important to you and stick to it, make a schedule, a plan, ask for help when you need it and take sometime for yourself too. Take that vacation, you earned it, it is part of your benefits package. Ask for flexibility, ask HR because some bosses may be resistant. Take state leave if you need to care for a loved one and your state offers this. You come first. Shut off your emails after a certain time, setup boundaries with your job and do it early. Otherwise come company cultures can suck the life out of you. I had a boss once that used to come in to work on Saturdays and Sundays and was wondering why others didn’t?!! He was single, never married and his job was his life and he was not understanding of other people’s situations.

17. Christy K. HanthornOctober 25,2021 at 1:06PM UTC

    Kudos to you for realizing you're struggling. That's an important step. I'm a workaholic, but I like having a house of my own and a fairly new car. I like going to dinner or Target and not worrying too much about how much it costs (within reason, of course). I also love an extravagant vacation and try to travel somewhere at least once a year. In other words, I work hard to play hard. I often pull a 12 or 13 hour day (staring at a computer screen) and my fingers are sometimes sore from typing, but at least one weekend a month, I "unplug" from the laptop and focus on having fun (which is sometimes very little of anything). My boyfriend and I do mini-date nights on Tuesdays and Thursdays; luckily we're both creatures of habit. Just sharing a meal and watching a couple hours of TV helps keep us connected to each other instead of personal devices or work. I also get up before dawn and go to gym classes 4 or 5 days a week; working out before 6 sounds terrible...and it kind of is, to be honest...but I'm home by 7 a.m., and my brain and body are wide awake. That's something to consider if you haven't already. Exercise is good for you and will (ironically) probably help you get more done even if it takes up valuable time. There's no "easy button," but you can train yourself to fit it in. And on those days when your body says, "I need a break," listen to it and take a nap.

18. CosmosMomOctober 25,2021 at 1:13PM UTC

    I shifted my role to one less stressful and only requiring 40 hours per week from the one demanding 60 hours per week. It involved a pay cut but I have much less stress it was worth it. The one thing I’ve learned in my 25 years in the workplace- no company is ever going to value my time as much as I do, and no amount of money is worth not having time for the truly important things in life.

19. AnonymousOctober 25,2021 at 1:34PM UTC

    I spent (wasted) a lot of time struggling with this too. Choose the thing that is your priority. And believe me, that thing will change often. Make time for that thing by subbing out (or even neglecting) something that is at the bottom of your priority list. Also, ask for help. You DO NOT have to do everything. I stopped doing laundry and cleaning the floors in my house. Seriously. My family thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Lol. I told them in clear terms that if they wanted clean laundry and clean floors, they needed to figure it out without me. Just communicating that I needed their help prompted them to do little extra things that freed up even more of my time. Be bold. Be brave. You’ve got this!

20. BethBOctober 25,2021 at 1:40PM UTC

    It isn’t unusual to feel those ahnst all! You have to find a way to to Draw a line between business time and personal time. When I go home I shut it off for the day. I have made it clear that i will take emergency calls snd only emergency calls.
    I leave when I’m done for the day. If it helps, schedule something so you have to go, like a doctor or dentist appointment.
    I give myself a specific window for looking after the house and stick to it. As soon as I could afford it I had a cleaning person, first once an month then twice an month and now weekly. Walking into a clean home feels so great.
    I order much of what I need online. My local grocery store offers an option where they will bring my order out to my car.
    Another thing is to recognize that vacation and PTO exist for a reason. It doesn’t make us better employees not to use them, we aren’t going to get a perfect attendance award for not using them. They are for our mental health and we don’t use them at our own peril.
    A few of my coworkers take
    Vacations during the same
    Time period every year. School breaks. One does it during the week of her birthday. Another does it the week of his wedding anniversary. That helps give structure and something to look forward to.

21. Joanna PoeOctober 25,2021 at 1:55PM UTC

    The truth I've found is that you can't fit it all in, so you have to prioritize and decide. I end up saying no more than I used to, and it's very freeing. If you're like me and have a fear of letting people down, learn to say no by considering that overstretching yourself is letting YOU down, and that will only end with letting everyone down when you run out of gas and fall flat.

    Achieving balance isn't about finding some magic combination, it's realizing that you can't do it all, so you have to decide what matters the most and focus on that, or burn out. Your focus can change from day to day, and there will be times when you have enough energy to do more, or you decide that you just have to do one additional thing, at the cost of something else.

    We used to go out with friends every Friday after work, and every Wednesday was trivia night. When the pandemic started and that had to stop, we missed our friends, but suddenly found that we were able to look after ourselves a bit more, and we were spending less money. We see our friends less often now, but those times are more valuable than before.

    I work at home most of the time now, so I have a little more leeway in doing my job and taking care of minor home chores in the spaces between, or being here while a major chore is taken care of by a professional. Sometimes you simply need to be in the office, and sometimes you need to be at home; if your job doesn't allow for that flexibility, perhaps consider looking for one that does.

22. Bretley DannerOctober 25,2021 at 2:23PM UTC

    I am a single mom who works way too much. I fought the Bank of America for 5 years after the recession to save my home from foreclosure, while also going through a divorce. I saved my home, the divorce was horrible, but I did get the child support I deserved.. I now suffer from anxiety, mostly from all the lawyers who lied constantly for both the Bank, and my ex. But also from employers who have made me feel I owe them…. I have now, 12 years later, gotten to a place where I am financially secure enough to take a breath. As a woman in the work place, we all have to deal with men who feel they deserve more power then we do, they don’t see their faults in this assumption, even if they are relatively good people. We all have to deal with the woman who suck up to these men, needing to be close to the power, instead of siding with other female workers for a place of equality. The one thing I did learn through all of this, and from the down time of the pandemic. I do matter, I am equal to my male counterparts, I must continue to fight for equality in this world - But I must also take better care of ME. When we have to work to survive another day, to feed and cloth our children, we must just do it. But, when we think we need to compete with that other employee for a little Pat on the back from THE MAN, a raise, a promotion (especially without a raise) that gives a “better title”, or because we are made to feel needed beyond that 40 hours - Don’t fall for the hype!! You/we are more important then all that hype. A few less bucks for our freedom, and both our physical and mental health is well worth it!! If your employer takes care of you, then reciprocate and take care of them. If they set up the usual power play environment - Let someone else be the sucker and fall for the hype! And, if they are horrible, then move on! They will never change, no matter what they say…. Live for you and your family, not for the recognition from people who just need you for more money. Keep looking for that place, and those people who think of you as a person who matters, and not just a cog in their wheel house - not yours. If your work place is a good place, then they will appreciate you and your health.

23. Rosa GoesOctober 25,2021 at 3:27PM UTC

    I agree with what most said that you can't fit it all. You need to prioritize. I take it one day at a time, forgetting about tomorrow to stay in the present.

24. EllenOctober 25,2021 at 4:01PM UTC

    Sorry to hear you are going through a difficult period where the demands are on all fronts. It's definitely a challenge for all.

    My father was a CPA and he would always tell me to pay myself first - save for retirement / save for a rainy day and then pay what needs paying. I share this as I apply it to prioritize myself first. Sounds selfish, but if I'm not in a healthy mental, physical, and emotional place it's hard to give to the demands upon me. It also helps me prioritize what those are and where to spend my time and energy as I have greater clarity of mind.

    Outsource where and what you can and what will give you peace of mind and breathing room. Is it a clean house? Knowing you are coming home to a tidy home can relieve a tremendous amount of pressure. But if it's meal prepping/planning, can you outsource to one of the many pre-made meal planners instead? Even just one of these being off your plate can help create a sense of order and calm.

    Also, if things are super busy and things fall by the wayside, be ok with it (easier said than done). Be explicit for what needs to be achieved during that super busy time and when you've reached it, give yourself the moment to exhale and just be.

    Good luck!

25. Healthcare workerOctober 25,2021 at 4:51PM UTC

    Let go of expectations. Often when we feel overwhelmed by everything in our lives it’s because what exists in reality doesn’t meet the expectations we have for how things should be. Focus on that which must be done, and that first and foremost is your health, and put everything else where it needs to be. The word no is liberating, use it and feel that power. Once I learned I could say no I can’t do that, without offering an apology or explanation for why I couldn’t, my life got so much easier. Do only what has to be done not what you think should be done to be the best version of you and what you think every aspect of your life should be. Oh and if you spend time on social media posting and looking at other people’s posts let it go. A lot of our unreasonable expectations of ourselves comes from the social media competition to see who can post the more glorious life.

26. Annetta MosesOctober 25,2021 at 11:28PM UTC

    I agree with you. Saying no is very important. I think of saying no to others is saying yes to me.

27. Jessica RutherfordOctober 25,2021 at 11:29PM UTC

    This is very hard to do but it really is the best thing you can do for yourself. Say no, do not offer an explanation, and move on. You deserve it.

28. Erica MitchellOctober 25,2021 at 5:33PM UTC

    Prioritize and it's okay to let some things wait until tomorrow. Im so busy with work and school and I was letting it overwhelm me. So I looked at my schedule and said to myself, what's the most important thing that needs done today and what can wait until tomorrow. I don't feel so much pressure now.

29. Rosalyn JohnsonOctober 25,2021 at 9:57PM UTC

    Do whatever is right in front of you. Set aside the time to do that thing. Check it off
    Next

    I'm not very good at the prioritizing, but I am also learning

30. Annetta MosesOctober 25,2021 at 11:27PM UTC

    I suggest you experiment and discover what is the right balance for you. I work about 60 to 70 hours a week. I have a flexible schedule so some times leaving work at 3:00 p.m. on a Friday means I will work late on Thu and work so hours on Sun.

    For me, it is about schedule time for what you want to do. I only managed one calendar and business and personal time is blocked.
    I have dinner out with lady friends about every 6 to 8 weeks. It is on my calendar. Date night with hubby is Sunday afternoons one a week. Depending on our schedules we may or may not eat dinner together. Gym time is 3 days minimum with Mon to Fri 5:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. block; I often get in 4 days a week for at least one hour of weights and cardio. Before covid, I had a monthly 90-minutes massage . Now I do a monthly bubble bath with a facial mask.
    I usually travel for 2 vacations that are a week each and two weekend getaways. I try to do a trip each quarter. Q2 and Q4 tend to be the weeks vacation.
    Learn to say no to things you are not 100% passionate about doing.
    Give a little on housework. If you can afford help, hire a cleaning service one day a month, get your groceries delivery (I use instacart), use Amazon subscripe and save for non perishable items like toilet paper, snack bars, soap.
    I don't have children. But for friends that do, they say a few things help them manage.
    1) be friends with the parents of your children's friends and share duties like carpool.
    2) swap babysitting duties with another couple . For example one couple watches all of the children while the other couple has date night and then the reverse happens in a few weeks.
    3) Give children chores
    4) Drop children off at supervised activities. As a child I was in a Saturday morning children's bowling league. That gave my mom about a 4 hours break.
    Good luck.

31. Jessica RutherfordOctober 25,2021 at 11:31PM UTC

    The reality is - you cannot do it all every day. You have to prioritize and your health and sanity should always be the top of the list. I know that it is easier to say than do. I wish you the best.

32. Melissa MathersOctober 26,2021 at 12:12AM UTC

    The "pay yourself first" comments are incredibly on point. I am still working on this!

    While I am far from having it figured out, I have made minor changes resulting in a significant boost in my personal happiness. I have a four hour digital block-out every Sunday: no phone calls, emails, texts, computer. It is amazing what you can do with four hours uninterrupted! I have work notifications on my phone turned off at a set time each day. I have groceries delivered - the time saved is worth every penny of gratuity. Once a month, I have someone come clean my home. (I have yet to mentally justify bi-weekly but I am getting closer!) I stopped doing laundry on the weekends. By forcing myself to do laundry during the week (usually by starting the washing machine as I sit down for dinner), I have much more time to focus on friends/family over the weekend.

    In my work world, I also schedule one hour twice a week for clean-up. This covers outstanding to-do items, emails I placed on hold, a work topic I need to research, anything I know is going to weigh on my mind during evenings and weekends. It was hard to maintain, as people constantly vie for calendar time, but once I got into the habit, it has been very productive.

    The biggest changes? I am learning how to say no. I promise, the more you smile and say no, the easier it is to say no the next time. And, I have stopped feeling guilty when I choose to say no.

    We are all works-in-progress. I hope you are able to find a bit of calm as you determine your priorities and identify what you can let go.

33. Karen GongawareOctober 26,2021 at 5:31PM UTC

    You choose what demands you want. If you live with others, they can look after the home just as well. Work is just that, work. You already know the time to be there and leave. Take NO work home EVER unless they are paying you to do this and I don't mean a salary (which is code for slave wages and we own you). So work is handled. Home is handled by having others pull their weight. Take the time for yourself every night and during the day. It's OK, just do it. As for social life go out when you want and don't when you want to stay home. Real friends get it and don't hassle you or try to push you into going out. Take a mental health day for yourself and just do what you want or do nothing at all.
    I don't worry about demands on my time as I CHOOSE what I will do or not. Remember, if you don't recharge mentally/physically/emotionally, you will fail at everything.