What do you do when your boss is keeping tabs on how many times you do or, in my case, don't recognize a coworker?

Anonymous

September 21,2021 at 1:30PM UTC

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What do you do when your boss is keeping tabs on how many times you do or, in my case, don't recognize a coworker? This coworker is not doing the job she was hired to do because she doesn't have the skillset to do it. This is exactly what my boss said to me during my current review and what I have observed since she was hired. She is doing administrative work instead of developing and delivering training. I was told that I should be thankful that she is doing that administrative work so that I don't have to do it. I've done the administrative tasks that she is currently doing and find them to be no big deal, so it doesn't seem fitting to recognize that. Besides, I feel that recognition is something that is deserved and is subjective. I am one of those people that recognizes people freely and often but when someone is not doing the job they were hired to do and our boss has never clarified what her new or revised duties are, it's hard to figure out if what she's doing is what she's supposed to be doing. I don't think cleaning out your email inbox and running reports is worthy of recognition when your job is to develop and deliver training. If our boss would just tell us what her job has morphed into and be honest with her tasks, it might be easier to recognize her. So, during my review I asked for other examples of not recognizing people and my boss told me that I should be recognizing her too. It felt like her happiness was dependent on whether I recognized her efforts/work or not. I'm not responsible for other people's happiness but yet, that is what she's saying. Obviously, there are many issues with my boss but having her say these things during my review was over the top. So, what am I supposed to do - say 'thank you' or 'good job' once a month and keep a copy of my email or keep track so that I can prove that I did it?

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Stephanie TrevinoSeptember 21,2021 at 1:41PM UTC
I see two challenges here:
1 - what are the job duties and are you each getting rewarded for the duties you are doing (vs same money different duties). Does your job description have a list of duties/competencies? You might consider developing the list and working with your boss to check off where you are and encourage them to do this with your co-worker. My big concern here is that I have seen underqualified people promoted because someone praised them frequently for the bare minimum duties.
2 - compliments. In this case, I would choose to compliment what your co-worker is actually doing. "Thanks for running that report and sending it to me."
AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 2:26PM UTC
We are both getting rewarded for what we are doing. However, the boss won't change this staff member's job description or reclassify her job to fit what she is actually doing, so why she's getting rewarded for not doing what her job is on paper is beyond me. The boss has said that she is not doing the job she was hired to do because she doesn't have the skillset, but she won't tell us what job she is actually doing or how her job duties/responsibilities have changed. So on paper, her job is something entirely different than what she is being held accountable for. I thought it was reasonable to ask what her job actually is now, but the boss became defensive and wouldn't say. Actually said to me, "let's not make this about " and moved on to something else. Yep, lots of dysfunction. Looks like I will have to find opportunities to say thanks to both this staff person and my boss just so we don't have to have this conversation again.
AnonymousSeptember 21,2021 at 2:41PM UTC
I’m not sure I understand why your review was focused on what other people are doing. What is your job and how does her job interact with yours? It could be that your boss is being unreasonable or it could be that your boss is trying to boost morale and a team culture by asking you to support each other. It’s hard to say without understanding why you care so much about this person and what her job is or is not? Are your job expectations clear? Are you doing more work because she’s not doing what you think she should? How long has she been there?
AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 2:10PM UTC
Thank you for saying that about my review being focused on other people. Her job generally doesn't interact with mine because our boss has purposely kept us apart. This most likely has to do with the fact that I filed a formal complaint against this staff person for harassment, violating workplace behaviors and using racial slurs right before we had to work from home due to COVID. Apparently she was coached and of course she's still here (She's been at this job for 2.5 years). Anything I say to her - even when she asks for help - she jumps down my throat. I just stop talking. The boss has had to 'jump in the middle' to get her to stop talking and back off. During team meetings she's insubordinate, overshares personal information and is one unhappy lady even though she says she's all about joy and spreading joy to others. Our boss defends her and yes, that's difficult to swallow when her unprofessional behavior is right in front of us.
I was on the interview committee when she got hired. I know exactly what job she was hired to do - develop and deliver live training. But she's only been doing administrative tasks. And according to my boss she doesn't have the skillset to do the job she was hired to do. I asked what her job tasks were and I was given examples of what she was doing and that I should be thankful for so that I wouldn't have to do those tasks. But then my boss also acknowledged that I have done those tasks in the past in addition to the job I was hired to do. I thought they were no big deal.
The boss says that I'm supposed to recognize her because these administrative tasks contribute to the success of our team. These include cleaning out her email box and shredding papers. Thank you for being organized? I have felt that it's better to say nothing than anything at all especially due to her reactions to anything I say to her.
Mia FujiiSeptember 21,2021 at 2:44PM UTC
There is a book about the “Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman that gives tips on how to communicate effectively with others and it sounds like “words of affirmation” mean a lot to your manager…but that may not be the case for your admin.
What if “gifts of service” mean more to that person.
Also many have heard of Dr. Barbe’s Visual, Audio Kinesthetic “VAK Learning System “ways to best communicate with others and knowing the dominant way those around you learn and consume information is the key to working more harmoniously with them.
Also there are some key ways to connect with others that have to do more with what they find mutually important (their priorities that if u can connect with those you sync better w them, I have talked about this as a great way to connect well with others).
Not all people respond positively to just words is what I mean to say. To some it is more about one’s actions, the way one interacts with others to show genuine interest and understanding that is key. So no, not necessary to say positive things to the boss if it is not sincere. Finding times when something positive can be pointed out to the boss might be viewed by the boss as a nice plus. Sometimes just asking the boss for input on something you came up with and recognizing that input as good food for thought is viewed as a positive.
Christy K. HanthornSeptember 21,2021 at 2:59PM UTC
I also find that to be a bit odd but also understand that some people communicate differently (and need validation). One easy thing you could do that wouldn't create more work for you is copy your boss on every single darn email that you send saying, "Thanks so much" or "Your efforts are appreciated." Kill them all with kindness, and fill up those inboxes until they beg you to stop. ;)
AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 1:50PM UTC
This is a good idea. I think I'm also going to have to 'track' when I do this so that I don't have to defend myself at my next review. I am someone who gives recognition freely and often even to people I don't necessarily like.
AnonymousSeptember 21,2021 at 3:00PM UTC
You can say Thank you when she does something helpful.
That's recognition too. A type of appreciation. How much she deserves is not up to you to decide. Just be kind and thankful.
I work with a manager who never thanks me genuinely. No matter what I do, there's always fault, or a mistake or something that needs to be edited. Of course she types "thanks" in all her emails, but it doesn't feel like appreciation to me, she's just being polite. I would like to hear, "Hey thank you for doing this project last minute etc." or "Thank you for taking care of this, it helps a lot what you doing." Or a call saying that. NEVER.
So I feel unappreciated by my manager, and although she is not responsible by how I feel or my happiness, SHE AFFECTS IT.
Your coworkers and bosses influence your well being a lot more than people realize. Things like:
"I didn't come here to make friends"
"She/he is not doing her job and doesn't deserve any kindness from me."
"She is not worthy."
"She has to prove herself to me."
These are very alienating and judgmental ideas.
You may be feeling that giving her appreciation is unfair because you didn't get that appreciation so easily. Maybe you had to struggle and prove your worth to others to gain a "Great job" so you feel like you cannot give it to others unless they go through the same as you.
Don't be so hard on your coworker, let your boss/manager make the decisions he has to do with your coworker.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 2:59PM UTC
Thank you for the thoughts and insight. I honestly try to give recognition to people often and it has nothing to do with whether I like someone or not. I'm sorry that you've had issues with your boss not recognizing your efforts. That stinks! Have you tried asking your boss what she thinks about your contributions or if she thinks you're doing a good job? Or ask about a specific project/task that you performed. That could maybe provide the validation that you ARE doing a great job. One of the big issues on our team is that when one of us does something great and a team member recognizes that publicly, in a team meeting, and it's not this , our boss will suddenly talk over the person doing the recognition and very loudly and purposely say, "Thank you for your efforts" on this project or whatever - and this other staff member didn't make any contribution to that project. That's a huge problem. It's as if our boss thinks she has to make up for something with this staff member which just diminishes the recognition effort of other team members. She's not giving us the chance to even say anything to this before she talks over us and thanks them instead. I find it demoralizing and alienating.
AnonymousSeptember 21,2021 at 3:14PM UTC
This omission of recognition seems to be a huge issue for your boss and you pushing back on it and continuing to withhold it seems petty and more about the struggle with your boss rather than this staff.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 2:38PM UTC
Is this co worker related to the boss ? Seriously it sounds like she is invested heavily in her success.