There is an assistant manager where I work. She is LOUD, obnoxious, overbearing, pompous and sits in the office listening to rap music most of the time she is there at work with us doing things on the computer... I am fine with that.

53 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 1:51PM UTC

   Just stay as far away as possible and do not speak to her unless spoken to.

   To keep your job, try and watch making mistakes. Be vigilant and careful.

2. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 1:57PM UTC

   Look for another job asap. This assistant manager sounds unprofessional and obnoxious. Just because they are in a leadership role, doesn't mean they are any good at it. Be aware of making mistakes. And ask for a little grace. We are all human. If you must talk to the blinking, chicken bobbing head person, then ask, when you started here, how did you overcome making mistakes?

3. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 3:15PM UTC

   You insulting your manager will get you no where quick. And you're not doing yourself any favors with repeated mistakes that have resulted in write-ups.

   And asserting your 5th amendment rights? What is this, an episode of Law & Order? I'm finding it really hard to believe that you're going to retain a lawyer to represent you in basic workplace conversations. My guess is your employer finds this to be a bluff, too.

   Stop operating in a vortex. Tighten your work product if you want to keep this job.

4. Tina MorenoApril 15,2025 at 3:53PM UTC

   I can tell you’re frustrated—and I don’t want to dismiss how exhausting workplace tension can be, especially when it feels like the same issues keep coming up. That said, I want to gently offer a perspective that might help shift the dynamic—not just for your own peace of mind, but also for the sake of your job stability and professional reputation.

   There are a few things in your post that gave me pause. The way you described your assistant manager’s mannerisms—blinking, body movement, and music choice—could come across as mocking or rooted in bias, even if that wasn’t your intention. These kinds of descriptions sometimes reflect microaggressions, especially when they reinforce stereotypes or minimize cultural differences. It’s worth taking a step back and asking: *Is she being unprofessional, or is she just different from me in a way I haven’t taken time to understand?*

   You also mentioned making mistakes—which happens to everyone, including managers—but brushing them off without showing real reflection may read to others as defensiveness rather than accountability. The Fifth Amendment comment, while perhaps intended as humor or sarcasm, likely came across as dismissive or confrontational. And not speaking to a coworker—especially someone in a leadership role—isn’t a sustainable strategy. It doesn’t communicate professionalism or a desire to move forward.

   So here’s the hard truth: if you want to keep this job (and your peace), something has to shift. My advice? Be the one to initiate a reset, with both Managers so there can be accountability.

   Consider saying something like:

   “I know we’ve had some tension, and I’d really like to clear the air. I want us to be able to work together respectfully and professionally, even if we don’t always see eye to eye. I don’t want past issues to define how we treat each other moving forward.”

   It doesn’t have to be emotional, it doesn’t have to be perfect—but it has to be intentional. You don’t have to be best friends. But mutual respect and basic civility are non-negotiable in any workplace.

   Here’s what I know: we can’t always change how other people act, but we can absolutely control how we show up, how we respond, and how we choose to grow. If you keep showing up with grace—even when it’s hard—you give others the opportunity to meet you there. And if they don’t? At least you know you held yourself to a higher standard. *That matters.*

   Choose kindness when it’s difficult. Choose professionalism when it’s not returned. You’re building a reputation, whether you realize it or not. What kind of professional do you want to be remembered as? Start there.

5. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 1:48PM UTC

   Great advice here. Take the high road and think about what you want your "brand" to be. Work conflict can be tough, but maybe consider what your assistant manager is going through and make a concerted effort to see their side of the story. If it really is a toxic environment, then maybe it is time to move on. Just remember, no matter where you move to, workplace conflict will always be a part of your journey. It is how we choose to control our own behavior that helps us grow and develop.

6. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 4:32PM UTC

   While I appreciate the fact that you apparently have nothing to hide, but this is a posts that would have been better as anonymous (unless this is a pseudonym). But wow...you seem to be a little extra. "fifth amendment"? "my esquire"?? What the hell did you do that you feel you need to say nothing without your attorney present? And please, the excessive blinking and moving her head back and forth? That is uncalled for as she may very well have some sort of disability or disorder or something.

7. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 5:07PM UTC

   Spot on!

8. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 5:15PM UTC

   @rhonda - your profile says you're a food service supervisor. Respectfully, no one is going to take you seriously when you assert your 5th Amendment rights and refer to your pretend attorney as esquire. Stop trying to use big words, it doesn't make you sound smart or authoritative. As someone else said, posting this thread under your full name is kind of dumb...esp for someone who abstains from partaking in a conversation with their boss.

9. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 11:55PM UTC

   I am reminded that those who repeatedly make mistakes, don't learn from them, presume they should have the right to an attorney when called on their admittedly poor performance (not a crime), presume they get to judge a manager's performance, and say things about someone else's body and habits isn't going to listen to any honest feedback or see their own faults.

10. LivApril 16,2025 at 1:14PM UTC

    So, you've been talked to about two different mistakes on two separate occasions, but the ASM with her blinking, head moving, and rap music is the problem? Right.

    Rhonda, your bias is showing.

11. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 1:47PM UTC

    I started reading this thinking that it was a joke and that someone was trying to give us all a good chuckle with the pure absurdity of a sittuation.

    You sound extremely flippant, immature and entitled.

    While you seem to acknowledge your mistakes, you come across as extremely flippant about them like "Oh well, I made a mistake" and then you revert to "Everyone makes them" which deflects true ownership. It comes across as though you don't truly care that you made a mistake AND continue to make them!

    The Fifth Amendment comment was, in my opinion, way out of line and as a manager I would have to take a serious look at what, if anything, you are able to positively add to the workplace. That type of entitled attitude would put you on a PIP if you worked for me. Continued attitude like that would get you terminated. If I can't have any type of communication with an employee, they are of absolutely NO use to me and/or the company and they can take their "Fifth Amendment" rights and move on.

    Your description of your Assistant Manager truly shows your immaturity. It would have simply been enough to describe her as someone that you do not necessarily see eye to eye with.

    It is going to be hard for you to succeed in ANY workplace with the entitled, immature and flippant attitude you have. You really need to check yourself.

12. GirlBossanova934974April 16,2025 at 2:15PM UTC

    Unfortunately these days, many managers love to play kings and queens with their subordinates. What we have here are two small incidents which should have been quickly noted and corrective action taken. LET'S not turn this into some Federal case as my mother used to say! No need for bringing in lawyers and that sort of thing. If one finds one's supervisor to be obnoxious and acting up, there are ALWAYS company transfers to consider. Many companies these days make it quite easy....

13. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 2:21PM UTC

    I'm going to write back in after reading some of the replies. I don't think you are coming across entitled. I do, however, think you may not have worked a long time, and are quite frustrated with your management. There are 2 things to remember, admit to your mistakes, meet with your manager, the person you report to only, and ask how you can better your skills to perform, then learn from any mistake and try not to make another one. Then the other thing is if you are asked, do you have any questions, I'll repeat what I mentioned in another reply, ask how they handled mistakes when they started out. That you are trying to learn. Through your work years you will work with a lot of people different from yourself, those who will forever annoy you by their smell, sounds, behavior, etc. In the future, you will remember this and realize you learned a lot. For now, be humble, be kind, and spend your time finding another job that does not put you on the defense. I think you are just young and do not know better how to respond. Your reply was defensive because you probably felt you were put on the defense. I don't blame you, but take a breath, inhale, exhale, then go find a better place to work.

14. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 3:20PM UTC

    What is the problem? I got distracted by the chicken bobbing.

15. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 3:23PM UTC

    It's sounds some what satanic at the same time?

    There are some frustration tolerance skills.

    You could also gently request to keep the music down, after saying you need to concentrate. Or bring your own ear phones with classical music to calm you.

16. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 3:56PM UTC

    Did you seriously mean satanic? Or were you going for satiric?

17. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 3:47PM UTC

    Fighting fire with fire everyone gets burned. She gaslights you and you took the bait. Better is to focus on your job, when and if she comes at you, respond with simple information and not a response like you did. Always try to be around others who can listen to your conversations with her and don't get caught up in her drama. If her music is bothering you and others get a set of headphones and plug into something that is calming and does not create noise for others. Buying into her nonsense will hurt you more than it hurts her as it seems like others are allowing her behavior because of her title. If you feel this is a hostile workplace and you have evidence of such you could file a claim for this with EEOC. IMHO this would be a bit much and could jeopardize your time there. Let it go be the bigger person, rise above.

18. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 4:40PM UTC

    There are so many overt descriptions that makes me question the purpose of this post!

19. Monette AndersonApril 16,2025 at 4:58PM UTC

    Sometimes asking for feedback shows us insight into our own missteps...and it seems like you've gotten that feedback here. There's two sides to every story but I agree that the person who comes across as difficult to work with is you. You're saying you need to keep your job, but absolutely will not talk to her. I think if you need this job you need to swallow your pride and try to meet and develop a working relationship with this person. I would consider doing something like Gallup Strengths or Discs profiles to maybe get a better read on the personality mismatches and how you can partner better (I personally think Gallup might have some better insights and communication tips). If you do the full 34 report you may see something on the bottom. If you have mismatched strengths it's a huge opportunity but can also show where you may be running into value mismatches.

20. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 5:24PM UTC

    No suggestions other than let your work speak for itself. Instead of mistakes and excuses, be so good, so exemplary that there is nothing anyone can say i

    than how amazing you are. Let them stand in awe.

    No need to moan and complain about this assistant manager. She is who she is. You will not change her. God also protects and rewards genius and talent.why can't that be you?

21. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 7:59PM UTC

    So, my biggest question is, what are you learning from your mistakes? I never gave my employees a hard time for making mistakes, even when I pointed them out in the moment, because the only way I could foster a learning environment was to let them make mistakes. The only time they became problematic was when they kept repeating them. Your better response would be, "I see that now. How could I improve it next time?" That way, you and your manager can enter into a collaborative exchange on your career development. "I know [period]." or "I plead the 5th" is flippant (at best) and leaves no room for figuring out how to keep it from happening again. Are you letting her facial tics and loud music distract you so you lose respect for her? You need to reflect on that and make sure your judgments of her are valid and not tainted by how uncomfortable she makes you feel. Have you considered that she may not have control over some of those? Calling her or lumping her in with "idiots and fools" is quite disrespectful.

22. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 12:35AM UTC

    Esquire? God blesses idiots and fools? I’m exhausted. Just fess up to the mistake ~ move on . We all make them sure. You can say that in the sense of not being hard on yourself, but saying we all make them even you? Thats borderline disrespectful and not apropos. It seems like you’re on the defense. You will always have some sort of critique at work. What you have to do is become excellent and if you’re not happy where you are then go find another job. My dad always told me before you quit a job. Get another job first. He made a lot of sense. Quietly quit I don’t know but just do what you gotta do until you can get something else. I do not think that people should act tacky at work, but I really don’t know the whole story and it’s obvious that you’re uncomfortable and feel that you’re working for someone that is less than you trust me that happens a lot but the point is simple and it’s not that big of a deal

23. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 8:31AM UTC

    Instead of focusing on other people, I would suggest working on not making so many mistakes. Try and improve your work.

24. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 9:20AM UTC

    We all face situations with personalities that seems undesirable. Differences exist. You are Acknowledging challenges.

25. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 12:27PM UTC

    Ridiculous, unprofessional post. Grow up - do your job, be respectful, and focus on doing a better job. We all work with people we don't like. We don't have to like them, we just have to do our jobs properly and work together. Please don't fool yourself into thinking she's the issue.

26. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 12:30PM UTC

    It sounds like you aren’t coachable and instead want to focus on a managers behavior. Not speaking to them creates a hostile work environment- hope you are job searching if you plan to continue to behave unprofessionally. You can’t control your managers behavior, BUT you can control how you respond.

27. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 12:36PM UTC

    Pleading the 5th in the context of discussing a mistake at work is ridiculous and shows clear misunderstanding of what the 5th amendment is - unless you're implying your mistake carries criminal charges, I suggest you start acting professional and stop weaponizing your ignorance. You don't like her and are projecting that on her.

28. V. WilsonApril 17,2025 at 12:36PM UTC

    This sounds like you may actually have the issue and not your Asst Manager. Some self reflection may be needed

29. Samantha GarrettApril 17,2025 at 12:48PM UTC

    Interesting. You do know a person can listen to rap music and not be loud. Those things are mutually exclusive. I suggest you find another job as your bias is showing. Also, invoking a lawyer is crazy. I hate to tell you, they might see you as the problem now that you have said that. It’s not longer about her, it’ll be about you. Find a new job.

30. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 1:01PM UTC

    This comes across as very racist. I would do some soul searching and probably look for a new job. In the meantime, talk to them about the music and see if you can make amends and build that relationship

31. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 1:24PM UTC

    You might be right but I read this as both the OP and asst mgr are the same race. That's my interpretation. Even if they are different races the assistant managers behavior is inappropriate as it would b for ANY employee.

    I did make some assumptions though - the RAP MUSIC I don't think it's the genre that's an issue I assume (don't know) its that they are listening to it w/o earbuds is where the issue lies. And even within the blk community (as I am) we are offended by this because in a professional environment when one of us looks bad it tends to reflect on us ALL.

32. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 10:26PM UTC

    Nope, not about YOU! And nothing should be ASSUMED about the 'race' of the OP or the managers in this post. This is how wrong interpretations happen through written words.

33. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 2:34PM UTC

    Race has nothing to do with the problem. However the loud music(of any music style) is inappropriate in an office environment.

34. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 10:23PM UTC

    I don't think it's 'racist' -- I don't like loud music (and rap music is particularly 'harsh' on the ears when it's loud and one is trying to WORK. Refusing to speak to the assistant manager as a result is ridiculous. The OP is acting in an immature manner and needs to address his/her behavior to be respectful in the office to ALL whether or not they are unhappy with the boss's demeanor (quirky head motions or rapid blinking) or preference (for rap music). The music LEVEL should be addressed and adjusted so as not to intrude on any worker's space. Threatening the bosses with 'esquire' is not the right move. If you can't work collaboratively in that environment, find a job where you work alone.

35. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 10:51PM UTC

    Talking about "loud rap music" is almost always a racist dog whistle

36. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 12:59PM UTC

    I bet if it were country music or rock music they'd just say "loud music." The "loud rap music" is a pretty clear racist dogwhistle. It was the first thing that made me uncomfortable. Then there's a lot of ableist things and other issues there. This whole post is more than just immature...it's full of bias and it's very likely this person is committing a lot of microaggressions with this coworker at work.

37. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 12:28PM UTC

    I think this comes across as "ableist" more than racist. The OP's description of the facial tics is common in people who have some neurologic disorders like Parkinson's or Hunnington's Disease(s). I know people with odd body movements can be uncomfortable to people with fully able bodies but putting them down for it is childish and disrespectful. If one of my employees would have said things like that about a coworker or a client, they would have been given one chance to apologize or resign, especially since many of our clients had similar disabilities.

38. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 1:30PM UTC

    “This comes across as very racist” was my first thought as well. The OP definitely needs to do some serious self reflection and needs to do it before moving on to another job and taking that toxicity to a new place.

39. Jane EApril 17,2025 at 2:50PM UTC

    wow...where to start...

    I guess with some free advice to learn to let go of certain bias. I don't know if you are very young or older. I am older (61) and while not ever to this point, as a younger person, I could be a pill at times as I started to navigate different work environments. As I've gained experience and worked with all kinds of people over the years, I've learned to be way more tolerant of other people's ways of doing things and the many quirks we ALL have.

    I also learned to not only own up to my mistakes but to apologize and promise to do better and to actually make the effort to do better.

    Good luck - you're going to need it!

40. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 3:10PM UTC

    You said this about 100x more gently than I would be able to. Kudos to you.

41. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 10:17PM UTC

    Same for me. Agree with all you've responded. To the OP: you cannot work well in an environment with the tension of 'not talking' to a worker near you -- especially someone who is your senior. Harder truth: you need to be respectful in your responses to your asst mgr and your mgr. They are your seniors and have the power to terminate your employment. THANK them for pointing out your error(s), do NOT respond defensively. You can let them know that you are doing x,y,z to not repeat your error. DO NOT tell them, "everyone makes mistakes" -- that's an immature response that is not helpful in any way.

42. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 3:15PM UTC

    The only reasonable thing I pulled out of this was listening to music loudly -- It'd be perfectly reasonable to ask them to stop in a world where you behaved like someone who otherwise respected them.

    It's okay to dislike people quietly -- All this really reads like to me is "I dislike this person and they're the person who tells me when I mess up at work, what insight do you have?" and that's not ... really anything? Did you hope people would be like "YEAH, she STINKS!! Keep not speaking to your immediate manager!" ?? What were you actually looking for here?

43. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 3:19PM UTC

    Acceptance of others will make you stronger. Doesn’t pay to speak up as I’ve learned in my career.

44. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 9:42PM UTC

    This post is full of red flags and alarming biases. Are you sure you are in the right role?

45. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 12:44PM UTC

    100%. This whole post made me feel icky. There are some real biases here.

46. MidwestMaven456April 18,2025 at 12:18PM UTC

    Beginning at the top, it is clear you don't like your manager's mannerisms, but that is irrelevant. If you want to keep this job that you need so badly, learn how to work with people that you do not like or get along with. You need to do your job, and if she is in her office working, what your manager is doing in her office is not your business. Someone else will review and oversee her.

    You've made several mistakes and that affects your job security, nothing else. "Taking the 5th" is something you do in court and does not apply to your job. You do not have to offer an opinion or statement when questioned about your work, but it might reflect badly on you. Think about asking for training.

47. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 12:58PM UTC

    First, her head motions, chicken anything and blinking should have no place in this post, none of that is presented paralleled with the mistakes you made. In fact, I'm stuck there, I hope you realize the neuro-divergency or tendencies have no room for mockery. Stating the 5th? It's not a thing in the workplace, all it will get you is out of a job. If you don't show improvement, cooperation, growth in both skills and mindsets you are only hurting yourself. I'm very saddened this POV you have provided. Not sure what you were looking for as 'support', but this screams entitlement and I wish you better! I don't see how you were treated like dirt but rather held accountable, for which you shared you admitted. It's frustrating on how you've presented this. IMO, I REALLY wish you an ah ha moment and maturity. Again, from what you've shared, ugh.

48. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 3:42PM UTC

    Maybe you did not include more details, but I am struggling to see how she has mistreated you. As others have stated, her mannerisms and volume at which she speaks doesn’t equal mistreatment, and honestly including this in your complaints just isnt a good look on your part. At least for this post.

49. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 6:25PM UTC

    I don't believe they confirmed it was neuro-divergent, but it can be. AND now you're pointing out culture? Did you miss the word tendencies? You've got to be kidding me. Culture has no place in the workplace? Do better. Those have NOTHING to do with being held accountable for the concerns of the quality of work, they have no place in the post. Very disappointed about the lack of awareness and care for others, whether it's identified ND or Culture or not. Ridiculous. It's embarassing to even respond to, yet here I am noticing once again that lack of kindness overall. Try to do better. Many of us are wishing that for you.

50. Shannon TippitApril 19,2025 at 12:35AM UTC

    This sounds like you are being judgemental in a lot of ways. It sounds racist, ableist, ageist, etc. It sounds like you are being the problem. I am also confused as why you thunk you need a lawyer present to talk about your performance, unless all those -ists are true and you are trying to cover your ass.

51. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 2:38PM UTC

    "It doesn't belong in the workplace" is not something you would have said if you assumed the assistant manager was white. You know that in your soul.

52. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 6:19PM UTC

    Really bringing that into the conversation? White vs. ???? Leave it out of the conversation. So disappointing.

53. AnonymousApril 22,2025 at 2:58PM UTC

    I agree, it IS disappointing when peoples' prejudices influence their careers! It would be pretty silly to leave it out of the conversation when it's clearly relevant to OP, though. I'm sorry I triggered you!