How to unpack this? At a mandatory bridal shower at work last Friday, the VP (and my boss), who was sitting next to me, announced that at his family vacation the week before, his daughter's boyfriend asked for his daughter's hand in marriage...but he was very upset about it because the boyfriend is Catholic (and his family is not). My boss knows that I am Catholic. I was very offended. I know this is an HR violation. Should I stay quiet or report? I don't think that anything good would come out of reporting it, but I am just so hurt and angry.

10 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 21,2024 at 3:57AM UTC

   Are you comfortable speaking with him privately? Religion is one thing on a list of things never to be brought up by your boss (along with age, marital status, children and child support, etc.) I think privately speaking with him about how your beliefs are your own, and what is personal information should remain as such is okay.

   Respectfully, some information does not need to be shared. It's okay to be firm too. Unless you freely speak about your beliefs or going to church with him, maybe your boyfriend or husband is catholic and you speak about that, then it wouldn't be a fair exchange.

   I think it's okay to say, my beliefs are personal to 'me' and I appreciate that we talk to each other about our lives but I hope that our beliefs can stay personal.

2. Christina TuckerAugust 21,2024 at 10:24AM UTC

   It definitely needs to be reported. You were at a required work event and your boss said something offensive regarding your religious affiliation. Who’s to say he doesn’t hold you back from a promotion in the future because of your religion. You can ask them to put it on the record but not take any action against your boss at this time. Then if something happens in the future there is a paper trail. You could also ask HR to mediate a conversation between you and your boss to calmly let him know how you felt about his comments so that he is more mindful in the future.

3. AnonymousAugust 21,2024 at 1:43PM UTC

   I'm of the mind to not discuss salary or religion at work. I'm familiar with this mindset from my own religion. I'm NOT saying it's right, and typically it is nothing against Catholicism as a religion, more that the religion is different than theirs.

   I was in a situation where, at a work 'holiday' (Christmas) party, someone asked who would like to say grace before we ate. Not cool! I reported it to my manager who took care of it.

4. AnonymousAugust 21,2024 at 2:22PM UTC

   I think you've answered your own question... nothing good can come out of reporting it to HR.

   However, there's nothing wrong with you discussing 1:1 with your boss in a non-confronting manner. Choose your timing and words very carefully.

5. AnonymousAugust 21,2024 at 2:25PM UTC

   stay quiet, your boss may retaliate if you complain. Don't attend any of your boss's daughters wedding functions.

6. AnonymousAugust 21,2024 at 2:27PM UTC

   Personally I would not touch this with a 10 foot pole. I would also start distancing myself from this manager and expect them to be gone from the organization within the year as I cannot imagine their behavior will be tolerated. Don’t mention your religion around this very unprofessional manager!

7. AnonymousAugust 21,2024 at 3:55PM UTC

   I'm currently stuck on the mandatory bridal shower part of this post.

8. jamieanita21August 22,2024 at 1:22AM UTC

   LOL! I know I am being unprofessional, but your comment is spot on hilarious! So much so, I couldn't formulate in my mind what the op was saying. Do they work at a brial shower boutique?

9. Regina BrownAugust 21,2024 at 10:03PM UTC

   Well, what is he so upset about? The young man is still a HUMAN BEING!!!

10. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 6:45PM UTC

    If this comment was devastating speak with your priest for guidance. They should be able to give you some great guidance on navigating your pain and anger. Afterall this is his specialty. He's received training on offering counsel and guidance on this.