Thrown under the bus and feel like I'm being forced to quit!

113 Comments

1. Lisa HellwigMarch 22,2022 at 11:26PM UTC

   I’m sorry you had to experience that.

2. DanielleMarch 22,2022 at 11:43PM UTC

   My heart goes out to you because it's nonsensical . Six years is a really long time to devout to an organization that obviously could care less about their employees. It's hard not to get emotional as I was hurting for you as I read your message.

   Never chastise yourself for being human and expressing emotions when you are being attacked. It's human nature to fight and defend ourselves. It's unfortunate that your manager and HR rep are not aware of humanity and all that it entails.

   You did the right thing and ended the call. If you have any available PTO, I suggest taking a few days to recalibrate. You've been through a mental assault and you need time to regroup mentally and emotionally.

   My prayers are with you! And please make sure to take care of yourself because no one else will.

   Best! Danielle

3. TeenieMarch 22,2022 at 11:45PM UTC

   Am sorry, this sounds like an example of them either wanting your slot OR finding a scapegoat to slay (referring to areas you mentioned you aren't even responsible for).

   Id gather my wits, try recall the comments & tabulate them and your response.
   A second table with either goals or KRAs plus whatever extra you did and add in the impact it had.

   sleep it over, revise it . And ask for a second call to go over items objectively as the first time you were taken aback/ not given agenda / could not prepare.

   Ask for this second one to be in person.

   I was being kicked out of a position I had been hired for, because someone else needed part of my responsibilities to stay afloat in the firm. Within month 1.5 , fortunately for me the person who needed to stay afloat had a conscience and we discussed working together. BUT my manager had planned on otherwise. I wrote up all the work done, status, progress - color coded on the conf room whiteboard. Needless to say, the manager didn't expect to have things down in such detail.

   You can do it, have a cry,... get it out and go back with clean thoughts and clear direction.

   ps: You still plan your exit btw unless you want to stay and fight... but it's usually not worth the fight if you can find other options.

4. Sarah BordersMarch 22,2022 at 11:46PM UTC

   I am so sorry. If it were me, I’d wait until I had another job lined up, but you have to do what’s best for you. Their treatment of you is not OK, and overall, I think your inclination to leave is a good one. I would still give notice—maybe even set a meeting to rebut their ambushing you with proof of all the work you’ve done, and punctuate it with your formal notice. This approach might come off as passive aggressive, but under the circumstances, it could be an effective way to preempt or frame an exit interview conversation, just in case you give two weeks’ notice and they counter that “today” is your last day.

5. Shelby CMarch 23,2022 at 12:35AM UTC

   Oh, I have been there. I am so sorry.

   In my younger years, I had a tendency to allow people to bully me and I would let it escalate until I was coming home from work in tears. I would even go to the bathroom often and lock myself in a stall, flushing with each blubbering tear, as I cried....

   Then, one day, I decided I had enough and there has been no looking back. I decided that if people weren't going to give me the respect that I had earned, I would command it. I held my head high, faked my confidence, and before I knew it, I was a force to be reckoned with.

   It is amazing how others' words can shake us to our core and make us think less of ourselves. Please take your power back! They don't deserve it. They evidenced it in their treatment. I haven't ever done that to an employee. People rarely recall what you say to them, but they always remember how you make them feel.

   Why would I want to make my employees feel bad? That is counterintuitive. They will become what you tell them, given enough time. Every time I have seen HR dress someone down like that (I was over HR and didn't allow my people to do it) before I rose in the ranks, it was because they were making an attempt at forcing the employee out.

   When it happened to me the first time, I think my jaw dropped. As I picked up my scraped chine, I realized that there wasn't really any point in defending myself in the meeting because it is essentially a trap. If you feel the need to respond to specifics, remove all emotion, send it to your boss and copy HR. Have someone that is objective that you admire and trust read it first. I prefer to keep everything in writing because then there isn't any, "Well you said. " Then, I am having flashbacks to the playground in elementary. Give it up people. They are supposed to be grown ups.

   I do not understand why our society thinks it is wrong to be open and honest. As long as it comes from a good place and it is not said to hurt the person, it usually cuts straight through the BS to the core of the issue. You could always go that route, but if you are like younger me (and it sounds like you are =), then I would tread carefully.

   One of the things that I always teach managers and supervisors is that you are accountable for your team. If they make a mistake, you are to blame because you fell short somewhere. They are YOUR team and responsibility. If you are going to claim their success, you have to be accountable as well. You boss sounds like the type to take credit for your ideas and sell you down the river. That is not good team building or management. If he treats you this way, what message will it send to the others???

   I would brush off that resume. Best of luck!

6. Don KleinMarch 23,2022 at 12:40AM UTC

   I would work for you. Good advice. Thank you.

7. Don KleinMarch 23,2022 at 12:38AM UTC

   I hope things get better for you.

8. AnonymousMarch 23,2022 at 1:28AM UTC

   I'm so sorry. I'm right there with you, though. I felt ganged up on a couple of times. Then completely out of left field, my boss said I could either be demoted or leave. I ended up leaving.

   There is a lot more to the story, but too much to write. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Follow your heart. I knew I couldn't stay, it was too stressful and I was upset and humiliated.

   I just shadowed for another job that looks really promising. I feel that everything happens for a reason. You never know what's around the next corner.

   Good luck.

9. Lisa HughesMarch 23,2022 at 2:11AM UTC

   Start looking now, is my advice. Quit when you have something you want to do lined up.

10. AnonymousMarch 23,2022 at 2:20AM UTC

    I agree. Get out

11. AnonymousMarch 23,2022 at 2:15AM UTC

    Get some rest and turn this around. Use them, like they used you. Map out just what can be accomplished in 8 hours per day then its you time. Before they let you go, spend your personal time revamping your resume, updating your LinkedIn profile and watching strategic TedTalks and vlogs on job searching and new ways to approach your next role.

    Breathe and understand that this job will soon be over and you'll be out that door.

12. VanessaMarch 23,2022 at 3:08AM UTC

    First, I am so sorry this happened to you. Second, never forget that you are valued, competent, and in demand for the right organization. Third, rest and regroup then start searching for the opportunity and company culture you deserve. Wishing you all the best!

13. Vesela KrastevaMarch 23,2022 at 11:37AM UTC

    I am really sorry for what happened to you. Even if you were underperforming, they should have given you timely feedback so you know, and the opportunity to improve. Update your LinkedIn profile and CV and start looking for a new job. Leave only when you have a new offer and for the time you are still working for your current employer, just do as much as you can during the official office hours. If you are not appreciated where you are then you are at the wrong place, so don't feel guilty for looking for a new job.

14. AnonymousMarch 23,2022 at 7:49PM UTC

    Thank you everyone for your encouraging words. I took the day off to regroup and consider my next steps. I'll respond to comments shortly but right now, I'm unplugging to refocus. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your kindness and support!

15. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 6:19PM UTC

    Friendly teasing: It's going to be hard to respond to 80-and-counting comments. It's a very clear sign that you are not alone and you have hit a cultural nerve. I will reply with my experience separately. Wishing you well as you get your feet back under you.

16. Madam anon663March 24,2022 at 12:21PM UTC

    Late to the convo, but I am so sorry this happened to you. Sending good thoughts to you.

17. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:23PM UTC

    Sometimes we almost need to thank people for taking a non-optimal situation and making it positively unbearable for us.

    If they never went to far and made you feel so terrible, you may have stayed unhappily in what you yourself have called toxic. This could have been a super mediocre raise to string you along for the next 6 years at a place that doesn’t make you happy.

18. Jade-Shadé ReynoldsMarch 24,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    Are you part of a union? This would be one to take to them as they'll gladly rip your employer a new one ☺️

    I was once in this situation and I did quit however the union told me they wished I'd gone to them rather than handing in my resignation as there was a lot they could have done for me.

    If you've been doing a good job your manager is going to need some hard data and proof you've been screwing up otherwise it's abuse of power and misconduct.

19. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    This literally happened to me yesterday! I feel like I’ve been on double-secret probation and don’t have a friend in the world. Fortunately I have seen this happen before and I know it’s them and not me. I’ve been doing my work as usual (well as usual as can be in a pandemic) and others feel the need to lift themselves up by tearing me down. I am unconventional and confident in my role. If they are not comfortable with that it is their problem. I will find my happiness elsewhere.

20. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    Same thing happened to me. Was blamed for things others did before me and when I tried to fix it, was told these things were my fault to begin with. I wasn't even there! Anyway, they used me to cover their butts. I left.

21. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

    A huge red flag is the fact that you called the environment toxic, as others have mentioned. I'd like to share something I saw lately that really stuck with me. A bottle of water at the store may cost $0.50, in a vending machine it is $1, at a sporting event $5, and at a high end hotel $10-15. It's not the water that changes, it's how it's valued based on the environment. Find that place that values YOU.

22. Kimberly YoungermanMarch 24,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    I would consider reaching out to your local labor board, and filing a complaint with the state for creating a hostile work environment. Not that specifically of course, but there may be avenues of relief for your that you aren’t aware of.

    You were treated horribly in an environment that has laws and regulations governing that treatment. What happened to you is not okay. It will never be okay, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

23. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 1:25PM UTC

    There is a reason they have turned on you. Find out what that reason is. Often it is insurance related if employee or a family member develops a costly condition. The insurance company will pressure the company to get rid of the employee.

24. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:39PM UTC

    Hang in there and work on finding a place that will appreciate you. I had a boss that would tell me I was horrible at my job (I had advanced in the role and job titles to director for 18 years). When I asked for specific details so I could work on them he never could tell me exactly what the problem was. And he never involved HR. It was always behind the scenes so to speak in our of the blue meetings. The true issue was he didn't like me and his fling in the work place wanted to make it difficult for me too. They would actually meet early in the mornings to discuss who they were going to target next and laugh about it. His bosses knew what was going on but didn't want to deal with it so many people suffered and had to deal with an uncomfortable romantic (?) relationship with the two administrators. The best thing that happened was getting out and finding a new job. It took a lot of energy because my self esteem was at zero, but I am so thankful to have gotten away from that toxic environment. I hope you can find a new path too.

25. Thea EvansMarch 24,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    This happened to me in my first job but slightly different. It was my first ‘real ‘ job out of college but it was a very toxic workplace. I made friends with another girl and we actually ended up being roommates.

    Very long story short, I went on a study abroad trip as part of my Masters program (2 weeks long) and literally the first day back, the new CEO laid me off. Telling me they were having financials issues and they were eliminating my position. A week later, that ‘friend’ came home and told me she had been promoted to what used to be my job.

    The point I am trying to make is that I was devastated when that happened. Couldn’t wrap my head around all the hard work I had done was for nothing. I wasn’t perfect, but I busted my butt and did everything they asked. After about two weeks, I talked to my mentor and I shared with him an idea that I had and that idea turned into a successful business of my own.

    Sometimes the hardest things in life really do open up the right doors. Keep your head up, this isn’t on you and you are by no means a failure. You now have experience that is going to take you far in your career. So go out there and find the right place for you. It’s going to be alright. Promise ?.

26. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    I am so sorry. This seems to happen more and more in one form or another but same unfair treatment especially to women. The great resign is largely due to horrible management and folks finally say No! You are not alone and not crazy.

27. GirlBossanova934974March 24,2022 at 12:45PM UTC

    This is the 29th million rendition of 'the corporate blame game'. Simply put, it's time to get your resume out, update your resume, and contact recruiters. Your manager is obviously messing up and is looking for a scapegoat to pin it on. This manager also seems to have very poor communication skills. I had the same thing happen to me a decade ago. We were hiring a new manager and all of us were requested to attend the applicants' phone interview sand give feedback. We got 2 very lousy candidates. I voted thumbs down on both. The first seemed very devious and seemed like he was always trying to hide something. We hired him anyways and guess what? I got the honor of reporting to this character. Well, he was exactly as advertised. He really didn't know what he was doing. He vastly overpromised and was way over budget. And he tried to blame everyone else including ME. I eventually was forced out and then we settled in an out of court settlement. In addition to this bad hire, the plant manager was up to his eyeballs in accounting fraud. I reported the fraud.

28. Laura WassingerMarch 24,2022 at 12:46PM UTC

    This happened to me 5 yrs ago. It was a concerted effort, politically motivated, to get "their people" in. 3 of us were replaced. I ended up leaving, got a better job with great training. It felt like the end of the world for about 6 mos. but now my life is good. You will be fine!

29. Kim RaperMarch 24,2022 at 12:47PM UTC

    I never have understood why companies do this but have heard the stories so many times, been on the receiving end as well. You have to decide what you can put up with or not. You know its a toxic place, so its likely best to move on for yourself. Try to gather yourself up, know your worth and put yourself out there. You will find something else. Best of luck to you.

30. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

    I’m sitting and crying in the parking lot next door to my job. I’m quitting today. I feel like I could have written the above. My berating has happened several times now. It’s damaged my mental health significantly. I couldn’t leave because I thought I was worthless. You are loyal and doing your best. It is on them for not seeing that. The way you were treated was disrespectful. I’m sorry it happened. I would start with one small step. Update your resume today. Get a draft of a cover letter going. Tomorrow start looking. Even if you don’t leave, you will feel like you have options and you will hopefully feel more in control! Good luck!

31. Crystal HowellMarch 24,2022 at 12:57PM UTC

    You can call employee assistance line, free confidential counseling. Contact attorney for emotional and mental distress,if you feel you have been severely berated?

32. Jessica Hill-KnudsonMarch 24,2022 at 1:12PM UTC

    It sounds like your situation was almost like an abusive relationship where they purposely tore you down so you wouldn't have confidence to leave. I hope you (quickly!) find a place that at least treats you like a decent human being. Definitely reach out to friends and associates that you can trust to help you review your resume. My best advice is to look at the resumes of other people in the same role at the same company or similar role at other companies so you can see how they write about their skills and experience.

33. Crystal HowellMarch 24,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    Think about it a different way, turn the mirror around.

    They were not doing their job,and needed a scapegoat. Contact your local EEOC or the owner, everyone is leaving, so customers aren't happy either. To bad it wasn't recorded, you have to let the know if you decide to record. Sounds like a setup, get employment attorney or paralegal for free consultation.

34. Robert PearceMarch 24,2022 at 12:55PM UTC

    Can you join a Union?

    See if they will put in writing the exact things you have done wrong. The trouble with these “meetings’ is that they are not recorded in writing and they should be. If by chance it is ask for a copy. Things happen so quickly that very often you are taken by surprise and you can’t get your thoughts together. And when it is over you can’t reveal everything in that meeting. So you want it in writing. That’s a starting point.

35. Cyndy TrivellaMarch 24,2022 at 12:55PM UTC

    You are in a tough situation.

    Now that you've had a chance to reflect on the conversation with a clearer head, please think about the next steps.

    They presently feel they have the upper hand and all the power. It's time for you to take back some of that power. My recommendation is if they truly believe you are at fault for things you don't agree with, make them prove it. Ask them point-blank for examples of what you are doing (or not doing) that they dislike. Do not allow them to give you vague "we don't have the exact details" excuses. It is in your best interest to not accept anything less than the facts from them. If this continues, I recommend telling them, in an email that creates a paper trail, that their behaviors toward you are hostile, unprofessional, and not acceptable. Be sure to include a bcc: to your personal email so you have the email string and if possible, cc: your attorney.

    And by the way, shame on the person in Human Resources for not asking you questions and getting your side of the story before coming at you in support of your manager's accusations.

    Even if you don't plan to stay in your current role (who could blame you), keep in mind, they are still an employer on your resume and might be called as part of the background check for future jobs. It's important to set that stage. Good luck!

36. Carmen HonackerMarch 24,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

    I am so, so sorry. I know exactly how it feels, as the same happened to me. Except, there was not really any feedback until my boss had hired another man from the outside into my promotion and waited until my review to tell me that I‘m basically incompetent. To finish it off, he took my team and removed me from management.

    I took it for over a year and then quit. My heart is still broken, but in the end your well-being matters above all.

37. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

    If it upsets you that much you should leave. Take some sick days. They will let you go when you come back but at least you get unemployment. You could list with one or more temp agencies to build your network and also keep from having a gap in your resume. And before taking another permanent position make sure it isn't toxic. Good luck.

38. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 1:02PM UTC

    I’m so sorry that happened to you *hugs* . You do not deserve this mistreatment. In the meantime, start applying to new jobs and try to get out of there asap. In that case, make them fire you. Don’t even do the work lol. I had a similar situation where I was being pushed out so I stopped doing the work and took long lunch breaks lol. If they don’t value you focus on applying to places and get out of there.

39. Cathy WhiteMarch 24,2022 at 1:02PM UTC

    Sorry you had to go through this. Sadly people are being put in positions they have no business in and when they need a fall guy it becomes difficult to defend yourself. They didn’t hear you because their truths were only to support their needed agenda. You will end up in a happier environment where you are valued and heard, don’t let the toxicity of others change you… you were handed a lifeboat to a happier place. Good luck!

40. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 1:08PM UTC

    I’m in a very similar position myself. Whatever I do simply isn’t good enough.

    However, how they have treated you is unprofessional and any discussion like that should be done face to face and certainly shouldn’t come out of the blue.

    I’ve decided I’m better than this and have updated my CV and gone job hunting. You are also better than how you’ve been treated. Take positive action update your CV and get out there. There’s something better out there for you

41. Paula BrantnerMarch 24,2022 at 1:11PM UTC

    The first thing to do is to make notes about everything you recall from the phone call. Then ask them to put in writing what they told you, under the guise that you want to be able to reflect on this now that you're not so emotional.

    In the meantime, you definitely want to dust off your resume, and make sure you have a way to contact everyone who is leaving, especially those who were responsible for the work that you weren't handling, but for which they are now trying to hold you accountable. Find references who worked with you but are also out of the company who can vouch for your competency. Find out if they know of available jobs with employers who already know about your company's culture. Basically approach them with "you got out, and I realized once I was left behind that I need to get out too."

    Give them some of what they want, and document everything you do, as much as you can to them directly. Then work on getting out of there as quickly as you can, because it's unlikely things will turn around. But if you document your efforts to make it work, that will mean something to others in the company and others who left. And will be something that you can use in the job hunt, especially with those who are already aware of your current employer's reputation.

42. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 1:18PM UTC

    I feel like I wrote this myself. I have been at this location for 9 years and every good deed goes ‘it is part of your job’ and then they bring in some guy and in 7 months reward him for nothing - and he makes racial slurs, sexist remarks, and already got a financial bonus. I was told by a coworker that they are trying to get rid of more experienced people for cheaper staff even though they do shoddy work at half the quantity. I looked outside the facility because literally I was getting sick, depressed, and frustrated. I found myself crying on my way home. My husband started to drive me worried about my safety. Fortunately I put in for a transfer to the company’s location in another city that is a telework position with some travel to the site - with a back up interview at a local major hospital in the event this falls through. They say go to leadership here, but they promoted these toxix managers in the first place and if you try to talk to them you are ‘not a team player’ ‘stop being so negative’ .. even though we have a 22% vacancy rate and not to mention the high turnover…. Please - take care of yourself.

43. Michelle HoffmanMarch 24,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

    This is my opinion, I am not an HR professional or an attorney. So nothing I say is legal advice. I would immediately consult an attorney knowledgeable in employment law. Granted most states are an at will employer and you can be let go for any reason but that also means you have a position to apply and receive unemployment benefits. If you are on a Performance Improvement Plan then your ability to collect unemployment benefits becomes more limited - not impossible but more challenging. Start looking for another job right away. Despite this being the Great Resignation era - employers like to hire those still employed vs those currently unemployed.

    It appears based on your scenario something has happened and they are looking for answers or are setting the stage to start a Performance Improvement plan or they are hoping you will resign. I think you did the right thing when you asked to end the call. If you are meeting in person - write down your questions based on what you know about the situation so you can go in more prepared for off the cuff comments. It is so easy for me to say but harder to manage when you are in the hot seat. When things are thrown at you - don't try to defend your self they don't want to hear it and it could be stated afterwards you were defensive or closed minded on feedback. - Hear what they say and write it down - don't interrupt them. Then ask questions back about the comment(s) they made. Specifics, details, etc. If they try to interrupt you state that you allowed them time to talk and make their comments without interruption and to please allow you to do the same. If they made up their mind - there isn't much you can do but look for a new job - but I would definitely speak with an employment attorney to help protect yourself. HR should never have allowed the meeting to spiral out of control like it did.

44. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 1:35PM UTC

    Ugh, same here. I was the senior employee on the team, and was there for just a little over two years. After the first year, they hired several much younger team members, and I started getting frozen out. ( I actually caught some of them having a pow-wow about me and my age, which is clearly age discrimination, but I can't prove it since it wasn't recorded.) I asked for management to help out with trying to get the team to gel a little better. Instead, I was told to sit back and "let the juniors develop their skills". Meanwhile I had little to do but scroll my phone for eight hours straight every day. I tried to self-assign a project to fix a glaring issue on something that was in the files and got a "talking down to" for doing that. Months later, when absolutely nothing was done to foster team unity, one of the junior people started a shouting match with another team member, over me! And then, I got blamed for that, even though I had no idea that was ever going to happen to me. I got hauled into one of those meetings where I was told that I was the cause of the entire team being broken. It's baffling, because I have many friends in that organization and outside as well, and have a lot of documented proof that people like working with me. So, after this particular meeting, I turned in my resignation and walked out. Within 24 hours I had my old consultancy business re-formed and within three days I had a collection of clients. I'm busy again and have found that a long reputation for quality service has paid off. The announcement on social media that my business was back in operation garnered over a hundred responses from people who were excited for me, and I got some great business from that.

    Looking back, I think that some managers simply don't know how to manage. Sometimes they have been promoted to the point of their incompetence (The Peter Principle). This particular manager was pretty weird, too, as she would be super sweet and give presents all around to the team, but then be horrible behind closed doors. You never really knew where you stood. It was stressful to work for her.

    I realize that I had one of the higher salaries on this team and it was convenient for this company to have me "step down" since they had over-hired. And yes, I am also astonished that they let someone engage in a hostile discussion in the office and blame someone else for that. When HR sanctioned it, despite the "policies" in the handbook, I knew I no longer had a home there.

    I'm still a little wobbly some days, since this was only a few months ago, but I know in my heart that I made the best move possible for my career and my reputation. Plus, it feels great to work with real professionals again. I'm trying to live by a philosophy that life moves forward, and it's not worth it to stick around anywhere if you don't feel appreciated.

45. Ann MarieMarch 24,2022 at 1:44PM UTC

    I'd seek legal or union advice before quitting. You are in a tough situation but if there is a chance of making them accountable for their behaviour I would try. A similar thing happened to me, employed in a company for 10 years was the 2nd person to join. Suddenly it felt like I didn't fit anymore, I wasn't part of their future. My MD who I have known well for 7 years shouted at me for 20 minutes saying that there must be something wrong with me as I seemed off. He also said that his wife had told him to fire me ages ago but out of goodwill he didn't. I was furious. I contacted a solicitor and we settled on a number to exit the business. I wish I had done it sooner

46. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 1:51PM UTC

    Hang in there while seeking another job or if they let you go, you get a severance package. TBH most jobs are like that one way or another because people are stressed and overworked and there's sexism, agism and every other vice. HR just shuffles paperwork for management. They are not your friends. Also, pray for revelation. Then watch and wait and let go and let God...

47. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 1:57PM UTC

    I too was in a similar situation in the veterinary health field , I had been one of the longest tenured employees and had the same treatment from a very inexperienced “hr” manager which is fact she is no longer there I left after 14 years of service to this business, on very hurt terms. If they treated you that way without needing 2 way conversation , you did yourself a favor in not saying anything you’d regret , while it’s very hard and painful to leave like that you will find you’ll not be the only one to leave like this . In my situation over 1/2 of the staff has left, and all due to no good management practices. Very sad, be confident you will find something better. Good luck to you

48. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:05PM UTC

    This sucks, but they aren't going to 'take it back.' Quietly do the minimum you need to do, and look for other employment. Whether any of their accusations are real or not, they have decided you need to go. Give yourself a moment to calm, then take a moment to write a factual recounting of the call, and send them your notes, and ask them if this is accurate. You'll have a fact-based document to reference if this goes further south. Then send this document to your Manager, your Manager's Manager and HR. Show your leadership and integrity, even when they aren't.

    I had something similar happen, and in my naive ways, brought in HR. HR didn't do anything, and it became a big issue that was insurmountable.

    Also, I had a situation that a horrible new boss, that used me as a punching bag, so to speak. I was one of the tops in sales and my teammates loved me. She was so jealous and insecure, she tried to make me feel as bad as she did. I found a different role.

    Hang in there!

49. AssistantMarch 24,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

    “Whether any of their accusations are real or not, they have decided you need to go”. THIS!!! (And I’m in the same exact situation right now and in the process of finding a new job)

50. KathyMarch 24,2022 at 2:09PM UTC

    At this point you need to start looking for a new job. Instead of attempting to be all things to all people do the basic minimum required for your job.

    Your manager is obviously threaten by you and needs a scapegoat to cover their failings. HR is the mouth piece of management. They will not advocate for you.

    Update your resume and leave. Good luck!

51. Mary KerdashaMarch 24,2022 at 2:14PM UTC

    So sorry that happened to you, especially when you felt the news would be positive. If you cannot afford to quit, don't! You need to do what is in your best interest now. Do not put yourself in financial distress on top of everything else. Update your resume, start to network and look while doing what your job requires so you do not put yourself under any more pressure. I wish you the best of luck in that job search!

52. Beverly RuyleMarch 24,2022 at 2:17PM UTC

    They are trying to make you quit rather than provide severance. And now they are building a case to fire you with cause. You can go a legal route but I suggest directing all your energy into finding another job. Quitting this job doesn't make you a quitter; it means you value your mental and phyisical health. Move on.

53. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:18PM UTC

    I was in a similar situation. But I trusted HR and 'the truth will come out '. I got fired. Did the HR appeal process and learned that HR works for the company. Document all transactions and find a new position. And don't bad mouth that manager or company in interviews.

54. Deborah MichaliszynMarch 24,2022 at 2:21PM UTC

    make sure you audio record phone calls. somehow. even if it means putting your phone against it and recording. Be kind and always ask for proof of anything. for example, if they said you went against a policy, then ask for a copy of the policy to go over. Always act like you want to improve and will gladly take any feedback and help to be a better employee. And stick to it. Be calm. be really polite, and don't get mad, whatever you do. Save the emails on your own device, somehow, like on the cloud. Keep on asking for things like, a copy of your HR file. Document the time you got the call and what was spoken. IF this was sudden and you noticed a lot of others leaving, you could tell unemployment insurance that you had a fantastic track record, seen from your HR file, and then they suddenly spring this on you and that you noticed a bunch of other people leaving. When you have had great reviews and then suddenly this crazy mega negative one out of the blue, it's definitely a sign that they are making fake reasons to rid you. If they ignore your request, document when you sent it and keep a copy of your email, so that it's obvious that that they don't want to play fair. but it would look bad on their part not to give you a copy of your HR file which you have a right to, or copies of policy, and especially could be taken to court and you'd win a wrongful dismissal case. but even if you didn't bother with that, you could take it to unemployment and they could see it had high BS factor.

55. Deborah MichaliszynMarch 24,2022 at 2:25PM UTC

    they did it over the phone to avoid a paper trail.

    To make it look like you just left out of the blue. So, you do everything over email and always keep a copy, print it or whatever, but your email is yours and "fuck em" if they try to stop you from that. They are trying to fire you, so don't give a damn anymore. Just send emails, referring to their phone call they made to you at such n such time, stating everything you remember them saying to you, and asking them for a copy of your HR file, and maybe to list out what they want to see improved, so you can improve. Make it a professional and amiable and cooperative sounding as possible! Wait a couple of days, and if nothing, politely ask again. Trying to be as respectful and kind and amiable as possible, so that you look very professional and like you want to do everything possible to improve. Do not say anything incriminating, like don't admit to doing something you didn't do, but ask how you can do better. if they keep accusing you, just state that as being their perspective, thank them for it, and ask what you can do and that you appreciate the feedback! See, by being highly cooperative and willing to improve, it makes them look awful if they can't give you proof of anything. And then when they fire you, you can list the times and dates you made requests, and whether they gave you anything to help you improve at all, or if all they did was just make up more complaints and not constructively tell you HOW you can improve, but keep moving goal posts, you can then tell the unemployment agency that as well. This all makes it very hard for them to write someone bad about you on your employment record. Also, try to note anything that seems discriminatory. You should flat out tell HR that you feel discriminated against, and go right through with it, because they have to go through with those proceedings, and if they still decide to get rid of you and don't want to help you improve, you can also state that, AND get severance pay.

56. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:29PM UTC

    Start getting ready to negotiate a severance package. After 6 years at the company, don't let them push you out without a fight! It might even work out for the best, and will give you a financial cushion to look for a job that makes you feel good instead of making you cry. I have been there, so I know you can do it!

57. Anjali MathaiMarch 24,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    So very sorry this happened to you. I can totally relate. The situation is awful. I don't know your specific situation or financial needs, but I left my toxic environment without another job because the risk to my health would've been too great. Even getting a temporary job doing something totally different, would be better than staying in the horrible work environment that you are in. Toxic environments are truly the worst. Again, so sorry for your experiences. You deserve better! Best of luck! To better health!

58. Cecile PittsMarch 24,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    I’m so sorry this happened. It did to me too and bothered me for months…..

    Please know it’s a betrayal of power and team. It’s vile and you have been wronged.

    try not to carry the negativity, it will only harm you. But be ware. Your managers were unfair, and they will be looking for justification by being more unfair to you. It’s a weird phenomenon but there it is.

    I was near retirement so I just jumped ship pretty quick, BUT I do have advice:

    # stay with the job if you need the financial support in the short term.

    # start the resume and network activity.

    # do personal self care (even just an affirmation of two)

    # do professional self care: document assignments, communication, status info… etc. be on guard.

    # i ?document the call, and sending it to the two managers who ran it….. to check it.

    # consider sending it to others in the firm. it lays the document trail, but won’t change anything.

    # you can try an attorney, but I had no luck. It was too “soft”.

59. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:37PM UTC

    Please do not quit because you won't be able to get unemployment benefits. The company saves money if you quit so they are trying to manipulate you into doing it by creating this toxic environment. You'll have to flip your mindset so you can bear to go to work each day until you land another role. It's like a divorce and you need to get your share of what's rightfully yours after years in this relationship, which is unemployment benefits. It will be hard, but you'll have to force them to fire you. Being fired is less painful if you're in control. In the meantime, put in your hours every day doing the minimum, take advantage of your sick days to get some help with your mental health, and use PTO to look for your next job. Find out about the health insurance options available to you if you have a period of unemployment. Being fired is awful, but quitting without a financial cushion can devastate you.

    I wish you the best.

60. Karen GMarch 24,2022 at 2:57PM UTC

    I so agree with this reply. You have to be smart about it and make it work for you. As best you can, take the emotion out of the days ahead until you can make the moves you need to make. People think it is such a bad thing if a company lets you go but you can usually explain in a way that puts you in a good light. It's just if it keeps happening. Hang in there and know you are not alone.

61. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:38PM UTC

    This happened to me. I thought I was getting promoted and when the HR person and manager sat down and took turns blaming me for much out of my control, I lost my cool and just threw up my hands in defeat knowing they had already made up their mind about me. I was not liking that job for a long time but I kept doing my best but I planned to quit as soon as I could after that, knowing they were setting me up to fire me without severance. In a weird stroke of luck, a couple months later the pandemic forced us all to work from home (not that the pandemic was lucky) but after a few months of that, they laid me off - with severance. Best part was they also let that same manager go who berated me in that meeting. This was the first time being let go worked out for me. Toxic place but at least I was able to collect unemployment and look for something better.

    It is certainly a blow to self esteem when you expect a good meeting but are met with BS. Take a breath and know that your self worth should never be dependent on your supervisor’s empty opinion. Look at the work you’ve done and know you did your best and can bring something better to another’s table. What I did after my horrible meeting was start to come in extra early, dressed in a suit and I smiled like an idiot in the face of everything. I was the most jolly person in that place and so sweet and saccharine all while continuing to do my work perfectly, and I stayed late until after the CEO left. No one could say anything wrong about me. All the while I was planning my escape - then COVID hit. Did I feel like a total phony? Yes, but in the corporate world it’s all optics, especially for women. What you’re perceived as always seems more important than what your work is telling people. I believe that saved my job at least until the company went in the red several months into the lockdown and they HAD to give me severance because they could find no fault in me.

    Good luck and I know you will find something better. Something that is also supportive mentally and career wise.

62. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:44PM UTC

    My heart hurts for you, as I was in a similar situation where two members of my team went to HR. When I went to the office of my HR rep I thought it was for a friendly chat, only to be blindsided by out-and-out lies. I cried because I was so shocked and so hurt. I don't even know what this dynamic duo thought they would accomplish because they couldn't prove any of their accusations and I was able to provide "evidence" to counter the majority of their claims. They both left the company shortly thereafter. So question one: what was the payoff for your manager and HR? Are they trying to make you quit? Or is there another reason? Question two, now that you've had a bit of time to process, are you able to counter their claims? Even if you decide to quit, if you have any fight in you, these bullies shouldn't be allowed to just do this and walk away. Whatever you do, keep your head up and take care of you.

63. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:46PM UTC

    And so should you. That is by no means an easy decision. But the writing is clearly on the wall. I am so deeply sorry this is happening. If you can, think through what you need to make it on if you feel you can quit. I’d quit on my terms versus being forced out. Again, easier said than done. My prayers are with you. I’m so tired of seeing women like you and myself and this whole crew at FGB go through this crap day in and out. And they wonder why ppl don’t want to return to the workforce. You got this!

64. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 2:53PM UTC

    I'm in the UK and this happened to me very recently with the company I've been with for (funnily enough) 6 years. I was expecting a catch up call with my boss to go through actions taken during the previous meeting and up pops his and HR woman's face to pull me up on things that he had noted down from a month before?! Completely blindsided me. I know we don't gel and I told him so to his face and his expectations are way too high for my pay grade. I also know he would love it if I resigned but then I know these kinds of people don't stay in their roles for long as they're too busy stabbing others in the back while trampling on people to get where they need to so I won't give him the satisfaction. Good Luck!

65. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 3:01PM UTC

    I’m going to add one thing to these excellent comments. Do think on why your perception and theirs of what they were feeling about your work was so misaligned.

    That is not a criticism. It just means that there was a disconnect between how you think abs how they think.

66. Maureen B. WeisnerMarch 24,2022 at 3:02PM UTC

    It's always easy to provide feedback but everyone's situation is different.

    The treatment you describe is serious and completely unprofessional. Most people would also be shocked, so don't berate yourself for any tears.

    As others have said, document, document, document. Get your resume up to speed and begin the job search. There's nothing that will "fix" this situation, however, it's a good time to take any PTO to plan your next steps.

67. Me!March 24,2022 at 3:06PM UTC

    If managers are communicating early and often employees should never be blindly sided like this. If these issues are large enough to include HR they should have been discussed with you on a smaller scale previously. How can one take responsibility, improve or point out miss understandings if the issues are not communicated.

68. Focused721350March 24,2022 at 3:07PM UTC

    Good Morning,

    I'm so sorry to hear that. They are so unprofessional!!!! TOXIC!!!!!! One door closes another OPENS!!!! Your health, Mentally and physically is so more important! I put it this way! IT'S THEIR LOSS!!!!!

    Good Luck and God Bless, Ms T ;)

69. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 3:21PM UTC

    Been there.
    I stay another 8months and the toll mentally was exhausting. Start looking . Unfortunately, I am finding the mindset of smaller companies are you are disposable. And despite helping to progress their organization and giving my all well, I left a toxic environment only to be terminated from another for a typo, a brain error, one word and BAM! No more job. My point is... document, document
    Document EVERYTHING until you can move forward.
    Your mental health is more important.
    Good luck

70. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 3:29PM UTC

    You need to leave this situation immediately. Go to your doctor, get a sick note for two weeks and plan your exit strategy. Document the phone call and what was said and see an employment lawyer to see if you are entitled to severance.

    Try to remember this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Nobody can afford to quit, however your mental health is worth more than staying in a shitty workplace.

    I would also suggest going to see a counsellor to process this, as it is a traumatic experience.

    HR is nobody's friend, people need to remember this always...

    Good Luck!

71. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 3:31PM UTC

    I really think the advice to seek legal counsel is right on target. I have experienced a similar situation that included a random drug test. It clearly came up negative as I am sober, but the humiliation drove me to turn in my notice. As the years have passed I have shared the tale and knowledgeable sources have confirmed I could have walked with a decent package or settlement. Stay strong and get some legal advice!

72. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 3:56PM UTC

    start looking for another job. Sadly this very recently happened to me. I was a public servant for 27 years. Moved to the current job about three years ago, and my husband reminds me daily of the toxic work environment. I literally cried every day because of work. I could do nothing right. My words were constantly twisted. I literally had a panic attack that landed me in the hospital.

    take a medical leave for a few weeks if you can and plan on looking for new employment. It isn’t worth your health or sanity.

73. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 4:12PM UTC

    I am so sorry you’re going through this! I sincerely hope that you make the right decision for you rather than for a company that clearly doesn’t know how to treat an employee as good as you.

74. Nancy DamossMarch 24,2022 at 4:20PM UTC

    Submit a "Response" not a "Rebuttal" to Human Resources.

75. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 4:26PM UTC

    Just curious, is this a large corporation? This treatment is designed to make you want to quit.

    It has nothing to do with reality and your fine work. It's the bean counters that have decided that you are too expensive. I advise to avoid HR, and seek legal council, not that you would intend to sue, they can give you a really great perspective.

    If you run out of the co, with your tail between, they win. So sorry you are going through this. I went through it also.

76. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 5:02PM UTC

    you now need to play the game to get the best settlement on offer. Get some legal advice and good luck. don’t take this personally I not personal - it’s just a very poor way of managing headcount.

77. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 5:03PM UTC

    I have seen this from both ends and I suggest you walk away, head held high. You are probably stretching yourself far too thinly, in order to support everyone around you that you feel needs your help, while from the organisation's point of view you are failing to deliver. I wouldn't be at all surprised if your manager and HR person believe this isn't the first time you've been given feedback, but if they did, they didn't frame it properly and you didn't hear it. I've been there myself, early on in my career, and I've been the person giving feedback too to someone in a similar situation. There is plainly a complete mis-match and you really shouldn't stay somewhere where you know you won't be appreciated. I'm sorry for your experience, but I also see it as a positive opportunity for you to find a different type of organisation that values you for the contribution you want to make

78. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 5:44PM UTC

    I agree with the suggestion to seek legal council. I would add to document as much as you can, especially that last phone call. Also, if you get evaluated make sure you obtain copies of those as well. Take some deep breaths and make a plan.

79. AnonymousMarch 26,2022 at 12:19AM UTC

    If you can afford it. These companies have deep pockets. Against what it costs for an attorney to represent, it's a no win situation.

80. tiffany birchMarch 24,2022 at 6:02PM UTC

    I think when things come to a head like this, it is a message to evaluate where we are, and where we want to be. Having documentation to support your contributions, and especially any notes regarding the last phone call provides information to support your situation. After the shock, breathe, and formulate a plan to create a much better opportunity to come to you.

81. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 6:25PM UTC

    Has anyone in these situations gone through the EEOC route for help?

    My six-year position was terminated after being an essentail covid employee and getting the business through some lean periods.

82. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 7:43PM UTC

    Yes I reached out to the EEOC and miraculously, they accepted my case. I was a five-year employee who was working 50 plus hours per week, taking call seven days a week and developing a program within a healthcare system. My position was abruptly eliminated and they didn't find a place for me although I was extremely profitable in my billing over and above some of my peers. The EEOC proved to be a worthless exercise that took nine months and a hearing, but the EEOC won't do anything for you. All they will do is give you a letter to sue in federal court. And my attorney told me that suing my employer would cost me $50,000 or more and I probably would have the case strung out over two years dot-dot. Basically the lady at the EOC told me the only cases that they were taking to court or cases involving sexual harassment ... Anything else is too much bother or too common for them, so instead they just give you a letter to sue the employer in federal court. I had a very strong case and a lead State Attorney working on my behalf and even still, I didn't have the funds to pursue any further. It is a fallacy that the EOC will go to court on your behalf for 99.7% of the cases they accept, they simply assign a mediator and you'll get very little out of it dot-dot-dot the mediator is not a judge and is simply there to try to negotiate some type of severance that is acceptable to all parties. But just know that if you accept any kind of severance, you will have to sign documents stating that you have no knowledge of any illegal or wrongdoing on behalf of the employer so that's the rub. You have to pay with your integrity and soul to collect any money and the money is not a lot

83. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 6:54PM UTC

    This happened to me at my last job. So much so that the team started calling me the blaming post as a joke. Get out and find a new job. Your manager will continue to blame you for all the team's ills.

84. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 6:54PM UTC

    Get your feet under you. Hold your head high and stand with your power and integrity. Last year when I left a toxic corporate workplace, my integrity and reputation (outside that circle of mgmt) remained intact. Looking back on my career, the first two times I was blindsided (early in my career), I quietly filed a response with HR and got new positions within the company. The third time (20 years into my career), I saw it coming: interruptions, exclusion. After looking to manage it myself without success, I went to HR before my mgmt did. I took my time, practiced asserting myself, identified my part (adhering to the Culture of Quiet and invisibility) and their part (unconscious bias and gender discrimination). I gathered up allies, connected with many folks in the company for validation and to inform them. I went out as "big" as I was able. If I were to do it again I would have been even bigger - sent the factual emails detailing the poor treatment, including the Silent Treatment. Recorded that subsequent conversation I optimistically thought was going to go well that so-very-much didn't (it's legal in my state to record two-person conversations without notice). The toxic culture was strong; it was hard. It was a betrayal of a sorts and I am recovering. Many days I am afraid all workplaces are like this, but I am having more days now that I am confident I can find a reasonable workplace and can handle it. So sorry for your experience and wishing you come out stronger in the long run.

85. Regina BrownMarch 24,2022 at 7:23PM UTC

    Oh, Honey, it's time to find a new job. Your manager is not much of a manager and the HR person should NOT be in that HR position. You are now in what is called a "hostile environment" but I also want you to think...if everything you have done is so egregious, why didn't they fire you?

    My suggestion? Send an email to each, summarizing the conversation.

    Do not provide resignation until you find other employment. Start with a head hunter or staffing agency but it is time to go. They are messing with your mental health and that is unacceptable.

86. Susan PriceMarch 24,2022 at 7:25PM UTC

    In such an upsetting circumstance, good for you for being able to hold it together to the extent you did.

    Gather yourself - trust yourself - create options. It's a great time to be looking for new opportunities; demand is high.

    https://brenebrown.com/podcast/how-toxic-work-cultures-are-driving-the-great-resignation/

87. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 7:39PM UTC

    I have seen toxicity all over the place in my industry and it is epidemic. I agree with your comments and thank you for sharing the podcast by brene Brown... I am also a proud of the original poster for having the wherewithal to terminate the conversation when it became too painful

88. Lisa ThompsonMarch 24,2022 at 8:01PM UTC

    You did the right thing by disconnecting the call. No one deserves abusive behavior. There is never an excuse for that behavior from management of any company. This is 2022 not the 1970’s. Although you may not think you can leave, think about how comfortable you will be working there now and if you are not motivated to do your best work, they most likely, judging by their past behavior, will use that against you. Talk to friends, family and colleagues you trust and start networking. Take a look at your finances and get your resume in order. Chances are things won’t get better with your manager and HR. You set the tone for how you leave., so leave with your head held high, your dignity in tact, knowing you did great work.

89. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 8:03PM UTC

    If you haven't done so already, start looking for a new job.

    I was in a similar situation, one year I was doing great, the next year it's suddenly horrible. Too many managers don't have any integrity and make up stories when something else is going on.

    And as so often, HR proved again not to be at least impartial.

    Where I worked we did not have a lot of options, but we also had a lot of turnover among managers, so if you waited long enough, you would be reassigned.

    One thing I learned a long time ago, the only person who cares about you is you. Companies don't care. Only you. So you need to do what is good for you.

90. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 8:07PM UTC

    You have every right to be upset. Reading your post brought back vivid memories that I had right before I left an industry that I had given way too much of my time to and was not even realizing it.

    I imagine things are rolling down hill and you were just the next in line. While not professional when a company gets to this point, it is typically not about the people anymore its about creating the change they want and how they want it done.

    I applaud you for ending the call. I encourage you to take the time to reflect on what else is out there for you. With a company that is a better fit.

    Head up and stay strong

91. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 8:26PM UTC

    https://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2017/12/03/ten-signs-your-boss-needs-a-scapegoat-and-youre-it/?sh=c49deb13fcd6

    it happens a lot, leave with your head high and a good severance package

92. Annetta MosesMarch 25,2022 at 6:41AM UTC

    Thanks for sharing.

93. Robyn McCabria KelsoMarch 24,2022 at 8:29PM UTC

    Step one - update your resume and LinkedIn. Time to move on. I put in way more than 6 years into a company that didn't see their way fit to promote me or help me reach my professional goals, so at least you haven't spent decades. Hang in there!

94. Audrey KirschMarch 24,2022 at 8:35PM UTC

    I'm sorry this happened to you. I've had it happen to me. Two from the management team at a former company said they were writing me up for various things, only one of which was even close to true. I then had to sign the form or would be let go on the spot. I signed and the next day went to a competitor and was offered a job right away. In my case they were just gathering ammunition to let me go. I wasn't waiting around for that to happen and neither should you. Put your all into finding a new position elsewhere.

95. AnonymousMarch 24,2022 at 9:50PM UTC

    This sounds like a terribly toxic environment and you're just the one who was in their target range. I saw this with my daughter who hung on at a workplace until they started attacking her colleague. But I had already seen what was happening long beforehand. People were leaving right and left as the owner would turn on them, sometimes viciously, for no reason, often with the HR person there to help.

    It started affecting my daughter's health, and she put on weight. But then the owner started berating her for that, too, criticizing her clothes (she always dressed nice). It was making her a wreck. Even a year before, I told her to start polishing up her resume. So when she and her boyfriend (who also worked there) came back from a scheduled vacation, it kind of caught him off guard when they announced he was being fired (he is the most professional and calm-headed) with some made-up excuse, and that they would give him two weeks to work, or not, for pay. He chose to leave. My daughter realized they would come for her next and she hung on long enough to make some informed decisions regarding health insurance, use of vacation days, etc. Then they fired her and she ended up qualifying for unemployment.

    While working some parttime jobs, she started growing her own business. Her health improved and she's in a much much happier place. The only thing she wished was that she'd gotten out sooner.

    Listen to everyone here. Make your exit plan. Know that it ISN'T you. The others leaving is proof of that. Pull yourself together and start dreaming of a better life, one where you're respected and honored for being the person you are.

96. KileyMarch 24,2022 at 10:30PM UTC

    Agree. Make youe exit plan and execute it!

97. AnonymousMarch 25,2022 at 1:10AM UTC

    This was bullying and mobbing. Like most of us who experienced it, you may likely need help to deal with all the tentacles of this toxic environment.

    There are a lot of sources of help. Please consider this: http://www.dignitytogether.org or something like this organization.

    ❤

98. Angela MartinMarch 25,2022 at 2:14AM UTC

    You need to start job hunting right now. This isn't a healthy situation, and the fact that both HR and your boss were participating means that the handwriting is on the wall. The job market is hot right now, so take advantage of it.

99. AnonymousMarch 25,2022 at 2:21AM UTC

    You need to leave this job and find anything you can. If the environment is so hostile then maybe if possible go on PTO for 2 weeks that will give you some time away from these toxic folks and you can focus on finding a job.

100. AnonymousMarch 25,2022 at 6:41AM UTC

     Yes, you are being pushed out. It's unfortunate but this company no longer sees your value.

     It's a pretty ugly way to get you out.

101. Anita GetzMarch 25,2022 at 12:26PM UTC

     I was in the same exact position, I was with my company for 8 yrs and 4 months, was being pushed out. Eventually I was let go. Still not sure if the reason why. I have been out of work since January. Best of luck to you.

102. AnonymousMarch 25,2022 at 11:12PM UTC

     So sorry that happened. I’m in education so I realize that is the game they play when a new leader is hired and wants to “go in a different direction” or feels threatened by staff who know more than they do about the organization. There are many reasons - we can only use the opportunity to reflect and learn. Know your worth.

103. Crystal HowellMarch 27,2022 at 9:05PM UTC

     Being out of work since January, hope you get something. Think about all the contacts, managers, and other employees you had engaged with, they might hire you.

     Always start with the competition!

104. Adrienne BorghoffMarch 25,2022 at 1:08PM UTC

     I was in a similar position last year. I had been with this nonprofit for more than 5 years and had always been praised as a hard worker - though it was clear they wanted more drive than I was willing to offer a part-time job. It was supposed to be a support job while I pursued a creative career. It was a managing position and it was a ton of work and required me to do a lot of fundraising. I asked for my hours to be reduced while I started a graduate degree during the pandemic, which was okay for a few months. Later they responded by criticizing my performance of my primary duties as not enough, not thorough enough, that I was failing the company, that the entire company was relying on me (I had always performed to the top of my abilities) and then took away my primary duties and reduced my hours again (allegedly to help me while my duties were passed to someone else). I was completely lost as to what my new duties were (to manage relationships); I struggled to define them and I didn't know how to justify what I did on a daily basis in my daily reports.

     So I quit. I wrote a letter of resignation and my mental health improved dramatically. Granted, it's still taken almost a year to find a creative position that paid at least as well as they did, but the hours are better, the people are friendlier, I feel supported, and it's in the field I want to be in. The last year has been hard. I didn't have a job lined up when I left. I applied for all the assistance I could find along the way. I found a therapist. I networked more and more and more. In the last few months, I feel like the universe has been sending me more opportunities that are telling me I'm on the right path.

     I feel relieved.

105. AnonymousMarch 25,2022 at 11:10PM UTC

     This resonates with me right now. Similar situation and I feel like my biggest mistake was to take on more and more responsibilities “to help” and be a “team player” and by overextending myself I wasn’t as effective as I wanted to be. I also asked for a reduction in responsibilities and began receiving critical feedback on my work. ?

106. Crystal HowellMarch 27,2022 at 9:02PM UTC

     It amazes me, as how these job descriptions do not match the job, let alone salary when more work is dumped on us. Have a conversation with HR, take a copy of the duties required, and match it the written duties you were given. Hope they give you a raise, if not, start looking and add those extra duties on your resume! Good luck!

107. AnonymousMarch 25,2022 at 5:00PM UTC

     My advice - start looking. This may have been a one time experience, but most likely, this type of conversation will probably happen again. You don't have to up and leave without anything to go. Start connecting with your network, put feelers, discreetly let know friends/family and those you're comfortable with know you're actively on the hunt for new opportunities. If no action was taken from this "meeting" (ie - Performance Improvement Plan, Documented warning, etc), keep performing at your peak, scale back a little if you have to and don't let them break you. As much as it sucks to do this, use your frustration to fuel your job hunt. USE YOUR NETWORK! Sorry, I feel like I'm rambling here, but I think it's important for you to start looking and try to move on a quickly as you can without risking being let go and without risking your personal work ethic. If you're seeing a mass exit, there is probably a reason. Are you close with anyone who's left recently? Might be worth finding out why others have decided to leave.

     Seeing this at my current employer as well - talking with several people who have left, and they have all said the same thing - trust. Either trust was broken, someone was trusted and let them all down. Hearing it from 8 people in various positions has impacted me enough to put up walls and start looking myself. Take your time, make smart moves that benefit you - most importantly don't make a decision out of panic or fear! You're going to be ok!

108. Laurie BrewerMarch 25,2022 at 11:21PM UTC

     Run. As fast as possible. In this economy there are plenty of jobs for someone as thoughtful and diligent as you. Employers are foolish if they don’t know that. I’m so sorry you are going through this but there are much better places out there. You will find your place ❤️

109. obeMarch 26,2022 at 2:13PM UTC

     Not to take your situation lightly, at my review over Zoom I asked about advancement and was asked 'what do you mean'. I continued as to whether there was room for growth and if anything should come up I would like to be considered since I feel I can do so much more. They would let me know but in the meantime I have been passed over for positions I know due to my age and lack of socializing with the right people. However, I can produce high-quality work far exceeding most of their staff which is why I do believe I am still there.

110. Crystal HowellMarch 27,2022 at 8:57PM UTC

     It's time to promote yourself , with the great resignation, a lot of jobs have opened up. Know your worth and go get your blessing!

111. AnonymousMarch 27,2022 at 3:17AM UTC

     I appreciated everyone's advice. I'm so grateful to this community and I would have quit my job without your support.

     I took time to regroup, updated my resume and I've started job searching. I decided if I quit now, I was letting them win. I need to quit on my terms, hopefully with a new job or let them fire me.

     Fired is my version of the 'f' word and I've done everything throughout my career to avoid that happening. I'm starting to realize that it's only an ending and if it comes to that, I have just cause to explain.

     While this loss of trust warrants moving on, I need to figure out what that means so I can discover my next chapter. Thank you again!

112. AnonymousMarch 28,2022 at 2:42PM UTC

     That is great! I am struggling to get to this place of clarity, and not just quit my job.

113. AnonymousMarch 29,2022 at 2:22PM UTC

     I've been exactly where you are. I spent 4 years giving my all to the company, going as far as completely revamping the department (under direction to do so). There was no one who knew that department better than me. I went on vacation for a week. When I came back, I was told by my team everything went smoothly. The next day, I was called in to my supervisor's office. My supervisor and HR were there to berate and belittle me over things that happened while I was away that I had no control over, even trying to give me a final written with PIP. I had never even had a formal coaching before that! I chose to step down from my position, and was gone to a new job within 3 months. Don't stay where you aren't appreciated. The resentment will eat you alive.