Startup Culture Not Right For me

Anonymous

September 27,2022 at 1:24AM UTC

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Startup Culture Not Right For me

I have 20 years of experience in my line of work and just joined a late stage startup (9+ years, +1.5K employees) in a manager position. I am realizing that I made a big mistake, the environment is not right for me. Things are a hot mess, and I inherited a team of very junior level people that were not trained well in their roles, they were operating a bit like fish out of water.

Things are popping up left and right that I am having a hard time prioritizing what needs to be fixed versus looked at down the line just due to sheer volume (imagine something every 2 days popping up, and not small things, pretty big things and some are fairly big compliance related mishaps).

I am feeling like I went a little backwards in my career path taking this job. Only in 3 months, but I feel a responsibility for this small team of mine. But I want out, I feel like a deflating balloon and this job is already slowly starting to kill me mentally and now physically. I am riddled with anxiety, and my Sunday scaries are, well, very scary that I cannot sleep.

I just started applying for other roles, but feel so bad about leaving the team. Not saying I will find another job right away, but we are in the middle of some big initiatives right now, and me leaving may leave them in a really bad spot.

But I am starting to lose my sanity with inability to sleep and sometimes feeling too sick to eat. So I know leaving is the right answer, but how do I deal with the guilt?

Has anyone been in a similar situation and was able to just do it without guilt eating you up?

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Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 27,2022 at 3:27AM UTC
Guilty about what? Wanting to be happy? Wanting to not be miserable? Wanting to invest your time in a company that's a better fit for you? Wanting to work for a better run organization?
I promise you, neither your boss nor your team members have ever, WILL ever say "gee, I'd love to take this great new job, but I would feel so guilty leaving anonymous."
Never. Going. To. Happen.
They'll get over it. Trust me on that.
You really only have two choices - stay or leave. You're only as miserable as you let other people make you. You have to do what's best for you, your health and your career. It's your responsibility - no one else's.
Do NOT let any of this bother you or give it one single second more of bandwidth in your brain. Forget about it - don't look back, use your energy to look forward to the exciting new opportunities you have in front of you.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
AnonymousSeptember 27,2022 at 3:43AM UTC
You have to do what best for you to have peace of mind and so you can rest well at night. If you're financially able to, I recommend you give your 2 weeks notice. But if you can't, do the best you can to steer your team in the right direction and the company in compliance. You need to delegate the work to your team so that you're not stressed out. You should also make your manager aware of the compliance issue so they are in the loop , they may provide you support as well. You can continue to seek employment elsewhere until you find something.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2022 at 4:01AM UTC
Well 9 years and 1.5k employees is definitely not a startup. They may use the term to explain their immaturity and lack of true leadership and structure but they are definitely not a startup.
The mess you are experiencing is definitely indicative of a lack of business maturity so folks in positions such as you inherited a mess because they company is a mess. Your career will probably stall the longer you stay. You cannot take on the responsibility of 9 years of inept management. So while you would love to right the ship, I'm afraid that all the good intentions in the world are not enough. This was years in the making and would realistically take years to undue.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2022 at 11:02AM UTC
OP you gave it three months. The length of time may vary person to person, but for me, three months is enough to know whether a situation is right for me. And if I’m being honest, it really doesn’t take that long. Strengthen your intuition and start listening to it. Intuition is a gift that we all have but we’re taught to suppress or ignore it to fit into societal norms. You don’t have to give it another three or nine months of your life. What happens if, God forbid, something happens to you and today is your last day on earth? Would you be upset that you didn’t make a choice for your own happiness? How long do you think it’ll take them to start recruiting someone else for your job? A week? A day? I hope you find the strength to do what’s best for you OP.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2022 at 1:38PM UTC
Yes. I left a leadership position because the work/life balance was horrid, it led to medical issues due to stress. The only reason I felt guilty (for a minute or 2) was because I was leaving the people and who would care for them like I did? Then I realized that the company will move on and I need to do the same.
AnonymousSeptember 28,2022 at 11:55PM UTC
Of all the different types of company cultures, I feel like start ups are the easiest to tell if you thrive in that environment or it stresses you out. Some people really enjoy the challenge of different things breaking every couple of days, others hate it. It's not bad to want out, it just means that you need a different type of job. You never know until you try right?
As for the guilt, do whatever you can to set your team up for success. Implement the new processes, teach them the skills that they need etc. If possible, once you know you will be leaving, start having them take over some of your specific responsibilities so that they have a bit of experience while you're around to guide them and answer questions. They could also be ready to jump ship, but have been scared of leaving people in a lurch too. Your leaving might be the catalyst they need to actually take the leap themselves. Just something to think about.
Anyways, good luck! :)