I am an EA to 3 very different VP's...

Anonymous

January 16,2023 at 2:23PM UTC

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I am an EA to 3 very different VP's...

All 3 VP's report to the same Senior VP, which holds a daily huddle every day for 15 minutes. In the office, I sit right outside one of the VP's offices. He normally plays this huddle every morning on his computer via Zoom, and it is heard. On one of the huddles last week, one of the other VP's I support threw me under the bus, hard. In front of fellow EA's and his boss, and I heard it all. He then proceeded to be my best friend, asked me to go pick up his lunch (for the second time), and asked to buy my lunch. I politely declined. I have had issues with this VP in the past with this condescending attitude, and just not vibing with him. I am a person where if you have an issue with the work I am doing, please come to me. I will fix it, not a big deal. How would you handle this now? I literally cannot trust/or want to deal with him. I have been looking to switch departments within my company, which has a been a slow process.

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harriet farnhamJanuary 16,2023 at 3:43PM UTC
Silence is very powerful. Do the work he assigns. That is what you are paid for. Anything past that, politely decline. And remain quiet and non-conversational. Once the trust is broken, it is hard to fix.
AnonymousJanuary 16,2023 at 5:59PM UTC
It’s so hard supporting more than two people. My person needed to speak with another partner who I also supported, and asked me to move the time we had already set up because he needed to go to the airport at that time now. Totally valid! I said let me check in before moving, because other person had asked me to specifically not schedule anything in the time block he wanted. That set him off for some reason. He snapped at me, and then hung up on me. And then, a few minutes later, when I was bringing something to his office, I overheard him saying something nasty about me to another partner. I was shocked, because it was so unlike him, but then I was furious. We’d always had a good relationship prior to this incident, chatting about baseball, politics, etc., while keeping a good working relationship. We were opposites on the spectrum in every way, but always had fun debating.
I didn’t speak to him outside of work-related matters for over a week. He called me in and asked why I was so cold all of a sudden - where was my gloating over the latest Red Sox win over the Yankees?? I took a big chance and said, “You’re kidding me, right? You want me to come in here and tease you about baseball after the way you spoke to me, and what you said to other person? I know you think I didn’t hear that, but I did, and it was hurtful and completely uncalled for. And you have yet to apologize - really apologize - to me for either one. I realize that you were having a bad day, but you do not get to speak to me, or anyone else like that. I might be your assistant, but I am NOT your punching bag.”
I left him with his jaw on the floor, and later that day, he really apologized to me. I don’t think we ever got back to before, but at least it was something.
Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterJanuary 16,2023 at 6:11PM UTC
My recommendation would be to schedule an appointment with him to discuss. You can say that you inadvertently heard the meeting (don't throw the other VP under the bus) and that you want to understand why he said those things.
It sounds like he's a bit of a passive-aggressive bully, and these folks often move on to someone else when they realize their "victim" isn't putting up with their behavior.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2023 at 2:42PM UTC
If you're not feeling great about approaching him directly, I would go to the partner you sit outside of. Tell him what happened and how he suggests moving forward. Sometimes having a third party input can help.
In my previous job, I had a similar situation happen and this was my approach, they had a talk and after they called me in and we all had a talk as well. I think at that point, having a mediator helped me (being in a lower ranking position) to have someone also kind of vouching for me, and they both knew exactly what happened, so the person who I had the conflict with couldn't skirt around the issue
JJJanuary 18,2023 at 6:51AM UTC
It’s time for a direct, difficult conversation.
Jennifer TaylorJanuary 18,2023 at 3:09PM UTC
Schedule a meeting with him, and let him know you heard what he said, and you would like to discuss it with him. Ask him point blank what about your performance that he feels needs improvement. Then tell him that in the future you want him to come to you with feedback first, before airing his grievances with other.