My manager is always late to meetings and will reschedule 1:1s that we have weekly so many times that I can’t plan my day properly (I’ve ignored her at one point she made three changes to our meeting within the space of 45 minutes, the last being a minute before one of our catch ups).

37 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 4:40AM UTC

   I've put up with a similar situation for three years.
   It's not easy to deal with this but I've found ways to help make it work.

   To start with, for any meetings, I have a list of 5-10 items I want to discuss written down ahead of time. I prioritize what I want to discuss and address those high-priority items first.

   I have my 3 strikes and you're out approach. The meeting gets pushed three times and I send my questions or updates by email and say I need answers to x now and then included a finished or being handled bullet points update.

   It's working for me as I've addressed what needs to be handled, things that can be removed from pending and other items, she can follow up with while in route or in meetings. Good luck!

2. AnonymousMay 15,2022 at 6:16AM UTC

   Thank you for understanding and sharing some very workable tips. Will definitely be using them.

3. Susan PriceMay 17,2022 at 12:57PM UTC

   Thanks for asking this. I miss meetings with my vital team members and I know it's irritating but your post showed me the disrespect and chaos. I appreciate your post, all the answers (so many just roll with it) and I'm determined to do better and show more respect and gratitude.

4. AnonymousMay 17,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

   We have one manager who schedules all of his 1:1's on a FRIDAY... not that I'm a fan, but most folks are winding down the week and it's an opp for him to slow down and genuinely speak w/each person on the team.

5. AnonymousMay 17,2022 at 12:59PM UTC

   I would send the questions with multiple choice answers (include pros and cons to each if needed). Show you can come up with solutions but want her input.

6. AnonymousMay 17,2022 at 1:33PM UTC

   A formal Agenda, no matter how short is always always a good idea!!!

7. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 4:58PM UTC

   I have had a manager like this- but she wouldn't accept help- or that it was embarrassing and difficult for those reporting to her. She just brushed it off. Not good, but in the end I just accepted that she was chronically disorganised and did the work I could without her. I emailed or texted her with direct questions for the things I could not decide alone. I stopped apologising for her and let other people come to their own conclusions. Not a great solution - but at least I stopped fretting about the impression she was making.

8. JC G.May 17,2022 at 12:10PM UTC

   Few things:
   the management might not know the impact on your job.
   So I invite you to report the situation by answering 18 questions. So the company will not be able to ignore it. one website was done for it:
   www.corporank.com

   second thing, depends of your daily job, share to her your priority list and daily tasks, so she knows your job is as important as her and so because you do your job, she can keep her.... TIPS: often it doesnt work at all.

9. April Donnell-SurgantMay 17,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

   Way to plug your business as a resource JC

10. Wendy Place BurnsMay 17,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    As well as the workload, it sounds like the timing of your 1:1 may be later in the day? And just like a doctor's office, the later in the day the more likely everything gets backed up. Maybe ask to reschedule for first thing in the AM?

11. AnonymousMay 17,2022 at 1:29PM UTC

    I found that scheduling my 1:1 with my manager first thing in the morning worked best (we're on 2 time zones so earlier for me, but I prefer it). Not sure that's an option for you. We have a director who does the same-- always late-- always apologizing-- always what was more important than this team call... we have reached a point that we rather poke fun at him for it... IF I were in your shoes, I try for an earlier time in the day and use the Propose button in Outlook (if using) to find a better time on her behalf. I might also use one of my 1:1's to provide constructive criticism around this behavior and how it impacts you and others... IF you have this kind of work environment wherein you can speak up. Thankful that I do...

12. Nj McBride WallaceMay 17,2022 at 12:59PM UTC

    Definitely prioritize those items that need quick action from your 1:1s. If you can get 5 minutes to gain her alignment on how you intend to complete the task/ solve the issue, then present it, gain it, go.

    Also, when you do have 1:1 time, make sure it is all productive. I have been working with senior leaders who allow for a 30 minute meeting, but really only have 12 minutes. I address the highest priority first and have very little small talk at the top of the meeting. If they wish to stay longer or have a bit of small talk after I get my answers, that's great!

    I had a boss for 4 years who was like yours, she never knew which end was up, was always running from fire to fire. She even told me once that I shouldn't try to solve the problems, just do the tasks... it was useless explaining that by solving the problem the whole team would have less tasks to do. So I stopped telling her about my problem-solving and wrote them on my storyboard to share in my interviews.

    Good luck!

13. April Donnell-SurgantMay 17,2022 at 1:01PM UTC

    I am this type of manager currently and I hate it.
    We have been going through a re-org and have more projects than people. I also hate canceling 1:1s with my direct reports right now because that might be the only time I get to see during the week. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Will your manager always be this overwhelmed, or is this transitional? If you send the items you have to discuss ahead of time, are you going to feel like it's a transaction?

    Again, speaking for myself, I truly appreciate the associates that take initiative to grab a little extra here and there. I try to make a conscious effort to show them how much I appreciate them, because they don't have to do that for me. If your manager wasn't so overloaded, would you still feel like you are getting what you need from that dynamic?

    Sorry, more questions than answers but I am glad you posted this.

14. Brenda CrawshawMay 17,2022 at 1:09PM UTC

    First, are these meetings for her benefit or yours? If they are for hers then that's on her to figure it out. You plan your day and if you can't accommodate her (ridiculous) rescheduling, you don't. You allegiance is to the work.

    If they are for your benefit, can you strategize another way to effect the communication you want/need? Can you send a Google doc with your updates/notes that she can edit and contribute to? Can you use a workflow database app?

    This seems like a symptom of a problem, not necessarily a problem in of itself.

15. AnonymousMay 17,2022 at 1:26PM UTC

    Doesn't sound like you are complaining about your manager but you are noting her level of responsibility and busyness and you are also observing how this is causing her to change meeting schedules all the time which flows over into confusion for your own schedule. I get it. But I also know that you are somewhat understanding and sympathetic towards her situation and you have offered some small ways that you might be able to help. So I'm not sure what you were asking advice about? I don't get the vibe that you dislike your manager you just dislike all of the interruptions associated with her busyness right? I don't think there's a lot you can do about that problem. It is her responsibility to talk to her manager about her workload and inability to stay organized ... not your responsibility to solve this problem ,only to live with it until higher up management can do something to make things better for your direct report manager

16. Kristie WhiteMay 17,2022 at 1:30PM UTC

    Managers always tend to be super busy, and in today's environment it is worse. While she may be overwhelmed with her workload right now, there are ways to work with it. Here are some tips.

    Schedule the meeting as early as possible - be the first thing on her calendar before everyone else and every other project starts calling her name and asking for time to fight fires.

    Limit the meeting to X minutes - 5 minutes, 10 minutes - but set the expectation that that's all the time required.

    Prepare a report or write up in advance for EVERY meeting. Don't come into the meeting with a lot of disorganized information for a relaxed chat. She doesn't have time for that. Provide updates on everything she needs to know and make sure you identify any questions you have, rate the priorities, and give her a clear expectation for when you have to have an answer. Then, if the meeting is canceled, send the report anyway. This will keep her informed and take the pressure off - you won't be "hanging" waiting for when you can have your meeting, status of work will be documented which will make performance reviews easier, and she won't feel compelled to constantly reschedule.

    Last, don't jump through hoops to accommodate her. She has to realize that she is disrespecting someone else's time when she doesn't keep her schedule. With the above tools, rescheduling won't be so important and she may find she can relax and keep your meetings because they are planned, decisive, and productive.

17. Ellen Smith FaganMay 17,2022 at 1:49PM UTC

    It is the manager's job to manage. Your boss needs to fix the issue - period. Your work scenario is a group thing - and the group must work.

    Your boss and the rest of the employees can make this scenario a winner! Your boss must first acknowledge the issue. NEXT, she asks for suggestions from her team in general, on how to win over it TOGETHER - Immediately this restores the lost and damaged mutual respect between Manager and her team.

    With the feelings already better, the actual issues should be easier to fix.

    But if the situation is so bad that you needed to write it here, then my advice is to get it fixed or leave - you could become ill, in such a depleting scenario. At best you are thwarted in your effort to do top work. Toxic and hurtful and unfair to you - you have only this one life and to keep your work and love the good thing is key.

    I almost scrolled past this, then thought " I had a situation like this. I will read and see how she handled it." I can learn something.

    In my case - I left - it just got too difficult and I felt unwanted and disrespected and I'd earned better.

    After dozens of incidents, and my appeals for more reliable behavior ignored and even resented by her, I found I was getting UN-charming in my attitude and had lost respect for that boss and felt I'd better leave NOW, before I damaged my overall work performance.

    Not before or since has that scenario occurred.

    It's your life - take care of it. Can't do it without respect and competent co-operation on all sides.

18. Sarah ChapinMay 17,2022 at 1:50PM UTC

    I agree with a lot of the other advice being given here. Since you are recognizing she is overwhelmed, maybe take on the initiative of determining what meetings can be emails. Make sure meetings have an agenda beforehand so she knows if she can add value to any of the topics. What you are already doing with having meetings on her behalf is also great. However, if ever says no and then doesn’t show up or is late, that is her problem. She needs to speak up to her leadership if she can’t manage her workload and there’s evidence that those report to her are suffering from it. You can do your best to support her, but it’s not worth burning yourself out because someone else can’t manage their job. She shouldn’t need to be babysat. I ping my boss on Teams once if he’s late and I’m not sure if he’s coming, but I leave it at that. At the end of the day, you can only provide support as much as your bandwidth allows. The ball is in her court to speak up and manage her schedule and priorities better.

19. AnonymousMay 17,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    As a manager who has the same issues I sympathize with you both truly. I often have to reschedule 1:1 because others jump on my calendar without a thought that I am booked, etc. It is annoying for me and my team as I want to have these 1:1 more than sit in yet another management meeting. I have tried to 'divide and conquer' with my team as much as possible and it looks like you're trying the same technique. I do hope you both get some relief from this overload, its rough and this work climate isn't helping anyone. Sounds like your manager needs some help and that is something she needs to ask her own boss for.

20. AnonymousMay 18,2022 at 4:20AM UTC

    I'd like to add that I am and admin to a busy CEO and executive team. Canceling, late, or just missing 1:1's happen somewhat regularly. Sometimes because someone "popped" in their office and they lost track of time. At some point the manger has to take control of their schedule and stop saying yes to every meeting that comes up, especially if it overlaps a scheduled meeting. Coworkers also need to be considerate and check schedules before setting a meeting. Sometimes it can't be helped and a reschedule is needed, but it is very frustrating to the one who gets blown off.

21. Christi MillerMay 17,2022 at 2:21PM UTC

    I like the suggestion below to see which meetings could be emails, remove her from meetings that don't need her input, and set clear agendas for all meetings. Everyone is busy these days. Making her job a little easier will work better for both of you.

22. RobynMay 17,2022 at 3:52PM UTC

    Sounds like your manager needs an admin who can manage her schedule and ensure she is on time to her appts. I would suggest that.

23. froerden@yahoo.comMay 17,2022 at 6:03PM UTC

    All of the comments are great.
    I would add that she should NOT be going to meetings. Meetings should be coming to her. She’s wasting traveling time even if the travel is just somewhere else in the building. If she’s in charge of a team, they should be meeting in her office or conference room.

24. Wendy ScottMay 17,2022 at 8:21PM UTC

    Reduce your one to ones to once a fortnight and convince her to delegate some of the meetings to you and the other eight direct reports. Also delegate some projects - if you cut out all the messing around covering her at meetings and changing appointment times this could give you more time to take on the delegated work.

    Recommend she conducts meetings on zoom so she doesn’t travel.

    Also recommend she gets a coach to help her with ideas to manage her workload.

25. Audrey KirschMay 17,2022 at 11:09PM UTC

    I'm not sure I understand your roll in this. You say she has 9 direct reports. I'm assuming that one is you. You are covering for her, private messaging her and offering your help. What are the other 8 reports doing? It's admirable to want to help when you see how the manager is struggling but the bottom line is that she gets paid to be the manager so she needs to find a way to better manage her time instead of you being the acting manager in the background. Unless you'd like to do her job, you need to find a way to work with her on your 1 on 1 meetings and leave the group meetings for her to lead or not. I know it can be frustrating but if she can't handle her workload, she needs to be the one to reach out for help.

26. Nicola BanksMay 17,2022 at 11:34PM UTC

    Grab your boss early or late one day and ask "how are you?"

    If they say, ultra busy - ask if there is a portfolio you can assist with - maybe something you know alot about.

    You need to be ultra careful here that your boss doesn't think you are looking to take their job....

    You could suggest a personal assistant to help time manage if your organisation is up to hiring someone.

    Best of luck!!

27. Wanda ShawMay 18,2022 at 1:55AM UTC

    It seems that she's overwhelmed. It happens to best of us, especially if someone is brand new to management. What you can politely and covertly do is to assist. Ask if there are some minor, trivial things that you can take off her plate, so that she'll be able to focus on the priorities. No manager resides in a silo. And the best ones know when and how to delegate. You can take the lead on this and learn how to help out, which will in turn, reflect positively on you.

28. Cortney SpencerMay 18,2022 at 2:40AM UTC

    The reality is this is the style of your manager and it’s likely not going to change. Life is short if you don’t like it find another job. There are so many jobs in the market right now. if I had any advice to my younger self I would say don’t stick it out if you’re not passionate about it. It’s not like it’s a marriage or another really important relationship in your life. If it isn’t working for you, move on.

29. AnonymousMay 23,2022 at 3:43PM UTC

    i agree! people that operate like this are not likely to change.

30. Terrie McWhorterMay 18,2022 at 2:32PM UTC

    I think it is AWESOME that you are being supportive! There is NOTHING wrong with this. It shows that you have initiative, drive and a strong desire to not see your leadership fail. I encourage you to go to her with a PLAN or a proposal. Something like, would it be helpful to you if I attended the daily huddles for you and give you a brief synopsis of what is happening? In all honesty, in my department we all take turns running the meetings and we have huddle boards that the chief can look at if they can't attend. The 1:1's though, I would let her know that they are important to you as you see her as your mentor and you are worried that she is on the track to burn out. Best of Luck

31. Sarah LarsonMay 18,2022 at 4:55PM UTC

    Do we have the same manager? Are we on the same team? Which is crazy because I thought my manager only did this to me, not everyone!

    From the group perspective, if you’re not the only person she does this to, others are likely feeling the same way. If you feel comfortable, connect with them. Maybe crowdsource an idea but that could look like going behind her back.

    As someone who fought the good fight like you for almost 5 years. She’ll never change. No matter what you do, how you try to help, or how much you cover for her. If you want her to change you need to stop enabling the behavior.

    What I mean by that is, stop covering for her. It’ll only be resolved when a: she realizes it is a problem and/or b: others at her level and above find it an issue too.

    She likely said no to the recording idea because she doesn’t believe she needs that much help, as this isn’t a problem for you, her brand, and her team- and/or she has a high need for control and is likely quite insecure. Especially if she has been in this role for a while and has never truly had a handle on it. In that, people are typically promoted one above their level of competence. She’ll never be able to handle the responsibilities of the role nor will she let go of any due to fear of not being enough.

    In sum, there is nothing you can do ti change her behavior but you can change how you’re influenced by it and how you manage it. Focus on what makes you happy and less anxious, maybe setting boundaries on no-shows or rescheduling would help you manage your time?

    Regardless, whatever decision you make. It’s the right one. Go with your intuition.

32. Titra G HamiltonMay 18,2022 at 6:21PM UTC

    Your suggestion is great!
    Another could be to push information to your boss. Suggest that she combine individual meetings with all of her direct reports into one, weekly meeting. She could use a template to collect the same/similar information from everyone. Each can take turns going first and drop off of the call when their brief out is complete. You could offer to develop templates for weekly status reporting, issues, risks and action items for her reuse if none already exist. All of this will help her manage her work. Good luck.

33. AnonymousMay 18,2022 at 6:31PM UTC

    I think it is great that she is trying to meet with everyone weekly, a quick phone call or chat session may be more time saving for everyone, with a biweekly group meeting to keep everyone current. She may have a control issue or just feel so overwhelmed that the next weight doesn't feel any heavier. Putting all the projects on the table and delegating across 9 managers, will lighten her load and make the whole team look more successful.

34. ClareMay 19,2022 at 8:52AM UTC

    If you have capacity and feel inclined I would subtly offer to take some tasks off her, it would ease her workload and help to develop your own skills… sounds like you’re already doing that to an extent by offering to run the meetings

35. AnonymousMay 19,2022 at 1:37PM UTC

    Are the 1:1s for status, or are you actually working on something? In my last position I had 12 direct reports plus multiple projects to work on. I asked my team to send brief, weekly status reports with risks/blockers at the top, and scheduled 1:1s every other week. That cadence worked well, and it was rare I had to cancel or reschedule. I had a weekly team meeting where I could share general information with everyone all at once.

36. AnonymousMay 23,2022 at 3:42PM UTC

    I worked for someone like this. it was embarrassing and a huge disrespect of people’s time. I would have people that traveled to the office and were there and she would cancel.

37. Nina KimMay 25,2022 at 3:07AM UTC

    Be kind.. at least she is trying her best. There is no perfect.. Seems like she needs to take a project management class though . Being honest about the situation and bringing awareness to her about your observations and figuring out a solution together would be my best advice.