How normal is it to cry at work?

11 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 14,2024 at 8:10PM UTC

   I'm 67 years old and over the years I've learned how to gain emotional distance, deal better with my stress and gain the upper hand with awful people.

   I think it takes practice, self awareness and diligence. There are some great blogs and books on this subject and I also went to therapy to really understand that my feelings and my coping skills were mine to own.

   I've found that running from an issue usually should be your last resort. Learning how to use your power is possible. It's especially rewarding to learn early because there will come a time when your dreams will be challenged and when that time comes, it's great to have already learned to fight like the genius you know you are.

   So this may be a time you need to leave but just know that business is full of some horrible people so chances are that at some point you're going to have to kick ass to get own your dream.

2. AnonymousMarch 14,2024 at 8:45PM UTC

   Holding your own in the moment but falling apart after it is over is never a good sign. You need some help in assessing the extent of how far across the line this is, so I would suggest first checking to see if your company has an EAP and contacting them. They may have one intake session and then refer you to a therapist to help deconstruct your situation or may be able to give you guidance on where you stand from a professional and legal standpoint.

   Much of this will be how far across the line of decency was breached. It may push into harassment, sexual harassment, bias, or behavior unbecoming a professional that needs to be brought to the attention of HR. It would be best to find someone you can trust to talk to and tell them all the details, which will remain confidential. A professional counselor or therapist can do this, so if your company doesn't have an EAP, finding one would be my next suggestion.

   It doesn't hurt to start looking for something else because your mental health is essential, and this situation is hurting it. If the problem resolves before you find another job, you can stop, especially if you otherwise like your job. If it doesn't resolve, you have the jump on resolving it yourself.

3. AnonymousMarch 14,2024 at 8:46PM UTC

   I eventually left after thinking I could handle it and did for years.
   I will never put up with abuse again. Period. I am dealing with CPTSD and now know I am not alone. Other future employees and past had similar reactions. I am a strong person and it still got to me. No job is worth it.

4. AmeliaMarch 14,2024 at 9:53PM UTC

   I think you answered your own question when you said you don't want to deal with it anymore. If you haven't addressed this with HR or management, that would be my first step. If that isn't an option, it's time to move on. You do not need to put up with abuse at your workplace. You're worth way more than that.

5. AnonymousMarch 15,2024 at 2:51AM UTC

   Very much relate. In two roles I left. In another I was pushed out. A couple thoughts I have on this:

   1- I don't know how intense the situation was or how far past the line it went, but I don't think there is anything wrong with you for the way you responded. It shows a lot of strength and self-preservation to protect yourself in the moment and I think it's so normal and natural to release that by crying. We expend SO much time and energy at work and so much of what we do often requires relationships and interaction. It is human for that to come with some sort of emotion and especially when a line is crossed. It would be more concerning if you didn't let it out somehow!

   2- I've tried different responses in every situation. The first one I simply found something else and left (it took a while and it felt like torture the whole way). The second time I tried so hard to "fix myself" to their liking and that felt like torture and I burned out badly, then was let go. The most recent time I confronted the person (my boss), I planned what I wanted to say, even writing the major points down, and laid out to him the comments he was saying, how it was impacting me, a little bit about why I, in particular, was a little sensitive to it, asked him to stop, and assured him that I was addressing it because I didn't believe he had intended to upset me and I wanted to keep maintain a positive relationship with him. I don't think our relationship was ever 100% after that but the comments stopped and at least I wasn't going to the bathroom to cry anymore. Also, I think he was embarrassed and too much of a coward to put in any effort to repair it.. he essentially just avoided me as much as he could. I did end up leaving about 6 months later but he wasn't the sole reason.

   I'm most happy with the times I confronted the situation maturely and objectively. Even if it wasn't received well, I at least knew I tried and did my part

6. AnonymousMarch 15,2024 at 3:52AM UTC

   Not normal please relieve yourself and quit with a new job lined up. These companies are not worth your mental or physical health.

7. AnonymousMarch 15,2024 at 6:16AM UTC

   I once worked in a company where one of the executives about two levels up gave me a real grilling over what was essentially a non-issue in a financial report. After the meeting where this happened, one of the more experienced female employees told me that he did that to every new female employee with the express purpose of getting them to cry.

   Well, as it turned out, he picked on the wrong person, because at that point in my career I had been a school vice principal and had been roundly grilled by a parent who was a law officer regarding details of the subject matter I taught and my qualifications (and came out successfully), so this was nothing compared to that. Too bad for him in his goal of getting female employees to cry.

   As time went on, he did attempt to grill me other times and without emotional effect on my part. However, due to the overall situation in the company, and the fact that the company basically allowed this along with some other shenanigans by the powers that be, I took a week paid leave, got my resume together and began a job hunt in earnest.

   I did get a job less than a month after my job with the first company ended. Also, I not only landed in a welcoming, collaborative environment but more than doubled my pay in less than three years.

   However you choose to handle the situation, getting the resume ready and making contacts NOW makes a lot of sense. You don't need to tolerate these situations, especially not on a regular basis.

8. Orlagh CostelloMarch 15,2024 at 12:28PM UTC

   I have cried in work on multiple occasions. It's usually due to either pure anger or extreme stress! If it's happening more than once or twice a year, I look to change jobs, but that's because I understand the reasons I cry. There are times it is pure frustration sometimes as well.

   If the lines of courtesy were crossed, I'd consider if it's a one off or a pattern of behaviour. Once off - I'd give him a chance. A pattern of behaviour, I'd get the CV in order and start looking.

9. AnonymousMarch 15,2024 at 12:36PM UTC

   I have before. Some of the most memorable reasons why this has happend:

   *many years ago (like 25 maybe), I was working in payroll - large company, 39k employees. I was in the corporate office, one of the many people in my position. Whenever someone effed up at the individual locations, we got the blame and would get berated by whoever. I last a year in that role.

   *Most memorable was when it was the last straw of a job I grew to loath, a toxic work environment, etc. I received an email that set me off, and after getting it out, I decided my mental health was not worth the constant stress and left. No notice, just packed up and left. (I should note I learned prior to that that my predecessor was in tears in her office on a daily basis).

   *about a decade ago, when I was told that I was being replaced in my current role by someone brand new to the company, brand new to the department, brand new to the profession - also a male much younger than me. I held it together in that meeting, but I was so pissed that I immediately took shelter in my coworker's office with a few of them and just lost it.

   I think as I've grown, I've been much better at regulating my emotions. If something does upset me, I can retreat to my office or just leave and work from home the remainder of the day. For you, you may want to consider leaving...but not without having something lined up. I don't regret the one time I left with no notice, no job...but that is not something I would recommend others do unless you can get by without a job for a bit.

10. MislynMarch 15,2024 at 3:02PM UTC

    No it should not be considered normal to cry at work. I had a boss that made me cry in a regular basis. He was the most horrible man I have ever met. Everyday he would degrade me or make comments to put me down. He would literally scream at me and other employees as well. He would even make the other boss cry. He did it as a power trip. Come to find out from a friend he has always been abusive she knew him in high school and said he was the same way. Physically and verbally. You should not have to put up with abuse anywhere. Not at home(which I did that as well) and definitely not at work. Sure you can have a bad day and be a little emotional but when someone literally breaks you down everyday and makes you cry that is mental abuse. As women we need to stop this type of behavior. Report it if you can if not simple have a talk with the abuser and record the conversation.

11. AnonymousMarch 15,2024 at 5:48PM UTC

    You need to tell those who cross the line that it is simply not acceptable. Then crying at work will not be a thing. In the aftermath of telling them no this is not going to be accepted document it, and also bring in HR and legal if it is something that borders on hostile workplace or sexual harassment. No one should cry at work unless it's happy tears for a promotion or some other accolade being showered on you that you did not expect. You deserve better!