Last week I had some very exciting news.

Farah Bajwa

March 19,2024 at 12:07PM UTC

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Last week I had some very exciting news.

I've been working to start my own business, and the web developer told me my website was ready for launch.

I excitedly shared my joy of this on LinkedIn and Facebook. I even created a promo code to commemorate the occasion. All of this was received celebratory and supportive responses on both platforms.

So I came here to FGB, to share with my sisters, thinking, "Here's a place where women support women. Maybe one of them who reads my post can throw in some advice from her own experience".

Sadly that wasn't the case.

I updated my FGB profile with my new business information and happily posted my news.

I was immediately snubbed by an Anonymous member with a blurred photo, flagging my post as a violation of FGB policy and demanding FGB monitors wake up and do something about.

Unaware I was violating anything, - I was simply excited I hit a milestone a full year in the making, - I looked it up.

FGB states it is about "helping women achieve their careers goals" and "We reserve the right to remove content that: Promotes your business, paid and free offers, and other commercial endeavors. "

Starting my own business *is* my career goal, and "Reserves the right". Not "forbidden".

I'm someone who does her best to respect the rules. I also appreciate that FGB created this space for us and have been a FGB VIP for many years without incident. So in good faith, I deleted my post while I wait for FGB to get back to me with clarification on how to word things going-forward.

In the meantime, this Anonymous member really took the wind from my sails. Rationally or irrationally, I feel she sabotaged my trust in this place as a safe space for women to support other women. I did a personally difficult thing of making myself vulnerable to others and it was betrayed.

Sharing this is my way of getting it out and letting it go.

I hope she reads this too and learns next time to be a sister. Give the benefit of the doubt. Ask before passing judgment. See if the person has all the facts and help educate them rather than troll them. Lead with kindness. The world can be cruel enough already.

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F RMarch 19,2024 at 12:38PM UTC
I feel that anonymous option is a double edge sword. It allows people freedom to discuss things that may be risky for them from a professional standpoint, but it also allows the trolls to come out and be as nasty as they want to be about whatever triggers them.
I'm sorry this person felt they needed to dump all over you. My advice, try to shake them off. They are a miserable person, looking to make everyone else live in their tiny little miserable world.
Congratulations on launching your website and getting things up and running. Best of luck to you on your adventure.
AnonymousMarch 19,2024 at 12:58PM UTC
Im so sorry that happened to you.
Jill JohnsMarch 19,2024 at 1:11PM UTC
Congratulations on starting your own business and website. I hate that you feel that you were judged by this person. Maybe they were having a bad day and miss interpreted your post. Maybe you are in direct competition with what they do and that factored into the response. Forgive them! Then as you stated if FGB is willing to tell you what would have made the post not an advertisement if indeed it was then learn from the experience. If FGB moderators can't help then ask a friend if a post sounds too "Salesy", and moderate it if needed.
Bottom line be excited for your new opportunity, I wish you much success in your new endeavors.
AnonymousMarch 19,2024 at 1:14PM UTC
Don't ever let one bad apple ruin your basket! EVER.
Not everything is everyone's cup of tea, and you're just starting.
So what - they didn't like it... straighten your crown and move on. You will succeed if you work it!
Sabrina SylvesterMarch 19,2024 at 1:34PM UTC
First, Congratulations on your new business venture. Wishing you nothing but happiness and success in the future.
Second, I'm so sad to hear that you had to endure a "Negative Nancy" raining on your parade. Don't let anyone steal your joy, especially on your major accomplishment. It's a big deal. That person really showed why women don't trust other women.
Third, the reason why promoting your business might be a problem is it can be posed as competition, in a sense.
AnonymousMarch 19,2024 at 2:30PM UTC
Letting a single experience destroy your experience? Taint your news? Wow, you have an online business? I'm shocked you think this is sabotage. I wish you well.
AnonymousMarch 19,2024 at 4:05PM UTC
Please do not let this person or any people take away from your accomplishment. They have zero part of your life. Why let them make you feel betrayed when you have never met them? People like that will not change or read things and all of a sudden become a new person.
I would focus on finding a way to not let people like this bother you and find out why a stranger has made such an impact on how you feel.
View it as an opportunity to develop those skills because you cannot please everyone or should care that much.
I would bet you had tons of compliments and congrats from others, so focus on that and not the one bad comment.
Sarah PageMarch 19,2024 at 5:26PM UTC
I am sorry that you got a negative reaction to something you are excited about. I am excited for you, that is a big deal to get your website off the ground! It can be tough navigating where it is and isn't appropriate to share links, your business, etc. I know a few years ago that I had an extra savings code on my favorite planner and shared it to a planner group so that someone else could use it and got shut down. I wasn't in the head space of promoting my business (it wasn't even mine) and just wanted to share something that I loved but it wasn't take that way.
Farah BajwaMarch 19,2024 at 6:18PM UTC
Thank you for the support and connections. Clearing the energy from inside has helped. What I didn't share earlier was for two years in grade school, I was bullied nonstop by the neighbor kids, who then also went to school with me. Neither my parents nor my teachers were properly equipped to handle the issue so I had to just take the bullying. Sadly, it left a scar on my emotions and self confidence so being vulnerable is hard. And feeling "attacked" while my guard is down - Its become a trigger like PTSD. I'm sure this won't be the last time something like this happens. But those of you who replied - thank you. Its giving me the opportunity to fortify my mental and emotional space to better handle these situations in the future. Much love and appreciation!
AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 12:14AM UTC
Sorry to say this but your trigger=your responsibility. Unfortunate that you were bullied, we all have childhood trauma though. Doesn’t mean it’s a get out of jail free card. You broke the rules of the website and were called out. You pulled the post down, end of story.
But then you came back to pour more kerosene on the fire and you reignited a debate about being triggered because someone pointed out the rules.
What you’re experiencing in this website is a fraction of what you’ll be forced to navigate as a small business owner. Clients will sit on your face, not a care in the world about your childhood experiences or a hurt feeling.
Harsh, yes. But this one’s on you.
Farah BajwaMarch 23,2024 at 7:02AM UTC
You're clearly too defensive to see that this is all about emotional intelligence and mental health. And that's OK. That's your journey.
And clients who are disrespectful become ex-clients. I chose who I engage with.
AnonymousMarch 20,2024 at 12:47AM UTC
Playing devil's advocate, please hear me out:
Someone might have thought it was solicitation/ and a link that's associated with identity theft of some variation.
Unfortunately, with that being a modern day issue, she jumped to conclusions. It wasn't meant to be a personal attack, it's simply a sign of our times. I work in the corporate financial world and constantly hear; phising, virus, sabotage. Just the way it is. I click NOTHING unsolicited in my orbit- personal or professional.
She wasn't being a negative Nancy, she was acting on experience.
AnonymousMarch 20,2024 at 12:34PM UTC
Think of your audience.
All social media isnt for any reason that one would like including self promotion. This website is for women to speak and be heard--not get advertisements and sales pitches on services. Its not personal. Its the business of social media and the purpose of each website you are using. Know your audience , the purpose, and the rules of the websites when posting instead of blindly advertising everywhere you can.
AnonymousMarch 20,2024 at 1:56PM UTC
Eventually you'll come to expect a certain amount of contrary opinions. For this to send you spiraling is a bit exaggerated don't you think?
KarenMarch 20,2024 at 8:15PM UTC
On the other side of this, you could also have been more kind in your response to her post in the first place. You could have instead just messaged or commented on the post and said, "hey I'm glad you're excited but you might want to reword your post and remove the link, bc it might get your post taken down. Congrats again on your new venture, just wanted to let you know." THAT'S IT. It would have been more gentle and allowed her the chance to change it on her own, since it sounds like she just genuinely forgot it would be considered self promotion. How we type things out on social media and other Internet platforms matters, bc there is no ability to show as much nuance or tone with a lack of face to face interaction.
AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 11:13PM UTC
Im curious, is there FGB literature that says a Someone flagging a post should follow a set of criteria? Do admins send personal messages such as what you are suggesting? It’s not a judgment or criticism just a curiosity. Perhaps some guidance before folks post would be beneficial.
KarenMarch 20,2024 at 8:19PM UTC
I'm sorry you had to go through that, it can be quite disheartening. I'm glad you are excited about your new venture. And yes, I do agree the person's approach could have been much more gentle and given you a chance to change it yourself. It is how I would have handled it if I saw your original post. I would have just commented and said congrats and gently suggested you change it just in case it gets it flagged. It sounds like you genuinely didn't think at first that it would be considered self promotion. You've now removed that part and are trying to let it go. I would keep that going and move on, do not let other people's comments here trying to dismiss your feelings get to you. I wish you the best and hope you do not give up on the whole platform entirely.
Barb HansenMarch 21,2024 at 5:09AM UTC
the over whelming majority of people on this site are here for the right reasons - to give and get support. I'm glad that you've didn't let one hater get under your skin.
I'm going to connect with you here and on linkedin. The startup that I work for interacts with a lot of engineers, and I don't see a direct intersection between what we do and your work, there might be in the future, so let's connect.
AnonymousMarch 21,2024 at 1:30PM UTC
As others have said, FGB has some
ruled about what you can post. However, there are some really great content creators here and on LinkedIn that provide content that benefits the “customer base” while making subtle notes of their business. Perhaps you could explore the subtle art of marketing through value generation rather than promotion.
for example, notice the number
of career coaches that respond to posts with solid advice repeated to their expertise. Folks are free to look them up by name or message them
directly. Or, Maybe you’re an engineering consultant who could post an article on landing that first job as an engineer and make a quick, short note in your intro about what you’re doing now and why you’re a credible
authority on your chosen subject. Perhaps you could ask FGB to vote on content that you could
produce for them so you can be sure that it is mutually beneficial. Just thinking out loud with you.
no matter where you go, there will
be rules of engagement. Try to become a student of the game.
finally, Congratulations on taking that courageous step!
Farah BajwaMarch 23,2024 at 6:47AM UTC
Thank you for these constructive suggestions! I've noted them down for the future. I appreciate you!
AnonymousMarch 21,2024 at 2:48PM UTC
Geez. You sound delightful, I bet you're fun to work with. Try to be helpful instead of being a scold after the fact. She didn't know and took it down the minute she was made aware. Like the OP said, try leading with kindness. Why are some folks like this on here?
AnonymousMarch 21,2024 at 2:54PM UTC
Don't take it to heart. I have seen some predatory posts by folks offering career coaching services on here that left a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps this person has also seen many of these and was responding from a place of underlying frustration and irritation. There are definitely people on here who get on their high horse about things and are just plain rude and obnoxious. Ignore or block. Keep moving forward and congrats on your website!
AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 12:18AM UTC
The OP’s beef should then be with FGB about their no solicitation rules. Please, let’s all stop coddling.
Robin MarlingMarch 21,2024 at 6:03PM UTC
Farah, congratulations on all your success! I can say this now that I've achieved 'wisdom'... As you know life brings you ups and downs, some more painful than others. Please don't get too frustrated. You're going to come in contact with many different personalities. Maybe this person is an Alpha type who was just letting you know the rules of the website. I know, here you are, so excited, and wanting to share with the world. Don't let this one thing discourage you. When something like that happens to me, I have to find something that makes me laugh.
AnonymousMarch 21,2024 at 7:13PM UTC
You need to understand your business and the proper ways to connect.
AnonymousMarch 21,2024 at 7:35PM UTC
Oh dear! Someone made a mistake! And then deleted their own post after understanding they made a mistake! Let's all post repeatedly about how she "Broke! The! Rules!" and say she's the one getting her panties in a bunch. Bleh..
KarenMarch 21,2024 at 11:32PM UTC
It's not "fluff" to practice kindness. And when you cannot have a face to face discussion with someone (because it is online), it is helpful to add extra detail to ensure they understand your tone and intention. Multiple of your comments on this thread seem to be in a defensive tone, because it appears you are uncomfortable with being called out by others for your handling of the situation. And if you think compliments are some kind of favor in a "sandwich" rather than simply an acceptable societal norm people have practiced for millennia, then I'm glad I do not have to interact with you in person.
AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 5:27AM UTC
Interestingly enough, this dialogue is creating awareness of OP’s business. She is benefiting from this exchange. As they say, there is no such thing as bad publicity.
LarneMarch 22,2024 at 12:25PM UTC
I wish you all the best. There are good people out there, dont dwell on the negative.
Ellen Antoinette KlausMarch 22,2024 at 1:43PM UTC
let us indeed be kind to each other ??
AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 7:50PM UTC
It sounds as though you are very crude and insulting according to what you just posted and you have the nerve to criticize the OP? I find your language to be offensive and sexist. Maybe YOU should be banned from posting.
AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 11:03PM UTC
OP, now that you know the post was taken down due to rules of engagement, are you still upset? Your language above suggests that you are internalizing the action as a personal vendetta against you. I am curious, what is your perspective now?
Farah BajwaMarch 23,2024 at 1:55AM UTC
It wasn't taken down. As stated in the original post, I deleted it myself in good faith and contacted FGB to provide me with additional clarification on their policy. Still waiting for response.
Everything in the original post still stands. I chose my words with intent. I shared my feelings to help me let it go, and it helped. And more people should lead with kindness and give the benefit of the doubt. I posted this in the thread which is probably buried now.
AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 11:04PM UTC
Relax. At one point or another we will all be the villain in someone’s story.
AnonymousMarch 23,2024 at 2:47AM UTC
I didn't see the post myself. Yet the reporter is saying your spirits weren't affected. Mental Health is important and I acknowledge your right to feel badly about the way she scolded you a second time. Lesson learned, however there is no reason to "taunt you for a second time." Hugs
Farah BajwaMarch 23,2024 at 3:11AM UTC
Hugs are awesome! Received with gratitude!

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