May I express myself?

8 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 28,2024 at 1:40PM UTC

   Are you considering withdrawing from your doctorate, or is that a different pursuit?

2. AnonymousOctober 28,2024 at 1:50PM UTC

   Sometimes it's not either/or but both. You recognize one of the values you haven't been getting enough of to fill your bucket is "recognition". Some people need more and from different areas or people.

   If a person can't afford to quit their employment, often it's good to seek opportunities outside of employment to fill that bucket. If could by volunteering, joining a group, or taking on a new hobby. You can weigh your options, as it might not be one single choice.

   What I would recommend you do is start to ask for feedback. Oftentimes people choose 'escape' instead of 'courage'. Have a frank conversation on performance, bring up the areas you feel you are outstanding and ask if there are areas they appreciate and where you could improve. It's also okay to just say "Hey, I have been feeling unseen and unheard for a little while now... I feel like I am doing a good job but I don't feel my efforts are recognized/appreciated." Acknowledge that you're going to choose bravery and choose discomfort, and celebrate that.

   Remember, people can't read minds, we have to ask for what we need in all types of relationships. (Children are so so good at asking (Mom, I need a hug!)). The first step is always communication and feedback.

   I hope you have the psychologically safe workplace to be able to do that. Be brave and show your kids that they can grow up to be direct, yet diplomatic. Excellent negotiators and influencers, able to change minds and win hearts. But that all starts with practicing the art of communication.

3. AnonymousOctober 28,2024 at 2:33PM UTC

   I don't think you do this work for accolades or recognition. So keep reminding yourself of the broader mission. You ask if anyone will see the value in this work? The answer is probably not other than those you assist and directly benefit. But pride is worth a lot.

4. AnonymousOctober 28,2024 at 11:08PM UTC

   Sometimes we get more satisfaction from helping others than from those who provide our paycheck. First, working for non-profits can be very fulfilling. I’m not sure if you work in the same place you’re getting your doctorate. Sounds like you would be a wonderful social worker or professor. Sometimes too we must choose a different environment to feed our souls. Seek that and go where you are best helping others. Those you help will make the biggest difference in how you’re recognized. Hope that helps some!

5. Star7October 29,2024 at 3:42AM UTC

   Same here...I have been trying to move on....found out my super never returned the phone call for the inquiry on me Yup! nor my prior super, who is now the CFO. But in my annual review, they say, oh sure, if a company calls, I will talk to them. I had to contain myself. I have another job I applied to, and have started to see if it happened again. If so, I may have to contact a lawyer or the union.

6. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdOctober 29,2024 at 1:06PM UTC

   I'm so sorry you feel unappreciated. This is one of the top reasons people leave jobs. I share your frustration. In the past two years I've begun feeling like a "has been" - pushed aside by those younger than me. Mainly because many in my company are movers and shakers - and I'm considered a workhorse (a title I take with pride, btw).

   I've been at my job now for 21 years. I don't leave primarily because of my age (I'm 57). And as much as I'm disappointed, I also realize that I have to forge my own path and that my worth isn't based on what other people think!

   Wishing you all the best...

7. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 2:40PM UTC

   I'm sorry to hear this. Feeling underappreciated and devalued is awful in and of itself, but as a chronic pattern can lead to illness - and like you said, you're mindful of the impact on your daughters.

   From my reading of your situation, I believe you're at a turning point/ fork in the road type of situation. Things are breaking down for you to determine what's next for you. You've observed what you don't want. This place won't recognize you.
   So, you've got some options. 1. stay (not really the option you want- but in the short term, if you start quiet quitting, it can give you the financial benefit- it's better to search for a job while you have a job). Just don't let it suck more life from you. Let it be a foundation and start building a new life. 2. make a new plan (which may be to do the same thing just somewhere else). Plan your work then work your plan- as they say. 3. Embrace change. Maybe your life/surroundings/ marketplace/industry is telling you something. Where do you need to pivot?Where else can you find joy/learn something. I know---this may seem odd. Esp. to a person who committed herself to a certain life...to have to change it?? Maybe sit with the idea of what else is out there. (because from what I read, where you work , those doors are closing). Find a new door. 4. How to learn about yourself now. Perhaps a mentor or coach (in and outside your industry). Work on rebranding yourself. There are lots of great books to help you search for new/adjacent pathways. 5. reconnect with what you value and provide that for yourself. It sounds like you want your work/life to matter. It does. But, you may not get the outer validation that you've been seeking (maybe moreso since you've been underappreciated). Find ways to take your control back.Get in whatever driver seat you want.

   If resigning is an option for you, make it happen. Many people have to factor in the finances, so review that for yourself because you could just quit once you find the work. It's amazing, once you quit in your heart and start seeking the life you want, how the drama of your current employer just dissipates.

   Good luck!

8. Regina BrownOctober 30,2024 at 9:07PM UTC

   You gotta make a decision. Like you said "your daughters are watching" This doesn't sound like complacency, it sounds like you enjoy your job because you are good at it. In what way, do you feel you have been overlooked.

   Playing devil's advocate, listen to your mind and heart, start the job search discreetly and privately. No one needs to know. Maybe going out there and looking could just be just what you need to be happy with where you are and ensure that upper management know who you are and the value you bring to the table.

   Your daughters are proud of you no matter what. You are "mommy" period. Your students are proud of you, no matter what as they will take what you have taught them their entire lives

   I guess the real question is...are YOU happy with what you have achieved?