Can't take it anymore.

Anonymous

September 20,2022 at 12:06AM UTC

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Can't take it anymore. My manager says he values me, yet brings on all males to my team (I'm team lead), pays them all more than me, gives them the responsibilities I enjoy, tells them they can take PTO for a spouse anniversary, but I can't take PTO for my son's birthday because I have to travel on business for some lame meeting he set up on a whim. I'm trying to find another job before I resign but I've not had any calls yet. What do I do? This job is wreaking havoc on my mental and physical health.

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JJSeptember 20,2022 at 12:48AM UTC
Yeah, he’s lying and thinks you’re buying it because you haven’t quit. You can put your foot down but be prepared to walk. A jerk like that won’t change his stripes.
Shanita Taylor BSIS, BSc (Psyc), M.A.E.LSeptember 20,2022 at 1:09AM UTC
Sorry to hear this. First hand, do you know why they are paid more, and you are the Team Lead? I think they work under your leadership. Correct me if I am wrong. A part of being a leader is the responsibility and doing leadership things, like traveling and attending meetings. As long as this travel assignment is necessary for the job and part of the duties that come along with the position, you may miss many other special occasions. It seems you have already communicated this as a conflict, and there was no solution to cancel and reschedule. If you can't handle missing events in your life, sorry, this may not be the job/ position for you. Soldiers during wartime miss their family members and loved ones during the holidays and special occasions. It comes with life and making sacrifices. I hope this helps.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2022 at 2:12AM UTC
He just comes up with meetings out of the blue when I request PTO. I requested this several months ago and he approved it but then scheduled this meeting last week where I have to attend. This isn't the first time. He says he had to bring these guys in at higher salaries and titles and they'll get to me at the end of the year, but that's been the promise multiple years now and never happened. I work nearly 60 hours a week, I'm in school, and I have a family.
Shanita Taylor BSIS, BSc (Psyc), M.A.E.LSeptember 20,2022 at 2:46AM UTC
I hope he is not doing this intentionally. Try talking to his leadership, too, if not already done so. I understand that sometimes only you can fix your problem, and if communicating your concerns to him is not working, you probably should put on your thinking cap of ways to improve this situation; in the meantime, if nothing changes, have a plan B (exit strategy). I wish you a better situation that works out for you and your family so you can finish school successfully and be less stressed. I know how college can be and how time-consuming school assignments can be.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 20,2022 at 3:22AM UTC
So if you're not getting any response to your resume, it's either the resume or the positions you're applying for.
Regarding your boss, it sounds like either he's a complete jerk, he's trying to get you to quit or both. Did he hire you?
AnonymousSeptember 20,2022 at 6:27AM UTC
Yes he hired me
AnonymousSeptember 20,2022 at 2:34PM UTC
Unfortunately you will not change your boss.
So read your company's policy with regards to PTO to see if he's within guidelines to deny your PTO.
Further, focus on your resume and network your wat to a new job offer
For your mental health, see if your company offers EAP and then look into therapy to learn tools to keep these situations from impacting your life si greatly.
AnonymousSeptember 22,2022 at 2:14AM UTC
You have a legal case, but it could be a pyrhhic victory unless you can leverage a big fat severance package with the threat of a suit.