People management help please?

Anonymous

October 18,2021 at 9:13PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

People management help please?

hi, I manage a few people in my team, some of whom manage others themselves. Lately one of my direct team and one of their own reports are falling out. I’m trying to help but worried about making it worse by being a “helicopter” boss!

The report of my report is I believe, at fault here and the stress is making my report miserable. I have tried to support my report with tips and advice and HR have also provided advice. I don’t want to risk losing this person, but at the same time I also don’t want to override them and deal with the employee myself as it could make things worse. It’s a basic respect issue, this person is persistently rude and disrespectful but only to their manager in private.

I hope their relationship can be saved but I’m worried it’s gone too far. maybr enough is enough and I need to step in now? Or maybe it’s my fault they’re not getting on? Maybe I’ve not empowered my report enough to enable them to take the lead?

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice gratefully received

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

13 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

13 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousOctober 18,2021 at 10:03PM UTC
I nip these things in the bud asap by bring both in and hear them both out in front of each other. I allow my direct report to go first and then their report.
I take notes. Let them know how I expect things to be resolved . I let them know if things do not improve there will be consequences. I let them know that rudeness and insubordination will not be tolerated and that the situation must be improved. I follow this up with an email summarizing the situation the desired improvement and the time of the next check in meeting in 2 weeks.
If things do not improve I work with HR to write one or both up depending on the situation and then let things take their course.
If the write-up(s) don't work someone gets let go.
The guilty party usually uses words like TOXIC, HARASSMENT, DISCRIMINATION and BULLYING. Once that starts there usually is no good faith left.
AnonymousOctober 18,2021 at 10:30PM UTC
Well said, especially the last paragraph.
I bet that as soon as the two parties are together, the key phrases will be used! I bet the meeting will take LESS than 30m!
Nip it in the bud for sure!
AnonymousOctober 18,2021 at 10:14PM UTC
If allowed to fester, this kind if thing infects the entire team. You have to shut it down.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 6:59AM UTC
Absolutely true!
Sreedevi VOctober 18,2021 at 11:10PM UTC
Firstly, you are not being a helicopter boss if you decide to step in after your direct has tried (and failed) to resolve the issue herself, with your help. Your instinct to guide and coach her is right, but you also need to be willing to enforce consequences.
As others have mentioned, disrespect and rudeness will quickly damage a team, and your direct is naturally feeling stressed about it. Consider this a learning opportunity for her to learn problem-solving skills that will help her in the future.
So, meet with her, and find out how she plans to resolve this issue, and what outcomes she wants. Evaluate and help her improve her plan, or help her create a plan if she doesn't have one already. With the help of HR, decide what consequences she can enforce. Help her feel supported and empowered to deal with the situation. Good luck.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 6:59AM UTC
Thank you this is great advice!
Barb HansenOctober 19,2021 at 3:07AM UTC
If you want "cover" to talk to this one employee, then set up a round of "skip" meetings with all of your 2nd-level reports.
Those meetings would give you not only a chance to talk with the one employee but also give you an opportunity to see if there is any additional fall-out from the one employee. Of course you can't come out and ask that question directly to the other staff other but you might hear something interesting.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 6:39AM UTC
Thanks, that’s a good suggestion. It’s funny because apart from one time this person is always perfectly fine with me but I will ask how they’re getting on, whether there’s any issues etc and see what they volunteer
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 6:14AM UTC
Have you witnessed the so-called disrespect? There are two sides to a story.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 6:37AM UTC
Of course there are but why immediately disbelieve it? My report has no reason to lie and I’ve been provided with examples. The first thing I did was discuss with them whether they could have misinterpreted something or jumped to the wrong conclusion but now it’s happened a few times it’s clear. I was also once on the receiving end myself
AnonymousOctober 20,2021 at 7:31PM UTC
My suggestion is to have HR talk to both independently. It sounds like you are too close to the situation. An HR professional is trained to resolve conflicts and might identify other areas in which that let to this breakdown.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 6:51AM UTC
Thank you for this advice. Yes company policy has a discipline process which we will have to go down if nothing improves but you’re right, a session all together will help I think, at least to visibly demonstrate to the 2nd level report that I’m backing up their manager and therefore they cannot play us off against eachother. I do suspect I know what the problem is - the 2nd level is part of a gossipy clique and some of the things I’ve been told they’ve said ring true from someone else rather bolshy (not one of my team alas). They are also similar age and my report started just after the 2nd level so I think there’s a lack of acceptance of their manager. I will reiterate what we expect to see and what we don’t, clarify the process and let’s hope that clears things up.
JudikingOctober 20,2021 at 1:45PM UTC
Do you have a handbook? What does it say about this behavior?