Looking for some advice on how to build relationships with my new coworkers/managers.

25 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 17,2022 at 8:13PM UTC

   I have a fairly small office (5 total) so it is a little different but I would say the easiest way I did it was ask questions, set up time to chat with them if someone isn't going to do it. You are new they expect you to have questions.

   Let the manager know that you will get the projects done. Ask who some of the best contacts are for those projects if you don't know.

   Similar to cold calling or emailing when you are networking or job searching except you already have common ground, the projects.

2. Kristie WhiteJanuary 17,2022 at 8:16PM UTC

   This is actually a good thing - you are being encouraged to connect with your co-workers. This will be really useful when you are working with them on projects, need a little extra help or potentially a heads up about changes coming down the pipe.

   First I would just schedule a 30 minute call to get acquainted. Tell them who you are, what your new role is and a little bit about your background - max 10 minutes. But plan about 10 questions to ask them about them! Don't talk about yourself, be interested in them. Don't try to ask all 10 questions, but have 10 in your arsenal so you can improvise and keep the conversation going. The more you know about who they are, the more you are armed to continue the conversation and network/collaborate/help them be successful - if it is earned. They in turn will help you.

   Second, practice some positive affirmations to help you manage your triggers. This is a new place - you want to be part of the solution, not a problem. So you need to stop pre-judging people based on prior experiences. Yes - protect yourself, but give yourself time to know someone in your new role.

   Third, managers work looong hours. Your manager isn't necessarily trying to make YOU work nights and weekends - but the manager is. Days are often consumed with meetings and phone calls. So when they have a chance to get to emails and other tasks, it may be in the evening or on the weekends. This is SOP (standard operating procedure) for management. So don't take it personally. I would also suggest asking this manager if they expect you to respond on nights or weekends or if they are just trying to get that task off their plate? Is it ok if you respond the next business day unless they say something is urgent? And it's ok to set boundaries and turn off your phone/computer so you have down time. We all need to decompress.

3. AnonymousJanuary 17,2022 at 8:17PM UTC

   Be proactive, set up your intro meetings and also if your company has company wide event planning where people get together to plan lunches or presentations on a project like a food drive or charity to raise funds for a favorite charity. That's a chance to get to know your colleagues.

   Use any and all excuses to connect over the launch of a project. Order in lunch and make it a meet and greet over a meal.

4. AnonymousJanuary 17,2022 at 8:48PM UTC

   It's my experience that most people want to be helpful. I would approach this in an authentic way - "I'm new and a little nervous about joining the team. I'd love to catch up for a few minutes to introduce myself and understand the team expectations (or something like that) - do you have 10 minutes to speak with me so we can get started on the right foot?" First rule is don't give them a reason to say no to you off the get go - 10 mins is manageable and you can use that time to ask a few really good questions (think of those ahead of time but also just be appropriately curious). Good luck - it's always hard to be the new person but don't let old baggage keep you from embracing this opportunity. Assume positive intent. :-)

5. AnonymousJanuary 17,2022 at 10:56PM UTC

   Thanks - you're right about being authentic. The office is still remote, our in-office day keeps getting pushed back. So on a video call last week I could tell the manager was getting a little annoyed that I didn't seem very engaged and I blurted out that this was still very new to me and I need some time. He relaxed after that and seemed to be more understanding.

6. AnonymousJanuary 18,2022 at 3:00PM UTC

   I like this approach especially for us introverts. I would suggest reframing the question as, “I would like us to meet for 10 minutes ...” Like you said, first rule is don’t give them a reason to say no off the get go; asking if they have 10 minutes to speak with you can invite a No answer.

7. AnonymousJanuary 18,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

   In my experience the manager usually makes these introductions. It's good to be proactive, but it's also hard to know where to start when you've just joined the team. I would imagine there are some "key" introductions you should make. Maybe ask your manager to guide you on who the key players are?

8. AnonymousJanuary 18,2022 at 1:44PM UTC

   When I started my new job, I scheduled meetings with the various functional leadership teams.

   I set up an agenda similar to below:

   Greetings X,

   (Place a little intro of yourself here and the "why" for the meeting)

   My agenda for our meeting:
   1. Intros
   -I want to understand your role and business
   - Discuss my experience that I bring to company X2
   2. Your expectation(s) of project leaders
   3. If applicable, schedule 2-3 hours shadowing your team to better understand the process
   4. Open Q&A

   It could be 15 or 30 minutes. This will be invaluable for you to understand which teams to engage or ask questions once you jump into projects. Network! Network! Hope this helps :)

9. sashaJanuary 18,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

   You already have some great responses here - and to quote one of my former managers, 100% of your meetings at work should be networking, meaning at all meetings you should be, present, learning about the people, sharing bits of who you are and understanding the dynamics at play.

   A few of my tips:

   Set up time with people across your org (start with people your manager recommends) to get to know them.

   Don't just jump in to work but ask some questions and share a little about you. Don't cut short more personal conversations as they will pay off as you build your community at work.

   Ask everyone what they are great at, when you should meet with them and share your key priorities and ask for their input. I end every introduction meeting with asking the other person who else they think I should meet with to onboard.

   Use larger meetings to introduce yourself and a little about what you might be working on and invite people to reach out if they have information to share.

   Figure out who the "experts" are. there are people in every org who are considered "the person" for various topics. figure that out and talk to them when you have issues/questions in that area.

   Ask everyone what meetings you should attend (either just to hear what is happening to start or regularly for your role). Don't assume people will remember you are there or what you are working on.

   find out if there are employee resource groups or extra-curricular groups that you can join - many companies have task forces that work on a variety of issues you may need to proactively volunteer for to get included in.

   Keep your manager aware of who you're meeting with and what has been helpful - and continue to solicit their input on who else they would recommend.

   Overtime, identify who your "friends" at work are and make sure you stay connected. People who have personal relationships at work - people they can talk through issues with - tend to be more resilient about work related issues and find solutions more easily.

   Enjoy onboarding!! it should be a fun time of exploration.

10. Heather MaconeJanuary 18,2022 at 2:22PM UTC

    Love these responses from everyone, great ideas! An idea to keep it casual and non intimidating to others may be to title the meeting as a "Coffee chat"...ideally schedule for morning and include the suggestions made by others, but keep it light. Let us know what you end up doing so others can use as an example.

11. Heidi RadmaneshJanuary 18,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

    I always like to keep it simple, meet with those your manager recommends or if he/she hasn’t yet then ask them who they recommend you speak with first. Those individuals will typically say oh meet with so and so too. If you’re in office definitely do coffee chats or lunch, this isn’t a business meeting it’s a meet and greet (title your meeting meet and greet lunch or meet and greet coffee, etc).

    then during the meet and greet tell them a little bit about you and your previous roles + what you’re doing at this new company and ask them about them too! And I always like to ask if it’s ok if I connect with them if I have any questions or who would be best to contact on their team for questions etc. building relationships is super key in my opinion on the growth you have within an organization. You don’t need to build relationships by having everyone know all about your personal life but it never hurts to give small tidbits about your pets at home or kids. Helps the bonding process if they have the same interests. But just remember this is a simple casual meet and greet. I saw someone write an agenda for the meeting I probably wouldn’t do that, I’d write something simple: who you are, whose team you are on, and that you want to introduce yourself and get to know more about that individual.

    keep it fun! Good luck!

12. GirlBossanova934974January 18,2022 at 4:16PM UTC

    What I learned from office introductions, I learned 38 years ago when I was doing an internship at a large public utility. Utilities then and now are somewhat stuffy places to work. The new VP, Ken Baskin, made it a rule that his office was open 24*7 for people to come in and introduce themselves, come in and say hello etc etc. He even had his secretary take the front door out and remove the hinges. No joke! Ken would just go around and introduce himself and have lunch with management, non management, whomever. We didn't have all the fancy video chats, emails, instant messages etc in those days but we were much more personable. To this day, I always endeavor to be like Ken Baskin. That's something because that was 38 years ago and I still remember his name, what he looked like, and how he went about things.

13. 60isthenew40January 19,2022 at 12:11AM UTC

    I want to be like Ken Baskin too! Sounds like he was a great leader.

14. Anita GetzJanuary 18,2022 at 4:22PM UTC

    The best thing you can do is to set up meetings with your team members, spend some time talking and getting to know them, ask about their job and what they do. Best of luck.

15. AnonymousJanuary 18,2022 at 4:40PM UTC

    The group in this thread has some good ideas. In addition to trying to arrange meetings to ask what others specifically do, you could also propose to the HR or designated event organizer if you could get a holiday or staff social done so that your co-workers or peers could chat with you as if it’s like a “networking mixer.” There’s always a holiday coming up or a reason to take a break for a “happy hour / celebratory social”.

16. Clydene HorriganJanuary 18,2022 at 6:04PM UTC

    If you are replacing someone who did the job before you, ask what the previous person did that they found really helpful?

17. Bosslady626650January 18,2022 at 9:43PM UTC

    There are quite a few good options here but most are to structured in my opinion. Generally when your manager wants you to “build relationships” what they really mean is your coworkers find you intimidating. So you need to start simple.

    Find something to compliment on - this can be a simple “that’s an interesting idea “ or “I really like your top”. Just find something that will make them feel happy even if it is just for a second.

    Be generous - take in treats, be available to give advice, be willing to accept blame or advice. Generosity breeds generosity.

    And always remember this, People remember feelings not words. Do your best to generate good feelings not just in your coworkers but in yourself. Your own anxiety over developing these relationships may be hindering your relationships, so take a breath, relax and just be nice (not a pushover just kind)

18. Valerie RiegerJanuary 19,2022 at 2:56PM UTC

    When I've recommended to staff to build relationships it had nothing to do with people being intimidated by them. It was more for them to form the relationships needed to work collaboratively with other members of the team.

19. Me!January 19,2022 at 1:58AM UTC

    This is a new place both you and your co-workers deserve to start fresh! Set up these intro meetings 1 person at a time. Chat about work learn what each person does and ask questions about them personally. What are you doing this weekend and so on. Note those you connect easily with, call them in a week or 2 just to say hi. The process will be slow with some and easy with others. If you are going to the office stop in and say hi. Notice who drinks the same tea/coffee. Not everyone will be warm don’t take it personally. You got this!

20. Teri GibsonJanuary 19,2022 at 3:26AM UTC

    I am in the same spot you are. I left my HR job after 23 years - boss was toxic and the only thing I miss are my co-workers and the staff. I left for a new job that offers me a work-life balance. I drive farther - money the same, but it fits my balance for work and family. I could provide a laundry list; however, at this time, I am providing what has helped me most.

    Leave the old company and culture behind. This is a new start. Keep on open mind and do not judge. You have a lot to learn in this new environment. Meet with your new team, co-workers, etc.; ask you boss who is most relevant to meet with to help you help them. During your meetings ask about what they do and how you work together; their needs, etc. Ask for a tour on the process to help you understand what the new company actually does. Be a sponge and learn as much as you can. Do not ever compare to your prior company - especially out loud. Remember, this is a new company and a new environment. You can provide your suggestions as time moves forward and when it is needed. Do not brag about yourself, but after you find out more, offer your understanding and experience. And most important, how you can help. Do not step on toes and find out how things are going and get involved.

    I have been in my new role for 3 weeks now and I am very happy and my new co-workers have been welcoming and helpful. Remember, you are there to be part of the team; leave your toxic memories behind you. Be positive. Again, this is a new start. Much luck and success to you.

21. AnonymousJanuary 19,2022 at 3:42AM UTC

    I have learned do be polite m.
    I don’t make friends with my bosses or co workers. I’m there for a job not friends. I see who mash make the mistake of being too friendly. Do what you have to in order to get the work done and where you get along. Nobody wants a toxic place to work at.

22. Elaine RayJanuary 19,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    someone above suggested a list of questions. I would add one that a former manager said to me which is along the lines of 'I'm new... I really need/ would appreciate your help in getting me up to speed so that I can be effective... what does it look like for you if I am able to do this role really well?'

23. Rebecca MillikenJanuary 19,2022 at 5:37PM UTC

    Don't overthink what your boss is asking. In your situation, I would approach coworkers and tell them that I am new and was told to introduce myself, so here I am, here is what I'm about and here is what I'm going to be working on. I'm assuming other new people in your position had to do the same thing and people are used to it.

    I know it's hard, but try to start fresh and not assume bad intentions. Be cautious but take things at face value until there's a reason not to.

    I'm fairly new at my job, only about 5 months. It's hard not to be skittish after some bad experiences with bosses. But my way of learning is to keep my head down, do my job as best I can, and be friendly but not too vulnerable. Also, keep my ears open and don't talk too much at first to get the lay of the land.

    I'm sure you'll do great.

24. Kenna CateJanuary 19,2022 at 8:40PM UTC

    I want to echo what other folks are saying here: introduce yourself, ask about what their role is in the company and how you and they will work together. The best outcome would be to find a company buddy or mentor who can guide you on company culture and expectations.

25. HarrietJanuary 24,2022 at 5:39PM UTC

    As other have mentioned, since this is a new position, leave the "old" actions or habits behind. You are new. Conversations could start with professional topics and lead to more personal topics. Listen to the responses and ask questions from what you are hearing. Having a list of questions is great but knowing what to ask as the conversation(s) grows is also important.

    Building relationships at work could help you connect with people in a deeper professional level. Some could become real friends and others just professional. Also, this type of networking could be a way for your manager to access your interpersonal skills/ collaborative skills.

    Do not be afraid to ask questions. You are new and asking people how they know your manager or how they relate to your manager could also give you a glimpse of how your leader is and the rest you will learn for yourself.

    Don't think too deep about these things. Take it one step t a time as needed/ according to how comfortable you feel and you will be okay.