I am going through a very tough phase. My life is not sorted, my job is bad, my health is getting even worse and my mental health? Don't even ask.

15 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 5:04PM UTC

   Unless you have savings that will cover your rent, food and expenses during a job search, I would NOT quit without another position.

   What I would do in the meantime is: start aggressively looking for another job, save as much money as possible so no Starbucks and eating out, and get a part time job in the evenings and weekends to start stock-piling money.

   Let your current employer fire you, do not walk out. Perhaps a termination will result in some sort of severance package or payout. Best wishes, I'm sorry this is happening.

2. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 8:39PM UTC

   Keep a log of everything you do, quantify it. Request a 1:1 meeting with your boss weekly. No job is great, and no environment is easy. If you quit that doesn’t say a lot about you and future employers will think you will do that to them. Aggressively seek work elsewhere and do a bit of research before you apply. Look at Glassdoor for companies in your area with a high rating of satisfaction (primarily for being treated well). Good luck!

3. AnonymousMay 28,2025 at 12:27PM UTC

   This job market sucks. Unless you can afford 3 to 6 months of not working quiet quit and look for something else

4. Sarah GreenwoodMay 28,2025 at 1:07PM UTC

   Your situation sounds awful. I think it's normal to have mental health impacts from such treatment and stress...

   I don't have helpful advice about leaving or staying in your role. It's a very complex and personal decision. But, I have been in similar situations and not only coped but continued to develop.

   When things are tough, mental health can make it easy to blame yourself and feel it's all your fault and everyone else would cope better. It's not true, getting through each day is an achievement. By taking notice of every small win you have (there will be some every day, even if it's making one person on your team smile or improve their day a little) you will see you are doing better than you thought. If you have EAP they can help. So can counselling or psychology input. Things will get easier one way or another.

   My advice is to take extra care of yourself, be kind to yourself and remember you matter. It helps me

5. GirlBossanova934974May 28,2025 at 1:28PM UTC

   This one is fairly straight-forward. You need to put together a task list of things you are doing and present them to your manager. Each task should have a title, a priority, and time spent per week. The BOTTOM LINE is that there are 40-50 hours per week and some things are going to be moved off the list or postponed. This is what happens when you have an inexperienced manager. They just keep throwing things on the plate without considering how much is already on the plate. Leave it up to the manager to set the priorities. That is what they are being paid to do.

6. AnonymousMay 28,2025 at 11:37PM UTC

   ?

7. AnonymousMay 30,2025 at 4:11PM UTC

   While I agree with this approach, it's often easier said than done. I'm not the OP, but whenever I've presented my manager with a detailed list of everything I have done and have to do, and ask for assistance with setting priorities, I get two responses: "Wow! I had no idea you were doing so much!!!" and "Well, everything needs to get done, so just figure out how to do it all!" It's unbelievably frustrating and leaves you feeling isolated and unsupported. And yes, I'm looking for another job...

8. GirlBossanova934974May 30,2025 at 5:23PM UTC

   Your manager shouldn't be running a lemonade stand. It is amazing these days what has snuck under the door and made it into the management ranks.

9. AnonymousMay 28,2025 at 11:37PM UTC

   Sorry you're experiencing this, though know that jobs are very hard to come by at this time.

   I was laid off a couple of mos ago, had 3 interviews in my very experienced career (all have been impressed with my experience), yet I remain unemployed.

   Try to stick it out until you have a new jov. Make time for joy outside of work.

10. Sara AdamsMay 29,2025 at 1:54PM UTC

    I've been there. I feel your pain. If possible, consider a mental health leave of absence. You may need to start seeing a mental health provider to provide the necessary documentation, but there's no harm in that! The time away from the chaos may give you the footing to implement some of the other great advice in the comments here.

11. Tabbi KinionMay 29,2025 at 5:44PM UTC

    Ugh - that is awful. It's a bad situation. (The bright side is that you are learning what NOT to do when you become a manager!)

    First, it's time to get your mental health back on track - most larger companies give employees access to an employee assistance program that includes free counseling sessions. If your company doesn't do that, check your medical insurance - they also cover mental health visits these days. Talk to someone about your struggles - it will help clear your head.

    The reason I say that is that to find the next right job, you have to get your feet back under you. Once you decide that you will navigate this job while you are searching, things will be easier.

    Now I'm going to give you a metaphor that has helped some of my coaching clients change how they think about their work struggles... Use it if it makes sense for you.

    Imagine you're holding onto a rope, and at the other end is a monster down in a deep, dark hole, pulling you toward the edge.

    The more you worry and ruminate, the stronger the monster gets. The more it pulls you towards falling into the hole.

    Think about something that's been really bothering you - maybe it is something he said or did last week. Something that keeps pulling on you.

    Close your eyes and imagine that whatever it is, it is pulling on the other end of the rope. And the harder you grip, the more you try to pull back, the stronger it gets. It is now dragging you towards the hole. You don't know what's down there, but it fills you with dread, knowing it would be bad to fall.

    Now, look down at your white-knuckled grip on that rope.

    What if you simply… let go?

    Imagine that you just open your hands and drop that rope.

    Watch it fall away into the hole, taking all those spiraling thoughts with it:

    • Worrying about that email you sent? Drop the rope.

    • Replaying that awkward conversation? Drop the rope.

    • Catastrophizing about tomorrow's meeting? Drop the rope.

    It sounds simple because it is.

    Letting go of the thoughts playing repeatedly in your head doesn't change anything except your stress level. When you let go of that rope, you can better deal with the reality left behind.

    You always have the power to choose to let go. It sounds like you have many ropes in this job and your new life in this city that are pulling you down. Letting go of some of those ropes will free up space for you to figure out what is next.

    And, you figured out how to get this job, how to move to a new city, and that this isn't the right place for you. I know for certain you can figure out what is next!

12. Celena BartonMay 30,2025 at 1:26PM UTC

    Don’t quit without another job. That will make your situation worse. Take it for what it is; give in what they give back.

13. AnonymousMay 30,2025 at 1:53PM UTC

    So sorry you are going through this! I’ve been there and I stayed another 2 year because everywhere on social media said stay, but I did quit after 4 years, but I did have quite of bit of savings and I started interviewing right away. I was waking up everyday wanting to not be here. If you can’t afford to leave apply for FMLA. I’ve seen employees do this then gather the strength during FMLA to find another job before returning but definitely continue to work on exit plan. You will get through this even though the job market is bad but it’s number game, apply and tailor your resume aim for 8-10 applications day if possible. Sending you good vibes ?

14. AnonymousMay 30,2025 at 4:34PM UTC

    Woe is you, try to release yourself from this by letting go of expectations within this job that is not going to give you what you need if you stay there. Take control of the "him?" which I assume is your manager by letting him know what you need to hear from him as ways to adjust what he needs from you to be successful there. Understand that you will have to take direction and get some feedback which you seem to struggle to take, but let him know how best to do this with you. As for rudeness if you set his expectations around how you best take that feedback and ways or examples of how to do it productively then things will ease up. In the meantime if you truly think it is a lost cause take the time to ask the tough questions about expectations before you accept another new role.

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