Like many here seem to be lately, I am in a toxic work situation and need to get out.

25 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 28,2021 at 11:48PM UTC

   Remove as much focus on your work life as possible.

   Create an interesting and fulfilling personal life. Spend time cultivating your interests, share outings with friends and family. It is super important you concentrate on your selfcare. Get outside in the sunshine. Hike, bike find a yoga class.

   Everyday before work meditate, prepare your lunch and snacks with healthy nutrition. Take a walk on your breaks.

   You must remove your focus from what is wearing you down. Replace your triggers with healthy happy content. Listen to wellness podcasts on your breaks, comedy, great music. Change your input so you balance the negative with positive

   There are countless things you can do to ease your mindset into a more balanced and happy one. It's really powerful when you realize you have all the power over where your head is at

   Keep looking for a new job but stop investing in your old one. You really need to embrace all your control.

2. AnonymousOctober 29,2021 at 2:50AM UTC

   What are you doing to keep your sanity? What are you doing to ease your anxiety and ensure you don't become depressed?

   You can design a positive defense or you can surrender to the situation and accept the toxicity as your way of life.

   Having a nest egg and getting an offer eventually is not a defense. You have to come at this in a proactive way.

3. Melissa NobileOctober 30,2021 at 12:20PM UTC

   Work is currently the means to an end. Go, do your job, and do it well. Take any training they offer and put it on your resume. That will get you away from your desk a little bit.
   Focus on life outside the office. Volunteer, take a class, go for a walk, meet friends, go to church - whatever.
   If you go where you’ll meet new people, you might find new work opportunities.

4. AnonymousOctober 30,2021 at 12:27PM UTC

   I know it's hard but focus some of your time and energy on the job search - update your resume, look for jobs, connect with people in organizations or jobs you want to transition into, get training in new skills, practice your interview skills. If you put your focus on that, job stress will seem less important.

5. Violet Cassidy-Maroke (She/her)October 30,2021 at 12:43PM UTC

   Been there, done that - know it sucks.

   Look at any local govt funded employment agencies.

   Set goals and network on LinkedIn daily- grow your network.

   Attend webinars and other virtual events and grow your network that way - I take screenshots of all attendees and it's a great opener.

   Post on indeed.com and edit your resume and save daily to remain at the top of the search engine heap.

   Without knowing your industry/job is hard to give any more feedback.

   Connect on linked in if you'd like some more direction.

6. AnonymousOctober 30,2021 at 12:56PM UTC

   Trust me, I hear you and I am with you. I also work in a toxic environment and I have been looking for a job too. I have had a couple of interviews, but still looking. Working in a toxic environment drains us of our energy - mental, physical, & emotional. And when we are in the job market, we need all the energy we can get, because looking for a job, especially when you're employed, is a job in itself. Recently, I had an epiphany, after staying up all night to meet a work deadline. If I can push myself to stay up all night to meet a deadline for a place I can't stand, I should be able to put in some time each night after work towards my job search instead of engaging in activities that are a diversion. Here are some changes that I have made - I reserve as much as my energy as possible during business hours for my job search, in other words, I no longer kill myself at work. I just do what is necessary and leave on time. This way, i have the energy i need at night to put into my job search. I am not on a diet, but I am changing my diet to low fat, high energy foods. I am starting to work out. I believe these changes will help improve my mental and physical well being and build my stamina to kick my job search into overdrive, because #1) I believe the job that I want exists & requires work & creativity for me to find it, and #2) if I am honest with myself, I really haven't been putting the level of effort into my job search that matches how badly I want to find a new job. That is not a dig towards you or anyone else - it is a self-admission. Regarding your savings, coincidentally I came across an online article recently about how one can build their emergency fund fast. One of the tips was to temporarily cease retirement payroll deductions. If I can find the article, I will post it on this thread. I know the job search process can be discouraging at times, but I am going to give you the same advice i give to myself - Keep your head up, better days are coming! Good luck!

7. AnonymousOctober 30,2021 at 1:13PM UTC

   Would you have the ability to work somewhere part-time while you continue your job search for a FT position? Something that keeps the lights on, gets your out of the toxic situation and the negative emotion and drain that comes with it. Retail? Restaurant industry?

   You'd be able to stretch your savings and might even get a new job faster once you start feeling better about yourself. Resume gaps are becoming passe, so don't let that stop you. Good luck!

8. AnonymousOctober 30,2021 at 1:23PM UTC

   Below is the link to the article I referenced in my last post. Also, this advice might be outdated but perhaps you should try to stick it out at your current job until you find a new job, because hiring managers find employed candidates more attractive than unemployed candidates. If you've made up your mind, and plan to leave as soon as you have enough saved, I would encourage you to enter the gig economy.

   https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/strategies-build-emergency-fund-fast-2021-10

9. AnonymousOctober 30,2021 at 1:42PM UTC

   It seems that so many work places are toxic. There is bullying & harassment but HR doesn’t want to help. Why is it that the person who is getting harassed & bullied is the one that has to look for another job & live in fear until they do. Why are the bullies winning ? What can someone do to stand up to the bullying & harassment & keep a job that they like/love? I know a lawsuit is the last thing anyone wants to get involved with but is it an option? What are the odds a company will get rid of the bully & work to improve employee moral if threatened with a lawsuit? It’s just so frustrating that so many good people are pushed out of jobs because of extremely toxic work environments. What can the target of bullying do to get rid of the bully & keep their job? The advice is always find another job. What is it going to take to get companies to stand behind their policies of no harassment, discrimination, bullying, etc. ? All companies have these polices yet toxic bullying is rampant. Why is HR not trying to fix this issue? Anyone from HR like to respond to this post? I’m just so tired of talking to good people that I know work hard & are getting treated horribly by fellow employees. Especially management. Instead of walking away eventually the problem needs to be fixed.
   To the original poster I’m so sorry you are facing this problem. You should not be treated this way ever in a place of employment.

10. Cindy LaceyOctober 30,2021 at 4:21PM UTC

    I will say that sometimes a bully will get fired. My bully was my manager. I was not his first victim. He recruited two friends from his prior workplace. One quit to follow a different career, one transferred to another department. He also bullied people who didn't work for him. They told their managers, who filed complaints. The final straw was when he verbally harassed me on the office when he thought no one else was around. He was wrong. There were witnesses. I then went home and had a heart attack the next morning. At that point they realized that he was a serious liability and began termination proceedings against him. So, if this person is targeting you, you might not be their only victim. Quietly see if there are others. Multiple complaints might have an effect. And please don't risk your health. I managed to recover but it was frightening.

11. Bretley DannerOctober 30,2021 at 3:05PM UTC

    I feel so badly for you. I have been in the same position as you, and it’s the most terrible feeling working in that type of environment. They are paying you, but at the same time just using you, because they could care less about you in any way. It’s the worst, you feel captive. It is a form of abuse really, bringing them profit and power, while they treat you terribly. However, it is this toxicity that will keep you looking for what you deserve. It sounds like you need to work for awhile longer, as the stress of not having a job will make everything worse. You may have to dig deep, and do your best to detach from the situation. Almost worse then those assholes, are those that kiss their asses. They will choose the ass kisser over you, even if their work performance isn’t as good as yours. Even though you work harder, you are more honest, and you deserve their support a hundreds times more. They don’t care about them as well, but they need their support to negate the fact they are assholes, but don’t and won’t admit that. So you suffer on the daily. They are weak, and worthless, and this probably leads to so much frustration. Again, detach, work hard, save your money, and keep looking for your escape. It will come, do not let them beat you. The best way to stop bullies is to ignore them as much as possible, and to not react to their bullshit!! Become a different person when you walk in that door next time. One that doesn’t take it, but in your own quiet and non combative way. Until you find that person that does appreciate you, do not give them your soul, and don’t give up. Do not let them beat you!!

12. AnonymousOctober 30,2021 at 3:40PM UTC

    Would other factors in your life (family, health, etc.) allow you to take on a part-time job? So many retailers are desperate for part-time help right now--and the demand will get even stronger aa the holidays approach--that many are offering signing bonuses and the opportunity to name your own hours. Having another form of income can help boost your savings, the work may be a great distraction from and/or outlet for your (totally justified!) feelings of frustration and overwhelm, and you may meet a lot of people-- one of whom might know someone who is looking to hire FT for the next opportunity youre seeking!

    Having this safety net-- even if it is a relatively small one--may bring you comfort and balance that could be hugely beneficial both financially and emotionally while you search for the perfect fit. In the event that you are not comfortable working in frontline retail right now, please consider that there are all sorts of roles that allow for less or no face-to-face interaction, like pulling online shopping orders, stocking, online/phone customer support, etc.

    (I practice what I preach on this, btw: have had a second job my entire career--I am currently appropriately and sufficiently compensated in my current role but still stock shelves for 4 hours one day a week at my local grocery store. Love the change of pace, the (currently very small) extra bit of money--which I put in my emergency savings fund, and the comfort in having a backup.)

    In the meantime, would encourage you to consider any strong relationships you may have at work and think about how you can lean into them (for your sanity, and for future reference checks), and respectfully and delicately reassess how the work you do aligns with what is actually your responsibility. Where there is imbalance, consider how you can reduce your time/energy spent. I know this is extremely difficult to do, but sometimes it seems that even small changed here can be a massively empowering shift.

    Finally, what industry are you in? Anything we can do here to help you build out your resume, LinkedIn profile, etc.?

13. Patricia BosslerOctober 30,2021 at 3:47PM UTC

    HR is not there to help; they are there to set and enforce policies, track KPIs and demographics, and educate all employees about behavior.

    Yes, it is necessary to lodge complaints, with specific details, dates, etc. Do not expect any change or support.

    It is your responsibility to take care of yourself. Start by maintaining a strict 7.5 or 8 hr. work day and leave. Do what you need outside of work to take care of yourself.

    All job searches take time; it is ok to make a lateral move to a healthy safe environment to get out ASAP.

    You still have to focus on what you want and how to present yourself in the best possible light. People will sense desperation and you cannot bad mouth your current employer. All of these challenges are particularly difficult in the middle of this situation; I wish you the best of luck.

14. Cindy LaceyOctober 30,2021 at 4:13PM UTC

    I see some excellent ideas posted here. I might also suggest looking into a temp agency. I was saved from toxic situations more than once by going the temp route. In those circumstances, the agency is your employer. The client can't really get away with toxic behavior. It's not necessarily a permanent solution, although I worked temp at a variety of assignments for more than a decade. A lot of agencies now offer benefits including health, vacation and retirement.

15. Madam anon663October 30,2021 at 4:39PM UTC

    I disagree with your statement that the client can't get away with toxic behavior. Of course they can, and do, and when its reported, you are called by your agency on the way home that night telling you your assignment has ended. Fact. Happened to me, and as a temp, you have no rights as far as the client goes. You are expendable. I will say, I have had some fantastic contract jobs, with great companies.

16. Audrey KirschOctober 30,2021 at 4:23PM UTC

    I agree with what others have said. Take on another job in retail or restaurant work while you continue to look for something else. Places are so desperate for employees that they're offering bonuses or paying more than the $15 suggested minimum per hour. Another avenue to explore is driving. Some drive jobs require a CDL license but not all. There is a shortage of all kinds of drivers right now. The main thing is to keep the money coming in, but not in your current company. You need room to breathe so that when you do interview for something new, you will be able to put your best self forward.

17. Jackie RukaOctober 30,2021 at 5:30PM UTC

    I work with women who are burned out and/or in a toxic workplace.
    My initial suggestions are:
    1. Get as much rest as possible and don't think about work, focus on you. Get clear on what you truly want to do in your career.
    2. Utilize your job as a BRIDGE to your next opportunity.
    3. Consider taking all of your skills, talent and expertise and create a signature offer online and offline in a particular niche. ( many women I coach, have done so and are earning an extra $2500 or more a month as apart- time way to bridge from their current job) This also boosts your confidence and gets you focused more on living life on your terms. It creates a pivot for yourself and opens a door toward creating freedom in your life and for you and your family.
    3. Take advantage of any PTO, vacation time and other resources and benefits while you have them. Also, get any medical or dental work done now. Utilize your PTO time to work on a resume and get it out there.
    4. The sooner you detach from your daily job and start saying no, the better and more empowered you will feel.
    If you need help, feel free to contact me.

18. AnonymousOctober 31,2021 at 1:27PM UTC

    What are some of these side jobs that are making $2500? I’d love to get involved in something like that.

19. Tia RylandOctober 30,2021 at 8:54PM UTC

    Ditto for me, but I love my fellow co-workers and employees! That is what keeps me there mostly, some other things too long for this post..Lol. I have had my most updated Resume out there, which luckily I live near a 'Hub' that offers many positions like my own. However, I am a woman in a mans job (as most of us are) and I'm blessed to be younger in a salaried position. Essentially, I will not settle for less money with the same stresses.
    More than anything I want a change for my career path; most of all I want to help my children's future or those that cannot help themselves. Hoping to find the needle in the haystack, or else its back to school!
    Good luck to you!

20. Cecile PittsOctober 31,2021 at 12:44AM UTC

    I know this isn’t the vibe here but ….. if it was the perfect job they wouldn’t have to pay you to do it.

    It might be time to hunker down, save money and look while you’re doing it.

    Good luck.

21. AnonymousOctober 31,2021 at 3:35PM UTC

    This would have been my advice as well. I would add doing things you enjoy in your leisure to relieve the stress a bit. I've been there. It will get better.

22. Sean O'MahonyNovember 2,2021 at 5:46PM UTC

    Without knowing any details, this is a moronic thing to say.

23. Nicole MillerNovember 1,2021 at 12:07PM UTC

    Same boat, can't even consider leaving without something else lined up (single parent). What I've done is work on mentally and emotionally detaching from the job. I do the "bare minimum" aka get my work done, fly under the radar, and use my PTO. That is about all I can do to keep my sanity while I am out applying endlessly during the great resignation. I just repeat in my head all of the things wrong and why I shouldn't go "above and beyond" due to what the company has shown me I "mean" to them. Luckily I have a great boss, but that's it (and three close coworkers). It's SO hard. And some days are a bigger struggle than others, but that's what I've done to get me through. And this site is great for when you feel like you are suffering alone!

24. Laney BalisNovember 1,2021 at 3:43PM UTC

    Sounds like you are doing what you can to get out of this environment. Have you considered working with a headhunter or recruiting agency to help you find something else? I e used a few in the past and they have helped me immensely. Good luck and I hope you find something soon. No one deserves to be in a position where they are physically sick going into work.

25. Liz MilneNovember 11,2021 at 2:14AM UTC

    Do you have a side hustle or hobby you can monetise for a while? Just to top up your savings and give you a little leeway between salaried work? Or, perhaps getting a little retail work one or two evenings a week (depending on how you're situated obviously, if you're already flat out, this won't help at all!), again to ease the transition from toxicity to freedom?